To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

But actually all this talk of being bored is so unimaginative and patronising.

Totally this. Why does anyone think listening to someone blether on about their job, their career, how much money they make, or whether they're falling out with their boss is interesting to others?

@thebakeoffwasntasgoodthisyear

One of my old schoolmates is a housewife. She’s in her 40s now and has literally never worked, as she married young. She seems very happy and will often make little jibes about those of us who have to work. I don’t know if she is child free by choice or not.

I think the fact that she makes jibes at people who have to work means that she is either unhappy with herself or unhappy with her life choices. When we are genuinely content with ourselves, we are generous and accepting of other people’s life choices. When we are unhappy or envious, we jibe.

@RavenclawDiadem when I started writing that I was actually going to make a serious point but then expressed it in a comedic way for my own enjoyment. No, it isn't about spending a man's money, it's about being a loving couple and working out what's best for both of you. The idea of turning your nose up at 'living of a man's money' says to me that the person might be a bit of an misandrist.

If I was in a position to not work it would also benefit my husband because he would no longer have to do any housework or sort out bills when he came home from work, his life would also therefore be tangibly improved. It could equally work the other way around if that's what suited us.

Just to be clear, it's totally fine with me if you want to do this and fill your time baking, volunteering, doing a PhD, whatever. All I'm saying is that managing a household of two adults does not occupy a FT equivalent of hours a week, unless you're going about it really, really slowly or actually managing a large country estate or something

This.

No one is saying there's anything wrong with choosing not to work and instead filling your time with volunteering and leisure activities. We are saying that "running a household" does not take anything like the hours of a full time job.

Tbh DH and I manage to run our household inc 2 children around two jobs. We probably spend about 3 hours a week each on what we call "house/life admin", cleaners come for another 3h per week.sp maybe 10 hours a week at most.

@babyjellyfish

But you wouldn’t have ‘nothing to do’.

You would run the household.

What does that involve?

Unless you are managing an estate, this basically means cooking meals, doing the laundry and keeping the place reasonably clean. Maybe a spot of gardening.

I have a baby and a full time job and my husband and I manage to feed ourselves, keep on top of the laundry and generally not live in total squalor. (Although that reminds me, I need to find someone to come and clean once a week.) No garden.

That's what works for you.

Maybe other people want more than just working and 'managing' to keep on top of the house and 'managing' to not live in squalor.

We're not created equally. We all want different things.

Some people want a better life balance.

Some people want to plan and cook nice meals from scratch.
Some people want to keep on top of the housework and laundry and not be trying to do it at 9pm at night when they are tired and cranky.
Some people want dogs and have the time to look after them properly and take them out in daylight.
Some people want to spend time helping elderly parents.
Some people want to volunteer.
Some people want to exercise when the gym or swimming pool is quiet.
Some people want to shop when the shops aren't packed.
Some people want to garden in daylight.
Some people want to do DIY.
Some people want to renovate their house or extend it.
Some people want paint or draw or craft.
Some people want to learn a musical instrument or play in a band or orchestra.
Some people want to run a side gig.
Ad infinitum...

Just because someone doesn't 'appear' to be working outside the house doesn't mean they don't work. Similarly, just because they 'appear' to be financially dependent on their significant other doesn't mean they are.

At the moment, I work part-time in a low paid job. I run a side gig that very few people know about. No one knew I was financially secure before DH came along. Only a couple of people know our mortgage is paid off. If you took my life at face value without knowing the details, you would assume I sponge off DH and have hours of time to sit around 'bored shitless'.

There's a lot of juvenile bitchiness / misplaced superiority on this thread from both sides.

It really doesn't matter if you work a 70 hour week in the city or if you stay at home with a cleaner and a chef and a personal trainer. Arrange your life as you wish and let others do the same.

I would absolutely love to stay home and run a house. And spend my days going to the gym, lunching, shopping, etc. once I'd run out of things to do at home. But I'd have to be independently wealthy to do and enjoy this and not rely on a partner to fund it. Surely if you have no job, are not employable, have no kids and the earning partner divorces you, you're fucked?

