To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

@SusannaQueen

People who work or are retired are the most likely to volunteer. Someone of working age not in paid employment is less likely to volunteer.

Not in my experience.

@Monopolyiscrap The 35-49 age group is the most active in terms of volunteering*

Yes. I'm 52, but certainly don't consider that retirement age (in fact I'm planning on going back to work). But most of the people I volunteer with are younger than me. My DD also volunteers and she is 16. DH also volunteers and he is younger than me.

Same. Most people I know who volunteer (and with whom I volunteer) are in their thirties and early forties.

Slight segue, but I also think that people also forget that there are many kinds of volunteering. The magistracy, for example, is entirely voluntary, tends to skew older (average age is 60) and accounts for circa 14,000 volunteers every year. A lot of older people are doing things like that which are vital and important, but don’t tick the ‘volunteering’ box in people’s heads.

I think it depends what you mean by volunteering. Most professional or educational volunteering jobs I know of tend to be done by older or retired people. For example I work in childcare and at a recent event with most of the local schools we were told that every single local volunteer for young enterprise / school reading initiatives / education related fundraising last year were over 60 & that schools and nurseries that use PTAs should shift to a GTAs (grandparent teaching association) type model to take advantage of it. Locally PTAs have traditionally been run by SAHMs and there have long been concerns that organisers didn’t know how to project manage, work to tight deadlines, or utlise the skillsets of volunteers - but as it’s a volunteer association many schools have a ‘it’s better than nothing’ mentality which creates inconsistancy between schools. With some able to leverage local professional networks and add some really amazing value (eg primary school trips to Goldman Sachs / hospitals / restaurant kitchens/ bake sales that involve the whole communitiy) while others struggle to even organise fundraising for school supplies.

This has been such an interesting thread. I admit, I feel some pangs of envy! I'd have no trouble filling my time with a myriad of rewarding activites if I had no financial need to work. It's unfashionable to say, but I daydream about a lottery win. I could happily spend the rest of my life finding worthwhile ways to give away a ridiculous amount of money. Or, more modestly, be able to comfortably support myself while offering my time and professional skills for free to those who couldn't otherwise afford them. (I do this sometimes anyway, but it leaves me in poverty too!)

It is an interesting read and I'm surprised by the judgements when it doesn't concern people. I would be bored shitless being a housewife and despite having kids and working, I hate the cleaning and tidying and admin aspect of my life. But I adore cooking and would be happy spending a big chunk of my days thinking of what to cook, researching and cooking. But I know a lot of people's idea of hell is cooking. So we are all different.

I also know myself that without duties I end up going to bed at 3am and getting lazier and doing less than if I have duties. But that's possibly because I don't enjoy the housework aspect of it so I procrastinate but feel guilty about it so I also don't do my hobbies. If I'm working, I find I have earned the right to my hobby and do it guiltlessly.

But people who are more disciplined and enjoy looking after their home then I don't see the problem.

If I didn't do my paid work then I would up my pro bono work to about 3-4 hours a day. Would still give me plenty of time for hobbies etc but satisfy my brain and heart. I get a lot out of volunteering and I am in essence giving them £1000 a month worth's of work for free. There is a lot more that I could do for them and would love to have the time to do that.

The only person I know who has not had to work because they are independently wealthy has had a very nice life. He has had several small business ventures that have not had to return a profit - art gallery, photography, travel journalist. Sort of pottering plus stuff that is interesting in itself. Those of my female friends who have been fortunate enough to retire very early have done so on good pensions and inheritances from their parents who died younger than most.
They have done a lot of volunteering but mainly travel and do hobbies (one breeds rare breed poultry, and is quite an expert). I don't think many go for the WAG lifestyle, I think the freedom from work enables you to pursue interests that you would otherwise not find time for. Whilst I'm keenly anticipating my liberation, and i will luxuriate in doing nothing at all for a few days/weeks at the start I know I'll find a mission in life before too long.

My partner was a househusband for 18 months. He ran the house, did the cooking and cleaning, drove me to the airport when I travelled to work. He even drove me to work if I had to drive more than 3 hours there and back in the day. Basically he facilitated me earning money which supported us both.

I got very fed up with it and in the end pushed him to get a minimum wage job way below his skills and qualifications. He hadn't been able to get a job at the same level as the one he had done previously.

I felt resentful of being the one doing the work,often being away from home for 3 nights a week. I started to criticise his housekeeping a bit and it wasn't healthy at all.

