To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@thepeopleversuswork And who gets to decide which choices are ‘equal’? You?

Please take this in the spirit it is meant. I, and the majority of other women who are in a position to choose not to work, do not give a shiny shit whether you think we’re ‘developed to our full potential’. It’s bizarre that you believe paid labour is the sole way in which to do that (the close mindedness to which I referred earlier) and it makes me feel a bit sorry for you that your world view is so small.

Have you even thought about what you’re saying? Is working the till at Tesco ‘developing women to their full potential’? Of working in a call centre? No? So, is it only middle class professional careers that women should be aiming for to explore ‘the full extent of their capabilities’? Nothing else will do?

Women fought and died so other women would have the ability to make the choices we have now. Not so that all women could be shamed into ceaseless labour in pursuit of what you consider their full potential.[/quote]
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Well, I'm off out into the garden again, in the sunshine, to do some more digging and transplanting. Do I wish I was at work instead, no, no I don't.

@sanbeiji If you have kids it is different. But this thread was about housewives with no children.
I cook from scratch nearly every day. Yes I don't have a large garden. But unless you could hire someone full time to do all the housework, cooking and gardening in your house and there be enough for them to do, then you are engaging in busywork.
My MIL had an amazing garden. She spent two hours a day in it and grew most of the veg she used and had chickens. She had a large garden and it was better than many gardens I pay to visit, although on a smaller scale. She also did all the housework, cooking and helped run the farm.

@DickMabutt73962

Feminism is for all women and don't bring the "mostly white, middle class" trope to bear. If you want an example of the archetype of white middle class motherhood, its being supported by your husband while you "potter" or volunteer or whatever.

Try not chucking out hoary old stereotypes and playing the class and race cards, if you don't want them thrown back in your face.

It's hardly ben thrown back in my face. As a black woman (in a domestic role, might I add, definitely not MC) I've been rolling my eyes at the references on this thread harking back to the times when women didn't work and what an effect it had on them and how fulfilling work is...when black women and working class women ALWAYS worked. The feminist movement wasn't a movement for us.

But I also know better than to expect an understanding of my experiences and point of view.

Except that even something as basic as watching Made in Dagenham shows how feminism was equally a movement for working class women as for middle class ones.

Equal pay for equal work is for all women, not just middle class ones. The women who were paid less than the men for work of equal value, when they were working to support their families and not just for pin money, were as important to the feminist movement (and drove the feminist movement) as those who wanted to enter the workplace from which they'd been excluded.

Based on what some seem to believe, here, my life is empty, meaningless, and dull. I'm essentially an unfulfilled parasite who must have some serious problem, whether it's poor mental health or simple laziness. My husband must resent "supporting" me, treat me like a possession/unpaid servant, or be on the verge of finding a younger model to impregnate.

The reality is that I'm busy and happy with my lot in life. I'm satisfied, I love the freedom, and I am feel fulfilled. My husband appreciates what I do and is happy with our arrangement. Or lives aren't perfect, and that's not a realistic expectation, but we seem to be as happy as or happier than most couples I know where both work FT.

I do wish I felt less judged by most of the world for not having traditional employment outside the home, but it doesn't bother me enough to change my lifestyle.

@Furries that was a pretty nasty personal comment directed at me. Why do you feel the need to behave in that way?

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.

Sounds incredibly boring

@ScreamingBeans Thank you! I am working class and a feminist activist. My mum who worked all her life in jobs that some on here obviously look down on, helped set up our local women's refuge.
Feminism was never about only middle-class women, just they are the only women the media feature and that plenty of middle-class people notice. Nobody outside noticed what the women in the very rough area I grew up in, were doing.

I am particularly angry at the denigration of working on the tills as a cashier. It is not an easy job, and especially not easy to do well.

Good thing we’re not all the same, isn’t it @Greydove28? It sounds a lot less boring than some of the jobs I’ve had.

God. It would be brilliant.

[quote AllThePogs]@Furries that was a pretty nasty personal comment directed at me. Why do you feel the need to behave in that way?[/quote]
I didn’t think it was nasty, but I was pointing out I found it weird that, even when someone countered your viewpoint with a real life example, you still then gave your opinion that that person had still maybe aged before their time.

Would be a bit difficult to say that without quoting you! And I do find it a strange and fixed viewpoint to have - you’re applying it across the board, hence I wouldn’t like to have that view on life.

I agree with others who have said it short and simple - if someone is happy with the choices they’ve made and how their days are filled, then good luck to them and long may it continue (whether you’re working, studying, running a household or just walking a dog).

mesanniearebrannies
You’re so right, I don’t care what anyone says and the insinuation that I’m going to be destitute if my husband leaves me (which made me giggle,as he knows how lucky he is) just shows how it’s been driven into women that being a Mum/housewife isn’t enough.

I would like this. Husband and I both work FT but current plan is for me to retire in next few years (am early 40s). No kids, mortgage paid off and I have sufficient funds to not have to rely on "handouts", and sufficient imagination and drive to not be "bored shitless"

@MarshmallowSwede

I love how women think the only thing worthy is working outside of the home.

Yet our grandmothers and great grandmothers (some of them, many of them) were housewives and I’m pretty sure they were not bored.

I personally think a huge scam has been run now women.

We work outside of the home and still do most, if not all the house work and chidcare.

So on top of doing everything women already did.. we know need a high powered career, need to have sex like a porn star, still do most of the house work and childcare.. and we must love it.

How is that beneficial for women? I would love to know.. men have made out like bandits. Women working and paying half, and they still do less than half the work, free sex everywhere and porn on demand. And woman are actually happy to not have men pay for anything at that? We lost any benefits from feminism in whatever wave women decided working and being a super woman was the only way to “woman” correctly.

