To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

I must say this all sounds lovely and I for one wouldn’t mind if I could work less. But in families like this what do you do if other partner wants to do the same? Are they allowed to quit their job and start learning new languages, experiment in kitchen and go to the gym every day? And clean of course, unless you have a cleaner.

@Blossomtoes

I think having done that all my life I would look back and think "what a waste". I watched my mother do exactly this. I can only speak for myself but I stand by this.

To Have Succeeded

To laugh often and love much:
To win respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children;
To earn the approbation of honest critics
And endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To give one's self;
To leave the world a little better,
Whether by a healthy child,
A garden patch,
Or redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm
And sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived...
This is to have succeeded.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every time I read that I think of my mum who stayed at home for 60 years. That doesn’t look like a waste to me.

This is so beautiful made me a bit teary

There is also an attitude, as I pointed out at the beginning that cooking, cleaning, laundry etc only counts as work or contributing to the household if you have children.

I think it's work either way but if it's just for two adults then it's very, very part-time work.

I’d call it being unemployed with no financial security. There’s literally the good will of one man between you and poverty.

@namechangetheworld

I'd love to be a housewife. I currently work two days and that's two days too many. Some of you must seriously be lacking in imagination if you can't think of anything better you could fill your time with than sitting in the office all day. The possibilities are endless! Doubt there are many people who look back on their life and wish they had spent more time at work.

They might wish they had a pension though

They might wish they had a pension though

You don't have to work to have a pension. I imagine any couple who are financially comfortable enough to have one person at home full time are capable of setting up a private pension.

I just can’t fathom why anyone would want this. I’d be bored shitless.

I spent over 40 years being bored shitless working. Now I can't find a job - and if it wasn't for the fact that I need the money I don't actually want a job, and am I never bored!

@namechangetheworld

*They might wish they had a pension though*

You don't have to work to have a pension. I imagine any couple who are financially comfortable enough to have one person at home full time are capable of setting up a private pension.

This. My parents had a very comfortable retirement, which lasted 37 years, despite my mum staying at home for decades.

My parents had a very comfortable retirement, which lasted 37 years, despite my mum staying at home for decades.

I expect one income went further in those days than it does now.

I wish!!! :)

I’m sure it did. We were discussing pensions and the possibility of retiring on just one.

One income didn't go further for most people. But some traditionally middle-class jobs are now paid less e.g. bank manager as more has become automated.

People act like having hobbies and volunteering isn't a thing. Those who've been able to stay home are lucky and clearly there are lots here green with envy!

Also great quote from @Blossomtoes :)

@Blossomtoes

I’m sure it did. We were discussing pensions and the possibility of retiring on just one.

And you were discussing a time when that was so much more possible than it is now that it might as well have been another planet.

Not doing a paid job and instead volunteering or doing hobbies is great. I don't know why anyone would criticise that.

And you were discussing a time when that was so much more possible than it is now that it might as well have been another planet.

Have you read the thread title, by any chance? Or any of the posts from women who don’t work outside the home?

@DrSbaitso

My parents had a very comfortable retirement, which lasted 37 years, despite my mum staying at home for decades.

I expect one income went further in those days than it does now.

Depends on the single income in question. In instances where there are no kids and the woman is choosing to stay home, it’s likely to be rather high.

And if my husband did decide to leave I still would be fine not working.. because guess what. I have safeguards in place for that

Can anyone enlighten me on what the safeguards are in place in the event of your spouse buggering off? Is it investments or a savings account or similar. Not a dig… I’m just curious how you can still support yourself in event of the source of income being switched off.

@Blossomtoes

And you were discussing a time when that was so much more possible than it is now that it might as well have been another planet.

Have you read the thread title, by any chance? Or any of the posts from women who don’t work outside the home?

I have, thanks for asking. And I'm making the point that the fact that your parents had a great retirement on one income is completely irrelevant to the vast majority of people living decades later in a time when life is generally priced around two incomes. It's blindingly obvious and a very fitting response to someone saying "ooh, my parents did really well on this 40 years ago when a house cost three times one man's income". You seem surprised by it, for some reason.

But I'm not interested in derailing the thread over it. It's been prickly enough.

If either one of us earned crazy money then the other one wouldn’t do paid work.

I would probably spend my time doing yoga, running or volunteering and DH would probably get into woodwork and tinkering with steam trains or some other volunteer work.
That with a bit of housework and getting a dog and some chickens would probably be quite time consuming

I know I'd manage and no way would I be bored. I'd read much more news, articles, books. I'd exercise more, I'd book and plan intresting meals. I'd visit exhibitions. In addition to keeping house. I don't think I could give up my cleaner but I'd keep on top of everything else. And my DP could just do his job rather than helping eith housework. I'm sure we'd both like it.

I think very few people have the mindset/temperament to really thrive with endless leisure time. People tend to either end up recreating work in their own way - rigid schedules even though there's no need, filling their day with work-like activities like volunteering, joining committees, taking on caring duties, which is great if those things are more fulfilling than work but often they seem to have a lot of the same downsides as work without the pay or recognition - or they end up in a 'making mountains out of molehills' mindset where every little task becomes a drama and a stress (the 'the less you do the more you feel able to do' phenomenon, which I think is actually akin to a kind of a depression). You see both of those a lot in retired people. There are definitely people who can avoid both traps and I admire them - I'm not one myself, my mental health has declined rapidly at times where I've had too much (for me) totally free time.

@MarshmallowSwede

I find the “but what if he leaves you” mode for justifying why women should work as stupid. So what if he does leave… do people assume women don’t know how to legally protect their interests in a marriage?

You assume all married women don’t have safeguards in place for this? And if my husband did decide to leave I still would be fine not working.. because guess what. I have safeguards in place for that.

It’s extremely sexist to assume women are mindless and can’t look after ourselves if the man leaves. Men leave all the time. I still don’t want to work and so in a few weeks I’m leaving. I’m not going to do something I don’t want to do because he “might leave”. Ok. I’ll help him pack and I’ll still expect the house and living expenses to be covered. Because that’s how legally protected and financial interests work in marriage.. safeguards.

A man leaving doesn’t scare me enough to work to prove a point. I would have left work a long time ago but as we were living abroad I felt it was a good way to get out of the house. And some of us no matter how high our salary, do not place our sole identity and value to society on working.

On my deathbed no one from my company will be there to hold my hand. Not a single colleague will be there when I cross over. I won’t feel bad for not placing too much weight on paid labour I’m doing for someone else. It’s reciprocal and I can opt out any time.

If a woman wants to work and place her value on that then go for it. My issue is the judgement towards other women who choose not to do this.

As usual it’s always other women coming down on the heads of women who aren’t doing what they feel like is the “feminist ideal” way of doing things.

People work for money. Your self identity should be tied into who you are as a person and being a good person inside. So what you have a “high powered career”. What kind of person are you inside? Are you kind? Do you value nature and others? Are you kind to animals? Are you kind to children?

So much emphasis on something that in the scope of life enables you to buy things, but it does not mean you as a person are a good person. It doesn’t make you a better woman than a woman who stays at home.

Great post!

Ladies who lounge, however they manage to wangle it = more jobs a/v for people who need them, maybe?