To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

This is me OP, I'm not working and we have no kids. The women in my family worked full time and I was expected to do the same but I had a series of breakdowns starting in my teens and was diagnosed with treatment-resistent depression. I intended to get back to work but didn't, met dh in my late 30s, he works very long hours and appreciates what I do. When I was well I had worked in a number of stressful and low-paid positions so there wasn't the incentive to return to a rewarding career iyswim.

I'm very lucky and while my life isn't what I expected or would have planned I enjoy it. I'm not busy and stimulated all the time and wouldn't want to be. I'm introverted (only child) so I like having time alone (somewhat scuppered now by covid and dh wfh). We have dogs and a small second home near my in laws. I'm able to help out when our parents need us. I'm not an especially great housekeeper but I keep it ticking over and I cook a lot.

Socially it can be isolating. It seems like people often don't know what to say to me because they're so used to talking about work. Ideally I'd like to meet a friend for a walk and a coffee a couple of times a week, but I don't know many people who are home in the day. Dh and I are very close, which is a constant source of wonder to me as there were so many failed and miserable marriages on both sides of my family.

I have two friends who are in the same position, a man and a woman, both married to high-earning men, both have second homes. One of the partners (the one who works) became disabled in middle age and while he doesn't require a carer as such I think having a partner at home has been very helpful in easing them both into the transition.

ClariceQuiff my dh is that age.. he works 2 days in an supermarket. They seem to positively reqruit that age.

I have a family member like this. She married a very high earner and gave up work some years ago in her early 50s. Her days consisted of cleaning the (very lovely) house and doing the garden - no hobbies, no friends of her own, no voluntary work, nothing. She would wave him off on a Sunday night or Monday morning, and then collect him from the airport on a Friday night. She is totally dependent on him for her income and lifestyle - not what I'd want.

I would do this in a heartbeat if our finances allowed it, and DH has always said he would be happy with it too, if his income was enough to support us financially. Right now it's not, and we still have a big mortgage, so it's a total pipe dream.

I've worked full time in demanding jobs for over 30 years, left school and started work young. Never went to Uni, never had a gap year, never had kids/mat leave, never had any long term sick, never had a significant gap between jobs. Just work work work.

Being at home all day with time to keep the house nice, baking, cooking, homemaking, dog walking, exercising, volunteering, doing hobbies, learning new skills.......DH wouldn't have to lift a finger round the house, and I would be perfectly happy with that! It's likely I will retire quite a bit younger than him as I'm older and have much better pension provision, and I fully intend to embrace my inner housewife when that happens!

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.

At the same time I know one of these and on the outside this is the case but I know she has been is hospital with her mental health many a time and I wonder if this lifestyle is connected. We are 35 and she gave up work about 7 years ago. I just can't even fathom it. I think I would age quickly!

I know someone who has been a housewife with no kids since her twenties. You wouldn't know if you didn't know her well, but she has also had serious mental health problems. Disabilities, and that includes mental health, can mean work is too difficult for some people. No point making yourself ill if you can afford to lead a quieter life.

I love how women think the only thing worthy is working outside of the home.

Yet our grandmothers and great grandmothers (some of them, many of them) were housewives and I’m pretty sure they were not bored.

I personally think a huge scam has been run now women.

We work outside of the home and still do most, if not all the house work and chidcare.

So on top of doing everything women already did.. we know need a high powered career, need to have sex like a porn star, still do most of the house work and childcare.. and we must love it.

How is that beneficial for women? I would love to know.. men have made out like bandits. Women working and paying half, and they still do less than half the work, free sex everywhere and porn on demand. And woman are actually happy to not have men pay for anything at that? We lost any benefits from feminism in whatever wave women decided working and being a super woman was the only way to “woman” correctly.

I have a career.. a pretty great one and I earn 6 figures as does my husband. But I’m counting the days until I can “retire”. I hate working and it’s overrated.

And I feel absolutely no shame about my husband taking care of me because… newsflash. He’s my husband and he should want to take care of his family. And he was aware I wanted to be a housewife before we married and I can’t wait for that.

I’m over this women breaking the glass ceiling and being able to do it all.. men don’t even attempt to try to do it all. But yet we must.

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@thepeopleversuswork And who gets to decide which choices are ‘equal’? You?

Please take this in the spirit it is meant. I, and the majority of other women who are in a position to choose not to work, do not give a shiny shit whether you think we’re ‘developed to our full potential’. It’s bizarre that you believe paid labour is the sole way in which to do that (the close mindedness to which I referred earlier) and it makes me feel a bit sorry for you that your world view is so small.

Have you even thought about what you’re saying? Is working the till at Tesco ‘developing women to their full potential’? Of working in a call centre? No? So, is it only middle class professional careers that women should be aiming for to explore ‘the full extent of their capabilities’? Nothing else will do?

