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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding abroad - if you were a guest...

90 replies

sparklins · 31/01/2022 13:55

what would you feel was the best option in this scenario?

Please let me preface this by saying I am not asking if you would or would not travel to this wedding - we already have a lot of people we know would like to.
This is more of an organization issue.

We are looking to get married in my home country (EU). The flight is less than 2 hours and takes you to a large city which has lots of touristy options including an old town, restaurants, huge beautiful zoo etc. about 50 mins from my small home town.

In our heart we would love to get married in the church my DPs and DGPs did, I am permanently settled in the UK so it would be lovely to get married in my home town.

Here is the but, in my home town there are only 1, maybe 2 ok(ish) hotel options the first being on the outskirts of town, apart from a lovely recently renovated park and one or two cafes there is nothing else to do and no transport links or anything as it is very small.
Guests would have very few things to do apart from attending the wedding itself - unless we organized things for them/kept them entertained which sounds like a logistical nightmare. However staying there would mean super quick transport to and from hotel to and from the wedding which has an after party on day 2.

If they stayed in the Center of the big city they fly into they would have lots of options and things to do and a chance to experience a bit of the country and also would have a bit more chance of being able to communicate as lots of city center places do their best to cater for English language - however if we got married in my home town it means a 1 hour coach (we would put this on) each way.

Guests from the UK are a mixed bunch some with young DCs, some elderly, some up for whatever and a bit more flexible as younger/single/childless.

As a guest what options would you like to have if traveling to a wedding like this?
And also if you were in similar circumstances what do you think would be the best option re the wedding itself? Keep it in your hometown or see if it can be closer to the big city?

A part of me thinks it should be my hometown as that is the whole point of getting married in my home country? But another is trying to be rational and practical.

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 31/01/2022 13:59

I'd have the church ceremony in your hometown, then have a coach take you and your guests back to the city for the reception and then day 2. Guests staying in the city, coach from the city in the morning to the church.

MatildaTheCat · 31/01/2022 14:00

You need to let them decide. Explain very briefly that your hometown is small and list the hotels. That will suit anyone who wants to leave early or have flexibility. Then add a link to the major city hotels and say you will provide transport for anyone preferring to stay there.

It sounds great, have a lovely time.

allthingsnaice · 31/01/2022 14:01

Oo this sounds exciting!

As a guest, I'd honestly prefer to be in the big city with things me and my DH could do, lots on the doorstep etc. Staying in your hometown would probably be less appealing, if it is more isolated / no choices of where to stay / what to do. An hours coach each way doesn't sound terrible for the wedding day, but I probably wouldn't be a fan of having to do it for the after party the day after too. For clarity, myself and DH have no mobility issues / children to travel with / young ish etc.

From your perspective I think it depends on getting married in that particular church is a dealbreaker, or if just being in that country is enough.

shouldistop · 31/01/2022 14:02

As a pp said, can you have your reception in the city? Will the coach be air conditioned if it's a hot country?

CMOTDibbler · 31/01/2022 14:04

I think having everyone stay in the city, get picked up by a coach in the morning, go to the wedding in your hometown, then coach comes back to the city with all your guests for a reception there. Then the overseas guests aren't trapped away from their hotel, especially those with small DC

Original poster
sparklins · 31/01/2022 14:06

Ooh let me add before any more replies come in - I also need to consider my DGGM who is of poor health (in her 80s) lives in my home town and struggles with travel.

OP posts:
CarrotPuff · 31/01/2022 14:06

I would stay in local hotel in your hometown on your wedding night and then travel and stay somewhere in the city for the rest of the stay. Best of both worlds. 1h on a coach isn't that bad.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 31/01/2022 14:06

A part of me thinks it should be my hometown as that is the whole point of getting married in my home country?

This.

I'm sure I'd love to explore your hometown. There must be some things to do - cafés, historic buildings, a riverside or seafront, local shops? It can't be that bad, surely?

itwasntaparty · 31/01/2022 14:06

Stay in the city and put on the coach. I would have the marriage in your home town and coach out to the city for the reception.

PicaK · 31/01/2022 14:07

You should present options.
Do the groundwork for people.

Some will want to be in and out. Do your day and go, as cheaply as possible.

Others will want to make it a holiday and they might want different kinds of holidays.

You need to make transfer times and costs clear. You need to show airline options.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 31/01/2022 14:10

Your wedding consultation email that you send out which will drive you crazy should include mention of elderly relative(s) in hometown.