I've been thinking about this, particularly as I will retire later this year while my DH carries on working part time, so that will be me! I'm very excited about it. I'm going to redecorate all our bedrooms, make and embroider duvet covers, do my food shopping at the farmers market instead of having it delivered. Loads more yoga classes, more dog walking and running. My special fantasy is getting a butlers tray and a television for my bedroom and having a leisurely breakfast in bed with the dog asleep next to me. She is banned from bedroom by DH but as he will be at work.... If things are OK financially I might even get a horse, but I'll certainly be going riding lots in any event.
I didn't marry a rich man so I've worked until now, but i just can't wait to get started on this type of lifestyle, and do slightly envy those sho can do it at a younger age.

The social ideal is for the woman to always be a housewife isn’t it? Because it shows the man is ‘earning enough to support’ his family. Whether they have kids or not isn’t relevant. As for how they fill their time - how does a mum with school aged kids fill the time? There is probably a whole lot of housework, other types of chores, volunteering and social activities.

People keep talking about retirement. I am older and of those, I know who have retired they are:

1. Have poor health/disability or caring for a partner or relative with poor health or disability. They cant manage a job and daily living takes up their energy.
2. Volunteer, study or have a similar type of challenge in their life. This ranges from a friend who volunteers every day, to a friend doing a second degree. They may not be getting paid, but they are working or studying.
3. People who spend their days walking the dog, going to cafes for cake, and bumbling around the house. Fine if you are really are old and this is what you can manage. But the younger people I see behaving like this do seem to have really mentally aged.

I have just recently found myself in this situation.
I was made redundant from my retail job in late 2020, I am late fifties
And due to osteoarthritis in both knees had started to struggle with being on my feet all day. But I did continue to work.

I have since been diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my neck and spine
If I was to be honest, I’m probably not really physically able to work any more. My DH is more than happy for me to stay home, in fact he has really encouraged me to do so. . We can afford it, he earns a good salary and we are mortgage and debt free. Children grown up.

I am actually happier being a housewife, I don’t get bored, but I do feel guilty sometimes, that DH works long hours, while I stay home and definitely feel judged by other people.

The only housewife (widow now) with no DC I know is my great aunt too - she's late 80s/early 90s.

I think she wanted DC but never managed to have them. Not a lot of women worked after marriage when she got married (1950s rural Italy). She had/has a lovely big allotment and chickens - it was still looking beautiful when I visited last year, and I think she still tends it mostly herself.

I am a foster carer but foster son is now 15 and at school all day. DH WFH ft ATM. I am home but don't do much. I have a cleaner. I do cook from scratch most days and ferry around to activities in evenings. Until fs was 11 I worked full time as a teacher but could not match up getting FS with additional needs to school with getting to school myself on time. I think of myself as sort of semi retired as get Teachers Pension since turning 60.

I think it’s interesting how many women on this thread seem to require labour of some kind to justify their existence. Like, if they are not engaged in some manner of slog, they are failing somehow.

Surely if you have no job, are not employable, have no kids and the earning partner divorces you, you're fucked?

It seems to me that having kids would not help much in this situation especially if your ex doesn’t play ball with child maintenance. You’d still be unemployable.

I would hate this!
You are essentially a maid.

I would rather be in a position where we can both work PT and actually hire a maid and have hobbies and travel together.

There’s a big difference between having your partner pay for everything and say winning the lottery so you don’t have to work.

Do people not feel guilty that their partners are doing 40 hour+ weeks and they’re going for lunch!?

Sonds lovely

I have a friend who did this and I couldn't understand it as I thought it would be boring as others have said. Fast forward 10 years and I was in the same position and quickly realised it is absolutely doable.
DH encouraged it as I was working silly hours and he didn't like seeing me exhausted. It meant I could finally do all those jobs we never have time for and I was more available to him and could support him more.
He could come home to a hot cooked meal, and it is less stress on both of us.
I don't see it as being financially reliant on him as we are a team and it makes his life easier too.
I can work when I want to so will do part time jobs here and there if I ever feel bored, which hasn't happened yet.

I think there's an idea of a traditional family set up of woman births, feeds, nurtures children, keeps the home clean and tidy, cooks meals for the family and supports the man who brings in the income.

There is nothing wrong with this arrangement.

Only a woman can breastfeed (I realise not all children are breastfed) and so it makes sense for other duties to come alongside this. It is best for a baby to be with their mother right after birth so they can feed, bond, and also why on earth would you not want to be with your baby? So a year at least is necessary off work.