Women fought and died so other women would have the ability to make the choices we have now. Not so that all women could be shamed into ceaseless labour in pursuit of what you consider their full potential.[/quote]
yup this.....but also I didn't choose my husband for the lifestyle. When we met we were both council house 11+ passers who had parents who wanted better for their kids than they had. His career took off in ways we couldn't have imagined (and he wasn't sure he wanted) and at every step of the way, we discussed what would be best for US , what would get us to where we wanted to be.

I was a housewife before I became pregnant with DD1, and now I'm a SAHM.

I would do all household chores, household admin, DH's admin as he's rubbish at it, cook from scratch, lots of baking, go for lunch with friends or relatives, go shopping.
I also did fundraising and planned charity events and helped DH with his fundraising work for a charity he is on the board of. And DH gives me £500 per month for my own spending, not for household or DD related things.

I enjoyed it as I could get things done in my own time, I was spending my weekends doing housework, my weekends were free to be spent with DH or friends as real free time. It gave me the luxury of time and that's probably what I enjoyed (and now miss) the most

Have you even thought about what you’re saying? Is working the till at Tesco ‘developing women to their full potential’? Of working in a call centre? No? So, is it only middle class professional careers that women should be aiming for to explore ‘the full extent of their capabilities’? Nothing else will do?

That's exactly the tone I got from the PP as well. Once again shining a light on the fact that 'feminism', as expressed by Mumsnet, is a very narrow lens seen through the eyes of middle class mostly white women

@seasonalsnowflake.
I now have kids and a proper job
On top of all the generalisation and stereotyping, are the people doing the jobs you used to do like the gardening, not doing a 'proper' job....

@WonderfulYou

I would hate this! You are essentially a maid.

I would rather be in a position where we can both work PT and actually hire a maid and have hobbies and travel together.

There’s a big difference between having your partner pay for everything and say winning the lottery so you don’t have to work.

Do people not feel guilty that their partners are doing 40 hour+ weeks and they’re going for lunch!?

I don't feel guilty because my DH isn't doing 40+ hour weeks and hasn't since before I became a housewife

@MarshmallowSwede

I love how women think the only thing worthy is working outside of the home.

Yet our grandmothers and great grandmothers (some of them, many of them) were housewives and I’m pretty sure they were not bored.

I personally think a huge scam has been run now women.

We work outside of the home and still do most, if not all the house work and chidcare.

So on top of doing everything women already did.. we know need a high powered career, need to have sex like a porn star, still do most of the house work and childcare.. and we must love it.

How is that beneficial for women? I would love to know.. men have made out like bandits. Women working and paying half, and they still do less than half the work, free sex everywhere and porn on demand. And woman are actually happy to not have men pay for anything at that? We lost any benefits from feminism in whatever wave women decided working and being a super woman was the only way to “woman” correctly.

I have a career.. a pretty great one and I earn 6 figures as does my husband. But I’m counting the days until I can “retire”. I hate working and it’s overrated.

And I feel absolutely no shame about my husband taking care of me because… newsflash. He’s my husband and he should want to take care of his family. And he was aware I wanted to be a housewife before we married and I can’t wait for that.

I’m over this women breaking the glass ceiling and being able to do it all.. men don’t even attempt to try to do it all. But yet we must.

My Mum, rest her soul, used to say that Feminism really fucked women over.

I'd have liked this, but more in a homestead sense, with children, animals, vegetable garden, land to care for. Sharing out earning an income and tending the croft between us, as preferred or practical. Sadly not to be!

Interesting though, reading this thread, I realise this is how I understand relationships. If I'm working full-time and doing most everything at home too, then I really don't see the appeal of cluttering up the space with a partner! But if we're a team, sharing out the tasks between us, it makes more sense.

My Mum, rest her soul, used to say that Feminism really fucked women over.

I know, we were doing so well before it came along. Guess it's always going to be our fault!

@DickMabutt73962

Have you even thought about what you’re saying? Is working the till at Tesco ‘developing women to their full potential’? Of working in a call centre? No? So, is it only middle class professional careers that women should be aiming for to explore ‘the full extent of their capabilities’? Nothing else will do?

That's exactly the tone I got from the PP as well. Once again shining a light on the fact that 'feminism', as expressed by Mumsnet, is a very narrow lens seen through the eyes of middle class mostly white women

Honestly, this is pretty derogatory of working-class women. I have a job that is not well paid and that some of you would look down on. Yes, I have developed skills. Developing your potential isn't always about becoming a high flying barrister. There are real skills that people develop in the jobs you look down on.

