Inspired by another thread. Is accent mocking ever OK ?

[toddymummy]

This one has always bothered me. Being from mixed European heritage, but not having an accent myself- I have found myself the subject of accent/ gesture mocking many times.

It doesn't happen as much anymore as it used to,say 10-15 years ago, but it does occasionally happen.

Is it ever OK ? People mock all kinds of accents- Irish, Scottish, Welsh, French, Italian, German.

It really bugs me, especially if it's done repeatedly and especially if it's done at work.

AIBU ?

This is exactly what people think. I’m interested in this thread because on Saturday in a queue at the airport, DH and I were making small talk with two women also queuing, as you do. Out of nowhere one of them commented on my accent. I don’t live in my region of origin, but have lived where I live now for decades. When she mentioned my accent she said “you’re from x aren’t you, I can tell by your accent”. So random, so rude - we were talking about masks and vax ffs

Baffled as to how this is rude! If she had imitated your accent or mocked it then that would have been rude. Assuming she did neither of those then that's just called 'having a conversation' surely.

@RampantIvy

“you’re from x aren’t you, I can tell by your accent”. So random, so rude

In what way is that rude?

If I was talking to a random stranger at, say, Leeds Bradford airport, and the person I was chatting to asked what part of London I was from I wouldn't find that in the least bit rude. Honestly, asking where someone is from isn't the least bit rude. I'm baffled.

Why would they care though? Does it matter in any way? Does the place where you grow up make you who you are? Or is it the origin of your parents who makes you who you are?

Eg you are white and have a Scottish accent. Does it matter?

You are from asian origin and you have a Scottish accent? What’s the most important do you think? What does the accent from where you grew up or the skin colour say about the person? Does it say anything about who they are, if they are kind, intelligent, whatever else people associate with that.

Would people ever comment on a so called neutral accent? If the person was again let’s say brown would they comment on the neutral accent? (Even though you could argue that said ‘neutral accent’ says just as much as one from Yorkshire or Birmingham about where they are coming from etc…)

Asking about someone’s accent because you are interested about where they are coming from/about them is one thing.
A comment out if the blue about accent is no different than a comment out fo the blue asking a non white person ‘so where you are coming from?’

I think it's not until you're a minority in some way that you really realise what a fucking PITA it is being different, and how relentless it can be being reminded that you're different

I think it's also that people don't realise how tedious it is getting the same comment constantly, even if it isn't offensive, and how self-conscious it can make you feel. I used to have a boyfriend who was 6'8 and there was nothing particularly offensive about someone commenting on his height but it was absolutely constant, everywhere he went, the same witless comments from strangers. Each one individually wasn't being rude but the cumulative effect used to really get him down. It's the same if your accent doesn't 'fit' - even 'harmless' comments aren't fun if it happens everyday everywhere you go.

@ChangingLife yeah, no.

I don't think it's ok to mock anyone about anything to be honest.

Why would they care though

It's just friendly small talk isn't it? It's boring waiting in a slow moving queue, so something like that is an ice breaker. If DH heard an accent that was local to where he came from they might talk about pubs they know it people they know. People don't care. They are just being friendly.

It depends if you're mocking the person you're imitating.

I get quite cross when Essex accents are depicted as being a bit thick, Cockney as a bit dodgy and anything Southern as stuck up.

I would never mock anyone's accent. That isrude.

I've had it and I've just looked at them
Quizzically and asked why they were speaking like that.

Didn't do it again

Asking about someone’s accent because you are interested about where they are coming from/about them is one thing.
A comment out if the blue about accent is no different than a comment out fo the blue asking a non white person ‘so where you are coming from

At what point in the conversation would it be OK to ask someone about their accent? Honestly, you're overthinking it. Unless the person has been rude, racist, mocking or otherwise I would assume they are genuinely interested. I've asked a similar question of others and had it asked of me - it's nice to be interested/interesting and we've discovered connections that way. Otoh, my Dsis mocking and imitating (very badly) my (mild Edinburgh with a smattering of SE England) accent is absolutely not interesting and is plain rude.

Asking about someone’s accent because you are interested about where they are coming from/about them is one thing.
A comment out if the blue about accent is no different than a comment out fo the blue asking a non white person ‘so where you are coming from?’

I think it's very different personally

People ask my other half where she's from all the time. She's Asian. When she says South London they say something along the lines of but where are you really from and that can be pretty offensive. She has a strong South London accent btw. Saying that is saying that people that look like you don't come from here, and she's born and bred, second generation to have been born here.

I have my weird and hard to place accent and it confuses people and people say that I can't be from where I'm saying and yeah technically, they are right as well, I am actually an immigrant, but I don't look like I'm from anywhere else and very few people assume I'm foreign. British people only say that my accent doesn't match where I say I'm from in the UK, but they still think I'm British. to me I can't hear it, but some people obviously do. In my home country I am super aware of how British I sound though

My mum hasn't lived in her birth country for 70 years and still has a very distinctive accent that has barely altered in all that time. Using accents to localise people seems a more reasonable way than race to me

I think a bit of reciprocal banter between friends etc is fine. I'm from Belfast and my friend is from Derry and we wind each other up on the odd occasion. And asking about someone's accent is fine. It's a point of interest and doesn't have to be offensive. These are a world away from mockery though. The sort of mockery where people repeat your words in a, frankly, embarrassingly bad imitation of you and think it's hilarious. Because if you don't speak like them, you're somehow less than/lower than them. And, more to the point, an outsider. These people are bullies.

