To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

Where do I sign up?

I can see both sides as I appreciate everyone is different and what stimulates and fulfils one person would be the others idea of hell.

I know a few women who choose not to work, they have really busy lives, they do volunteer at different clubs and charities, they do sport, they have hobbies they do and they keep the house.
They love their lives and so do their families, that's all that matters. The ones in our group that work don't judge them negatively at all, we all just do what's best for us and our families.

I would never make a life choice based on anyone else's opinion apart from DH or DS. You are only here once so live your life how you and your family want to. Do what makes you happy others who are over invested are irrelevant.

How far back are we going, here?! My grandmother is a doctor. So, no.

My DH's grandmother is in her early 90s and went to university. When she did it was extremely unusual. There were about 30 girls at the university and they had their own halls with very strict rules. Most of her peers went to secretary school and worked until they found a husband. She was only able to go because her adoptive father left her a substantial inheritance that paid for her education and a house. Obviously she was smart and capable but that meant nothing back then. She was the only woman amongst her friends who enjoyed a long career. The rest had a job until they married and were replaced by the next generation of young single girls fresh out of secretary school. Sexism in the workplace was very normal back then.

@Wiseupkid

I have two teenagers that are hardly ever at home, and I don't work. Dh has a full on job and our lifestyle is not conducive with two working.

My life is packed and busy and if anything I have to schedule in days off. I am doing a very part time degree in a subject I love, I care for animals one morning a week. I go to the gym, the spa and play tennis in the summer. I walk my dogs, see my friends for coffee and lunch and enjoy days out shopping, boating and some days just relaxing and reading by the fire.

I cook healthy meals every night, dh and I take it in turns and we have an organised and stress free life, with a clean comfortable welcoming home. I plan holidays, travel and fun stuff. I have never wanted to work, and don't have to, and there is no shame in choosing to live your life how you want. I have friends in a similar position, and we are all very happy and contented. I honestly don't know how on earth people work full time and run a house, look after dc - I admire them greatly as I don't think I could do it.

And where is the money coming from for the gym, spa, tennis, coffee, shopping, boating etc?

It's fine if you've saved up or have a source of income.

It's not fine if you're just scrounging and spending your husband's money.

Oh, and there's no such thing as "life admin".

@snoozer11 - obviously the same place all other housewives over the years and SAHM's money, the husbands wage.

If both sides of the couple are happy to have one at home doing all the unpaid drudge work for years then enjoying a bit more free time to make up for it, and both view the one wage as "family money", why not?

My dh earns a great salary and we share it, of course we do we are married! He would support whatever I wanted to do, work or not work, it makes no difference to him.

I think you will find there most definitely is plenty of life admin for those of us with children, animals and interests.

@Snoozer11

It's fine if you've saved up or have a source of income.

It's not fine if you're just scrounging and spending your husband's money.

Oh, and there's no such thing as "life admin".

This is such an ignorant and reductive way to look at money, life, marriage, everything really.

snoozer sounds bitter to me, and maybe she has a right to feel bitter if she is working and exhausted and reading threads like this might be hard to read.

@Snoozer11

It's fine if you've saved up or have a source of income.

It's not fine if you're just scrounging and spending your husband's money.

Oh, and there's no such thing as "life admin".

Not fine according to who? What has it got to do with anyone else what a couple's living arrangement is?

I was made redundant 2 years ago - took me a year to find a job - but wow did I enjoy that year - had worked from 18 full time - but not working was amazing! Had so much time - Had lovely lie-ins up - mooched around - went out for walks and visited tearooms - loved it - sadly now working again ! 53 years old but won’t be able to afford to retire until I am 68! Sadly! Hi hum! Also husband is poor as a church mouse as well!

[quote MargosKaftan]@snoozer11 - obviously the same place all other housewives over the years and SAHM's money, the husbands wage.

If both sides of the couple are happy to have one at home doing all the unpaid drudge work for years then enjoying a bit more free time to make up for it, and both view the one wage as "family money", why not? [/quote]
I agree, when your a family and joined together, you do not have 'your money' 'my money'. Its family money. Decisions made are for the benefit of the family. Seeing money as 'theirs/mine' does not benefit family. Money naturally has the power to cause so many issues within a family unit if allowed. Seeing money as a family tool not as an individual's is such a freeing mindset.

We have family money and not our 'own' money, although we have our own bank accounts, rarely used. It is not his money or my money, it is our money and we can use it how we like.

I don’t get that a lot of women don’t want to be dependent on a partner who they love and who would surely be extremely grateful to be able to work( especially if it’s long hours) and not have to think about running the house. However, these same women are happy to be beholden to a stranger !

@Mermaid67 Because I am an adult. Just in the same way I expect DP to clean after himself because he is an adult.

Why so nasty?

Jealousy.

