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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding abroad - if you were a guest...

90 replies

sparklins · 31/01/2022 13:55

what would you feel was the best option in this scenario?

Please let me preface this by saying I am not asking if you would or would not travel to this wedding - we already have a lot of people we know would like to.
This is more of an organization issue.

We are looking to get married in my home country (EU). The flight is less than 2 hours and takes you to a large city which has lots of touristy options including an old town, restaurants, huge beautiful zoo etc. about 50 mins from my small home town.

In our heart we would love to get married in the church my DPs and DGPs did, I am permanently settled in the UK so it would be lovely to get married in my home town.

Here is the but, in my home town there are only 1, maybe 2 ok(ish) hotel options the first being on the outskirts of town, apart from a lovely recently renovated park and one or two cafes there is nothing else to do and no transport links or anything as it is very small.
Guests would have very few things to do apart from attending the wedding itself - unless we organized things for them/kept them entertained which sounds like a logistical nightmare. However staying there would mean super quick transport to and from hotel to and from the wedding which has an after party on day 2.

If they stayed in the Center of the big city they fly into they would have lots of options and things to do and a chance to experience a bit of the country and also would have a bit more chance of being able to communicate as lots of city center places do their best to cater for English language - however if we got married in my home town it means a 1 hour coach (we would put this on) each way.

Guests from the UK are a mixed bunch some with young DCs, some elderly, some up for whatever and a bit more flexible as younger/single/childless.

As a guest what options would you like to have if traveling to a wedding like this?
And also if you were in similar circumstances what do you think would be the best option re the wedding itself? Keep it in your hometown or see if it can be closer to the big city?

A part of me thinks it should be my hometown as that is the whole point of getting married in my home country? But another is trying to be rational and practical.

OP posts:

FASDE1517 · 31/01/2022 14:24

I would have the ceremony in your hometown, then everyone on a coach to a reception in the city. The same amount of travelling for most people but at a more convenient time of day and makes it easier for guests to return to Thier hotels.

FortniteBoysMum · 31/01/2022 14:25

Stay in the central location with transport to the wedding. You could ask guests their preference. Some with younger children or the older guests may like to be closer by to accommodate leaving early if kids or they are tired. Younger guests may party until when ever the transport comes.

SittingOvation · 31/01/2022 14:25

Could you do welcome drinks in the main city the night before the wedding instead of an after party in your town? In my experience, people are usually to hungover and tired to bother with an event the day after the reception.

SittingOvation · 31/01/2022 14:27

too hungover

CrimbleCrumble1 · 31/01/2022 14:27

My DB’s wedding was abroad, all the guests stayed the night before and the wedding night at the hotel (there was nothing to do but the wedding). Some guests then extended their stay before or after and went to interesting parts of the country but most just went for the wedding.
Let’s just say the interesting city is somewhere like Prague people could add that on but I wouldn’t get involved in all their arrangements. You could lay on coaches for both days from
The interesting city and give details of the two nearby hotels in your home town.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 31/01/2022 14:27

We went to a wedding in a small family town abroad - it was an amazing weekend, but the couple and their family did organise trips and activities for those who wanted to join in for the whole weekend (three nights). There were only 35 or so guests so maybe was easier. I much preferred that to staying in a big city as we felt so welcomed by the family and got to see how she grew up. There was one basic hotel and we all stayed there.

Most of the group went on the same flights and they put on a coach from the airport and back, it is a scenic country and the drive was beautiful.

Zilla1 · 31/01/2022 14:28

What is the point of marrying in your home town, OP? If it's to enable your DGM and other relatives to attend then it seems unsatisfactory to not be married nearest home then perhaps a coach trip for the guests back to the city??

Good luck and I hope you enjoy your wedding.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 31/01/2022 14:30

Have the wedding in your home town as that's important to you but don't expect people to stay beyond the night of the wedding. I don't think it's useful to tell people where to stay or how many nights unless you're paying!

Depending upon timings the coach you plan to lay on could be to the wedding venue on the day and back to the city the following early afternoon. I can't imagine anyone not from your hometown wanting to stay there longer, but that would give them the option of a few days in the city or just returning to the airport.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 31/01/2022 14:33

Home town.

We had a similar scenario in prior to covid and we hired a car, spent 2 nights attending the wedding/catching up with dh's family and then stayed a few days longer in the country exploring. Was a brilliant week and we absolutely intend doing the same thing again (have been invited to weddings in Austria and Ireland later this year).

apprenticewage · 31/01/2022 14:37

Hometown all the way @sparklins 👍

MaizeAmaze · 31/01/2022 14:38

I would actually put more effort into making the logistics work if you were getting married in your hometown than a random city in your country.

We have done 2 overseas weddings, both times in the brides hometown. Both times (although pre kids), we have turned it into a 2 centre holiday. Wedding in small town for a long weekend, then a further week in the more touristy bits of the country. They were both long haul flights tho, so made sense to extend the stay. Would be much harder with kids. Indeed, DH went alone to his brothers wedding (in brides hometown), as it was a 14 hr flight away in term time.

gogohm · 31/01/2022 14:41

Is there a compromise - marry in the church your parents married in then back to the city for the reception (transport to your hometown from a central pick up point then back to the reception, people make their own way home from the reception).

