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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not going to wedding 8 days after due date

95 replies

HeartofAss · 29/01/2022 08:39

What would you do?

Friend's wedding in Spain, August 13th. I'm due with baby #3 on August 5th in Manchester.

I am getting major FOMO about not going... it's going to be an incredible wedding with tons of old friends going, lots of kids and babies around. Everyone is making a holiday of it, renting houses together etc.

Especially after 2 years of cancelled/boring holidays I just would so love to go.

I am quite certain of my conception date and baby is measuring exactly on dates so far. Baby #1 and #2 were both easy births and came 1 and 2 days before due date respectively. We went to a wedding 10 days after baby #1 with no problems... although that was in Scotland so simpler. And we didn't have other kids and weren't building a big holiday around it. And wasn't during a pandemic.

I haven't replied to RSVP yet... what would you do?

OP posts:
Narwhalsh · 29/01/2022 09:44

My first baby came 2 days before due date, my third came 2.5 weeks late! Third babies can be unpredictable.

Plan to stay home and get to know your new baby Smile

northumberlandavenue · 29/01/2022 09:50

Plan to be at home, ask if the wedding can be streamed so you can watch it.

babyjellyfish · 29/01/2022 09:50

I'm pretty sure you can't take a baby less than 15 days old on a flight anyway.

You can't go.

Spidey66 · 29/01/2022 09:55

If the hen party is a month or so before in the UK can you compromise by going to that? It's sad, but tbh you cant realistically go forcall the reasons mentioned.

notimagain · 29/01/2022 09:55

For info…

I’ll just chuck this in as an very typical example of the aviation industry rules - from Ryanair’s T&Cs/FAQs..

In addition to no flying for the mother “ beyond the end of the 36th week of pregnancy”

They go on to state:

“A baby must be at least 8 days old before we can accept him/her on to one of our flights, due to the physical effects of flying at high-altitude. Therefore, please note that we would always advise the newborn's parents or guardians to ensure that the treating doctor agrees to him/her travelling by air.
Similarly, the baby's mother can be accepted for travel from 48 hours after the birth of her baby subject to having delivered without any complications or surgery. If a caesarean section was performed or if surgery was needed for the mother then the minimum period before we could accept her for travel would be 10 days. However, this is also subject to approval for travel from her treating doctor”

Dishwashersaurous · 29/01/2022 09:55

From easyjet website

Babies under 14 days old are unable to travel

Dishwashersaurous · 29/01/2022 09:56

It's lovely that you want to go but it's impossible

Dimondsareforever · 29/01/2022 10:00

Clearly you can’t go! You will either be overdue and unable to fly! Or have a new born (who won’t have a passport!).

Of course you can’t go!!

babyjellyfish · 29/01/2022 10:02

My friend travelled abroad for my wedding when her baby was just over 2 weeks old. His due date was 4 weeks before my wedding but he arrived 10 days late. Straightforward birth. She was in the Passport Office 3 days after his birth getting his first passport, which took a few days to arrive, but arrived with the wrong date of birth on it, so her MIL had to go back to the Passport Office and get it fixed, adding a few more days to the overall time taken. I think he had a correct passport when he was 10 days old. They travelled by plane when he was about 15 days old, and the airline said that if he had been 2 days younger they wouldn't have let them board. Her whole family was invited to my wedding so there were lots of people to help.

Having now had a baby of my own (admittedly by C-section, but fast recovery), I have literally no idea how she managed it. And that was pre pandemic.

littlebilliie · 29/01/2022 10:04

It's a lovely idea to go, but considering I was hardly dressed for three weeks after the birth. I think declining is realistic

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/01/2022 10:10

As others said it will be the passport that will be a no

If a local or even wedding in Uk so drivable then I would say yes but say see how you feel after baby

Flying abroad is a no

My sil tried to get a passport 10yrs ago as lived abroad and just had a baby and needed to attend my dh her brother funeral , couldn’t manage it so had to fly without baby who she left with her dh

Obv a funeral is diff from a wedding

MintyGreenDream · 29/01/2022 10:10

Go to Spain 3 weeks early,give birth there then no travelling with newborn 😄 joking of course,I don't think its doable

Moonbabysmum · 29/01/2022 10:24

The odd one out here, but personally I would consider it.