Shocked at some of the bitterness on this thread. If you are happy with your life, why be critical of others?

Dusting and cleaning if done to a high standard can take ages depending of course on the size of the house and how much clutter there is. One can extend household chores so that the house, clothes and everything is super tidy and super clean. Since most women go out to work and men didn’t take up the slack at home, standards have pretty much dropped.
I can still remember seeing women scrubbing and polishing the front step-this was normal once upon a time.
So sah people could if so inclined fill the week doing all the housework and shopping and cooking.
I’d get bored just doing that but could easily fill my time doing other stuff. Loads of stuff. There isn’t enough time to do all the stuff😆

Any thread with SAHM or housewife in the title always brings out hundreds of posts from women who have sooo much to say about it and all kinds of ideas (despite claiming they know nobody in that position). Always strikes me as bitterness, no matter how much they protest the opposite. I think, what it boils down to, is that these days, few women have husbands who would happily enable them to live like that. Nor do many families have the finances. That’s where the jealousy comes from, I think.

@Snoozer11

It's fine if you've saved up or have a source of income.

It's not fine if you're just scrounging and spending your husband's money.

Oh, and there's no such thing as "life admin".

What a tragic outlook you have.

If both partners value the benefit of having one available and willing to manage the household rather than take paid employment, to the benefit of both in the couple, and they can afford to do so, why do you perceive the one earning to hold all the power and the other person to be a ‘scrounged’? In such a scenario I would rather be the one earning - others would be the opposite to me and would prefer to be the one at home. I wonder what your formative experiences were - sounds like there were maybe some issues. But be assured for most people there is such a thing as life admin and it’s a pleasure when someone else deals with it. It’s often called the ‘mental load’.

My house is enormous. And I have over an acre of garden. Would have no trouble occupying someone full time. Dealing with tradesmen, bills, maintenance of cars and household appliances, managing investments, banking, tax returns, planning holidays, dealing with getting gifts for birthdays and christmas for family and friends, being available and responsive if there are any health crises with elderly relatives, ensuring the household runs efficiently by researching best suppliers and contract types for utilities and insurances and phone contracts and so on. It’s endless. Would love to not have to think about any of it!!

I wouldn’t mind not working and just having a life of leisure, but all the housework and cooking - no thanks.

[quote HelloFrostyMorning]@thecatsthecats

You do that! Go as part time as you are able! It's wonderful having lots of free time and not being tied to full time work. I have been part time now for 15 years, (24 hours, WFH for 10,) and I LOVE it.

But the one thing putting me off is that people will assume that my lovely, high earning DH will be "keeping" me.

Just two words.

FUCK!

THEM!

Anyone who bashes you will only be doing it because they are jealous and bitter. Just smile sweetly, and say 'why would I work, when I can sit on my arse all day doing fuck-all, being kept by my husband?' [/quote]
Oh, I wholeheartedly agree. I'm actually quite good at that when it comes to the general public. It's FIL who I have to craft replies that are the right side of tactful/sassy!

Oh, and an aunt of my husband's who took about 15s flat before she started making shitty comments to me fifteen years ago when I was 19... But with her I just smile blandly and think of the inheritance.

There are actually some people I respect a lot and therefore care about their opinion of me - my dad, and my husband's gran in particular. They are both very kind and encouraging of me, and are especially keen that I employ my talents. But they will be happy with my (at the moment nascent) plans to teach my IT skills for free in deprived areas, if my income allows such leisure time as to allow it.

I'm in this position, I'm 41, I have 2 pets & no kids, I quit my full time office job 10years ago when we moved abroad & then we moved back to UK 3 years ago as my hubby accepted a job in London, we may move abroad again this year so if I was working i'd be changing jobs or if he's travelling for work & I want to go as I do sometimes I'd then be asking for time off so it's easier & suits us both that I dont work, he gets a good wage so puts no pressure on me to work & I get no money from the government & I dont expect any we have a joint bank account aswell as ones of our own, I cook the majority of meals he'll usually cook at weekends though or we'll go out, we dont have a set schedule if something needs done in the house one of us will do it, I dont really know how I spend my time as the days & week goes so quick & I'm never bored, I do have a slightly introverted nature though so do like a lot of me time so it suits us. I dont have any major hobbies just now, I used to paint & dance so would like to go back to that, I dont put tv on during the day I get up early when my husband is up, I walk my dog, read, plan trips for us to meet family & friends go to concerts etc, do some online learning, online shopping & just find things to do if I feel the need, sometimes I feel there's not enough hours in the day so I feel content & happy but on reading the comments on this post I feel maybe I should be doing a little bit more at least maybe more around the house and I'm really grateful I can choose to work & support my husband so I'm really happy to have the title of housewife I guess I like this title because i'm lucky to have that choice.

@Snoozer11 the bitterness and jealousy and ire is oooozing out of your posts.