To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

The moralising on here! Not being able to 'justify' an arrangement or it being uneven or unfair. Just because you don't want something doesn't mean that it's wrong for everyone else!

I’d absolutely love it. I’d fill my time doing the things I enjoy. I enjoy my job but definitely wouldn’t miss it.

I run my own business - pr - from home. But would I be bored if I didn’t have to work? Absolutely not! Because as well as doing my own work, there’s the cleaning, the shopping, the cooking, running round after the kids, helping with homework, laundry etc. it leaves no real time to put myself first - to exercise or pick up the book I’ve wanted to read. Things that must be done get done, but if I didn’t have to work, they’d get done plus I’d have time to take care of myself, not be so exhausted at the end of the day, and probably be a nice person to be around. I could fill my days quite nicely without having to work and not be bored.

@Aussiegirl123456

Dysfunctional codependence?! Wow.

My husband and I have been together for 22 years now and during that time we’ve both had time working / not working and supporting one another.

We both worked as teenagers to save for a house deposit, which enabled us to get a mortgage at 19. He carried on working while I finished university. When I graduated, I worked full time and he had time off to work on the house (so bless him, still working in a sense). Then throughout life he’s supported me through my masters and my PhD. I’ve supported him financially while he did a masters and didn’t work.

We moved abroad and I worked while he settled the children into school etc. I took a year off work when I had the older two children, he had a year off when the third child was born. I’m currently not working as we had an oppsie daisy but much wanted baby in 2020. I don’t think I’ll be returning to work any time soon, at least not until our toddler begins school. If ever. We made this choice together and are both happy with the decision we made.

Neither of us believes our career is better than the other or that one person has to do more home duties than the other. It’s a lifelong partnership where we support each other and our children to live the best life we can. Our pension pots are equal, when I was working and he wasn’t I contributed to his, he does the same when I’m not working. It’s definitely not dysfunctional codependence, it’s just a called a supportive marriage where both partners are equal and on the same page.

I never realised that housewives were so frowned upon until becoming one. Whenever we meet someone new and I mention I’m not working, I’m made to feel as though I’ve personally let the patriarchy drag women’s rights back 120 years, or that I’m not intelligent enough to work. Lovely!

This also sums up our marriage. We have supported each other in career/study/family need/childcare choices. We have a family pot of money and neither partner sees that pot as theirs, it is all ours.

We are both highly educated and at various times have both held high flying posts. Those jobs bought us the luxury of choice. Surely that is the holy grail of working at anything?

What is feminism if not having a choice? My DH could work part-time or retire tomorrow, but he chooses not to, I chose differently.

I really don't believe that those who are so adamant they would not give up work under any circumstance actually have the luxury of that choice. Or perhaps the relationship that would facilitate that choice.

If they do have both then they lack the personal creativity/planning skills/foresight/gumption to be able to craft a life for themselves that is not dictated to by the routines of work or making a living.

I have never been defined by any job title nor viewed differently (by those who matter) for having or not having that role.

I find it sad that there are women who ascribe this need to work for validation as feminism, when really it is personal confidence that is at issue. I validate my life through the choices I make and one of those is whether to work or not. That makes me extremely fortunate, not misguided or unequal.

What is feminism if not having a choice?

Well it's supposed to be about dismantling power structures and fighting inequality and institutional and cultural prejudice.

I'm not saying anyone shouldn't make whatever choice is best for them in their circumstances. But that's not to say that anything is feminist by virtue of a woman choosing to do it.

@DrSbaitso

What is feminism if not having a choice?

Well it's supposed to be about dismantling power structures and fighting inequality and institutional and cultural prejudice.

I'm not saying anyone shouldn't make whatever choice is best for them in their circumstances. But that's not to say that anything is feminist by virtue of a woman choosing to do it.

Is it not exhibiting cultural prejudice to impune the considered choice of another woman to live differently from oneself?

I have been party to institutional change in previous job roles, but I still feel that ultimately feminism is about empowering women to have the confidence to do what they want to do and giving them the tools to achieve that.

It is a very narrow, close-minded view that being a feminist always means smashing the glass ceiling.

I have totally smashed the ceiling, the youngest female in my field (at the time) I am tired now. I have done my bit for the fight, my dds are poised to take over with their energy and intellect.

No one is going to admit to it on here!

Is it not exhibiting cultural prejudice to impune the considered choice of another woman to live differently from oneself?

Possibly. I'm just saying that feminism shouldn't really be defined as anything done by a woman.