I realised that my unconscious bias was that as a woman I shouldn't be the breadwinner. Of course that is totally wrong, but that was my underlying feeling when I unpicked it.

I'm dreading retirement. I hated maternity leave because there was no differentiation between the weekend and the week. Nothing was special. The anticipation of looking forward to holidays is important to me and I appreciation my downtime.

@Movinghouseatlast

My partner was a househusband for 18 months. He ran the house, did the cooking and cleaning, drove me to the airport when I travelled to work. He even drove me to work if I had to drive more than 3 hours there and back in the day. Basically he facilitated me earning money which supported us both.

I got very fed up with it and in the end pushed him to get a minimum wage job way below his skills and qualifications. He hadn't been able to get a job at the same level as the one he had done previously.

I felt resentful of being the one doing the work,often being away from home for 3 nights a week. I started to criticise his housekeeping a bit and it wasn't healthy at all.

I realised that my unconscious bias was that as a woman I shouldn't be the breadwinner. Of course that is totally wrong, but that was my underlying feeling when I unpicked it.

I might get flamed for this, but in my observations, there aren't many relationships that thrive when the woman is the sole earner. I never wanted or expected to see this, but it really is how it seems to me from what I've seen.

I know there will be exceptions.

@DrSbaitso

However, I think running a house takes up a surprising amount of time. I organise thr mortgage, bills, dentist/doctors appointments, MOT/car repairs, house maintenance, food shopping, cooking, and clothes washing.

Everyone knows how long it takes and what needs to be done to run a house. We all do it, whatever our employment, domestic or financial situations.

Obviously if you have caring duties or equivalent on top of that, you'll have more to do and more stress. But we all have to do food shopping, mortgage, dentist appointments etc. I don't know why these tasks we all need to get done somehow always get listed as if anyone isn't aware.

Also, the mortgage? Seriously? The mortgage is about an hour a year. If that. We remortgaged recently; DH did about an hour of online research, we did maybe half an hour combined of the required phone conversation with the provider and online-signing the new mortgage documents, and there's literally nothing else to do on it for at least 3 years.

Like I've said, it's no skin whatever off my nose if you can afford to and choose to not work with no dependent DC. Enjoy yourself. But the idea that there's so much time-consuming work to do in managing a small household comprised only of adults... come on.

@AgathaGoesToHarrogate

I've had a lovely life for the past 8 years. My name is on the house, on all investments.

I have my breakfast in bed, leisurely get ready then do whatever takes my fancy. At different times, I've done voluntary work and various courses in topics in which I have an interest and think I've enjoyed them all the more for having no other pressures.

When not doing these things, I see friends for lunch. I take myself off to galleries or museums or simply pack a picnic and go to explore an area or place I fancy. I have plenty of time to read, shop, try new recipes or just have an afternoon nap if if I'm feeling tired.

It really is lovely and beats a daily grind as a clerk or admin assistant. If I'd had a burning desire, a vocation, to be a doctor or a teacher or something like that, then I would have done so but to give up my life, my own time, for something that wouldn't make a penny worth of difference to me or the world...absolutely not!

Whatever you had chosen to do it would have made a contribution to the world. Money aside, the paid jobs most people do are also necessary to keep the world running for you to enjoy, and volunteer roles make an immeasurable difference. I'm sure the life you describe is lovely, but it wouldn't be lovely if everyone, even just everyone with the means, took the attitude they wouldn't give up their free time for anything that wasn't a leisure activity. For me, contributing to society is important ethically, and something we can all do, not just those with vocations.

I know it wouldn't be ideal for everyone but I wouldn't be overly keen on swapping it for life as an insurance admin clerk.

That said, I'd be up the river without a paddle if they all gave it up because I do need my insurance! I'm glad people do those jobs but I wouldn't want to do them myself if I had a choice, which I do.

Thank goodness, we all have different needs and ways to keep ourselves content.

I daydream about this. I enjoy my job, but wouldn't have any issues finding stuff to do if i didnt have it! I do have 2 children, but even if i didnt i wouldnt struggle to find fulfilment.

I would exercise daily, experiment with recipes, read, the house would be in a much better shape than it is right now! I would do DIY projects, bake, clean the floor much more regularly, food shopping , visit family, see friends, pay all the bills etc. Our weekends would be our own, proper free time.

It would be amazing.

Whatever you had chosen to do it would have made a contribution to the world.

