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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

999 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 02/02/2022 07:28

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

OP posts:
HelloFrostyMorning · 02/02/2022 20:02

And I say jealous bitter and angry WOMEN, because it is 95% of the time WOMEN who are really angry and jealous when other women don't have to work, or retire at 50-55.

Blossomtoes · 02/02/2022 20:04

Nail on head @HelloFrostyMorning.

PaddleBoardingMomma · 02/02/2022 20:09

I'm currently a SAHM, so I'm run off my feet at home but if I didn't have the children I could think of 1000 things a day to be doing with my time other than working, and I'd love it! Yoga, reading, jogging, beach days, gym every day (do that anyway tbf) lunches with friends, dinner parties, so many hobbies and groups I'd get involved in! And the house would be immaculate 🤣

5128gap · 02/02/2022 20:09

I think there is a difference between exclusively managing your house/enjoying your hobbies, and using some of your time to make a wider contribution, for example by volunteering. While I respect the right for people to live as they please, I must admit I would have less respect for a decision to make no contribution to the world outside of one's own home and relationship. The ability to not have to work is a great privilege, and I would think less of someone who didn't use any of their limitless free time to contribute to society in some way.

HelloFrostyMorning · 02/02/2022 20:10

@Blossomtoes

Nail on head *@HelloFrostyMorning*.
Thank you @Blossomtoes Smile
MissMaple82 · 02/02/2022 20:17

Sheer laziness when no kids involved, there's only so much housework and cooking you can do. I highly doubt they are working theor arses off cooking amd cleaning all week, week in week out!

XingMing · 02/02/2022 20:18

I shifted from primary breadwinner (DH was creating his business) after 10 years of it when I had one child, at 43. I continued to work until I was 50, then retrained for a profession related to my degree but it was a fairly ageist selection process and I wasn't selected. So I ended up not working for money.

However, I am a director of DH's growing business (which covers my stamp) and my professional experience makes me a useful sounding board for all the discussions he doesn't choose to have with employees. I also administer the business pension plan, and our family pension plan and do the legal/compliance/investment aspects of it all with accountants and lawyers. DC is at uni and we have elderly relatives who occasionally need interventions. The family admin, shopping, catering, entertaining and project management land at my door, plus I am responsible for health/vet care arrangements and walk our ageing dog five days a week. I read, walk and do Pilates for fun, and the last six months have seen me visiting the local hospital for breast cancer treatment.

I am the oil in the machine that keeps the cogs moving smoothly. It might be a delivery to a client 200 miles away one day, or a presentation the next, but my input helps keep the machine rolling along.

MissMaple82 · 02/02/2022 20:20

@dworky - because they are out earning a wage and don't have the time to do it, or don't want to do it after working all day. It's not a full time job but when working a full time job it's a few hours you can do without!

Notimeforaname · 02/02/2022 20:24

dusting and polishing Tuesday
That takes you up to 9.30am, perhaps 10am if you’ve had a lie-in

Oh you can drag something like that out for hours. Dust a bit,make a cuppa, dust a bit,answer a few texts, search for a video to dust to, get distracted watching videos, finish dusting.

I've no kids and its my day off today. Got up at 11.15 and arsed around the kitchen til 4pm. I made a soup. And put a wash on in that time🤣 .

SleepingStandingUp · 02/02/2022 20:25

@MissMaple82

Sheer laziness when no kids involved, there's only so much housework and cooking you can do. I highly doubt they are working theor arses off cooking amd cleaning all week, week in week out!
So what? What is wrong with spending some time doing that and some time watching Netflix, going to the gym, seeing friends, volunteering, studying. Why if yo u don't fill every hour with paid employment are you unworthy of respect?
ClariceQuiff · 02/02/2022 20:25

@MissMaple82

Sheer laziness when no kids involved, there's only so much housework and cooking you can do. I highly doubt they are working theor arses off cooking amd cleaning all week, week in week out!
What's wrong with being lazy? It doesn't harm anyone.
Tittyfilarious81 · 02/02/2022 20:26

@HelloFrostyMorning spot on 👏

Abigail12345654321 · 02/02/2022 20:53

@Boood

If “running a household” was genuinely anything even approaching a full-time commitment, then households where everyone worked full time would not be able to cope. They would be walking around unfed, in dirty clothes, permanently terrified because nobody had time to renew the insurance. This is patently not the case.
When both people work full time they spend their evenings and weekends managing the household between them. And/or have a gardener, cleaner and so forth.

Maintaining a house can easily be a full time job for one person, leaving them both to spend evenings and weekends enjoying leisure time.

Think of all the jobs that get done during annual leave - spring cleaning, sorting attics and garages, gardening and so forth. All done Monday - Friday so the one in paid work doesn’t need to do any of it or even think about household administration and maintenance, as that’s all done too.

Maybe more couples should work 2-3 days a week each in paid work. Make time to stop and smell the roses!

So many bitter jealous women on this thread. Maybe they think the women who get this life are loved more or something. And are determined to convince themselves those women are really oppressed and unsatisfied with their lot in life. Sad really.

XingMing · 02/02/2022 20:55

I stopped working when my work no longer commanded the same money, to generate the same earnings in another role. It only looks unpaid.

