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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want her going out alone

80 replies

christmaslights4 · 30/01/2022 23:01

My dd 15 in year 10 wants to go on a date after school with this boy, however this boy does not go to her school, he goes to one near by apparently. She says that they'd go to a restaurant in the same town as her school, they'd walk there and leave by about 6-7, and then she'd get the bus home. AIBU to be worried about this? I'm prepared for you to all say i'm being way to over protective, but the fact that i've never met this boy and he doesn't even go to the same school as her really worries me. What are your opinions on this?

OP posts:
ANameChangeAgain · 31/01/2022 00:00

I think I'd die of embarrassment if either of my parents insisted on dropping me off/picking me up from a date at 15 and that was long before we had mobile phones! me too, but it doesn't feel as safe for them out there as it was for us. My dad always picked me up, but was good enough to wait around the corner!
I would find out how she knows him and how well she knows him. Drop her off at the restaurant and pick her up again. I have Life 360 on mine and my teens phones so we all know where each other is. If mine feel uncomfortable or vulnerable when out we have a codeword, and they know I will drop everything and follow the directions to the location on the app.

KurtWilde · 31/01/2022 00:01

@DiddyHeck

I think I'd die of embarrassment if either of my parents insisted on dropping me off/picking me up from a date at 15 and that was long before we had mobile phones!
Indeed!
Whatinthelord · 31/01/2022 00:04

How did she meet this boy? I’m just checking if it is a boy she knows and not just someone she’s met online.

Maybe discuss some safety measures (like staying in public place, not getting in the a car with him etc) and ask her to give you name of restaurant and text you at certain time to let you know she’s ok….or some similar plan.

You could always arrange to collect her at a specific place that she can walk to after her date has ended, so long as it’s a busy place she will be safe. To save her embarrassment.

CPL593H · 31/01/2022 00:06

Has she actually met him in person before or only online?

NoSquirrels · 31/01/2022 00:07

I'm prepared for you to all say i'm being way to over protective

You are, possibly. Possibly you’re not.

How does she know him?
Does she usually meet friends in town?
What time do you generally consider reasonable for her to socialise and come home?

If you can understand exactly why him being from a different school bothers you then you’ll be in a better position to argue/insist.

Inherently there’s nothing terrible about her plan but you know whether she’s independent enough to handle it or not.

Kuachui · 31/01/2022 00:12

is it likely she met some guy online? if so i would definitely do a drop off and collect type thing.

i remember being 15 and meeting guys from the internet. i was very very lucky i disnt lose my life

JugglingJanuary · 31/01/2022 00:13

Would you let her do this if it was a female friend from another school?

Where we live I'd be happy with the arrangements, but I'd want his photo, contact details etc. she knows I'd only use them in an emergency & understand that me saying 'No officer, I don't know who he is, his full name or contact details' does not make me look responsible.She knows 'shit happens' & that these things are important.

Summerfun54321 · 31/01/2022 00:14

By 15 I’d want my daughter to be educated in how to look after herself enough to be able to meet someone in a public place and get home on a bus at 7pm. If you don’t like the fact she’s meeting someone you don’t know then address that specifically, but the actual date and bus ride should be fine surely.

Kanaloa · 31/01/2022 00:15

I’d want to know a few extra details before really deciding. How does she know him? For example, a half brother of her close friend who just happens to go to a different school is a very different ballgame from a boy she met online and has only seen a photo of.

So overall I don’t think you’re reasonable or unreasonable, but that it’s hard to judge without the full story.

Crunched · 31/01/2022 00:20

I would plan to collect her and remind her that I can be there earlier if she texts me, but I think the walking from school to the restaurant in the early evening is fine.

Lalliella · 31/01/2022 00:28

Has she actually met this boy? Is he really a boy at a different school? Or is he a 33 year old man posing as a schoolboy?

I can’t believe any parent would be ok about this. 7pm is too late and too dark for a 15 year old to be coming home on their own.

Red flags OP. Be very careful.

cheekychaplin · 31/01/2022 00:36

I can’t believe any parent would be ok about this. 7pm is too late and too dark for a 15 year old to be coming home on their own.

7pm isn't late. I don't know why you think it is.

This is pretty normal developmentally at age 15.

avamiah · 31/01/2022 00:36

@JugglingJanuary

Would you let her do this if it was a female friend from another school?

Where we live I'd be happy with the arrangements, but I'd want his photo, contact details etc. she knows I'd only use them in an emergency & understand that me saying 'No officer, I don't know who he is, his full name or contact details' does not make me look responsible.She knows 'shit happens' & that these things are important.