Lou98 · 31/01/2022 14:41

It's the party on Day 2 that would make it a bit more difficult I think. If it were me, I would stay in your hometown the night of the wedding then the next day go to the city and stay there for a couple of nights to turn it in to a Holiday but if needing to stay for 2 nights in your home town it could be during the day the second day that means they'll have nothing to do. Is the party at night or earlyish?

Owlink · 31/01/2022 14:42

I'd love to see your home town & be with your close family even if we can't speak much. That's the joy of going to your wedding there, for me. I'd book a few days either side to do more holiday-ish things but personally I would love the chance just be a wedding guest in your home town, no coach travel to have in the back of my mind, really relax, let it all soak in & try out my rubbish Italian on your relatives - or whatever language it is!

gogohm · 31/01/2022 14:42

Can you pay for accommodation at the reception venue for your elderly relatives

ittakes2 · 31/01/2022 14:42

As your friend I would want you to have the wedding you wanted to have. I would think its lovely it was in your home town where your relatives were married. We flew from the Uk to canada for my brother's wedding as his finance was from a small town there. All together we had 5 children under the age of 8 (one was 6 months old) we spent some time in the main city but for the wedding we drove to her home town and stayed in a local B&b the night before and after the wedding. Honestly if your good friends find that too much drama and it puts them off - maybe not such good friends.

MyAnacondaMight · 31/01/2022 14:42

Have the ceremony in your home town, and reception if you want - although the suggestion to have the reception back at the main city is a good one too.

But everyone hates a “day after party” - you might find people want to sight see/sleep off a hangover/fly home rather than shlep back to your hometown for a picnic in the park etc. The suggestion for a gathering or dinner in the big city the day before is much better.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 31/01/2022 14:42

gogohm there’s also a day 2 after party.

gogohm · 31/01/2022 14:44

I wouldn't do an after party, that just complicated it!

HTH1 · 31/01/2022 14:44

I think it depends upon how much time the guests are due to spend at wedding/reception/after party and how much time they will be hanging around.

If, say, the schedule will be Day 1: ceremony at midday, reception at 3pm till late and then Day 2 after party begins around lunch time the next day, fine to all be in hometown.

However, if the schedule is more like Day 1: ceremony at 10am, evening reception starts at 5pm and then Day 2 after party starts in the evening, that’s a lot of hanging around. In that case, I would do coaches to hometown for the ceremony only and have the rest in the city (unless DGGM outweighs all the other guests).

HTH1 · 31/01/2022 14:46

I also think dinner before the wedding would be much better than after party but maybe it’s a cultural thing.

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 31/01/2022 14:46

Definitely get married in the church that you love!

If I were a guest, and was making the journey over to your country, I truly wouldn't mind having a 1hr coach journey to and from the wedding/reception. It would add to the fun.

I would want to stay in the city centre and travel in. Just make sure you arrange the travel and let everyone know where and when it will be asap so they can use that info when looking for suitable hotels to stay at.

It sounds like a wonderful wedding ☺️

SockFluffInTheBath · 31/01/2022 14:54

@SpinningTheSeedsOfLove

Your wedding consultation email that you send out which will drive you crazy should include mention of elderly relative(s) in hometown.

You'll still get, 33% want option A, 33% want option B, and 33% don't really mind.

this!

Personally I would prefer to stay in the city and be bussed to the wedding, especially if it was a country whose language I didn’t speak.

FaoinDrualus · 31/01/2022 14:58

I went to Barcelona for my cousins wedding. We booked an apartment close to the center (along the coast, with easy train ride to the center). But the wedding itself - church and reception were about an hour away in the countryside where his wifes family were from.
It was absolutely beautiful, lovely to see the countryside and felt very intimate and 'family like' in the small village. The bride and groom provide transport to and from the wedding (there were maybe 30 people who had travelled and were staying mostly in accomodation that was close to each other). The reception ended around midnight, and the people who wanted to come back to their accommodation were dropped there, and the rest of us went to some nightclubs along the beach. I took an early morning train back to the apartment. It was fantastic!!

chesirecat99 · 31/01/2022 15:02

When I've been to similar weddings, if the location was remote, usually the guests hired cars and the host helped put people in touch for car shares if someone needed a lift.

Usually there were events over several days. Some events were paid for by the host eg a pre wedding party or barbecue, or events related to the wedding eg a mehndi party or a formal engagment ceremony, or they were things that were free to do eg a group trip to a beach, a game of football/rounders or a country walk. Other events were organised by the host but the guests paid for themselves if they wanted to come eg a stag/hen night a couple of days before the wedding, a meet up in a pub or dinner at a restaurant, a private sightseeing tour with a tour guide.

IME, there was always a mix of the 2 - some events hosted and paid for by the bride and groom, and some more informal, optional events the guests paid for eg meeting up in a hotel bar/pub or going out for dinner. I've also been to some weddings like that in the UK where there are a lot of guests from abroad.

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