AIBU for not going to wedding 8 days after due date

[HeartofAss]

What would you do?

Friend's wedding in Spain, August 13th. I'm due with baby #3 on August 5th in Manchester.

I am getting major FOMO about not going... it's going to be an incredible wedding with tons of old friends going, lots of kids and babies around. Everyone is making a holiday of it, renting houses together etc.

Especially after 2 years of cancelled/boring holidays I just would so love to go.

I am quite certain of my conception date and baby is measuring exactly on dates so far. Baby #1 and #2 were both easy births and came 1 and 2 days before due date respectively. We went to a wedding 10 days after baby #1 with no problems... although that was in Scotland so simpler. And we didn't have other kids and weren't building a big holiday around it. And wasn't during a pandemic.

I haven't replied to RSVP yet... what would you do?

Could you book accommodation that allows you to cancel up to 48 hours before and then hope for some last minute flights if baby is early and the passport comes in time?

I was still pregnant 8 days after due date.... and still in hospital 7 days after the birth on blood thinners. Couldn't drive for weeks let alone a plane!

Hopefully you won't be but the point is you should just say no now and save yourself the what ifs

The easiest YABU ever.

On a practical level could you get a passport for the baby?

Fastest passport for a child is a week. You have to go in person to the passport office for it, with birth certificate. And need to book the appointment in advance. Unless the baby is a few weeks early, you are very unlikely to have time to get the birth cert and appointment and still have the week waiting time.

Unless you mean leave the baby with their father. That's up to you. Some people would be fine with that. But will your holiday be relaxing with leaky breasts, lichia, pain from stitches etc?

@drpet49

** Friend's wedding in Spain, August 13th. I'm due with baby #3 on August 5th in Manchester.

I am getting major FOMO about not going... **

^What on earth? This is madness. Have can they even think you will entertain this nonsense?

I assume they booked the wedding on the date that worked for them rather than around the OPs schedule. Absolutely every date they could have picked would have been unsuitable for someone they would have liked there.

If aware of the due date they probably sent the invite as an "we'd love you to be here but know you won't realistically be able to make it" thing. We've had several wedding invitations sent to a very frail relative in her late 90s for weddings on the other side of the country - it's just a way of showing you'd like to include the person. I'm sure the OP would have been upset if she didn't receive any invite at all.

That sounds way too much hassle for the sake of a bit of FOMO

You cannot possibly contemplate going. You will most likely only just have given birth there is a pandemic.

Crazier things have been accomplished. It’s your 3rd child, Spain’s pretty accessible. Will your DP stay home with baby?

Not a chance, op. Sorry. Put your energies into planning a family holiday when baby is a bit older and you've recovered physically. There's just no way to make it work for the wedding.

My nephews came before their due dates but my niece went 10 days over! And resulted in EMCS. You’re mental to consider it.

It's the passport that will scupper this plan.

You need to register baby first before you can even apply for the passport and that will likely be a few weeks after birth.

I know they can fast track these things, but not for a friends wedding.

Christ no!
Not unless someone is staying home with the baby.
You won’t be able to get them registered and a passport in time for a start, and that’s if they arrive on their due date. You might be overdue this time for all you know, you don’t know what could happen.
Sorry OP, it sounds loads of fun but it’s just not going to happen.

So lovely to see a post where someone really wants to go to a wedding.

I don't think it's manageable op, sorry. I doubt you could get passport in time for baby. Perhaps there are one or two if the friends going who would be interested in a group holiday next year.

Oh, I’m sorry, OP.

You know what you have to do, but that doesn’t help the feelings.

Will there be a hen do?

You need to make peace with not being able to go. It’s totally unrealistic to think this is a good idea. It’s rubbish timing and I can understand why you’re sad to miss out.

Even if you give birth on due date.

Vaccinations.

Passport.

Massive delay in registering birthday at the moment. So unlikely to be able to do it within a month.

Therefore cannot get passport.

You need to accept that it is utterly impossible for you to go.

Its not that it's a difficult maybe.

It's just impossible

Could you ask them to do a live feed? I "attended" a wedding in the US that way and it was lovely to join as I otherwise wouldn't have been able to.

8 days after my due date my dd was 12 hours old and I was still in the birth centre! For that reason alone I'd be declining the invite!

From a purely admin POV most if not all airlines will not allow travel after the 36th week of pregnancy, they may have a limitation of minimum number of days after giving birth the mother can fly, and will not carry newborns under 7 days old.

Rules vary slightly, precise details will be on airline website.

Just think how stressful it’s going to be if you haven’t given birth with the wedding a week away. You don’t want to be focusing on that.

Duh, I hadn't thought about passport!!! That's a big blocker. Feel a bit silly for forgetting about that one

The only way possible would be if you went without the baby, which I think would be utterly cruel. Sorry.

If you can afford to, book and then see at time time. It's entirely possible you'll be ok to get a passport and have a smooth delivery but also entirely possible your baby may be late and the plan is scuppered.