I have a career.. a pretty great one and I earn 6 figures as does my husband. But I’m counting the days until I can “retire”. I hate working and it’s overrated.

And I feel absolutely no shame about my husband taking care of me because… newsflash. He’s my husband and he should want to take care of his family. And he was aware I wanted to be a housewife before we married and I can’t wait for that.

I’m over this women breaking the glass ceiling and being able to do it all.. men don’t even attempt to try to do it all. But yet we must.

Very well put.

One thing that Mumsnet has taught me is you will be judged regardless. With the exception of DH, no one fully knows what I get up to day to day. That suits me just fine!

I would dislike being a housewife. I like my job. But I’d love to do it part time. Properly part time, not part time to do childcare cosss zero jobs get done with a chaotic toddler 😂

I don’t get why woman see housework etc as their job. Get your OH to become a team. We split everything in this house. He food shops, cooks, cleans the kitchen & hoovers. I do the washing, clean everywhere & I largely deal with life admin such as bills & sorting out kids activities etc. I do the morning school run, he picks up from after school club. We are a complete team. I never feel like I have to be a superwoman & juggle everything cos we make sure we support each other. We earn almost identical salaries & do a very similar job .. I guess maybe the power balance in that sense is also very equal, perhaps that helps 🤷🏼‍♀️

People saying they don't understand and would be 'bored shitless' why?

I don't understand why anyone would want a 9-5 office job and I would be bored shitless doing dull repetitive menial tasks to raise money for someone else... my mother has an opposite view to me and laments why I don't have a 'real' job.

I know so many people who are in jobs they hate but would never leave because they seem to think having a job (any job) is the only way to be a worthwhile part of society and that makes me sad.

I was a SAHM for a few years and that spare time allowed me to go to uni + take interests I had from a hobby to a part-time business.

I can set my own hours, take holiday whenever the hell I want, my kids always come first so I don't have to worry about childcare costs, I only have to do 1-2 jobs a month to make a full-time wage (and money made isn't going to a boss somewhere) and I'm doing what I enjoy.

I spend 98% of my time at home and have never felt 'bored shitless' just from not having a traditional career path and even before my business was set up there was plenty to do (the thing my working friends claim they wish they could do but bar a restricting job nothing stops them from doing).

Nothing beats being able to spontaneously do whatever you want when it takes your fancy without having to ask permission or beg for a day off.

There is also no porn on demand going on here.. I love my husband. Sex is very much mutual when we both want it & listening to what each other wants.

Weird view of feminism that women are some kinda porn stars .. surely most people are having sex for fun & love. Not cos they have too or have to behave a certain way. You are def with the wrong person if you feel you have to live up to a certain ideal!

@Imyourvenus

I just can’t fathom why anyone would want this. I’d be bored shitless.

The people I know who don’t work (and never really have), and don’t have DC, don’t volunteer etc are pretty rare and are all people with very high earning partners so they have the money to outsource the boring stuff and to pay to do lots of interesting things. If my life was child free and work free it would be really boring because my version of housewifery would be having to do all the boring stuff and I would definitely not have the money to develop many interests and have a good social life, and all my contemporaries work in some capacity so I would probably have a lonely time. It depends what the reality of it would be for you @crochetmonkey74.

I do sometimes dream about it after a really shite day at work but I know it would be bad for me and I would sink if my time was unstructured and in reality I would procrastinate like mad over boring stuff. I’m much better off (psychologically) with the structure of work and, of course, the salary. The idea of being 100% dependant on someone else is a really uncomfortable idea to me.

You aren’t just a housewife are you though @mam0918 - you’ve been to uni, gained skills, run a business & do a few jobs a month.. that’s why you are not bored. Your life has purpose, you have skills & you use them to earn a living. You also have kids so there is life admin that comes with that, which in my experience could be a full time job 😂

Here we are talking about housewives with no kids & no jobs. Literally just at home being a ‘homemaker’ .. very different to you!

@Boood

Honestly, I think anyone who chooses to fanny about “managing the household” while their partner works full time is lazy, spoilt and slightly inadequate. You can paint it how you like, the plain fact is that you aren’t even trying to contribute to keeping a roof over your head, and I personally would find that a bit shameful.

Shoot me but I agree with this.

I can totally understand choosing not to work to raise small children, or if you are chronically ill or depressed or if you are lucky enough to be able to afford to pursue a hobby or interest or studying or volunteering.

But "managing a household" is not a lifetime's vocation I would want or envy.

@Boood work is extremely inefficient in generating an income. Granted that its less risky! Forgot who said this, but if you can't figure out how to generate income as you sleep, you would be working forever. If the person at home had investments which meant that money was coming in, would you still say the same thing? But with or without investments, that wouldn't really influence how the stay at home partner spends his or her day?

@Boood

Honestly, I think anyone who chooses to fanny about “managing the household” while their partner works full time is lazy, spoilt and slightly inadequate. You can paint it how you like, the plain fact is that you aren’t even trying to contribute to keeping a roof over your head, and I personally would find that a bit shameful.

It is simply untrue that someone doing the work of keeping a home isn't 'even trying to contribute'.

godmum puts it very well:
'I contributed to OUR income by enabling him to do a high pressure long hours high paying job.'
There is this pernicious attitude that only paid work 'contributes'. It's just wrong-headed. And sexist, as much of this kind of work is basically gendered female. And illogical; I've already said this, but
people quite routinely pay strangers to provide e.g. cleaning, food, laundry, holiday-sorting, social plans etc. So why if a female partner/spouse does the same is it dismissed as not really contributing?

And sexist, as much of this kind of work is basically gendered female

As is staying at home (when you have no children, caring responsiblilites, etc) to ‘manage the household’ and relying on another adult for money - which is overwhelmingly something women do. Men who do this tend to be called cock lodgers on here.