Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
MidCenturyClegs · 01/02/2022 14:15

They can be lovely. Ie the footprint of your still-born tattooed on your chest.

mbosnz · 01/02/2022 14:16

I find it a bit weird how possessive people seem to be about other individuals and what they do with their body. Even if that person is one that you gave birth to. My personal and bodily autonomy is important to me, and my offspring just as much so. Their body, their choices, their actions, their consequences.

astrocean · 01/02/2022 14:17

My DS has a fairly large and visible birthmark. I always tell him it makes him unique and cool. I tell him that having plain unmarked skin like everyone else is boring, and his birthmark is like a free tattoo. How many 6 year olds have one of those? He loves it.

DearlyBeloathed · 01/02/2022 14:18

There's not much that you can do about it though, apart from try to gently persuade her not to get any more

You cannot try to 'gently persuade' a grown adult to not get something that they love.

How vomit inducing.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 01/02/2022 14:19

So the 'devastated' OP actually turns out to be one of the more rational and level-headed posters on the thread!
Lovely to hear you have such an open and honest relationship with your DD and I'm sure you will feel better soon, and get things into perspective

I'm taking a quick break from my professional job and am off for a swim at the beach with my classy friends, will keep a close eye out to see if any of them start to feel physically sick at the sight of my mutilated skin. Surprised they still associate with a chav like me tbf.

DearlyBeloathed · 01/02/2022 14:22

I'm taking a quick break from my professional job and am off for a swim at the beach with my classy friends, will keep a close eye out to see if any of them start to feel physically sick at the sight of my mutilated skin. Surprised they still associate with a chav like me tbf

Make sure you stay away from those pesky black tie dinners!

PlainOldMe80 · 01/02/2022 14:24

Her body, her choice especially because she's an adult!

5keletor · 01/02/2022 14:24

@Choclover27

Afternoon everyone. Well this has caused a stir. I still stand by my original post and I hate her sleeve. I’m ok with her other tattoos but it’s my right to own my own feelings. I have a great relationship with her. She often asks for my opinion and knows I will be honest in my answer! She asked my thoughts prior to it and so knew my feelings. So she did what she wanted, that’s up to her. Then videoed me to show me, in full knowledge I wouldn’t be jumping for joy. And that’s my prerogative ! Today we are chatting on text as normal. No dramas. My private crying drama was just that. Private. And yeah I can cry if I want to Grin When I get home I shall read through as many of these posts as I can. Probably in the bath with a glass of wine to steel myself. But hey. Freedom of choice. Freedom of speech. Freedom to cry. Thankyou all for commenting. Ps. My daughter will always be my baby by the way. Even tho she owns her own house, has a career. A relationship. She rocks. I just hate her tattoo
That's fair enough OP, to be fair it's not your posts that have come across as offensive (okay, definitely dramatic but as you say, you didn't cry around your daughter), more the posters just having a dig at people with tattoos. Let's not even mention the creepy "perfect skin" brigade. 😶
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 01/02/2022 14:24

Dya know I had been wondering why the invites had dried up recently.

MajesticallyAwkward · 01/02/2022 14:26

@StillWeRise

I'm always surprised how defensive most of the tattoo defenders are. You like them, fine, have them. But aren't you just a little bit curious about how other people see them? Given that most are intended for display and presumably to signal something? Aren't you interested in what they signal, and whether it's what you intended?
Does anyone give a fuck what bigoted, judgemental, sexist and vile people think?

We really don't.

DearlyBeloathed · 01/02/2022 14:28

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

Dya know I had been wondering why the invites had dried up recently.
Same here.

checks letter box

MegaClutterSlut · 01/02/2022 14:32

I don't have any tats, they're just not my thing. Ds 19 has a full sleeve. He did tell me before hand that he was getting one done. I told him its his body, just make sure it was something he wouldn't regret later. Tbf the detailing on the tattoo is incredible

firef1y · 01/02/2022 14:33

God some of you would love me.
Didn't get my first tattoo until I was in my 30s, just a little one, easy to hide (and out of all of mine that is the one that I come closest to regretting, will never cover it though). All of my tattoos have a meaning to me, and I love them. Didn't get my half sleeve done until last year, and my biggest piece (hip to just below the knee) will be finished the day after my 50th birthday.

You see after spending 13years in a relationship with a man who thought (or at least loudly professed) that women with tattoos are slags, I've finally been able to express myself.

I'm pretty sure my mother isn't amused, I was only allowed to get my ears pierced when I turned 14. But she's never commented on my every growing collection of tattoos and piercings (my piercings aren't extreme, just nose, and a few more than average holes in my ears) and I don't think she ever would.
Cos you know it's my body and all that.