Sans children? If a man can afford to have his partner stay home so that he comes home to hot meals and a clean house daily without having to worry about those things whilst at work – this is also brilliant for both involved.

I have one child and consider myself something of a housewife given all household duties fall to me. I raise my child, I educate her at home, I provide all our meals freshly cooked.

I also have an active social life and I work from home.

Labels are just that, and if you don’t enjoy the label housewife don’t use it. I enjoy it and I embrace it. I'm more than happy for him to go and make the main income. If he made more and I could give up work completely I may even do that, though I'm used to working now and have found jobs I enjoy doing.

In life you should strive to get the situation you want for yourself personally, and yes that will often fit into social norms because social norms are often born from things which work well.

@MeSanniesareBrannies

I think it’s interesting how many women on this thread seem to require labour of some kind to justify their existence. Like, if they are not engaged in some manner of slog, they are failing somehow.

i think thats true.

I justified giving up work, by replacing that with a second degree. I fancied a change of life and a degree seemed more "worthy" than just playing games all day like i did in the summer. Then i did a masters and have to think what i do after that ends.

(i do enjoy doing it though)

Sounds great I'd love it ☺️ I could fill my days with lots of things , shopping, walking the dog, helping family, keeping a clean and tidy home, putting more effort into our meals, veg patch or allotment, channel 5 shit films on an afternoon with a coffee and a biscuit 👌🏻don't understand people that can't see a life outside of a job. Enjoying life I'm all for it, even if that's relaxing watching tv. So what it's better than working in my opinion😂 think a lot of the replies are just jealousy. If you want to bust ya gut at a job cool, if others want to clean their house or sit on their arse whilst their husband is more than happy to do work but he also deals the benefits of a 'housewife' also cool, I know which I'd rather do!!!

@MeSanniesareBrannies

I think it’s interesting how many women on this thread seem to require labour of some kind to justify their existence. Like, if they are not engaged in some manner of slog, they are failing somehow.

It is not about slogging away justifying your existence. You need to keep your body and mind active. Doing not much does prematurely age people. Most people are aware of keeping their body active. But going for walks with the dog and bumbling around does not keep your brain active. It ages people this lifestyle. I see it in friends. Some in their late fifties seem much older than they are.

Some of these examples are really not comparing like with like. I could potentially give up work in 2 years when I’m 53 but I’m undecided about whether I’ll do it or not. I’ve worked in a tough, tough public sector organisation and have over the years worked my arse off. I look at retirement and think it looks great actually but I don’t compare that life to someone who’s never worked and think they’re the same thing. Some of the lives described here sound very charmed but also very “cosy”. How much diversity is there… where was the challenge? What have they seen or done that has made them what they are? I’ve had some rough times professionally but at least I know what I’m made of. So if my DH ran off with a younger model I’d be fine - not only financially but emotionally. If he lost his job or became ill I know I could keep us going. ( whether I can survive us both being retired at the same time is another matter )

I wouldn't really describe it as a housewife, more lady of leisure. You'd basically fill your time with leisure, why dress it up that you have some sort of of job, looking after the house isn't really a job. I work ft and have 3 small children, we also share looking after the house. If I didn't have my children it'd take me about an hour a day max to clean and sort the house, do washing for 2 people (I dont do my husband's washing, but i assume if i was married to the house id have to), the rest of the time I'd just be finding fun things to fill the time. Not many people want or can afford this lifestyle, it'd be pretty lonely too as there wouldn't be anyone to hang around with unless you like tagging along to baby classes with friends on Mat leave or enjoy hanging around at the local church/day centre with the oaps. Not something I'd aspire to but each to their own.

There are 2 adults in this household and we could easily fill a ft working week with stuff to do

The garden is a wreck. needs total weeding/mowing/sorting
The house is constantly messy/dusty
I need to pick up the cats flea treatment today
Washing bin is over flowing and desperately need to do about 4 washes
Dishwasher is f*cked atm so need to sort that
Pictures need hanging
Need to go through and renew car, pet, buildings and contents insurance but dont have the time to get best deals
Food shop needs doing
Everything needs hoovering
Car needs repairing on scratched door
Meal plan and cook decent dinners instead of just surviving

If one of us wasnt working full time and was at home full time we would save money on things like having the time to shop around for deals and food (going to market for fruit and veg for example) and our quality of life would be so much better. We would live in a tidy/clean house with good food