But (and its a huge but...)

I have had 2 planned sections at 39w, so baby would be just over 2w old. There's be no risk of going overdue, and no risk that baby would be under 7 days old (which many airlines don't allow).

Passports can be obtained in 7 days, so that should be doable, and recovery wise, I was back to normal after a week both times, so I'd have no concerns about a holiday after 2.

With second, we went on holiday at 6w old, but I would have been fine to go after a week (less if someone else carried everything).

But a natural birth, where you might still be pregnant, the uncertainty over whether you'd get a passport etc. Absolutely not. Sorry.

Not because of recovery, but because there are too many unknowns.

Moonbabysmum · 29/01/2022 10:26

^ As in , I would consider it for myself, but I dont think its doable for you. Sorry.

TequilaShot · 29/01/2022 10:58

I'm absolutely shocked that your friend would expect you to be there to be honest!!

Toadsinholes · 29/01/2022 11:06

I can’t imagine anything worse… sorry OP. For so many reasons this can’t work. Think of all the money you’ll save!

TinaYouFatLard · 29/01/2022 11:11

This is a refreshing change from the usual outrage that prospective mums express at the cheek of being invited to a wedding within 3/6/20 weeks of their due date!

But I’m sorry you can’t go!

Chely · 29/01/2022 11:14

I would decline. You'd be stressed trying to get a passport sorted at short notice when recovering from birth. Anything could happen at the birth too.

My cousin got married 8 days after my due date with our 3rd, born 2 days after due date. I did not go to the wedding and it was not a destination wedding, I was bloody exhausted and just couldn't be arsed with a party (wedding was on my birthday too).

ShirleyPhallus · 29/01/2022 11:16

@TequilaShot

I'm absolutely shocked that your friend would expect you to be there to be honest!!
She hasn’t said that the friend expects her there?
katepilar · 29/01/2022 11:17

I would wait and see how it is and if you can manage to go at very short notice, providing its acceptable by the broom and bride, just make the decision on the spot to go.
It would be too much stress for me but some people can handle stuff like this ok.

Hoppinggreen · 29/01/2022 11:18

In your shoes I was still pg with DS - he was late!
It sounds great OP but I just don’t think you can go. If your baby is 8 days old it’s a stretch but it could be 2,3 days old or not even here yet

namechange30455 · 29/01/2022 11:19

@drpet49

** Friend's wedding in Spain, August 13th. I'm due with baby #3 on August 5th in Manchester.

I am getting major FOMO about not going... **

^What on earth? This is madness. Have can they even think you will entertain this nonsense?

Do you not understand what "FOMO" means and think the friend is giving the OP shit for not going? It's the OP that wants to go, nothing has been said about whether the friend expects her to!
xyzandabc · 29/01/2022 11:21

I may be wrong but I didn't think babies were allowed to fly under 14 days old something to do with immaturity of their lungs ?
Passport would be in issue and mad rush to sort out even if baby is on time as you need the birth certificate first which also takes time

I was still pregnant at 8 days overdue with all 3 if mine.

Unless you are prepared to go to Spain at 35wks and give birth out there, this just isn't going to happen.

notimagain · 29/01/2022 11:29

@xyzandabc

I may be wrong but I didn't think babies were allowed to fly under 14 days old something to do with immaturity of their lungs ?

Been discussed upthread, exact timing depends on the airline and their evaluation of the risk..

And yes, whilst this isn’t my aisle Wink as I understand it amongst other things there is a possible issue with the slightly reduced level of oxygen (verses sea level) and lung function.

BlowDryRat · 29/01/2022 12:38

Definitely don't go. Sorry you're missing out bit there's no way it will be doable.