Visiting smokers house with baby

[xcdrx]

Hi all,
My baby is 7 weeks old and i made it clear in pregnancy onwards that i did not want baby going to my partners relatives house who smokes 20+ cigs a day in their home.
I am now the worst person in the world!!

Another family member has made me feel 2cm tall by spouting off her opinion that cig smoke never hurt her or her children so why shouldn't i take my baby to this certain house?

As an adult i cant stand the smell in my hair or in my clothes so why should i let my baby smell of it and breath it in?

Am i been over the top? I feel so low about this i just want to do my best x

Oh for goodness' sake, disagreeing with ridiculous hyperbole doesn't make me a troll. By all means report me to MNHQ as a troll

In response to the daft responseabout babies mouthing everything and crawling everywhere - then keep the visit short, and don't allow the baby to masticate the soft furnishings, eat its lunch out of the ashtray or whatever.

This sort of hysterical overreaction does nothing but damage relationships and drive wedges through families. Smoking is disgusting, yes, and anyone who smokes around a baby is irresponsible. Taking a baby into a house where someone has previously smoked really isn't a big deal.

No, you are not being over the top! YANBU. I would feel the same. Just because someone grew up in a house full of smoke, does not make it okay.

I grew up in a house where my mum was a heavy smoker. I have had no long term health effects from this but it does not make it okay.

Third hand smoke can be nasty. I speak form experience. I have a DS with an ex partner. Ex partner has never smoked near to ds but he used to smoke in his place when ds was not around, he thought it was okay as he wasn't actually smoking inside when ds was there... but third hand sticks to everything. Every time ds went over there he would come home stinking of smoke and coughing!! His hair and clothes smelt awful! I had to tell him to stop it or ds wouldn't go over!

No you’re not. Smoking in pregnancy and / or second hand smoke contributes to SIDs. No way would I take that risk just because someone doesn’t like it

Not wanting to take a baby into a smoker's home is not a hysterical overreaction FGS. I loathe the smell of cigarette smoke so I wouldn't go into a smoker's home either.

I don't understand why you are so hard of thinking @sadpapercourtesan. Why are you being so deliberately so obtuse?

@RampantIvy

Not wanting to take a baby into a smoker's home is not a hysterical overreaction FGS. I loathe the smell of cigarette smoke so I wouldn't go into a smoker's home either.

I don't understand why you are so hard of thinking @sadpapercourtesan. Why are you being so deliberately so obtuse?

I don't like the smell of cigarette smoke either, but if the smoker in question was my loved one, or a vulnerable relative, or someone I wouldn't see otherwise - of course I would go in.

Disagreeing with you doesn't make me a troll, or "hard of thinking", or obtuse. It just means I think you're wrong.

Can you turn it around @xcdrx and suggest that the relative in question might like to give up for their grandchild/niece/nephew? I mean you haven't done that, but I would argue suggesting that would be less ridiculous than berating you for not taking your child into an environment with 2nd hand smoke.

There is no excuse for exposing children or anyone to it these days.

Just don't go..... End of.... (and I'm a smoker)

Hmm. I wouldn't take a 7 week old, no. I wouldn't want a smoker to hold them either unless they washed their hands and wore clean clothes.
An older baby after 6 months or so I would be less worried and would have no problem with occasional short visits to a smoker's home - a couple of hours every month say. As long as they didn't smoke in the same room. I feel the risk is minimal compared to all the other toxins, diesel fumes etc. For an older child I'd probably be OK with longer or more frequent visits, once past the age of SIDS.
I wouldn't ever want a family member to smoke in the same room as my child.

YANBU

MIL was a heavy smoker and if she wanted to see the kids she came to our. I really didn’t give a shit if i hurt her feelings. She stank, her house stank. She was disgusting

Who cares what a verminous arsehole thinks?

Thank you for all your replies. I will continue to stick to what i believe is right. You have all made me feel loads better.
I just think people should respect a parents wishes.
I do not want my baby to visit whether they do not smoke beforehand etc the damage is already done the smoke is already stinking everywhere as his relative lights cigs and leaves them burning in the ash tray like a god damn in lncense stick.

If relationships between me and his family break down due to me wanting what is best i believe those relationships clearly wasn't that strong in the first place. Bugga'em xx

Well done for sticking to your guns.

Yanbu OP

Don't let anyone belittle you. When they go rude you have various replies
"We will agree to disagree but how about you try to remain polite. It simply isn't happening."

" I'm not risking my child's health no matter how rude (/belligerent)/ or loud you get"

"Well you've call me silly for not listening to your evidence which is anecdotal that your children are alive stil, I call you ignorant for not listening to my evidence from medical research widely accepted in the world . So we definitely have different points of view"

"I'm not interested in your views , it's tiresome now. I will parent how I choose - you parented how you chose. You had your time with your children. This is my time and my child"

"Heard and answered. Stop badgering or I'll send you to the naughty step ! The adults are talking where people are allowed their own views."