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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH doesn't think DS should have a day in

87 replies

pairsinparis · 29/01/2022 07:13

We have two DS, 4 and 2. We live ten min walk from a brilliant city centre with lots going on all of the time. Both DS go to a childminders four days a week, catch a short bus there with DH, and picked up by me in the evening.

Weekends we always have plans, DH wfh and likes to get out at weekends- day trips, going into city centre, National trust, sea side, swimming etc .

Today four year old asked he can stay in today, DH said no, we have plans to go to a museum this morning, lunch booked, an an open top bus tour thing this afternoon.

DS asked if he can have a day in tomorrow, DH said no, he good to go out and build ds 'adventurous spirit' and that ds is hard work if he stays in the house all day.

I personally think it's fine to listen to ds, he's tired, fancies a morning in pjs and a day just chilling. Who ibu?

OP posts:

Oldtiredfedup · 29/01/2022 07:58

He’s four - his week is long already. He needs some chill out tins (and I say that as a parent who prefers to get the kids out and about at weekends)

VelvetChairGirl · 29/01/2022 08:00

go out and build ds 'adventurous spirit'

sounds like he's trying to live thru his kids, let the kids do what they want and build up their own life doing what they want and enjoy.

Rainbowbrite2022 · 29/01/2022 08:27

As an adult with a busy lifestyle I really need my down/lazy days. I think children also need them. After that Saturday that is planned I’d want Sunday as a chill day.

Modern life can be hectic and it’s a lot for them to be constantly on the go. Spending time at home, watching a film, reading or just being a kid and guiding their own play/time is just as worthwhile in his development. If he is genuinely hard work at home. A short walk or park trip should be enough to burn off some energy.

Sceptre86 · 29/01/2022 08:31

My older two are 5 and 4 years old. They sometimes ask for a pj day at the weekend and as long as we don't have plans it's fine. I try to keep one day at the weekend for lounging anyway for the kids whilst I do a deep clean of the house.

Your oh is unreasonable.

Beachbabe1 · 29/01/2022 08:35

Kids love a pjs chill day! Movies, playing with toys, family time! Tell your husband to chill out!!

PumpkinPie2016 · 29/01/2022 08:36

Your husband is being unreasonable.

I couldn't be doing with that level of activity every weekend, let alone a 4 year old!

Last weekend we had two parties to attend with 8 year old DS, had dinner with friends and had a different set of friends round for the afternoon. All lovely but very tiring!

This weekend, we aren't doing much at all and there's nothing wrong with that!

Holly60 · 29/01/2022 08:37

I was always a bit like your DH. And to be honest I still am. I hate just staying in doing nothing.

But if you are happy to stay in and so is DS1 then like you say just do separate activities.

LavenderAskew · 29/01/2022 08:39

He's four and asking to slow down and relax!!! I'd say that's a sign he needs it!!

Ragwort · 29/01/2022 08:43

Does your DH 'insist' that you go with him as well? What if you want a quiet day at home on your own or just go out to do your own thing?

I can understand if he WFH he wants to be out and about - and unlike many dads on Mumsnet at least he seems to be organising things for the DC to enjoy as well.

But good idea to do things separately.

Cleanbedlinen12 · 29/01/2022 08:45

It does sound like he needs some time to chill and snuggle on the sofa and chat with a hot chocolate.
Am a bit green tbh. Dp wfh. And doesn’t move all weekend. Any plans are up to me, then Dp will come along but want to change where we go, which he wants me to choose. Am exhausted! And run out of ideas!

RantyAunty · 29/01/2022 08:45

DS is out 4 days a week. He has the right to stay in if he wants to.
I'd want to actually be in my home sleeping in and playing with my own stuff instead of constant go go go.

If your DH, has that much boundless energy, surely there are bathrooms and floors to scrub.

Appliancedesparation · 29/01/2022 08:48

Everyone needs down time. And allowing children to be bored and find ways of dealing with that helps them develop imagination and creativity.

