To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.

There are many women like that around me. They do have kids but many are off at boarding school or uni or left home.

They spend a lot of time doing Pilates, Botox, hair and nails and ordering stuff from Netaporter.

One is now a dear friend because she’s actually very intelligent, cultured and interesting and used to work. The rest of them are tedious. They organise coffee mornings with other similar women and exchange platitudes. I don’t know why they keep inviting me.

I keep suggesting voluntary or charitable work but they don’t really have time between tennis and golf and walking the dog etc.

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@AllThePogs If you require either paid employment or children to ‘keep mind and body active’, then I’m afraid that you rather lack imagination. There is considerably more to life and I think it’s rather sad that all you can come up with is ‘walking the dog’.[/quote]
Most people lack imagination, that is what school is for. Where would all these obedient and willing wage slaves come from if not for 16 years of training? How would fiat currency be sustained? It would be an utter disaster.

Most of the women i know in this position aren't bored at all. They're busy working in charity shops or the foodbank, visiting people in the community and organising local events. They use their time very productively. The usual self important swathe of posters who only define a person's worth by how much money they make.

There is more to life than cash.

@burnoutbabe God, I looovveesd my Masters! Was very tempted to do a PhD, but I don’t think I have the stamina. I hope you find something you enjoy doing.

[quote CounsellorTroi]Most people are aware of keeping their body active. But going for walks with the dog and bumbling around does not keep your brain active. It ages people this lifestyle. I see it in friends. Some in their late fifties seem much older than they are.

Keeping your body active has a knock on effect on keeping your brain active.

www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/exercise/benefits[/quote]
Keeping socially active is important to our health too. It’s too easy for people who are at home all day to have no social interaction. While at work you have enforced social interaction. This is why longevity research says people who work outside of the home, who make a mix of long and short term plans, are more likely to live longer happier and healthier lives.

You'd basically fill your time with leisure, why dress it up that you have some sort of of job, looking after the house isn't really a job

For you it isn't, but for some people like my mum, it would have been - she liked to deep clean, to redecorate, to keep the garden, wash the curtains, mend things - all big jobs
I think if you like home making jobs- they will take you all day - I am a teacher and in my holidays I often pencil in 'home days' where I deep clean, batch cook, bake etc

If it works for people and they're happy, anyone who says they must be bored can only be jealous. Why should it matter to anyone else whether children are involved or not or how they fill their days? If people don't have to work and choose not to work and are happy then good luck to them.

@NoResolutionsHere

I wouldn't really describe it as a housewife, more lady of leisure. You'd basically fill your time with leisure, why dress it up that you have some sort of of job, looking after the house isn't really a job. I work ft and have 3 small children, we also share looking after the house. If I didn't have my children it'd take me about an hour a day max to clean and sort the house, do washing for 2 people (I dont do my husband's washing, but i assume if i was married to the house id have to), the rest of the time I'd just be finding fun things to fill the time. Not many people want or can afford this lifestyle, it'd be pretty lonely too as there wouldn't be anyone to hang around with unless you like tagging along to baby classes with friends on Mat leave or enjoy hanging around at the local church/day centre with the oaps. Not something I'd aspire to but each to their own.

That's a good point if no children are involved. Before I had a child my ex didn't work and I did. I expected to come home to a clean house every day at the very least. I never expected to clean one thing given I was the only earner.

The reality of a job is somewhere you have to go x days a week, work x hours to get x amount of money. The reality of retirement is that you get to do what you want - go to the cinema ,wake up and decide to go out for lunch that day, see friends, do yoga, holiday abroad several times a year, do lots of mini breaks, do bugger all, sit and watch a box set ....retirement is so much fun!

Exactly this. I took voluntary early retirement after the best part of 40 years of continuous full time work with no breaks. I did wonder whether I’d feel a bit lost without my job, but so far, nearly three years in, not a bit of it. I really do feel these are the best years of my life.

It's pretty obvious that there's a relationship dynamic where this works for a lot of people. I suspect there are more women up for it than men, but if both people are happy, it's their business.

@AllThePogs Yes, I did read your comment. Your response to me said:

“It is not about slogging away justifying your existence.
You need to keep your body and mind active. Doing not much does prematurely age people. Most people are aware of keeping their body active. But going for walks with the dog and bumbling around does not keep your brain active. It ages people this lifestyle. I see it in friends. Some in their late fifties seem much older than they are.”