You'll still get, 33% want option A, 33% want option B, and 33% don't really mind.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 31/01/2022 14:12

I think I remember your previous thread on
The same subject.
I’d have the wedding in your home town and and give details of the one or two okish hotels nearby. I’d let people sort out the rest of the arrangements.

saygeronimo · 31/01/2022 14:14

DH and I went to a wedding abroad a few years ago. The wedding and reception were about 40mins by train from a lovely destination city.
We flew in, spent a lovely few hours exploring the nice city, then headed to the couple's hometown for the eve before the wedding (we met friends who were also guests and went out for dinner).
Wedding day - hometown all day as we were at the ceremony then reception.
Following day - back to the lovely city, more exploring, then flight home.

The only thing that complicates yours is the after party the on the next day. Would people need to stay away three nights rather than two?

Original poster
sparklins · 31/01/2022 14:15

@SpinningTheSeedsOfLove the park is very large and beautiful as recently renovated, it has a pond, a small fountain, playground and lots of places to sit but obviously very weather dependent. Apart from that there are 1 or 2 cafes/restaurants one by the park, a couple of supermarkets and few clothes shops all very basic and you'll have a close to zero chance of someone speaking English. I don't even think there's a taxi firm although I might be wrong.

OP posts:
saygeronimo · 31/01/2022 14:15

Oh I meant to say, i think you need to make it as easy as you can for your DGM, and just let people know that's influenced your plans. They'll understand.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 31/01/2022 14:15

Have your wedding in your home town. Lay on coaches to/ from the city. Explain that although the wedding is in your home town , you wouldn’t recommend staying there as there is nothing to do. Give a list of hotel options and leave it up to your guests.

SC215 · 31/01/2022 14:16

Pay for a return coach, and potentially book and pay the full/partial cost of all the rooms in the hotel in your hometown, for guests to stay over on the night of the party.

If I'm paying to fly somewhere for a wedding, I don't want to pay to stay somewhere with literally nothing to do (as you have described).

SilverHairedCat · 31/01/2022 14:17

Can you put on coach from the city to bring people to the wedding, and a coach again to take them back at night?

We did this for our wedding - coach from the evening do hotel to ceremony, coach back to evening do afterwards. Meant people could stay anywhere they liked but had transport for the 30min journey in between.

babyjellyfish · 31/01/2022 14:17

I've been to at least two abroad weddings like this, OP. Both times the couple sorted out transport to and from the venue from the nearest big town. In one case they had a coach going from outside one of the big chain hotels (an Ibis or something similar) in the city centre, and a lot of people chose to stay there. People were happy to travel abroad for the wedding but I think they really appreciated having some of the organisation done for them and not having to arrange and pay for taxis over what was quite a long distance.

I would put the coach on to and from the city, and give details of the local hotels for people who just want to stay close by.

saygeronimo · 31/01/2022 14:17

@Thevoiceofreason2021

Have your wedding in your home town. Lay on coaches to/ from the city. Explain that although the wedding is in your home town , you wouldn’t recommend staying there as there is nothing to do. Give a list of hotel options and leave it up to your guests.
I think give people a choice though. Personally, I'd rather stay somewhere really close to the wedding so I could leave when I'm ready, not wait for everyone else, plus I'd hate the idea of 1hr on a coach after a day at a wedding / reception etc. Other however might be fine with that.
countrygirl99 · 31/01/2022 14:17

On the days of the wedding and after party willyhe guests have much time to do other stuff? Especially if they need to get a coach to the wedding. If gheh want to spend time sightseeing etc they could extend their stay .

Totalwasteofpaper · 31/01/2022 14:19

So in your shoes I would find 1 or 2 hotels in Town and do "a deal" on room rates.

Then run a shuttle bus service that collects guests from these hotels only (build in 30 mins wait time for late comers) and takes them to your town and then takes them back to town at a selection of times eg. 10pm and 1am (or whatever).

Hold the after party somewhere in town on day 2 rather than hometown.

VenusClapTrap · 31/01/2022 14:21

I would be delighted to stay in your home town. Your wedding is the whole point of going, and as long as the local hotels are of a reasonable standard that would be fine with me. If I wanted to add on extra time in the big city, I could do so afterwards.

Gizacluethen · 31/01/2022 14:21

I would have a holiday in the city. Come on the coach in the morning of the wedding. Stay overnight in your hometown. Go back to city after the afterparty on day 2.

babyjellyfish · 31/01/2022 14:21

Also I think getting married in your hometown is fine, especially if you are helping with transport. People tend to be much more keen to travel to weddings abroad if it is where one of the couple is from rather than just being a destination wedding for Instagram. The fact that your parents and grandparents got married in the same church makes it really special.