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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting smokers house with baby

88 replies

xcdrx · 30/01/2022 23:50

Hi all,
My baby is 7 weeks old and i made it clear in pregnancy onwards that i did not want baby going to my partners relatives house who smokes 20+ cigs a day in their home.
I am now the worst person in the world!!

Another family member has made me feel 2cm tall by spouting off her opinion that cig smoke never hurt her or her children so why shouldn't i take my baby to this certain house?

As an adult i cant stand the smell in my hair or in my clothes so why should i let my baby smell of it and breath it in?

Am i been over the top? I feel so low about this i just want to do my best x

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 30/01/2022 23:51

No, you are not.

Second hand smoke is dangerous to babies. Don’t visit.

feelsobadfeltsogood · 30/01/2022 23:52

I second that
Just don't go I wouldn't

momls20 · 30/01/2022 23:54

YANBU

RLOU30 · 30/01/2022 23:54

No way would I be going.

ButterfliesandMoths · 30/01/2022 23:55

YANBU don't go. I definitely wouldn't go.

Thirtytimesround · 30/01/2022 23:55

Don’t go. I tried when baby was a few months old, it reeked and dd kept crying

washingmachines4 · 30/01/2022 23:58

YANBU. Don't visit.

And people who say stuff like 'cig smoke never hurt me or my children' are best avoided - anyone who thinks they should live by anecdotal evidence rather than data and science are morons. The science strongly advises that second hand smoke is not good for young children, babies, adults, animals, etc.

LillyLeaf · 30/01/2022 23:58

No way would I take my baby there.

Original poster
xcdrx · 31/01/2022 00:03

Thank you everyone
Been really upset about it all tonight as i have really stood my ground and i was made to look like i was being a bit over the top in front of a few family members.
I stopped smoking the minute we started trying for a baby, why would i want my baby round sMoke when i stopped my self.
People are so judgy when you become a parent!!

OP posts:
Rangoon · 31/01/2022 00:06

How does she know it never hurt her children? They could have been smarter, better looking or healthier if they weren't getting regular lungfuls of carcinogens.

Avocadoandlemons · 31/01/2022 00:08

Good for you. Your baby is lucky to have you.

Don't go. You are absolutely not being over the top. Passive smoking is absolutely terrible.

ANameChangeAgain · 31/01/2022 00:08

Well done for standing your ground under difficult circumstances. My children have never been taken to a home where people smoke in the house. You aren't ott, you are protecting your children.

Chely · 31/01/2022 00:17

No you are not being OTT.

We stopped going to my inlaws because SFIL smoked in the house when we were there with baby. They went from owning to renting so he had to switch to smoking outside and we do visit now.

booplefloof · 31/01/2022 00:18

You are absolutely doing the right thing. I did the same but my family were understanding.

Secondhand, even third hand smoke is a real thing.

I cannot believe that your family members are being such twats about it. Your baby is lucky to have you!

mrsfollowill · 31/01/2022 00:25

I'm a smoker for my sins- but I never smoke indoors even in my own house! Always go outside and have done for have past 20 years. Can't believe people still smoke in the house- it was gross years ago and unthinkable now. Even tonight with a raging storm and no kids in the house. Stick to your guns.

Chloemol · 31/01/2022 00:25

I wouldn’t go even if I didnt have a child. Second hand smoke is bad for everyone and who wants to come out stinking of smoke

YANBU

Original poster
xcdrx · 31/01/2022 00:27

I believed i wasnt being OTT but when someone says something to belittle you infront of a few people it does make you second think

But it has just gave me more reason to say no.

Partner not been overly helpful he says when baby gets older she can go aslong as they dont smoke whilst she is there but not as a newborn. I say no either way. She will still stink. A house that is smoked in stinks regardless.
It has caused so many arguments.

You have all made me feel loads better. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
xcdrx · 31/01/2022 00:31

I smoked for years never ever in the house! Might have stood at back door when i lived ALONE! Wouldnt dream of smoking near a none smoker or kids. Just plain rude.

His family have been a nightmare all way through. I asked his relative not to smoke round me whilst pregnant. what did she do. Lit up.
Rude as fuck.

I will always stick to what i believe in. Just be nice if i had proper back up. But i dont mind being the enemy for wanting the best for my child.

OP posts:
Ikeptgoing · 31/01/2022 00:44

No
I'm a smoker and I smoke outside my house bc of teenage Children

So if I have a baby..
a) I didn't smoke back then gave up for Years and
B) no I wouldn't take baby to a Smokey house

And ima smoker!!!

Ikeptgoing · 31/01/2022 00:48

Little lungs do not need smoke
It hurts them
You do not need to expose them to that - as an adult bc
No one has any reason to smoke around your baby nor insist you go their house-where they smoke

Stick to your grounds please!!! Children do not need to be around cigarettes

Ikeptgoing · 31/01/2022 00:49

Tell your relative to Frigg off @xcdrx

runsmidgeOMG · 31/01/2022 00:51

Smoker/vaper here too ! YANBU
Indoor smoking isn't pleasant.... I as your PP suggests never light up in public around children... let alone babies... !

I've even been honest and said to a mum friend outdoors no I won't hold baby right now, I had a cigarette recently etc (in proper context it sounded politer than worded 🤣)

Just why ?!?

Well done for standing your ground OP !

user33323 · 31/01/2022 00:58

Second hand smoke exposure is the biggest risk factor for SIDS/cot death, so you are right to stick to your guns.

DropYourSword · 31/01/2022 01:03

I'm with you - I wouldn't either.

It's interesting though - there was a similar thread a few weeks ago and I was very much in the minority on that one. Most people were really quite rude to the op and telling her to get over herself and her fancy notions!

tympanic · 31/01/2022 01:27

Brace yourself, OP. The judgement never stops. I had the same to deal with with my in-laws. Don’t let them make you feel silly. It’s 2022. The world has long known the dangers of smoking. If they wish to ignore it that’s their problem, not yours.