That is what I replied to. Nothing about people volunteering, studying or other challenges. Or were you expecting me to comb through the entire thread and read all your comments before responding to the one directed at me?

I'm sure people fill the time with hobbies, friends, lunch, gardening, travelling

People say they would be bored (maybe they would) but there's so much fun stuff to do if you have the money not to work

Just look at some Instagramers

If I didn't have to work and had lots of money, I think I'd really enjoy doing a house renovation

My FIL was a house husband even when the kids grew up. They had an amazing large garden. He grew all their own veg, volunteered at the local primary school, was a lollypop man for a bit (I know this is a 'job' but it doesn't pay proper money and was more a community role for him as they didn't need money), he dropped and picked up MIL from train station in next town each day so she didn't have to drive after a long commute from London, baked all their bread from scratch and did all their home improvements himself.

He had time to himself but I'd say he was always on the go.

*he could have had time to himself but seemed always on the go

Oh I love doing nothing. People have forgotten how to just be. We spend most of our lives running round like headless chickens trying to fit everything in, tired, cranky, stressed.

There's beauty and peace in just thinking, stillness, quiet.

I've worked part time for many years and not at all for the past 5. Dh retired 3 yrs ago. Admittedly covid put paid to any travel plans but we potter about. We have a cleaner so any housework is very minimal.

We haven't (after 40yrs) run out of things to talk about, debate, argue about. We have plenty to occupy our time. We have plenty of time to do absolutely nothing at all.

Each to their own and all that

My last post is so garbled. Breastfeeding. What I mean is he was a house husband even when they'd left home. So essentially child free.

I feel sorry for people who work because they would be bored if they didn't!!
Have you zero imagination as to the ways you could fill your days?

If looking after children and home and garden isn't job, why do so many pp's give paid employ, to childminders, nannies, cleaners, ironers, gardeners? Are all these people boring, uninteresting, lacking in motivation, just because they are being paid for doing the same thing that SAHM's do?

DH and I don't want kids but I would love to work part-time simply because I have ADHD and ASD, and trying to keep my life on track feels very overwhelming. The dream would be to work 3 days a week, giving me 4 days to catch up on all the life admin and cleaning I let pile up because I'm so burnt out from working. DH also has ADHD and we both agree that our mental health is so much better when the house is organised but neither of us can get our shit together to organise it regularly! I have a constant list of things I need to do causing a knot in my stomach but executive dysfunction says "absolutely not".

I would get bored if I didn't work at all but I'm holding out hope for someone willing to pay me lots of money for a stress-free 0.6FTE job

@CounsellorTroi what I should have added though is that this is all fine and dandy if you are financially secure. There are many women my age who are suffering from the increased pension age which was not communicated by the Government who are not in this secure financial situation and have had to work until they are 66 often in menial, physically taxing (at that age) jobs. I have a family member in this situation. Women need to make allowance for pension and staying at home all day certainly isn't one of them.

@ZoeTheThornyDevil

A household containing two adults doesn't really take all that much "running". You're either going to be sitting on your arse most of the time, or generating unneeded busywork. But it's in no way a FT "job".

My late MIL was quite proud of saying that her husband wouldn't allow her to go out to work, she apparently had enough to do with the housework and later a child! She always referred to my 'little job' until, having waited until she said it in front of her coterie, I pointed out that my job was more senior her son's and I earned considerably more!

@thepeopleversuswork what about people who WFH? They spend all their time at home too! I ask because I am new to this WFH thing (currently going into office twice a week, but not more as I need some time at home to do Zoom job interviews) and I am really unsure about this WFH thing aside from it being handy to job search!

the thing though- paid work doesn't necessarily mean its busier than a volunteer opportunity. Paid work just means that the employer can't find someone to do it for free- perhaps because it requires lots of skills/training or because no one sane would do it for free (a surprising number of high paid jobs fall into this category!)I know retirees who are doing volunteer work- organizing food banks and other services for vulnerable people and they do more than some full time paid workers out there.

OOPs plus a State Pension of approx 170 a week is not much fun on its own either!

Have just read some more of the comments here. It’s laughable to me that people assume that the benefits of being in paid work include being more interesting, sociable etc. What about being in paid work making you knackered and boring? Having less time to ponder the world and what you can do to contribute to it other than generating wealth? I think boring people will be boring people whether they work or not. It certainly isn’t the case in my experience that people who work are more dynamic, interesting with amazing conversation. Just as it isn’t the case that people who don’t are always amazing homemakers. So many stereotypes on this thread and a lot of bitterness!