Wedding abroad - if you were a guest...

[sparklins]

what would you feel was the best option in this scenario?

Please let me preface this by saying I am not asking if you would or would not travel to this wedding - we already have a lot of people we know would like to.
This is more of an organization issue.

We are looking to get married in my home country (EU). The flight is less than 2 hours and takes you to a large city which has lots of touristy options including an old town, restaurants, huge beautiful zoo etc. about 50 mins from my small home town.

In our heart we would love to get married in the church my DPs and DGPs did, I am permanently settled in the UK so it would be lovely to get married in my home town.

Here is the but, in my home town there are only 1, maybe 2 ok(ish) hotel options the first being on the outskirts of town, apart from a lovely recently renovated park and one or two cafes there is nothing else to do and no transport links or anything as it is very small.
Guests would have very few things to do apart from attending the wedding itself - unless we organized things for them/kept them entertained which sounds like a logistical nightmare. However staying there would mean super quick transport to and from hotel to and from the wedding which has an after party on day 2.

If they stayed in the Center of the big city they fly into they would have lots of options and things to do and a chance to experience a bit of the country and also would have a bit more chance of being able to communicate as lots of city center places do their best to cater for English language - however if we got married in my home town it means a 1 hour coach (we would put this on) each way.

Guests from the UK are a mixed bunch some with young DCs, some elderly, some up for whatever and a bit more flexible as younger/single/childless.

As a guest what options would you like to have if traveling to a wedding like this?
And also if you were in similar circumstances what do you think would be the best option re the wedding itself? Keep it in your hometown or see if it can be closer to the big city?

A part of me thinks it should be my hometown as that is the whole point of getting married in my home country? But another is trying to be rational and practical.

What is the purpose of the after-party?

Is it because you think it's a bad idea to persuade people all that way for just one day?

If I were going to a wedding in a small place abroad, I'd ideally like to go to the big city a couple of days beforehand, travel to the place on the morning of the wedding and spend one night there, then travel back to the big city for another couple of days' holiday.

Unless there's a really good reason for a second party, I'd be mildly annoyed at having to hang around all day after a wedding just to go to another evening do.

I think you should have the wedding in your home town, that's kind of the whole point!

If it were me I think I'd not want to do loads of to-ing and fro-ing by coach, so I'd stay in your home town one or two nights, then probably move to the interesting city and stay there for a few days before or after.

We went to a wedding of DPs friend that was similar - tiny town in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do...
with hindsight it would have been nice if they'd made it clear that there was nothing to do there - we were there for 3 days and spent a fair amount of time just wandering around the town.

Also is there enough accommodation in the couple of hotels in your town if everyone wants to stay? It might get quite expensive so maybe giving people a cheap option like camping? (there are companies that rent out yurts here?)

Have the wedding in your home town.

I wouldn't go with the 2nd day event, maybe have a light dinner the evening before provided for guests, as if most are travelling they will arrive the evening before.

We had a family wedding abroad (for us) a few years ago. We all arrived the day before the wedding, had a buffet dinner, next day wedding, the following day back home. DH and I stayed on longer but not in the wedding venue as it was beautiful but nothing else there bar that hotel. Most of our family few in and out together and organised a coach for themselves

We would probably hire a car so the hometown option would be my choice.

I would do the after party too. Quite a few of our guests stayed on for a couple of days after our wedding.

I am sure all your guests would love to see the hometown. Have the wedding there, it will be special.

I'd give guests the option to be honest. Send them the link to the hometown hotels and and idea of what there is to do in the hometown. Then also say you'll lay on a coach from the city. As long as everyone tells you what they have decided in enough time to make arrangements, I think giving the guests the option is the way forward.

I have been to a wedding similar to this. We stayed in the town and the wedding was in a village with a coach provided. It was such a lovely way to see somewhere off the usual tourist routes. Given a choice, I would have stayed in the village for that exact reason.

I agree it's the after party that complicates it a little. Is that a tradition? Or just an excuse to spend more time with people? Both equally good reasons, but just adds a bit more pressure for your overseas guests.
We had a bbq at my MIL's house the day after our wedding. It was mainly because family had travelled a long way so she wanted to spend more time with them. The only friends of ours that went along were our best man and groomsman who then gave us a lift to the airport later in the afternoon and then carried on their journey home. So there was no pressure from us at all for people to come.

