To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

[quote Monopolyiscrap]@Mermaid67 Because I am an adult. Just in the same way I expect DP to clean after himself because he is an adult.[/quote]
But although I do work, I feel it’s a great privilege to care for the love of my life and although he is more than capable, it makes me happy!

Urgh. I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea of:
(a) living off a partner's income/financial gains

(b) facilitating a partner and/or
(c) being a servant/cleaner for a partner.
So this wouldn't work for me at all.

I know some women who have this set up - the wife generally never had much interest in working, the husband seems to want someone to look after them and as far as I can work out they are just using each other so they don't have to do the things they don't want to do e.g. go to work, clean etc. Yuck. Hardly 'living your best life.'

Whenever I hear couples who say 'it works for them' I always think 'dysfunctional codependence'!

Snoozer11
Who died and made you queen of what’s fine or not? Ask my Husband if I’m a scrounged,and he’ll tell you I’m more than worth it!

@Waferbiscuit

Urgh. I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea of: (a) living off a partner's income/financial gains (b) facilitating a partner and/or (c) being a servant/cleaner for a partner. So this wouldn't work for me at all.

I know some women who have this set up - the wife generally never had much interest in working, the husband seems to want someone to look after them and as far as I can work out they are just using each other so they don't have to do the things they don't want to do e.g. go to work, clean etc. Yuck. Hardly 'living your best life.'

Whenever I hear couples who say 'it works for them' I always think 'dysfunctional codependence'!

Isn't part of being in a relationship being in a partnership? If their set up works for them, then how is it dysfunctional? How do you feel about someone who works full time, and supports a partner who is unable to work? Every one of the points you make would still apply in that scenario.

I agree that some people are being quite rude. The OP did say it’s a bit of a ‘fantasy’ of hers so I assumed it was a little tongue in cheek.
Why should work necessarily define you?
The fantasy of being a housewife is sometimes the dream of working women with children who are absolutely exhausted.
A housewife isn’t necessarily shackled to the kitchen sink. It’s about freedom of choice. Unfortunately, very few of us have that choice.
And why don’t ‘house husbands’ get any stick? Are they shackled and subservient?
If you are lucky enough to have a choice: SAHM/child free housewife/part or full time worker, that’s great.

@Wiseupkid

I have two teenagers that are hardly ever at home, and I don't work. Dh has a full on job and our lifestyle is not conducive with two working.

My life is packed and busy and if anything I have to schedule in days off. I am doing a very part time degree in a subject I love, I care for animals one morning a week. I go to the gym, the spa and play tennis in the summer. I walk my dogs, see my friends for coffee and lunch and enjoy days out shopping, boating and some days just relaxing and reading by the fire.

I cook healthy meals every night, dh and I take it in turns and we have an organised and stress free life, with a clean comfortable welcoming home. I plan holidays, travel and fun stuff. I have never wanted to work, and don't have to, and there is no shame in choosing to live your life how you want. I have friends in a similar position, and we are all very happy and contented. I honestly don't know how on earth people work full time and run a house, look after dc - I admire them greatly as I don't think I could do it.

@Wiseupkid If you never wanted to work was your ambition to find a rich husband so you didn't need to? Have you ever had a job?

My sis is married, childless and no paying job. She is with her DH since mind teens, married about 15 years ago. She worked in Psychology area up to late 2019. They the world went nuts.

He runs a very niche, very very highly paid area of construction process firm, with many employees. Her job was getting in the way of them going to various places internationally, at the drop of a hat, that his job required. They love travel and it was the decider, So, she chucked in her job and is doing a second PHD which she is spreading over six years. Covid got in the way but she barely altered their plans.

She spends her day studying and filling in as his PT PA. She books all their trips, hotels, cars etc. does all the family birthday/celebration gift buying etc. calls to check on elderly parents of both. She manages insurance renewals. moving providers, getting trades in for various jobs, car servicing, Doc/Dentist visits. She does the grocery shopping in person, gets dry cleaning, valets the cars, gardens. They have no household staff.

She enables him to keep his focus on his career while this crazy world is in a state of flux.

They are back travelling again and she tells people who ask about her dream job that she has never dreamt of labour -either the baby or work kind.

She loves her life. She loves her husband. They are virtually always together and go nowhere without each other. The have, arguably, the most enviable life and pensions that would make your eyes water. She has zero stress and their combined wrath allows them to chose what they like to do, not what they have to do.

@Waferbiscuit

Urgh. I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea of: (a) living off a partner's income/financial gains (b) facilitating a partner and/or (c) being a servant/cleaner for a partner. So this wouldn't work for me at all.

I know some women who have this set up - the wife generally never had much interest in working, the husband seems to want someone to look after them and as far as I can work out they are just using each other so they don't have to do the things they don't want to do e.g. go to work, clean etc. Yuck. Hardly 'living your best life.'

Whenever I hear couples who say 'it works for them' I always think 'dysfunctional codependence'!

Whenever I see posts like this, I think 'jealous much?'

