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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

999 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 02/02/2022 07:28

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

OP posts:
MadameHeisenberg · 04/02/2022 09:40

Yes, the old ‘jealousy’ card is often brought out. Some of these people seem incapable of understanding that anything other than fawning adulation for their lifestyle must be driven by jealousy.

They fail to understand that many (most) people don’t admire them and that while some people in jobs they hate or on very low incomes might wish to trade places, many others simply would not. It just wouldn’t fulfil them or make them happy.

hardboiledeggs · 04/02/2022 09:42

It wouldn’t be for me, I’d be bored out of my mind. Each to their own though.

Monopolyiscrap · 04/02/2022 09:43

I remember watching a programme about lottery winners and what happens next.
The woman from the lottery said winners normally say they are going to holiday and just have fun. But in reality they do that for a year or two years at most, and then they get bored with that and start looking for a challenge. This is when many set up their own business or start studying.
I find it slightly amusing that some think we are jealous of them. I really am not. I agree that to be happy you need a purpose in life. For a SAHM that may be her children. For a childless woman doing nothing more than the gym and lunches and galleries, there is no real purpose. It just seems like marking time.

Dianaofthelakeofshiningwaters · 04/02/2022 09:43

@Growbean - I agree that describing someone as a parasite is pretty low, although it's clearly how many (including the Tory government) view those with disabilities, so it's old news to me. If, as a couple or a family unit, you make a decision about working and "homemaking" (for want of a better word) that suits you then it really is nobody's business except yours.

Growbean · 04/02/2022 09:44

@Monopolyiscrap Are you mixing me up with someone else? I never asked asked why people are questioning how someone can be busy if not working. I work myself. I'm just depressed by how some people have internalised the idea that you have to justify your existence by endless busyness, as if your own value as a human is as an economic unit. There are people on this thread describing other humans as "parasites"- I find it truly shocking.

LadyPropane · 04/02/2022 09:48

I was a "house wife" for a year before having kids.

I loved it. I don't understand why people say it would be boring. I was always doing things! I had loads of interesting hobbies,l and projects, I had time to exercise properly every day, I had a great social life, I was able to find time to read etc. Plus my house always looked perfect and no chores ever piled up. My mental health was in great shape.

Then again, I never liked my career. It paid very well and I worked hard for a long time to get it, so I felt trapped. Basically I made the wrong choice at age 18 when choosing my degree, and because it was a very difficult course to get on I was encouraged and congratulated by all and sundry from start to finish. There never seemed a good moment to stop and tell people that actually I hated it and wanted to do something else, but I didn't even know what that "something" was. So I said nothing and continued down that path.

So maybe that colours my perception of things. I have always gotten my happiness and satisfaction outside of work, so that feels natural to me. If you're one of those people who is intensely passionate about your job, "it doesn't feel like work" etc, then maybe being a housewife/husband would seem boring.

mizzo · 04/02/2022 09:51

@DrSbaitso

One thing that has struck me in all this...I do agree with a PP that if you are in the fortunate position of having plenty of both free time and money, and good health, then it would indeed behove you to use some of that time (and indeed money) to help improve your local community where most people probably aren't quite as lucky as you. It certainly seems a better use of your time than sniping at people online about how envious they are of what you yourself think of as an enviable life.
According to many posters those who aren't in paid employment can't possibly fill even a morning with meaningful activities so there's plenty of time for Mumsnetting regardless of whatever philanthropic work they undertake. The same way all the people who work 'and do all of that' find plenty of time to post, I didn't when I worked. All of us could easily find something more useful to do and yet here we all are.
MadameHeisenberg · 04/02/2022 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Marikali · 04/02/2022 09:54

I work to live, I don't live to work. I would hate to rely on a partner (luckily not an issue as im seperated) but I would happily give up paid work. I have countless important and varied projects in my life (including my home educated kids) and many friends. I would gladly give up work.

DrSbaitso · 04/02/2022 09:57

According to many posters those who aren't in paid employment can't possibly fill even a morning with meaningful activities so there's plenty of time for Mumsnetting regardless of whatever philanthropic work they undertake.

Ok, well how about: if you really do believe your lifestyle is in fact the envy of everyone who says they wouldn't choose it, it would behove you to act with a little grace about it? If they really are suffering daily for not being you, you can surely cut them a little slack as compensation.

bindud · 04/02/2022 09:59

My mum for many years didn't work, we also had cleaners, au pairs/nannies so she wasn't cleaning or doing childcare. That's the way to do it my opinion.

