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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not going to wedding 8 days after due date

95 replies

HeartofAss · 29/01/2022 08:39

What would you do?

Friend's wedding in Spain, August 13th. I'm due with baby #3 on August 5th in Manchester.

I am getting major FOMO about not going... it's going to be an incredible wedding with tons of old friends going, lots of kids and babies around. Everyone is making a holiday of it, renting houses together etc.

Especially after 2 years of cancelled/boring holidays I just would so love to go.

I am quite certain of my conception date and baby is measuring exactly on dates so far. Baby #1 and #2 were both easy births and came 1 and 2 days before due date respectively. We went to a wedding 10 days after baby #1 with no problems... although that was in Scotland so simpler. And we didn't have other kids and weren't building a big holiday around it. And wasn't during a pandemic.

I haven't replied to RSVP yet... what would you do?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 29/01/2022 08:40

I would 100% decline, you have no idea when the baby will arrive or how you’ll feel after the birth.

A wedding 30 mins down the road? I would speak to the bride and see if she was ok with you being provisional acceptance.

A wedding a flight away with a brand new baby? Nah mate.

Lemons1571 · 29/01/2022 08:40

See if you can say you’ll be there if at all possible.
Baby wouldn’t get a passport in time though would they?

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/01/2022 08:41

Madness. Understandable you like the idea but no way.

Jacaranda75 · 29/01/2022 08:44

I came on to say don’t go, but you make it sound really fun, OP! You clearly DO want to go, but the timing may not work out unfortunately.

dementedpixie · 29/01/2022 08:45

No i wouldnt go. You would have to leave your baby (if its born) as you wouldn't have time to get a passport for them. If you were still pregnant you would need a fit to fly letter from your gp/midwife or the airline would not let you board. Also would need insurance covering pregnancy issues

ComDummings · 29/01/2022 08:45

There’s no way I’d go tbh

namechange30455 · 29/01/2022 08:45

It's just totally impractical. Baby probably won't even be registered let alone have a passport, so you can't take them. So you're planning on leaving them with someone? At potentially 5-10 days old?

Clymene · 29/01/2022 08:45

You won't be able to get a passport for the baby will you?

Neolara · 29/01/2022 08:46

I think you'd be bonkers to accept.

Moneypenny007 · 29/01/2022 08:46

I had 2 lovely easy deliveries with my first 2, they were quick relatively pain free.... currently week 3 of recovery after an emergency c section with dd. She was breech and went early. But hey if u have fomo away you go!!!

Notevenabit · 29/01/2022 08:47

Nah. You don’t know what will happen. You could be a couple weeks late even having the baby or you could be on blood thinners or have a c section and barely be moving by then. My last birth I was still in hospital a week after on antibiotics and that’s after being two weeks overdue. Too many variables. Also as pp have said, passport will take longer.

trevthecat · 29/01/2022 08:48

You will need to register baby and then apply for a passport! In a few days, just after having a baby! I don't thinknit will be possible. Also think babies have to be 2 weeks old to fly

Hathertonhariden · 29/01/2022 08:48

Even if the baby arrives on/before time, you don't have a cs and it's all old hat because it's baby no.3 how would you be able to get a passport for the baby in time?

LaBellina · 29/01/2022 08:48

There are airlines that won’t even allow a baby less then a few weeks old to fly.

Ragwort · 29/01/2022 08:49

No way, totally unpractical.

drpet49 · 29/01/2022 08:49

** Friend's wedding in Spain, August 13th. I'm due with baby #3 on August 5th in Manchester.

I am getting major FOMO about not going... **

^What on earth? This is madness. Have can they even think you will entertain this nonsense?

Isaw3ships · 29/01/2022 08:50

Trust me, you won’t give a fudge about the wedding when the baby comes. You’d be mad to even think about attempting to go - you have no idea what your physical and mental state will be, you won’t be sleeping … it’s a no.

Doubleraspberry · 29/01/2022 08:52

I feel so sorry for you. That wedding/holiday sounds like so much fun.

But I agree with others. The practicalities would be so difficult. It also puts a huge amount of pressure on you to have the baby ‘on time’ which is exactly the sort of hormonal trickery that could delay the onset of labour, and stress you out enormously.

Can you let your old friends know how sorry you are to be missing out and see whether people would be up for something similar next year? I know it’s a really long time to wait after the last two years but it’s something to look forward to.

Soontobe60 · 29/01/2022 08:53

First of all, there’s absolutely no guarantee that the baby will even be born before the wedding, and I’m pretty sure you can’t fly so late on in a pregnancy. Second, if you did go and had the baby in Spain you wouldn’t be able to fly home as you wouldn’t have a passport for the baby. Also, if the baby has arrived before the wedding, it will not have a passport so won’t be able to accompany you.
Your travel insurance won’t cover you for any of these possible scenarios either, so you could be well out of pocket.

Pyri · 29/01/2022 08:54

@drpet49

** Friend's wedding in Spain, August 13th. I'm due with baby #3 on August 5th in Manchester.

I am getting major FOMO about not going... **

^What on earth? This is madness. Have can they even think you will entertain this nonsense?

I assume they booked their wedding on a date that was convenient and appealing to them, not to suit the birth date of a guest
Lockdownbear · 29/01/2022 08:56

Has to be a no timing just won't work. Tiny baby, recovering from birth, passport issues, insurance.

Even if baby is late the airline won't let you fly. Most have a blanket ban after 36 weeks.

marqueses · 29/01/2022 08:58

@Isaw3ships

Trust me, you won’t give a fudge about the wedding when the baby comes. You’d be mad to even think about attempting to go - you have no idea what your physical and mental state will be, you won’t be sleeping … it’s a no.
It's not like it's a first child, I could have gone on a short haul plane ride at 10 days (obvi without the baby) for a couple of days so I don't think you can be so sure it's not possible

I don't think I would accept the invitation simply from a logistical POV but I think it is doable with the right support

Unanananana · 29/01/2022 08:59

What everyone else said (recovery, passport insurance etc). Plus your baby would have had no vaccinations.

astoundedgoat · 29/01/2022 09:00

I mean in theory you could book your flight, check with the airline that you can add an as yet unborn baby to your booking and play it by ear? Check how early they will let a baby fly.

If the baby is a couple of days early, and the passport office was fast it might work, but be prepared to accept at the time that it might simply not.

I misread your original post as saying that you were hoping to be overdue and go to the wedding still pregnant. Going to the wedding with a 10 day old baby seems less mad than that at least!

Darbs76 · 29/01/2022 09:01

I wouldn’t go, you’d need a passport for the baby for a start which complicates things

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