@saygeronimo the after party is a tradition yes. Although I would not push too hard for it an it is definitely not obligatory.
It usually starts around 2pm the following day and it's much more relaxed but still part of the wedding celebration. There's usually mountains of food, some more dancing and drinking (albeit slightly lighter than on the day of the wedding ) and finishes much earlier than the wedding itself.

To pp that asked about the wedding - there is no waiting around really. The general idea would be church wedding let's say around 1 or 2 pm, group picture then straight to the venue welcomed by champagne - this is also usually the part where everyone gets a chance to say hello to b&g an wish them well/give flowers or cards and then it's straight to dinner (I'd say within the hour of arriving at venue if not sooner). Get the guests well fed and watered followed by first dance and then the dancing/party begins with more drinks / food platters arriving in intervals throughout the night. All paid for by b&g.

Are you overthinking this?

What time is the wedding and what time is the day 2 party?

Surely most people will spend the morning of the wedding getting ready and relaxing? The same the day after the wedding. If the 2nd party isn't until the evening, you could suggest people hire a car if they want to spend the day sightseeing. You could organise meeting in the hotel bar for anyone who wants to come along for group drinks the night before the wedding, and offer to book tables at a cafe/restaurant for lunch for anyone who wants to have a group lunch or arrange a group picnic in the park on the second day (assuming the party is an evening party).

If people want to extend their stay and have a holiday, they can stay on in the city after the wedding.

Cross-posted. In that case, the guests will be busy on both days, the location doesn't matter.

I would just have people stay in hometown. Most will only be spending a couple of nights so will find plenty to do I am sure.

We had a sort-of similar situation, except that we both live in the EU country and DH comes from a second country and I'm from the UK - so whatever we'd decided would have involved two thirds of the guests travelling abroad.

We chose a small village for the wedding which was south of the large city, but actually not too far from the airport. We found our international guests chose one of two options:

• People who wanted to make a bit of a holiday out of it and do some sightseeing too. We booked them into hotels in the city centre for a few days before the wedding, then they got taxis to the hotel at the venue (in a few cases we transported them there) and stayed there for two nights, then back to the airport (so they effectively travelled in a triangle).
• People who could only stay for the weekend for work/school reasons, they came by taxi straight from the airport and stayed directly in the venue for two nights, then flew back home.

Flights were pretty cheap (thanks EasyJet) and the hotel was also reasonable, so people were pretty ok with paying for taxis. I think (I hope) they really appreciated that they had the choice of 'only wedding' or 'wedding plus sightseeing' depending on what suited them best. We also paid for all food and drink at the wedding (it would be seen as quite rude in the country where we live to charge guests for drinks) so our guests had very little in the way of extra expenses. It was probably cheaper all told than the average wedding in the UK...

I want to come

@Gizacluethen

I would have a holiday in the city. Come on the coach in the morning of the wedding. Stay overnight in your hometown. Go back to city after the afterparty on day 2.

And me

I've been to two weddings in the UK where the ceremony was held in their hometown church and the guests then had a long coach ride to a different reception venue. To be honest, they were two of the worst weddings I've been to. The coach rides were long, boring and uncomfortable, it ruined the flow of the day and it felt like they were prioritising their choice of church over the comfort of the guests to whom it meant nothing.

If people want to make a holiday of the wedding they can hire a car and make their own arrangements. If you can hold the whole wedding in your hometown, do that, you aren't obliged to act as their travel agent.

@Cakecakecheese you are welcome

I have also found a venue which actually looks really nice and has a bit of a recreational feel. Scenic, horses, small lake, kids playground, spa and apparently great food and very reasonable price wise (£50 ish a night)
So if it was somewhere we decided to hold the reception - the guests that wanted to only come for the wedding could spend 2-3 nights there in which case it would mean an hour from the airport to hotel and the only other travel would be 20 min drive to church (with transfers provided by us) and back to the venue where their rooms would be.

I think the main thing is that you're providing transport. I've been to a few weddings (UK mainly) where we had gone without transport - train, domestic flight, etc, when we were young. Some of these are remembered as 'do you remember when we had to get ourselves from that country church, to a hotel in the middle of nowhere in Norfolk' and the like. Awful!

So, I'd say the main thing is to provide transport from the church to the reception - and also I'd do a coach from the big city to your home town. If you're travelling home for a wedding, then it's important you're doing it where it's important and meaningful for you. Having some local friends/family on hand to answer questions about the area, travel, hotels, etc. would be massively helpful too, as I did this for a friend when we lived overseas, and it stopped the bride being bugged constantly with questions.
Have a lovely time!