Waferbiscuit
Urgh. I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea of:
(a) living off a partner's income/financial gains
(b) facilitating a partner and/or
(c) being a servant/cleaner for a partner.
So this wouldn't work for me at all.

I know some women who have this set up - the wife generally never had much interest in working, the husband seems to want someone to look after them and as far as I can work out they are just using each other so they don't have to do the things they don't want to do e.g. go to work, clean etc. Yuck. Hardly 'living your best life.'

Whenever I hear couples who say 'it works for them' I always think 'dysfunctional codependence'!
Whenever I see posts like this, I think 'jealous much?' grin

I agree, each to their own. If a woman is happy to cook, clean and socialise with her friends without working (or needing to) fair play. I think I would quite like that life, old fashioned or not!

@Zipper666

Americans use "homemaker" which is generic enough to mean almost anything...

English but my marriage certificate actually says homemaker, which was suggested by the lady doing the forms at our Church.

I love cooking and Baking, so have finally found time to try out so many recipes that is normally not have time for amoungst other things. It's fab.

Isn't part of being in a relationship being in a partnership?
If their set up works for them, then how is it dysfunctional?
How do you feel about someone who works full time, and supports a partner who is unable to work? Every one of the points you make would still apply in that scenario

@XenoBitch - I think there's a big difference between not being able to work and opting not to work. Secondly, "Isn't part of being in a relationship being in a partnership?" is often what women say but I'm not sure it's something men might say as standard! Thirdly, many relationships 'work' for the couple including relationships we'd call dysfunctional or even abusive - but doesn't mean they are 'good' just because it works for them.

@HelloFrostyMorning - 'You must be jealous' is always the easy MN deflect for anyone criticising someone else's life. I'm genuinely not jealous. I watched many relatives live this kind of live and I don't think it's an existence of two equal partners.

The way we live affects others so, for instance, when women choose to facilitate men, or if men feel they need a wife to lead corporate life and there are women who happily lean into that... well that has ripple effects in the way that men see women or the way that corporate life is set up. None of us live in a vacuum.

@Waferbiscuit

*Isn't part of being in a relationship being in a partnership? If their set up works for them, then how is it dysfunctional? How do you feel about someone who works full time, and supports a partner who is unable to work? Every one of the points you make would still apply in that scenario*

@XenoBitch - I think there's a big difference between not being able to work and opting not to work. Secondly, "Isn't part of being in a relationship being in a partnership?" is often what women say but I'm not sure it's something men might say as standard! Thirdly, many relationships 'work' for the couple including relationships we'd call dysfunctional or even abusive - but doesn't mean they are 'good' just because it works for them.

@HelloFrostyMorning - 'You must be jealous' is always the easy MN deflect for anyone criticising someone else's life. I'm genuinely not jealous. I watched many relatives live this kind of live and I don't think it's an existence of two equal partners.

The way we live affects others so, for instance, when women choose to facilitate men, or if men feel they need a wife to lead corporate life and there are women who happily lean into that... well that has ripple effects in the way that men see women or the way that corporate life is set up. None of us live in a vacuum.

-

Bottom line is it has to be two equal partners who have the same values and mutually agree on how to live their lives.

Two working people can easily have a dysfunctional relationship if they're not well matched, so it's not about someone staying at home.
Just because you've had bad examples doesn't mean every one is that way.
Not hard to comprehend that relationships differ from couple to couple.

Its like people who don't believe that some couples never argue. It might not be your or those around you's experience, but it doesn't mean it's not possible.

@Waferbiscuit I really don't see it as living off his money but that's because it's a joint account and it's always been classed as our money he's never ever said it's his money . I'm not a servant for him I keep our home clean and tidy because that's what I like to do for our family . I don't see it as a dysfunctional relationship I see it as a marriage where each person supports and cares for the other person in the way that suits them as a couple

I am a housewife with no children and not by choice. DH and I are childless after several ectopic pregnancies.
I had to retire from my job as I have an illness that made it impossible for me to continue working. It takes me a while to begin to function in a morning and I don't have a problem filling my day as I'm a bit slow whilst doing housework etc.

@XenoBitch - I think there's a big difference between not being able to work and opting not to work. Secondly, "Isn't part of being in a relationship being in a partnership?" is often what women say but I'm not sure it's something men might say as standard! Thirdly, many relationships 'work' for the couple including relationships we'd call dysfunctional or even abusive - but doesn't mean they are 'good' just because it works for them

MN often has threads and the ensuing comments about how a bloke that has not worked for years, and has diagnosed depression, is a waste of space and all women should run away because he will be a drain on her... "sponging" off her etc.
Threads like that, and threads like this one... for people, like myself, who have been unable to work... it seems like everyone out there thinks we are a waste of space, not trying hard enough to get better, or are co-dependant in a "dysfunctional way". Well, rather we "sponge" off a partner/spouse than the state, eh?

If a working spouse chooses to support the non working one (be it due to ill health, or because they like the set up), who actually gives a fuck? Does it take anything way from your own life experience? Does it cost you any money?
I can understand being jealous.. that is natural. But you waste your energy on being bitter.