That simply isn’t true. The work I did over the entirety of my working life made not a ha’pporth of difference to the world. Unfortunately it paid far too well to make it viable to do a job that would have meant a real contribution to the world.

I’m a housewife and my DH goes out to work I don’t work to due to my health I had just given up my job when we met so I have always been at home I cook all the food, take care of our pets and have just started 2 volunteering jobs from home. I enjoy being at home it works for us and we plan on having kids at some point.

When I got married my grandma asked if I would still work because who would 'run the house'? I was absolutely baffled...

If you’re bored when you’re not working then you’re likely just a boring person. But I can understand not wanting such an uneven dynamic with your partner.

A friend of mine has been retired for over 10 years. She is 71. She gardens, grows her own veg, walks and goes to the gym. I cannot honestly see that she has aged or slowed down in any way.

Aged mentally I meant

@ManicPixie

If you’re bored when you’re not working then you’re likely just a boring person. But I can understand not wanting such an uneven dynamic with your partner.

It really isn't that difficult to understand that part of the pleasure of leisure, whether that's the weekend, or a holiday, or just a day off, is that you're not working -- even if you adore your job, find it meaningful and fulfilling, and would continue to do it even if you weren't paid.

It's fairly clear from some of the responses here that those people have never managed to find enjoyable work, and were just clockwatching when or if they ever worked. That often strikes me as just as big an experiential gap as much more thoroughly explored ones, like between parents and non-parents.

@InisnaBro I adored my job. I worked extremely hard and was very good at it. I am also really enjoying not working and I’m not at all bored, as there are lots of things outside work that I enjoy just as much. The pleasure of leisure hasn’t diminished for me at all.

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@InisnaBro I adored my job. I worked extremely hard and was very good at it. I am also really enjoying not working and I’m not at all bored, as there are lots of things outside work that I enjoy just as much. The pleasure of leisure hasn’t diminished for me at all.[/quote]
Me too. It’s not being at anyone else’s beck and call and having complete agency over what you do and when you do it. Freedom in other words.

I can't understand people saying they would be 'bored shitless' if they didn't work... Do these people have no imagination? No hobbies, no friends, no nothing???

I never EVER get bored.

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@InisnaBro I adored my job. I worked extremely hard and was very good at it. I am also really enjoying not working and I’m not at all bored, as there are lots of things outside work that I enjoy just as much. The pleasure of leisure hasn’t diminished for me at all.[/quote]
Exactly!

@Blossomtoes

Me too. It’s not being at anyone else’s beck and call and having complete agency over what you do and when you do it. Freedom in other words.

This. ^

Sheer laziness when no kids involved, there's only so much housework and cooking you can do. I highly doubt they are working their arses off cooking and cleaning all week, week in week out!

@SquirrelG

Someone sounds envious!

What a nasty post - if people don't want to work, and they don't have to, what is it to do with you what they do with their days? If they want to do nothing all day every day, how does it affect you?

This exactly! As has been said, the amount of jealousy and level of vitriol (on this thread) aimed at people who don't work is shocking. Yes if you just LURVE working, then good for you. Not everyone does. Some people are very stressed at work, and can't WAIT to leave/retire.

As a few others have said no WAY is it boring being off work/not working. It's FAR more boring being stuck on a 9 to 5 treadmill. Working for the man!

@BigWoollyJumpers

So many negative accusations. Lazy, unimaginative, boring, unproductive.

And yet, time and again, we are being encouraged to slow down, relax, take time to think, time to one-self, meditate, self care. All these things are beneficial for health and wellbeing.

If you are able, there is absolutely nothing wrong, with doing nothing.

Yeah this. ^ I am retiring next summer and I will have been working almost 45 years. Half of it full time, half part time, as WELL as raising 2 children, and like FUCK will I be volunteering for anything when I retire.

I will be seeing friends and family, going to cinema, going on daytrips to the beach, lounging around the house doing fuck-all scoffing my fat chops with wotsits and chocolate, whilst reading trashy novels and watching crappy reality TV, going for walks, doing lunch with friends, and sunbathing outside all summer, reading That's Life and Take A Break magazine.

I have earned my stripes. Working almost 45 years AND raising 2 children, and as I said, like fuck will I be volunteering for anything because some people think anyone who has more than 5 minutes a week free time should offer their voluntary services out. Nah mate.

IMO, most people who do volunteering do it for the company, because they're lonely. AND it's often people who have spent most of their adult life not working. I do not fall into either of those categories. (Thankfully.)