Growbean · 04/02/2022 10:01

@MadameHeisenberg I'm afraid I can't get on board with anyone who would talk about another person in that dehumanising way.

DrSbaitso · 04/02/2022 10:02

@Marikali

I work to live, I don't live to work. I would hate to rely on a partner (luckily not an issue as im seperated) but I would happily give up paid work. I have countless important and varied projects in my life (including my home educated kids) and many friends. I would gladly give up work.
I suspect that for a lot of people, the reason and dynamics of why they don't need to work factors into how they feel about it. A lottery win is different to a particularly juicy pension pot, which is different to a high earning partner, which is different to a massive inheritance.

No "wrong" way to do it, just that I think a lot of people's feelings would depend on how the situation came about.

MadameHeisenberg · 04/02/2022 10:04

@DrSbaitso

Well indeed. You’d think they’d have enough grace and decorum not to rub their perceived good fortune in the faces of people they believe have less than them. But it seems not. I guess years of naval-gazing leads some people to that.

It’s the thick end of the wedge from kicking homeless people in the street.

RhythmOfTheLight · 04/02/2022 10:05

Laughing at those who think a house without children and just two adults doesn't take running.

It still needs cleaning and all the other boring shit but it is spotless, tidy and in order, all of the time. It's lovely.

MadameHeisenberg · 04/02/2022 10:05

@Growbean

That’s fine, I’m not asking you to.

Monopolyiscrap · 04/02/2022 10:07

@Growbean sorry I must have mixed you up with someone else then. My answer was simply in reply to someone questioning why don't people think I am busy looking after a house with no kids.

@mizzo I work 42 hours a week, volunteer a bit and have a social life, cook from scratch and have no cleaner, and still find time to post on MN.

mizzo · 04/02/2022 10:18

Ok, well how about: if you really do believe your lifestyle is in fact the envy of everyone...
I don't! My point is we could all find something better to do not just those of us who don't get paid.

mizzo · 04/02/2022 10:19

@Monopolyiscrap
Great! Not sure why your telling me Smile

mizzo · 04/02/2022 10:21

*You're not your!

DrSbaitso · 04/02/2022 10:43

@mizzo

Ok, well how about: if you really do believe your lifestyle is in fact the envy of everyone... I don't! My point is we could all find something better to do not just those of us who don't get paid.
Well, I thought it was obvious that I was being a bit glib with the "better use of your time" thing. My point really was just: if you are in that fortunate position, it behoves you to use some of your time and money in your local community that can always use an extra pair of hands or a few Bob somewhere.

And then, if you (generic you, not you personally) really think everyone else is jealous of you because you have a much more enviable life, it again behoves you not to make spiteful sounding posts about it. It isn't worthy and it actually makes a person sound less... happy.

That's all.

CounsellorTroi · 04/02/2022 11:06

I don’t imagine anyone envies my lifestyle and I don’t think I’ve been gloating about it. I know it wouldn’t suit everyone but it suits me.

mizzo · 04/02/2022 11:09

And then, if you (generic you, not you personally) really think everyone else is jealous of you because you have a much more enviable life, it again behoves you not to make spiteful sounding posts about it. It isn't worthy and it actually makes a person sound less... happy.

The same goes for those who are say they're completely fulfilled by work and yet find the time to bitch about those who don't though.

DrSbaitso · 04/02/2022 11:14

@mizzo

And then, if you (generic you, not you personally) really think everyone else is jealous of you because you have a much more enviable life, it again behoves you not to make spiteful sounding posts about it. It isn't worthy and it actually makes a person sound less... happy.

The same goes for those who are say they're completely fulfilled by work and yet find the time to bitch about those who don't though.

Well like I said, I don't have skin in this game so there's only so much of my own time I'm going to give to it. I'm just saying, while there have been insults and put downs on both sides, the "You're bitter and jealous" stuff rose particularly high yesterday. And I thought the PP who made the point about doing some community work if you have the luxury of good health and tons of time was on to something.

'Tis all.

Mamanyt · 04/02/2022 11:27

I did this for almost a year when my children were younger, although in school. The first week, I ran my legs off, cleaning and organizing. At the end of that week, I could take care of everything in about 3 hours, not counting actual cooking times with only a random stir or baste here and there, or waiting for a load of wash to finish. By the end of three months, I was over it. I was bored out of my mind. Took some time to find exactly the right job, and am so lucky that I could do that, but I was thrilled to be back in the workplace again.