Furbulousnous · 02/02/2022 21:01

'But you wouldn’t have ‘nothing to do’.

You would run the household'

With just two adults in the house? What's to run? I mean, sure I could maybe fill my day but Christ it would be boring after a while.

Boood · 02/02/2022 21:06

So many bitter jealous women on this thread. Maybe they think the women who get this life are loved more or something. And are determined to convince themselves those women are really oppressed and unsatisfied with their lot in life. Sad really.

No, I’m sure many of them are perfectly satisfied. As are people who finance their spending by building up debt they can’t service. I’m sure on a day to day basis it’s a fluffier, lovelier, more appealing existence than mine. I just don’t think it is an admirable approach to life, or a sensible one. You are relying on other people to give you a free pass. You’re relying on them doing something for you that you aren’t willing or able to do for yourself.

Look, if nobody ever posted on here that the man they’d placed their blind trust in to support them had walked out/failed/fucked them over, you’d have a point. But they do post that, all the time.

Blossomtoes · 02/02/2022 21:10

Look, if nobody ever posted on here that the man they’d placed their blind trust in to support them had walked out/failed/fucked them over, you’d have a point. But they do post that, all the time.

Anyone who puts blind trust in someone else is a fool. Women who make this work don’t do that.

Abigail12345654321 · 02/02/2022 21:12

@Boood

So many bitter jealous women on this thread. Maybe they think the women who get this life are loved more or something. And are determined to convince themselves those women are really oppressed and unsatisfied with their lot in life. Sad really.

No, I’m sure many of them are perfectly satisfied. As are people who finance their spending by building up debt they can’t service. I’m sure on a day to day basis it’s a fluffier, lovelier, more appealing existence than mine. I just don’t think it is an admirable approach to life, or a sensible one. You are relying on other people to give you a free pass. You’re relying on them doing something for you that you aren’t willing or able to do for yourself.

Look, if nobody ever posted on here that the man they’d placed their blind trust in to support them had walked out/failed/fucked them over, you’d have a point. But they do post that, all the time.

I’m not talking about blind faith. I’m talking about a couple very sensibly deciding what lifestyle they want and how they wish to divide their labour.

Who said anything about a ‘free pass’? Everyone in my scenario is contributing 40 hours of labour a week. Or an equal but lesser amount each. Paid or unpaid.

101jobs · 02/02/2022 21:21

I would love it. Really wish I didn’t have to go to work

BoredZelda · 02/02/2022 21:23

My dad did not work in the conventional sense, he collected rent. My mum did not resent my father.

Because he had his own income. That's not the situation I was talking about, clearly.

shinynewapple22 · 02/02/2022 21:53

[quote AllThePogs]@amprev I have been talking about friends and acquaintances who have retired early. People can obviously do what they want. When I was younger I would have posted on this thread saying I would love to leave work and bumble about at home. But the reality I have seen is it ages people.
I don't want to become old before my time. The early retired people who don't do this are those studying, volunteering, or taking on another challenge. So it is not about paid work. But it is about doing something challenging that keeps your brain taxed.[/quote]

I have to agree with you @AllThePogs from my experience with my DH who took unplanned early retirement during lockdown - not the best time for it - and he really doesn't do anything ! Previously I would have been like you and been really looking forward to retirement - but I don't want to feel I'm wasting the rest of my life . I agree about the slowing down - I am now working part time from home and now a few tasks I would have done in a couple of hours on my day off get spread out throughout the week. I absolutely will need to have firm plans in place for a couple of days a week before I stop work.

mizzo · 02/02/2022 21:55

@Divebar2021

And if my husband did decide to leave I still would be fine not working.. because guess what. I have safeguards in place for that

Can anyone enlighten me on what the safeguards are in place in the event of your spouse buggering off? Is it investments or a savings account or similar. Not a dig… I’m just curious how you can still support yourself in event of the source of income being switched off.

For me it's a combination of property, savings and investments in my name.
seasonalsnowflake · 02/02/2022 22:01

[quote Treesandsheepeverywhere]@seasonalsnowflake.
I now have kids and a proper job
On top of all the generalisation and stereotyping, are the people doing the jobs you used to do like the gardening, not doing a 'proper' job....[/quote]
Yeah... well done, that was kind of my point. Of course they are proper jobs. Bloody knackering ones at that. I was going to put proper in inverted commas to emphasise the sarcasm, but I decided not to because last time I did that someone had a pop at me for it Grin

Gotta love the keyboard warriors.

buzzy06 · 02/02/2022 22:31

@MissMaple82

Sheer laziness when no kids involved, there's only so much housework and cooking you can do. I highly doubt they are working theor arses off cooking amd cleaning all week, week in week out!

Fun? Is that allowed?!

buzzy06 · 02/02/2022 22:34

@Blossomtoes

Look, if nobody ever posted on here that the man they’d placed their blind trust in to support them had walked out/failed/fucked them over, you’d have a point. But they do post that, all the time.

Anyone who puts blind trust in someone else is a fool. Women who make this work don’t do that.

Yeah, I'm after if this I'm argument against all relationships, if you think being with a man is blind trust. Producing children with a man makes you a hypocrite- you've made yourself vulnerable, see!

You can be well educated and have skills whilst being at home. Presumably such women have worked previously.