[quote Treesandsheepeverywhere]@seasonalsnowflake.
I now have kids and a proper job
On top of all the generalisation and stereotyping, are the people doing the jobs you used to do like the gardening, not doing a 'proper' job....[/quote]
Gardening and housework are proper jobs. But nobody would hire a cleaner and gardener 35 hours a week, for an ordinary house. The point is that it does not take as long as some people make out. Unless you engage in busywork.

@DickMabutt73962

Have you even thought about what you’re saying? Is working the till at Tesco ‘developing women to their full potential’? Of working in a call centre? No? So, is it only middle class professional careers that women should be aiming for to explore ‘the full extent of their capabilities’? Nothing else will do?

That's exactly the tone I got from the PP as well. Once again shining a light on the fact that 'feminism', as expressed by Mumsnet, is a very narrow lens seen through the eyes of middle class mostly white women

This is pure projection and incredibly patronising. If you think that there's something wrong with working at Tesco that's on you, not me.

Feminism is for all women and don't bring the "mostly white, middle class" trope to bear. If you want an example of the archetype of white middle class motherhood, its being supported by your husband while you "potter" or volunteer or whatever.

Try not chucking out hoary old stereotypes and playing the class and race cards, if you don't want them thrown back in your face.

Haven’t RTFT but a lot of jealousy on this thread!
Not working would be my dream life.
I don’t dislike work, just the dependency on arse licking.
Cooking, reading, volunteering etc so much to be done!

However as a higher earning woman I wouldn’t want to fund a DP enjoying himself at my expense. I wouldn’t judge anybody, if they’re lucky enough to marry someone happy to support them it’s their good fortune.

Just like it’s mine to be in the U.K., healthy and intelligent enough to get a highly paid job.

Just life really

[quote AllThePogs]@HelloFrostyMorning I would never say anything to anyone. It is none of my business. I would just say, oh how lovely.
But yes her life does sound boring. Maybe she was always older than her years so she doesn't seem to have aged? Or maybe she is an exception?
But I would always advise someone thinking of retiring early unless they are ill or a carer, to make sure they have an interest or passion to retire into. Netflix and walks with the dog is not enough for most people to stop them getting old before their time. Unless you don't mind that of course.[/quote]
Of all the posts on here, your posts have stood out the most. You seem to just keep repeating yourself and, when someone comes up with an opposing real life example, you find a way to impose your viewpoint on how that person must really be!

Out of all the posts on here - some I agree with, some I don’t - your outlook is the one I’d like to have least.

@MarshmallowSwede main thing is financial independence, i suppose. The divorce rate is much higher not because we are much worse at picking romantic partners but because more women find it financially viable to do so. I would always want to work because its an insurance option for me. I don't want to rely on my inheritance or my husband or even necessarily a life insurance policy because there are a lot of variables in that- husband leaving you; inheritance being left to the dogs home, life insurance payout eroded by inflation etc. A career and regular income are much better bets than that imho. My dad had a commercial property portfolio rather than a conventional job but I don't have one or the inclination to acquire one, so I guess I must work!

As for women being overworked, well in the past, most middle class families had maids and live in domestic staff. now we have the minimum wage and society is a lot less unequal so we must do some of the work ourselves. Hopefully we enter into partnerships with men who do their fair share of the work. Most working class women would have had jobs and children and none of the modern conveniences we have today.

@Imyourvenus

I just can’t fathom why anyone would want this. I’d be bored shitless.

Anyone who’d be bored shitless has no imagination. There are plenty of very absorbing and fulfilling things to do that don’t involve being paid for them. I’d have loved it, I’d have been a perennial student.

Feminism is for all women and don't bring the "mostly white, middle class" trope to bear. If you want an example of the archetype of white middle class motherhood, its being supported by your husband while you "potter" or volunteer or whatever.

Try not chucking out hoary old stereotypes and playing the class and race cards, if you don't want them thrown back in your face.

It's hardly ben thrown back in my face. As a black woman (in a domestic role, might I add, definitely not MC) I've been rolling my eyes at the references on this thread harking back to the times when women didn't work and what an effect it had on them and how fulfilling work is...when black women and working class women ALWAYS worked. The feminist movement wasn't a movement for us.

But I also know better than to expect an understanding of my experiences and point of view.

@AllThePogs housework ‘could’ be an FT job depending on the standards of housework!
Working people (especially mums) can’t do it all. Even with a cleaner we still tidy. Batch cooking. It’s not perfect.

However maintaining a large garden, cooking from scratch every day can take up time. I wouldn’t necessarily call it ‘busywork’ (like say washing the bathroom every day) but these things add value.

I have heard of it but probably less so in this day and age. I would see no issue with it myself, if the working partner could afford to provide for both but I'm sure that others would judge.

I am judged for being a sahp/carer and not working - my dc have sen. I literally don't stop some days!