I don't mind people commenting on my accent, it's understandable. Generally they get hugely apologetic for assuming it's Australian, most flustered, and then I have to soothe them down and reassure them that I've been a Kiwi abroad long enough not to take offence at that - it's easy done! If they then go on to ask me to say specific phrases to entertain them, that's when they'll get the Paddington stare.

Would people ever comment on a so called neutral accent? If the person was again let’s say brown would they comment on the neutral accent? (Even though you could argue that said ‘neutral accent’ says just as much as one from Yorkshire or Birmingham about where they are coming from etc…)

What’s a ‘neutral accent?’

@Kanaloa

Would people ever comment on a so called neutral accent? If the person was again let’s say brown would they comment on the neutral accent? (Even though you could argue that said ‘neutral accent’ says just as much as one from Yorkshire or Birmingham about where they are coming from etc…)

What’s a ‘neutral accent?’

Yes. I'd be interested to know that too

Neutral.

@Kanaloa

Would people ever comment on a so called neutral accent? If the person was again let’s say brown would they comment on the neutral accent? (Even though you could argue that said ‘neutral accent’ says just as much as one from Yorkshire or Birmingham about where they are coming from etc…)

What’s a ‘neutral accent?’

There's no such thing, is there?

@mbosnz

I don't mind people commenting on my accent, it's understandable. Generally they get hugely apologetic for assuming it's Australian, most flustered, and then I have to soothe them down and reassure them that I've been a Kiwi abroad long enough not to take offence at that - it's easy done! If they then go on to ask me to say specific phrases to entertain them, that's when they'll get the Paddington stare.

Oh yes - “Say something in your English accent!” I’ve had that so many times.

Ugh. I just want to know where the tomatoes are or if you have these shoes in a 10 but no, we have to have a long chat about how I pronounce ‘water’.

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit

This is exactly what people think. I’m interested in this thread because on Saturday in a queue at the airport, DH and I were making small talk with two women also queuing, as you do. Out of nowhere one of them commented on my accent. I don’t live in my region of origin, but have lived where I live now for decades. When she mentioned my accent she said “you’re from x aren’t you, I can tell by your accent”. So random, so rude - we were talking about masks and vax ffs

Baffled as to how this is rude! If she had imitated your accent or mocked it then that would have been rude. Assuming she did neither of those then that's just called 'having a conversation' surely.

I found it rude that a stranger would change the subject from general chit chat to something specific and personal. That’s not normally how queuing chit chat goes. It was nosy and rude. If you’re the sort of person who would do that, you might want to have a think about how it could be received.

Kind of Off topic but I am Northern Irish and my husband is Scottish. We live in east London.

Our little London-born son says “cow” and “train” with a Northern Irish accent and “trousers” with an Essex accent. Makes my day.

I assume neutral is RP?
Used to be anyway.

I hate accent mocking. My family has a regional accent but parents moved away a long time ago.
They are v active at their local church. My mother casually mentioned to me that people at church sometime repeat a sentence she's just said back at her and laugh.... I was shocked.
Similarly when my cousin got married some friends made a speech- most of it involved speaking in a very broad (and terrible) accent that mimicked his... it was awful.

Somehow still seems acceptable though

I'd say neutral means very common and difficult to distinguish where it is from, but it's always going to be dependent on location.

I have a really neutral accent for a Canadian. If you have a good ear, you might get that I'm from the east coast. Within my own province there are also different local accents but I don't have any of those - my accent could be found anywhere, or even in the surrounding provinces.

Of course if I went to Germany or Australia people would know I'm not local. Though many people don't hear a Canadian accent and they tend to think it's American.

@YalaYalaDingDong one of our dick head colleagues in London screeched ‘ooh aye the noo’ at ne in that horrible accent idiots use when saying it. I raised my eyebrows and said ‘I’ll give you a tenner if you can actually tell me exactly what that means! No googling’ he flapped for a bit then sloped off. It doesn’t even make sense so I’ve never heard anyone say it!

Maybe a neutral accent is how the Queen speaks? I don't know.
Apparently she is very good at mimicking accents. Imagine her doing her Xmas speech in a Liverpudlian or Yorkshire accent 😂

I found it rude that a stranger would change the subject from general chit chat to something specific and personal. That’s not normally how queuing chit chat goes. It was nosy and rude. If you’re the sort of person who would do that, you might want to have a think about how it could be received

No, I won't think about it - I'm not prepared to tie myself up in knots worrying about whether someone might or might not take offence at something that is so innocuous, nor do I expect anyone else to worry on my behalf.