DH doesn't think DS should have a day in

[pairsinparis]

We have two DS, 4 and 2. We live ten min walk from a brilliant city centre with lots going on all of the time. Both DS go to a childminders four days a week, catch a short bus there with DH, and picked up by me in the evening.

Weekends we always have plans, DH wfh and likes to get out at weekends- day trips, going into city centre, National trust, sea side, swimming etc .

Today four year old asked he can stay in today, DH said no, we have plans to go to a museum this morning, lunch booked, an an open top bus tour thing this afternoon.

DS asked if he can have a day in tomorrow, DH said no, he good to go out and build ds 'adventurous spirit' and that ds is hard work if he stays in the house all day.

I personally think it's fine to listen to ds, he's tired, fancies a morning in pjs and a day just chilling. Who ibu?

People including little people need to relax sometimes filling kids lives with fun activities all the time is exhausting your dh means well but your son doesn't want to go and thats ok.

I can see this from both sides - yes it’s nice to stay indoors and chill but if that means I’m going to have to spend all day playing games with a 4 yr old , doing role play and entertaining them then I’d rather be out .

Ha I think I’m your husband, and I think it’s stemmed from lockdown- I fear being stuck in the house all day, the thought of self isolating nearly drives me over the edge and as a result I’m out the house with my 3&5 year old all day long. We do tend to go home for lunch and an hour of chill then back out. Saying that last weekend my 5 year old requested a lazy day- so we did bu lunch he wanted to go out !

I think your DH is trying to keep ridiculously busy so as to avoid something - maybe difficult feelings about feeling trapped at home.

Maybe you and he could talk and see if you can think together about what this might really be about?

Sounds boring to me. Let him have a day at home for gods sake. Kids need to chill too

@charliebear78

I am the same as your Husband and I suspect my own Husband gets a bit fed up of my need to be out doing something every weekend. I would love it if mine actually planned some activities for us to do, It is always left to me. However we do have days were we just go for a dogwalk and cafe lunch-the rest of the day is time for household jobs/playing/watching tv etc... As long as I get out doing something for a part of the day I am ok-It would be my idea of hell to stay in all day so I can see your Husbands point of view. Maybe compromise by having one day to go and do lots and the other day more relaxed with only half of it spent out.

That's not a compromise and isn't what the DS wants.

He wants a day at home. Not a few hours at home after he's been out to walk the dog and for lunch!

Compromise would be ONE day out and ONE day at home, so an even 50/50 split. Not 75% out at 25% at home.

Hmmm. It depends. Are your kids the kind that start running around the house & bouncing off sofas if they’re not taken out at least once a day? (No judgement at all - mine are the puppies-who-need-regular-walks type). If so, he may have a point.

Gosh poor kid. It's not as if they are stuck at home all week. They need unstructured time in their own home to play with their toys and just 'be' not 'do'.

If your child is difficult at home it might be because he hasn't yet learned to push through the boredom zone into his own creativity. So it might take you gritting your teeth for a bit if he is 'difficult' at home if bored - but he will find things to do eventually.

If it were me I'd probably still take him out just for a 20 min walk around the block for a bit of fresh air at some point.

Maybe your DH should get out and about a bit more during the week (lunch breaks?) if he is going stir crazy at home?

@BrambleRoses

DS is hard work if he is in all day

I think that’s reasonable, to be honest.

Maybe he's hard work because he's never learnt to entertain himself?

I mean, how can he when his parents are dragging him out on busy, family-filled days filled with activity all the time?

Your dh is being unreasonable. Its nice to have a quiet pj day at home. If thats what your 4yo is asking for your dh should respect that.
If he does get bored by lunchtime......... maybe an afternoon trip into the city or to a playground etc.

I do think you are being unreasonable to take a bus or give a lift home for what you said is a 10minute walk though.

I think it’s great your DH wants to be out doing lovely family things at weekends but I also think kids need a bit of downtime. Time to just be, potter about the house, play with their toys, do some crafts or God forbid just chill out and watch a bit of telly. If your DH insists he must be out doing something every minute of every weekend why don’t you stay at home with the 4 year old occasionally and let him go off with the younger DC?