@Treesandsheepeverywhere

'You must be jealous' is always the easy MN deflect for anyone criticising someone else's life..

I agree, 'you must be jealous' is trotted out quite a bit on here when someone/something is criticized, and it's not always the case.

But on this thread, it IS. Many people on here are jealous and bitter..... Blisteringly, eye-wateringly jealous, bitter, and spiteful. Some comments from a few posters on here have been vile.

And your putdowns and quite catty comments put you in the 'jealous' category, or certainly envious at least. (Whether you realise it or not.) If you are so happy with your life, you would not feel the need to criticize others. As @XenoBitch said you can't help being jealous, but why waste even more energy on being bitter (and frankly quite catty?)

I can understand being jealous.. that is natural. But you waste your energy on being bitter

I provided my opinion on a forum - an opinion which is probably different than the majority but based on my experience, what I've seen about others and what I believe. Because I disagree doesn't make me 'bitter' or 'jealous'. I don't want around raging and jealous, I just provided an opinion.

@HelloFrostyMorning - why the personal attack because I've provided my very valid opinion?

I wasn't 'catty' by expressing concern about the dynamic or some of the perils of when women are looked after by men or the fact that sometimes in relationships/marriages couples 'use' each other to get what they want. FGS.

@Waferbiscuit

I can understand being jealous.. that is natural. But you waste your energy on being bitter

I provided my opinion on a forum - an opinion which is probably different than the majority but based on my experience, what I've seen about others and what I believe. Because I disagree doesn't make me 'bitter' or 'jealous'. I don't want around raging and jealous, I just provided an opinion.

There is something a little odd about a couple living their life in peace, doing no wrong, and having a financial set up that both of them are happy with.. and someone marching in and saying their relationship is wrong, or dysfunctional.

This is my sil life.
Married 20 years now, no children, never worked.
They're very wealthy so they have cleaners gardeners etc.
She just fills her day with fun and a little bit of life admin.
I think they have a brilliant life.
And yes, I am jealous

Exactly @XenoBitch The sheer ignorance, and blithe wide-eyed 'oh what could I POSSIBLY have said to offend?' bullshit doesn't wash with me.

Nasty judgemental comment after nasty judgemental comment being fired, from a small number of posters, with ludicrous comments like 'what ME? I haven't said anything wrong! THIS is just my OPINION!

Just jog on, and take your hate with you.

My D.C. have left home. I don’t work. I swim, paint, choir, read. Whatever I like.
My money comes from property investments.
Only downside I tend to procrastinate as there’s so much time.

Dysfunctional codependence?! Wow.

My husband and I have been together for 22 years now and during that time we’ve both had time working / not working and supporting one another.

We both worked as teenagers to save for a house deposit, which enabled us to get a mortgage at 19. He carried on working while I finished university. When I graduated, I worked full time and he had time off to work on the house (so bless him, still working in a sense). Then throughout life he’s supported me through my masters and my PhD. I’ve supported him financially while he did a masters and didn’t work.

We moved abroad and I worked while he settled the children into school etc. I took a year off work when I had the older two children, he had a year off when the third child was born. I’m currently not working as we had an oppsie daisy but much wanted baby in 2020. I don’t think I’ll be returning to work any time soon, at least not until our toddler begins school. If ever. We made this choice together and are both happy with the decision we made.

Neither of us believes our career is better than the other or that one person has to do more home duties than the other. It’s a lifelong partnership where we support each other and our children to live the best life we can. Our pension pots are equal, when I was working and he wasn’t I contributed to his, he does the same when I’m not working. It’s definitely not dysfunctional codependence, it’s just a called a supportive marriage where both partners are equal and on the same page.

I never realised that housewives were so frowned upon until becoming one. Whenever we meet someone new and I mention I’m not working, I’m made to feel as though I’ve personally let the patriarchy drag women’s rights back 120 years, or that I’m not intelligent enough to work. Lovely!

[quote HelloFrostyMorning]@Treesandsheepeverywhere

'You must be jealous' is always the easy MN deflect for anyone criticising someone else's life..

I agree, 'you must be jealous' is trotted out quite a bit on here when someone/something is criticized, and it's not always the case.

But on this thread, it IS. Many people on here are jealous and bitter..... Blisteringly, eye-wateringly jealous, bitter, and spiteful. Some comments from a few posters on here have been vile.

And your putdowns and quite catty comments put you in the 'jealous' category, or certainly envious at least. (Whether you realise it or not.) If you are so happy with your life, you would not feel the need to criticize others. As @XenoBitch said you can't help being jealous, but why waste even more energy on being bitter (and frankly quite catty?)[/quote]
I agree on people being bitter, I am a stay at home with no kids that's being spoken about and wonder why some people don't want to believe that it does work very well for some couples. It's one thing to not want it for yourself, but it comes across as some don't want it for anyone else either. Quite bizarre.

@Treesandsheepeverywhere
Yep, the bitterness is bizarre to me. You are happy, your DH is happy. So why are strangers tying themselves in knots about that? Boggles my mind. It is like getting jealous about lottery winners when you never play it.