Totally agree

I would personally want to meet him as he is a complete stranger otherwise .

Theblacksheepandme · 31/01/2022 00:41

I would want more information about this boy. How did she get to know him, what school does he go to, what age is he, where does he live, what's his name, has she met him in person already. You are not being overprotective at all. If she is happy to be open in answering all these questions and she's trustworthy then yes. I would drop her at restaurant and tell her she is not to leave the restaurant and I would pick her up at an agreed time. I would also want her to introduce him to me when I'd pick her up.

Theblacksheepandme · 31/01/2022 00:49

DiddyHeck
I think I'd die of embarrassment if either of my parents insisted on dropping me off/picking me up from a date at 15 and that was long before we had mobile phones!

I think I would prefer if my daughter died of embarrassment than me not bothering and getting a knock on my door by Police.

Kelly7889 · 31/01/2022 01:40

God no. Not unless you drop her at the restaurant and collect her from there and set eyes on him at least.

What if she didn't come home / wasn't there when you went to fetch her/ or didn't pick up if you rang? You wouldn't have a clue about who she was with or any information. She is under the age of consent, a legal child. What is this "boy" that you have never even met wanting from her? A game of tiddlywinks? How did she meet him in real life, or hasn't she even done that?
Jesus Christ I'm glad I'm not a mother to a girl in 2022.
Good luck.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 31/01/2022 05:53

@Lalliella

Has she actually met this boy? Is he really a boy at a different school? Or is he a 33 year old man posing as a schoolboy?

I can’t believe any parent would be ok about this. 7pm is too late and too dark for a 15 year old to be coming home on their own.

Red flags OP. Be very careful.

It's really not late.

I was regularly out until 9-10pm at that age and I'd walk home too.

I didn't even get home from school until 6pm and that required a mile+ walk from the bus stop in the dark!

Totalwasteofpaper · 31/01/2022 06:00

Another take and collect her - even if its a 10 second "hello"

I was out clubbing at this age but my parents still wanted to know who I was with and who my friends and boyfriend were.

ElftonWednesday · 31/01/2022 06:01

It isn't the dark or the time that's a problem, it's that she's meeting someone she has been chatting to online who may not turn out to be a boy from another school, that would bother me. I would pick her up, it doesn't have to be "mortifying" and you don't have to be obtrusive.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 31/01/2022 06:05

@ElftonWednesday

It isn't the dark or the time that's a problem, it's that she's meeting someone she has been chatting to online who may not turn out to be a boy from another school, that would bother me. I would pick her up, it doesn't have to be "mortifying" and you don't have to be obtrusive.
Nowhere in OP's posts does it say that.
Grumpsy · 31/01/2022 06:13

7pm at 15 is not late. Whether you trust that she’s telling the truth about how well she knows this boy is another thing that i in can’t comment on.

However OP - your DD will be 18 in 3 years. What are you going to do when she is out till 3 in the morning at a club drinking?

ElftonWednesday · 31/01/2022 06:46

Nowhere in OP's posts does it say that

It doesn't say how well her DD knows this boy or even that he is who he says he is, only that her parents don't know him.

This is life, not a school reading comprehension.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 31/01/2022 06:55

@ElftonWednesday

Nowhere in OP's posts does it say that

It doesn't say how well her DD knows this boy or even that he is who he says he is, only that her parents don't know him.

This is life, not a school reading comprehension.

Yes, I'm aware of that Wink

But I'm unsure why loads of people seem to have decided he's some random bloke from the internet masquerading as a 15yo boy. Isn't the most likely explanation that she met him through a friend?

I mean, I knew loads of kids from other schools when I was that age and none of them knew my parents - isn't that fairly normal?

Original poster
christmaslights4 · 31/01/2022 06:59

Thank you all for your replies. She does usually go out with friends after school or get the train into a different town, i'm usually very relaxed about her independent, i think it is just the 'from a different school' thing. She is usually very sensible and I do trust her, I think i might do what lots of you have suggested and see if I can pick her up from somewhere nearby. Sorry I didn't give more context before, she said she's never met this boy before, but a few of her friends know him, and she's been messaging him on snapchat and has seen pictures of his face so 'knows he's definitely her age'.

OP posts:
shouldistop · 31/01/2022 07:01

I'd probably want to pick her up. At least she's told you about her date. I didn't tell my mum anything as a teenager.