MichaelAndEagle · 29/01/2022 08:49

I understand if you're WFH all week you are climbing the walls by the weekend!

And I had a child that was a pain if in the house all day, but by 4 he was a bit better to be fair.

Perfect compromise would be for DH to take the other child out.

PermanentTemporary · 29/01/2022 08:49

I think all human beings need to get outside every day and I'm keen on getting dressed, but other than that I'm with you. Constantly paying for organised entertainment is too much. What happened to getting up, basic housework, out for a walk/park/woods, home for a sandwich, quiet time with a book, bit of baking or painting, help with making evening meal, eat, wash up, bedtime?

Enjoyingwinter · 29/01/2022 08:52

Definitely fine to stay in.

I used to be a little bit like your dh and try to cram lots into the weekend. I thought doing nothing was a waste, but it really isn't.

A compromise could be to stay home but just to go out for an hour to the park.

RobotValkyrie · 29/01/2022 08:52

Your DS needs a break, and your DH may need a hobby.
Would make sense to split teams for the weekend, and let the little one have a lazy day in at home with mum, baking cakes or whatever, while dad and the older kid go on an adventure.

Not OK for your DH to set everybody's timetable.

Moonshine160 · 29/01/2022 08:57

Is it unhealthy for kids to spend all day every day indoors? Yes. But is it also unhealthy for them to get little rest? Yes.
It sounds exhausting, they’re so young. Your DH is being unreasonable. Let them have a chill out day in their pyjamas.

mogschristmascalamity · 29/01/2022 08:58

Are you married to my DH? Dd worked out at age 4 if she refused to get dressed we cant go anywhere. Naked boxing day is an annual event now and DH accepts shes a homebird.

Of course i have to stay in with her all the time though

NoToLandfill · 29/01/2022 09:04

Give your DH a ridiculously tiring agenda for a week. See how he likes having no choice over what he does.

He is being selfish. Children need time just to potter about and play.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 29/01/2022 09:15

Your DH is being hugely unreasonable.

I get that if he works from home all week, he's desperate to get outside but he doesn't get to drag the whole family along all time.

I think you need to start compromising. One weekend day each week where you go and do a nice family activity, and the other where they get the choice to stay in with you or go out with dad (or vice versa, of course).

I also think DH needs to realise that he can enjoy his children at home without spending a fortune on outings.

dustofneptune · 29/01/2022 09:20

Yeah, DH is being unreasonable.

I like to have adventure days on Saturdays and unplanned, unscheduled, commitment-free, totally chill, self-care days on Sundays. I value balance.

Or lots of stuff most weekends, then a weekend with absolutely nothing on.

I don't think it's healthy to go go go without honouring down-time. And definitely not healthy not to hear the kids' feelings when they voice them.

Briony123 · 29/01/2022 09:23

4year olds often like the simple life - pottering about at home with a walk to the playground. When almost everything in life is brand new and you are constantly learning, learning, learning, life is pretty exhausting!

HunkyPunk · 29/01/2022 09:33

Would make sense to split teams for the weekend, and let the little one have a lazy day in at home with mum, baking cakes or whatever, while dad and the older kid go on an adventure.

It’s the older child who wants the rest, in op’s case!

TotallyKerplunked · 29/01/2022 09:34

exDH was like this, going to theme /safari parks, bowling, swimming, etc every weekend was exhausting.

DS1 used to cry about going out, he hated most of the activities picked but exDH though he was the best parent ever (he wouldn't read stories or play with them and his relationship with DS1 is very poor now).

I would stand up for your DS, you deserve some down time too, why does he get to dictate everyone's weekend? Have a chill day, my kids are roaming around the house pretending to be police dogs looking for baddies, it's actually nice just letting kids be kids.

teatime9999 · 29/01/2022 09:39

My husband can be a little bit like yours sometimes. Luckily I sometimes manage to talk him down.

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