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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want her going out alone

80 replies

christmaslights4 · 30/01/2022 23:01

My dd 15 in year 10 wants to go on a date after school with this boy, however this boy does not go to her school, he goes to one near by apparently. She says that they'd go to a restaurant in the same town as her school, they'd walk there and leave by about 6-7, and then she'd get the bus home. AIBU to be worried about this? I'm prepared for you to all say i'm being way to over protective, but the fact that i've never met this boy and he doesn't even go to the same school as her really worries me. What are your opinions on this?

OP posts:
Theballoonsinthesky · 30/01/2022 23:06

I would feel the same as you and would only be happy if I was dropping her and picking her up but maybe I'm over protective too? I don’t think so though, 15 isn't an adult.

Original poster
christmaslights4 · 30/01/2022 23:09

@Theballoonsinthesky

I would feel the same as you and would only be happy if I was dropping her and picking her up but maybe I'm over protective too? I don’t think so though, 15 isn't an adult.
Thank you for the quick response. I wasn't sure if i was being totally unreasonable, but good to see i'm not the only one who thinks it's a bit risky. DH thinks it's fine but i'm still a bit worried.
OP posts:
cheekychaplin · 30/01/2022 23:12

Does she never go out alone?

merrymouse · 30/01/2022 23:14

I think drop off and collect. You know your daughter and you know how you feel about it, but ‘Goes to another school’ would also set off my spidy senses.

Better to be make her roll her eyes at you being over protective than to regret afterwards.

If he isn’t a dick and genuinely likes your daughter he won’t care that she got a lift.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 30/01/2022 23:15

Take her, collect her.

feelsobadfeltsogood · 30/01/2022 23:16

I'd let her go but say you'll take her and pick her up from the restaurant

Pedalpushers · 30/01/2022 23:18

Yeah, drop her off and pick her up. I'd be worried the boy is older and thinks she is as well.

silkience · 30/01/2022 23:18

Trust your instincts. However you also need to gradually build up to her being out and agree curfew etc. Pp comment about "not an adult"
Is a bit stupid, it's a pathway not a sudden switch on!

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 30/01/2022 23:19

I think it sounds absolutely fine.

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/01/2022 23:19

Would she normally walk and get the bus home if she were meeting friends or going into town shopping? If so then is there a difference because she’s meeting a boy for a date? Presuming he isn’t a stranger she’s met online and she takes all usual precautions like only meeting in public and texting you as she’s leaving to get on the bus, it seems fine.

But if you’re happy to drive and collect her, just do that.

HunkyPunk · 30/01/2022 23:19

They’re not proposing to stay out late, and it sounds as though they’ve planned it sensibly. I think it’s probably fine, as long as he is who she says he is - a 15 yr old from another school. I don’t think it’s unusual for kids who go to different schools to go out with each other. They all seem to know people in their year at various schools. I think if it were me, I would let them meet up, then pick your dd up at an arranged time, unless you have any reason to think that things aren’t what they seem?

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 23:24

It sounds like they've organised it quite sensibly. My DD1 was at college at 16 (so only a year older), and would often go on a date after college and then bus home. The deal was that she tell me roughly what time to expect her home, where they were going, and she kept in touch if plans changed.

RoyKentsChestHair · 30/01/2022 23:24

I’d make sure she has a fully charged phone and some cash/access to contactless payment in case she needs to get a taxi or something. I’d probably offer to pick her up if I was free, but otherwise definitely to keep in touch and let you know when she leaves the restaurant etc

My DD is 15 and very much still a child. She’s not worldly wise like some of her friends and I can see her being flattered into doing something stupid by a boy in a scenario like this. I know some friends of hers would be much more switched on, and have the confidence to tell a boy where to get off if he tries something on. You know your dd best so be guided by how mature and confident you think she’d be in a tricky situation - be prepared for the worst but try not to let her worry - let her look forward to the best.

avamiah · 30/01/2022 23:25

@Pedalpushers

Yeah, drop her off and pick her up. I'd be worried the boy is older and thinks she is as well.
Yes agree

I would drop her off and pick her up.
I take it she has a phone as well so she can message you if she wants to.

WorriedGiraffe · 30/01/2022 23:25

Drop off and collect if you can, but if not then it sounds sensible enough to me anyway and I’d let her go.

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 30/01/2022 23:28

When I was 15 I would do much worse than this. BUT in hindsight I can see I really did put myself at great risk sometimes and I'm awfully lucky I didn't come to any harm.

I would let her get her own way there after school, but insist on picking her up. Especially as it's dark by 7.

Also - I would ask that she leaves his name and phone number written down somewhere just in case.

caringcarer · 30/01/2022 23:33

Surely she won't want to go straight from school in her uniform? I would drop off and pick up as it is first date with.this boy but explain to her next time you will just collect.

Notimeforaname · 30/01/2022 23:34

Fine to go for food and get a bus around 6 or 7pm. She's 15..not 5.

TokenGinger · 30/01/2022 23:39

Given you say "apparently", is it possible she's not met this boy yet? If it's somebody she's met online and it's a first date, I'd absolutely not be letting her go alone.

OnaBegonia · 30/01/2022 23:46

A 15 yr old can't be out until 6/7pm? Does she never go out?
If you're worried I'd offer to collect, other than that leave her be.

DiddyHeck · 30/01/2022 23:48

I think I'd die of embarrassment if either of my parents insisted on dropping me off/picking me up from a date at 15 and that was long before we had mobile phones!

BungleandGeorge · 30/01/2022 23:54

How does she know him? How long for? I think that makes quite a difference.

avamiah · 30/01/2022 23:55

Also my daughter is 12 year old year 7 and she has been ice skating with a friend from school but I dropped her off and picked her up and so did her friends mum as it gets dark after 5 pm.
But if I was OP I really would want to meet the boy that her daughter is going to a restaurant with and know where he lives etc.
I would personally ask my daughter to invite him around one weekend for something to eat, watch a film.

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 23:55

Does she not go out with friends at that time in the evening? Is it just because it's a date that you're worried?

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/01/2022 23:57

Can you pick them up?
You can drop him off too, if they’re willing, and have a chat on the way.

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