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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

999 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 02/02/2022 07:28

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

OP posts:
AllThePogs · 02/02/2022 10:35

@crochetmonkey74

You'd basically fill your time with leisure, why dress it up that you have some sort of of job, looking after the house isn't really a job

For you it isn't, but for some people like my mum, it would have been - she liked to deep clean, to redecorate, to keep the garden, wash the curtains, mend things - all big jobs
I think if you like home making jobs- they will take you all day - I am a teacher and in my holidays I often pencil in 'home days' where I deep clean, batch cook, bake etc

Both my partner and i work full time. I like to deep clean, wash my curtains (really does not take much time with a washing machine), cook from scratch, bake. I also have a social life, volunteer and work full-time.

People in this situation slow down. They take ages to do things. I had a friend who is retired in her early sixties come round to help me with some DIY. She drove me bananas as everything was done at a glacial pace with lots of bumbling about.

TatianaBis · 02/02/2022 10:36

@amusedbush why don’t you have a cleaner? 2 incomes no kids - must be possible.

SofiaSoFar · 02/02/2022 10:36

...anyone who says they must be bored can only be jealous.

Why do so many people on MN use 'jealous' as their riposte to disagreements?

It's really unimaginative and feeble.

perhaps borne of lack of mental stimulation due to being under-/un-employed

AllThePogs · 02/02/2022 10:37

@amprev

Have just read some more of the comments here. It’s laughable to me that people assume that the benefits of being in paid work include being more interesting, sociable etc. What about being in paid work making you knackered and boring? Having less time to ponder the world and what you can do to contribute to it other than generating wealth? I think boring people will be boring people whether they work or not. It certainly isn’t the case in my experience that people who work are more dynamic, interesting with amazing conversation. Just as it isn’t the case that people who don’t are always amazing homemakers. So many stereotypes on this thread and a lot of bitterness!
It really isnt bitterness. After seeing how early retirement has aged so many people I know who don't study or volunteer, I would never choose this path. Fine if you are retiring into doing something you always wanted to do. But I don't want to just bumble about and become old before my time. I have seen it happen to too many people.
CounsellorTroi · 02/02/2022 10:38

[quote ChickenStripper]**@CounsellorTroi* what I should have added though is that this is all fine and dandy if you are financially secure. There are many women my age who are suffering from the increased pension age* which was not communicated by the Government who are not in this secure financial situation and have had to work until they are 66 often in menial, physically taxing (at that age) jobs. I have a family member in this situation. Women need to make allowance for pension and staying at home all day certainly isn't one of them.[/quote]
I won’t be eligible for state pension until 67 but am lucky enough to have a decent occupational pension. I know many women are not in this situation. It is probably an unwise decision to not work if you can’t make alternative pension provision but where is the problem if you can?

Pahahahahahahahee · 02/02/2022 10:38

Being a housewife or whatever you wish to call it has been the best job/role in my life so far
I've had jobs that have been rewarding, paid well, carried huge responsibilities etc but being at home has given me and my husband time to enjoy and appreciate what we have
I honestly would be the last person you'd have thought of to stay at home and I would have laughed if anyone had suggested it but I've found my niche and make no apologies for it

HelloFrostyMorning · 02/02/2022 10:40

Errr, it has its up and downs.

HTH.

Tobchette · 02/02/2022 10:41

My sil doesn't work and doesn't have kids. She keeps the home spotless, db has fresh cooked food every evening when he comes home, she does all his washing and ironing. Spends free time doing yoga and some kind of course, like a language or photography course.
They seem super happy that way.
Db has moved so many times over the years for his job. Every time they have to up and leave and she obviously goes with him. Sometimes its every six months. It's going to be really hard for her to get jobs like this when she is in a new place, new language, new everything.
Plus putting up with my db is probably a full time job in itself so no judgment from my side, just a massive bravo.

amprev · 02/02/2022 10:42

@AllThePogs I don’t see how ‘bumbling about’ in retirement is affected by whether or not you have worked in paid employment or unpaid, previously. Some people are happy to bumble, for some it wouldn’t be enough. For you, you don’t want to bumble, others may be entirely fulfilled with a different way of life and have different goals. Competitive productiveness is draining. Maybe some people have their goals as being philosophically content? Maintaining good friendships and relationships? All so judgmental.

chocciechocface · 02/02/2022 10:43

@thepeopleversuswork It was a remark directed at those who specifically have stated on the thread that anyone not in work is boring, implying they are boring because they don't work.

I think your remark that people don't fit in neat boxes is the point I was making, except mine was in relation to people who don't work. Most of my friends don't, because of childcare costs. They're all educated to post graduate level*, and none are boring. The one who does work full-time doesn't have the time to 'think'.

I mention the education only because we've talked about how having advanced research experience makes it difficult to sit around doing nothing. I think we're conditioned to read/research/think/pursue knowledge. This might be specific to my group of friends. But I also am deeply interested in a particular craft, and the time I have with a friend who shares that interest is very stimulating to me. But I can imagine people who think they spend their time more meaningfully would probably scorn this.

I was on the hamster wheel and lockdown was an enriching brilliant time for me, and I valued that way more than the mind-crushing dullness of the work I did.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 02/02/2022 10:43

@crochetmonkey74 You poor thing. You posted what should have been a fairly uncontentious question and awakening the ravening beast of EVERYONE MUST LIVE THE WAY I THINK IS RIGHT that lies beneath the surface of every MN thread. 😂

ChickenStripper · 02/02/2022 10:43

@CounsellorTroi I am agreeing with you. I didn't want people to think that everyone on a State Pension will be able to do so and a work pension is essential. How does a woman get that if she stays at home?