This thread has gone way off track … The op really wasn’t asking how people fill in their time in retirement. Retirement is something you,ve earned and hopefully get to share with your partner and other retired friends.. I’m not sure if it’s defensiveness but the long list of all the lovely things ladies of leisure do is in my view overrated. We lived in Asia for a while and I had a go at all these things but to be honest was relieved to get back into the real world. There was a lot of afternoon drinking probably because we were a bit bored and needed to spice things up. Learning to paint sew and pottery isn’t all its cracked up to be. I appreciate my hobbies so much more now that my spare time is more precious.

@DrSbaitso

Is it not exhibiting cultural prejudice to impune the considered choice of another woman to live differently from oneself?

Possibly. I'm just saying that feminism shouldn't really be defined as anything done by a woman.

Don’t start on that wacky radicalism, or we’ll have to start asking why 95% of the arrangements that “ happen” to suit individual couples are the ones that end up with the man getting all the money, legal protection, status and independence.

It’s always the same posters in these threads. Just saying. Maybe some people need to examine why they get so triggered by the idea of a women who don’t need to do paid work? Rather than pontificating about other people’s lives, try analysing what irks you so much?

@randomiser

It’s always the same posters in these threads. Just saying. Maybe some people need to examine why they get so triggered by the idea of a women who don’t need to do paid work? Rather than pontificating about other people’s lives, try analysing what irks you so much?

It’s indoctrination that the only way to justify your place on earth is to be a wage slave.

I have never been defined by any job title nor viewed differently (by those who matter) for having or not having that role. I find it sad that there are women who ascribe this need to work

Do you find it sad that there are men who ascribe to this need to work, or is it just women who are ‘sad’?

Also, maybe you’ve never been defined by a job but there are many people (even women, shock horror!) who don’t just see work as a means to an end, it’s a passion, a calling, a raison d’être. For me this is certainly the case. I could easily work at weekends; I’m a scientist and I love what I do. I will never really retire, I will carry on until I die, in some way, shape or form.

I guess Marie Curie, Katalin Kariko, Sarah Gilbert, Fabiola Gianotti and the many, many women who have changed the world through devotion to their scientific work are equally ‘sad’ to you. This says far more about you than it does about them.

(Oh and DH and I are highly-paid ex-pats. I really could give up work tomorrow and live extremely comfortably off his salary alone, but I never will, for reasons outlined already).

Being defined by a job title is not automatically a bad thing.

It’s not a bad thing at all!

Yes we know MadameHeisenberg. You come in every thread about SAHMs / housewives and say the same thing. Why you care so much is bizarre. I’m surprised you find the time.

It’s always the same posters in these threads. Just saying.

How do you know?

Any thread like this you can glance through and it’s the same posters and same old same old. It’s as if some people are obsessed about housewives / SAHMs.

@randomiser

Any thread like this you can glance through and it’s the same posters and same old same old. It’s as if some people are obsessed about housewives / SAHMs.

Well yes, but in order to know who's always on these threads....

Also, maybe you’ve never been defined by a job but there are many people (even women, shock horror!) who don’t just see work as a means to an end, it’s a passion, a calling, a raison d’être. For me this is certainly the case. I could easily work at weekends; I’m a scientist and I love what I do. I will never really retire, I will carry on until I die, in some way, shape or form.

That’s great, it really is. No one is saying it’s not a great thing to have a vocation and especially one you’re paid for. It’s just that not all of us do, or have the ability to follow it and earn a good living doing it even if we did. Most of us have to settle for something less.

And I’m sure some of these long-term childless housewives are very happy to define men, and especially their own DHs by profession. Keen to let everyone know they don’t ‘need’ to work as DH is a successful, highly-paid lawyer/doctor/executive/whatever.

Yet they find the same successful, highly-paid women ‘sad’. Yep, the inferiority complex & internalised misogyny are strong here.

I guess Marie Curie, Katalin Kariko, Sarah Gilbert, Fabiola Gianotti and the many, many women who have changed the world through devotion to their scientific work are equally ‘sad’ to you. This says far more about you than it does about them.

A tiny minority of very exceptional women. The vast majority of the workforce - of both sexes - work to live. There isn’t enough passion, calling or raison d’etre to go round.

It’s a MN phenomenon I find interesting. There is a thread about SAHMs pretty much every week. As soon as I see one I know who will be in there. Today, I just thought I’d ask why. I mean, what has happened in your life to make you so bothered about other people’s marriage set-ups?

@CounsellorTroi

I totally take your point.

What I object to is the idea that most/all women who are working are doing it out of sheer financial necessity and that we’d all give it up in a heartbeat, if only we could be as lucky/savvy as them. Ergo, we’re all just jealous. So not the case.