[quote sparklins]@Cakecakecheese you are welcome

I have also found a venue which actually looks really nice and has a bit of a recreational feel. Scenic, horses, small lake, kids playground, spa and apparently great food and very reasonable price wise (£50 ish a night)
So if it was somewhere we decided to hold the reception - the guests that wanted to only come for the wedding could spend 2-3 nights there in which case it would mean an hour from the airport to hotel and the only other travel would be 20 min drive to church (with transfers provided by us) and back to the venue where their rooms would be.[/quote]
That sounds lovely. And would be fab.

Although I would rather you held it in your home town itself. I would stay 3 nights there - the night before, the wedding day and the night after the after party. There is hardly time to be bored as the wedding and party takes up most the time. Then I could be free to come and go from the hotel as I please as well as see where you are from. Have a wonderful wedding.

For me the important bit would be that I don't have any loose time for myself on the wedding day. So no gaps where I am suppose to entertain myself while you have a meal for selected guests or spend hours on photos in a town where there is nothing to do.

Offer two options, one hotel in wedding town, especially people who are not partying all night, have small children or health issues would appreciate not waiting hours for a coach back.
For others, a list with hotels in the city with one pick up location and two coaches back.

After party on day 2 in the city.

Wedding ceremony in home Town. Reception/party in the city.

Bus to and from ceremony from reception venue.

@HollaHolla I don't know if I made it clear in my OP but will definitely be providing some type of transport/shuttle. I think at the moment if the venue I find turns out to be the one then I think we will suggests guests stay there and we provide shuttle to and from the church and then they don't have to worry about a journey back after the wedding.

We will also try to provide plenty of information about flights (airlines) as well as transport options and options of staying in big city if anyone wants to make it a longer trip.

@reluctantbrit the weddings in my home country don't have anything like that. If you are invited to the wedding you are an all day guest, there is no evening guests or only xyz getting meals and so on. We like to make sure everyone is (over) fed and watered and has a great time. The B&G usually step out for a while during the dancing/party bit when everyone is busy and have a few snaps taken but that's about it and no one has to wait around for anything in the meantime.
We also try to be prompt to sit down and eat after arriving at the venue from the church.

People will fly in and as far as I can tell everyone will need a car unless they stay in the city initially then transfer to your village or the other scenic location?

If you stay in option A city initially- guests will self drive to the wedding then stay in the village and that means they can walk home from the party?

Option b- scenic place that is cheap? You will run a shuttle to from?

I don't think you can or should offer anything else as it will get too complicated!

I have been to afew destination weddings-

Wedding one- stayed in the city for a couple of days, then drove to wedding venue and stayed at a local basic hostel for the night, hire car drove back to the city/airport

Wedding two- holidayed in the local area for a week, then hire car/ drove to a campsite, camped near the wedding venue and walked back. Drove back to airport

Both were amazing weddings and great fun. Expensive though.

@Bunce1 if we go for the scenic hotel that would also be the wedding venue. I don't think the price is too bad its around 40-50 a night including breakfast. The flights can be cheap as well depending on the time of the year.
Our initial thought is that there will be a shuttle running from hotel to church and back.
If enough stayed in the big city we would also provide a shuttle probably from a popular hotel/easy to find place at a designated time and one back as well - this might be quite straightforward as we are not expecting 100s of people from the UK so we could potentially co-ordinate with them as a group.
Usually it's all done by a local transport company rather than having to organize multiple ones.

@Bunce1 sorry forgot to mention as well - the people that just want to stay at the hotel/venue would either have to make their own way or again we could potentially co-ordinate some type of transport as long as there was more than a couple of people, which again could be doable as there is likely to be a group coming in on the same flight as there is not many options for that airport if you are just coming in for the weekend.

I personally wouldn't want to take a coach back and forth on the wedding day itself. I am just thinking of the state of some of our guests at the end of the evening at our wedding! Also, people with young children may want to leave at different times, older guests or anyone else who desires an early bedtime.

If this was me, I'd want to stay close to the wedding in your home town and I'd be happy for you to arrange a block of rooms or some sort of accommodation for the night before the wedding and the night of. It would be great if you could help arrange some sort of transport or at least guide people to the best way to get there. But I would then spent any other time apart from evening before wedding til morning after wedding in the city doing my own thing. I personally would be happy to sort out my own travel between the 2, but maybe a coach for those who can't. I just wouldn't want to spend 2 hours in a coach for a wedding and would rather have my own space nearby, especially with young children.