Coconuttts · 02/02/2022 10:44

I know someone who lives like this. She gave up work in 2007, year she got married. She calls herself an artist, but her artwork is a bit "meh" - it's more a hobby. In my opinion, she over compensates for not working; her art, rushing about for little house project (sourcing bathroom tiles took months), driving to the next city for a piece of cloth,...She creates TONS to do.

FelicisNox · 02/02/2022 10:44

Interesting question: I used to think I'd be bored as a housewife but after working full time for 25 years with 6 kids I wouldn't be remotely bored and would be quite happy to live off my husband Grin

thepeopleversuswork · 02/02/2022 10:45

[quote onlychildhamster]@thepeopleversuswork what about people who WFH? They spend all their time at home too! I ask because I am new to this WFH thing (currently going into office twice a week, but not more as I need some time at home to do Zoom job interviews) and I am really unsure about this WFH thing aside from it being handy to job search!

the thing though- paid work doesn't necessarily mean its busier than a volunteer opportunity. Paid work just means that the employer can't find someone to do it for free- perhaps because it requires lots of skills/training or because no one sane would do it for free (a surprising number of high paid jobs fall into this category!)I know retirees who are doing volunteer work- organizing food banks and other services for vulnerable people and they do more than some full time paid workers out there.[/quote]
It's a fair point and I do think WFH has had an impact on people's general cognitive state/wellbeing etc, but that's another topic. But even WFH, communicating on Zoom etc, you're still coming into contact with a broad range of people.

It's also a fair point on volunteering and that's absolutely a valid and interesting thing to do. But that isn't quite what I have in mind when people talk about a "housewife".

Babyroobs · 02/02/2022 10:45

I'm currently between jobs and keeping busy all day with walking our dogs, housework, meal prep etc. I'll probably get bored after a couple of weeks though !

DSGR · 02/02/2022 10:45

Paid work doesn’t have to define you of course. But many of us really enjoy our work and find it fulfilling and would indeed be bored silly with the alternatives suggested.

ChickenStripper · 02/02/2022 10:46

@AllThePogs some people are like that with DIY or other things at any age. Your poor friend.

AllThePogs · 02/02/2022 10:46

@amprev I have been talking about friends and acquaintances who have retired early. People can obviously do what they want. When I was younger I would have posted on this thread saying I would love to leave work and bumble about at home. But the reality I have seen is it ages people.
I don't want to become old before my time. The early retired people who don't do this are those studying, volunteering, or taking on another challenge. So it is not about paid work. But it is about doing something challenging that keeps your brain taxed.

NotNowAlan · 02/02/2022 10:46

Technically I'm a housewife with no (young) children. Ironically I worked all through my DC's childhood, also took a part time degree when they were teenagers. Once the youngest left for uni I decided to take a year off. As our mortgage was finally paid off and we weren't paying school fees anymore we could easily afford it. DH was more than happy with this arrangement - he loves his work (it's his own business) so there was no resentment. That year has now become 3 years and I'm so busy I don't have time to find paid employment. I volunteer for 2 local charities, I have a walking/social group, I write, I sew, I help out with our granddaughter etc etc. Life is good. It's sad to see posters saying they'd be bored if they didn't go out to work. Where's your imagination?

AllThePogs · 02/02/2022 10:47

@ChickenStripper no she did not used to be like that. Why poor friend?
She has slowed down to a glacial pace of life.

ChickenStripper · 02/02/2022 10:47

@Coconuttts

I know someone who lives like this. She gave up work in 2007, year she got married. She calls herself an artist, but her artwork is a bit "meh" - it's more a hobby. In my opinion, she over compensates for not working; her art, rushing about for little house project (sourcing bathroom tiles took months), driving to the next city for a piece of cloth,...She creates TONS to do.
Perhaps you are not getting that is her drive and what excites her is different from yours?
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 02/02/2022 10:48

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@crochetmonkey74 You poor thing. You posted what should have been a fairly uncontentious question and awakening the ravening beast of EVERYONE MUST LIVE THE WAY I THINK IS RIGHT that lies beneath the surface of every MN thread. 😂[/quote]
Hahaha I know- I keep thinking of my lovely mum's little face being disappointed that her love of homemaking as a hobby wasn't enough Smile

I love mumsnet as I am quite isolated and I miss work chat as we don't gather as much since Covid but sometimes it just becomes crazy on here

cue - someone coming on to forensically examine the semantics of my first post and how I brought it on by vocab choice

OP posts:
MeSanniesareBrannies · 02/02/2022 10:48

@DSGR

Paid work doesn’t have to define you of course. But many of us really enjoy our work and find it fulfilling and would indeed be bored silly with the alternatives suggested.
And that’s perfectly fine. However, I don’t think anyone (OP included) is saying women should give up paid employment to be ladies of leisure (particularly if they don’t want to).
AllThePogs · 02/02/2022 10:48

@Babyroobs

I'm currently between jobs and keeping busy all day with walking our dogs, housework, meal prep etc. I'll probably get bored after a couple of weeks though !
A break is enjoyable. But after a year you need more to keep your brain active.