DH doesn't think DS should have a day in

[pairsinparis]

We have two DS, 4 and 2. We live ten min walk from a brilliant city centre with lots going on all of the time. Both DS go to a childminders four days a week, catch a short bus there with DH, and picked up by me in the evening.

Weekends we always have plans, DH wfh and likes to get out at weekends- day trips, going into city centre, National trust, sea side, swimming etc .

Today four year old asked he can stay in today, DH said no, we have plans to go to a museum this morning, lunch booked, an an open top bus tour thing this afternoon.

DS asked if he can have a day in tomorrow, DH said no, he good to go out and build ds 'adventurous spirit' and that ds is hard work if he stays in the house all day.

I personally think it's fine to listen to ds, he's tired, fancies a morning in pjs and a day just chilling. Who ibu?

Your DH is, obviously. Let him crack on and you stay home with your son and give him a break

I think it would be tiring to be out every weekend, do you mean out most of the day or do you just pop out for a few hours. I think your DH is being unreasonable. A day in now and then is fine. I WFH and love to do nothing some weekends.

Perhaps your DH could take the other son out and you could stay in with him?

I used to be a bit like your DH, a day at home with the family is a wasted day. I’d want to be out doing something for at least one chunk of a day (perhaps not as full on as he describes). My childhood weekends were fairly dull and built around church services, and I wanted to avoid that.

But one thing the months of lockdown has taught me is that time together doesn’t have to be outside, and that there us good in lazy days at home. And as the kids get older they will have preferences you’ll need to take into account. I have one for whom a day at home is torture, and another for whom it’s the best thing ever. They had similar experiences before then.

Your DH.
Let the kids have a day off from it. It sounds exhausting.

Your dh is an idiot. And well done to ds for clearly articulating his needs even if his df has no interest in listening.

Everyone needs to recharge sometimes. Museum, lunch and bus tour in one day is more than enough for a small child in one week!

Is it true that he's hard work if he spends all day at home?

If so, maybe a compromise of a short local outing. If not, then definitely a day in sounds great. DH and the other child could still go on their adventure if they wanted.

DH is being unreasonable.

Children (and adults) need down time to unwind. Children need to learn how to play and be able to play with toys. If they don't learn how to play with their toys then they will always be reliant on other people providing entertainment for them.

Meet in the middle he goes to the museum with the 2yr old, you and 4yr old have a quiet morning and meet them for lunch and bus.

Is wfh fairly recent (due to covid) or a lifestyle choice? He needs to be encouraged to find his own social life beyond just his family if you are the only people he sees all week. If you want to go really extreme persuade him to take up cycling and you will have half a day at home every week.

I hope he’s not going to insist on this regime when they have homework to do.

You're his parent, step in. Tell him you'll be staying home so the bairn can have some downtime and he can take the other out.

Look him right in the eyes and repeat yourself if need be. Listen to your kid who is telling you he's tired and stand up for him.

Your ds should be able to have a day in.
Who made your dh the boss anyway?

I can understand where your DH is coming from. I wfh all week, sometimes not even leaving the house for 4 days! So by the weekend I'm itching to get out and just not be at home. Dd1 (6) will often ask for a movie day though, she is busy all week with school, swimming, rainbows etc and likes having a few hours doing nothing.

Could he compromise and go out for the paid activities, but let ds stay at home for the rest of the time?

I think it’s damaging to not let a child have down time and to be ‘bored’ so they are able to figure out how to entertain themselves. Does he never get to play board games, cook, make a den, play in the mud or just play with his toys at home.

It's hard to say on this one. When my DS's were younger I just made constant plans as it was easier to entertain them. As they've got older they prefer days in the house and I struggle to get them anywhere. It sounds like your DH has to come to a compromise here, I wouldn't have whole days in the house at that age but I'd certainly do half the day.

Oh and it can be really important for dc to spend time with just one parent so they aren't always with their sibling and the same family dynamic so swap it around a bit too. Even as teens going out with just one parent is a treat.

I'd definitely be backing my tired child and saying a home day on Sunday. Mine are a nightmare if they don't get out, bickering and fed up, but an hour in the garden or a quick trip to the local park is all that's needed to sort them out. Plan some baking and crafts for Sunday, I'm sure he'll love it.

I dont think it would do ds any harm but be prepared for FOMO or boredom after after couple of hours .
I think limit your activities to morning/ afternoon only and do something laid back like a bus into town , playground etc

I don't understand people's snobbery with down days.

The constant entertainment argument can be used against making them become adventurous. Happy medium.

@HairyScaryMonster yes I'm going to- dh and DS2 can enjoy some of our baking when they get home!

I have a friend like your DH… constantly lining up the activities for her DD. We would meet at the cinema on a Saturday morning for a kids film and then I’d be off to the library and home and she’d be out for lunch and off to Chessington world of adventure. Chessington isn’t a casual “ pop in the afternoon” type of place it would be a big treat for us. There’s nothing wrong with hanging out at home watching a film, drawing, looking at books ( if you can’t yet read ) playing board games. Everyone needs down time not just children.

You can build an adventurous spirit without dragging them out when they’re tired. That might put them off adventure so they’ll think pj days are more appealing.
It’s all about balance.
Go on adventures on saturdays and have a down day on sundays.
That doesn’t mean that they have to be lazy all day. Just chilling and pottering at home.
They can learn other skills through down days. Maybe help with some chores, a bit of gardening or watering the house plants or some cooking and the rest is spent how they want to.

He probably doesn't want to have to play with him at home.

I would definitely let him have a day in!

We have one 'lazy' day a week, and I believe my daughter really benefits from it, she will watch a film, read, colour in and do a craft activity. It's her favourite day of the week and we get to spend some unhurried time together.