As for the comments about how young men judge women with tattoos, well let me just say that with those types, it's about their upbringing and how they think about women in general rather than the women with tattoos. If it wasn't tattoos it would be how they dress, how much make up they have on, or whatever.

The world has moved on in the last 20years or so, and if someone has put themselves through the expense (a decent tattoo is expensive) and pain (it's not just while having the tattoo done it hurts its after too, especially the first few days) of a big tattoo, then it's something they really want.

If my adult children said they were getting a tattoo then there's nothing I can say or do to stop them. Instead I would just give them this advice..
Wait 3 months, spend that time researching tattoo artists, have consultations with the chosen artist, see if you're on the same page. Then if you still want it book remembering the best artists will have waitlists.

Marmarind · 01/02/2022 14:36

forever love and wear the My Little Pony pyjamas you had when you were 6

Tbh, if some of the pyjamas I had as a child were made for adults, I would still wear them. I own Bambi and Dumbo pyjamas as it is.

gogohm · 01/02/2022 14:43

I hate them, I've cautioned my DD's against having any but dd2 is planning on one for her 21stConfused

Unfortunately young people are not going to listen to us, and they are pretty popular these days. Dsd regrets hers (I suggested smaller and more discreet, she ignored, she now admits I was right)

Giraffesandbottoms · 01/02/2022 14:57

I don’t understand the sexism on here. I think tattoos look equally as shit on men as they do on women. If I see a good looking man with a tattoo I think “what a shame”. It would put me off. But then there are some physical things about me that would put people off - everyone has their preferences.

CandyLeBonBon · 01/02/2022 15:03

I don't mind if someone says they don't like tattoos - we all have preferences, and that's fine. But making value judgments and generally framing having tattoos as a sinister character flaw is highly unpleasant and say far more about the people who spout such sexist, classist, misogynistic, bigoted shit, than the people they are talking about!

Hyly68 · 01/02/2022 15:09

I find tattoos on men very sexy but I know many won’t agree with me, it’s all down to personal preference.

Judging someone on having something that doesn’t fit your criteria is the problem and is not pleasant.

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2022 15:20

and pain (it's not just while having the tattoo done it hurts its after too, especially the first few days)

I don't think you are selling the tattoo idea to anyone pondering one.

SantaClawsServiette · 01/02/2022 15:21

@FireMeetGasoline

It's almost like someone drew in indelible pen all over the Mona Lisa. And you are Leonardo.

It's almost nothing like that at all. The OP gave birth to a human, she didn't create or procure a masterpiece. She may be disappointed with her daughter's choices, however, her daughter, thankfully, is able to have free will and choose what she wants to have done with her body. She is not property and I'm pretty sure she is more charismatic and has more appeal than the Mona bloody Lisa.

Whether or not it's a choice, which the OP hasn't disputed, is really not relevant to my point. Nor is "ownership"

Parents and particularly mothers often do not love their children just as an abstraction, but also love their physicality. Their actual bodies are an object of love and affection. This is the body of the beloved.

So it is not surprising that a parent might feel that way. Like an artist, or someone who loves a natural place deeply, and something - maybe even something quite nice - is built there.

In any case telling people their feelings are pretty useless.

Southbucksldn · 01/02/2022 15:24

They sensitise skin to the dye meaning they can become allergic to hair dye too.
The chemicals in some of the dyes aren’t great either.
They are a fashion and I expect it will pass.
Sorry you are sad about it but not much can be done so you need to try and relax.

WindyState · 01/02/2022 15:24

"Parents and particularly mothers often do not love their children just as an abstraction, but also love their physicality. Their actual bodies are an object of love and affection. This is the body of the beloved.!

Do you realise just how fucking creepy this sounds?

LampLighter414 · 01/02/2022 15:27

Grow up, you don't own her or her body

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 01/02/2022 15:27

@Southbucksldn

They sensitise skin to the dye meaning they can become allergic to hair dye too. The chemicals in some of the dyes aren’t great either. They are a fashion and I expect it will pass. Sorry you are sad about it but not much can be done so you need to try and relax.
Taking an awful long time to pass
ineedsun · 01/02/2022 15:29

@DillonPanthersTexas

I don't even have any tattoos but speaking to those who do most do not give a shiny shit about what people think about them.

This thread would not have stumbled past two pages if that were true.

Maybe we need to combine ear piercings for new babies, toliet brush usage, transrights and tattoos into one mega thread that if hooked up to the national grid it could power the UK for decades.

That’s not true, it wouldn’t have gone on for so long if people were proportionate on their language. Don’t like tattoos? Fine, your choice, but don’t start using insulting language, make daft assumptions and talk as if somehow you have a stake in someone else’s body. That’s what people object to and the fact that you’re conflating the two suggests that you don’t actually understand what you’re reading