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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking your child's friend on holiday and charging them for accomodation?

110 replies

Indie4444 · 28/01/2022 17:45

.. I personally wouldn't, I would expect them to pay for their own flight and spending money but I wouldn't charge them for staying with us.

I'm in a situation that involves my best and oldest friend, her family and my son. The two families are exceptionally close and our friendship spans over 45 yrs. They first invited my son, then 15 to join them on a family holiday to Spain a few years ago. We paid for his flight and also covered his expenses whilst there which I thought was reasonable. I only recently found out that my friend charged him £270 for his stay (sharing a room with their son) which my son paid. He didn't tell me until recently so I was completely unaware.

Fast forward to a year ago, my son was again invited to join them on holiday. He bought his own flight and was again charged for his accommodation (sharing a room with their son).

Unfortunately Covid meant it had to be postponed until this January where it clashed with my son's final Uni exams (the exam dates were only released a few weeks beforehand so not much warning) which meant he couldn't go. It was a huge shame because he had been looking forward to it for so long. If he had gone he would have missed an important exam which is worth points to his final degree mark. Also if he had caught Covid whilst there he would have missed ALL his exams which would have been disastrous.

Me and his father felt he had made the right decision not to bin off his final year exams and he reluctantly had to pull out.

He has just been given a voucher for the full flight amount but my closest friend is keeping his accommodation money which I think it so morally wrong. The £300 was to cover his stay in the villa whilst he was there (showers, electricity etc) but the poor kid didn't go so he's basically given them almost £300 spending money for absolutely nothing!! It wasn't even as if my son had his own room (on either occasion!!).

My daughter has recently been asked if she would like to join one of her friend's and their family on a holiday this summer to Greece. The first thing they said was "We'd love it if your daughter could join us, we will obviously cover the accommodation side but if you could cover her flight and give her some spending money that would be great".

In my mind that is how this should work. Makes perfect sense. If a family are going on holiday anyway and an extra person doesn't increase the cost of the accommodation - why on earth charge them for it?!!!!

When my best friends returned from their holiday we asked if it would be possible if my son could have his money reimbursed and the answer was a straight out and out NO. End of. Their answer was "he chose not to go so he loses the money".

I am so shocked and hurt by this - a student who had worked hard during the Summer to save up for the holiday and they felt they were totally justified in keeping his money. I know that if the shoe was on the other foot there is no way firstly, I'd even consider charging for accommodation but if I did and the child couldn't go there would be no question of me giving the money back. I simply can't get over their decision which I believe shows zero loyalty and is totally morally wrong.

My best friend and I are no longer talking but hopefully my son and his friend will continue to remain close. 45+ yrs of friendship down the toilet. To rip off my son once is bad enough but to do it again is unforgiveable in my mind.

I would love your opinions on this whether you agree or not. It's a very sad situation but I think it's about principles and I feel my son has been treated very badly by so called life long family friends.

OP posts:
Smallkeys · 28/01/2022 23:56

I’m going to take a slightly different stance . First off as it was a shared room in a villa then no accommodation fees should be expected. If they could only afford the villa with a contribution again they should have talked to you. Nothing about this makes sense and they are in the wrong. You mention a friendship spanning 45 years so I’m assuming this is something out of the ordinary and while distasteful can you not sort it out seems a shame to throw this friendship out the window for this one bone of contention.

Frankie4me · 29/01/2022 00:17

@Rocket1982

I don't think it's right for them to charge him for his accommodation but it's not totally wrong either but they should have rescheduled the holiday for a time he definitely wouldn't have exams since as a paying participant he has a right to the thing he has paid for!
This. If they chose to reschedule at a time he couldn’t go then they owe him the refund IMO.

The charging without telling you when he was 15 is terrible behaviour. I do think if it’s a conversation negotiated before the holiday then it’s okay to ask for a contribution towards the accom, but not after.

BeaLola · 29/01/2022 00:29

Wow - and wow again - I agree with your first post and it would ruin my respect for her - at 15 he was a child sharing a room - asking him to pay - words fail me

An awful situation to be in - I hope your son and his friend can remain friends - if I was in your position being honest I couldn't move past this and our friendship would be diminished - very sad

AKASammyScrounge · 29/01/2022 00:59

Write her off. To claim the money this year and say your son chose not to go is ludicrous. She's no friend to you.

Sunnytwobridges · 29/01/2022 01:08

I don't think she would be my friend anymore. Taking advantage of a 15 yr old kid. She was too cowardly to ask you for the money but asked him, not once but twice. What a shame. Not sure if I could look at her the same after that, and I would distance myself as well. I would NEVER treat anyone's DC like that, its shameful.

MrsTrumpton · 29/01/2022 08:50

Taking hundreds of pounds from a child and not discussing it with their parents is shitty behaviour. Was this actually while they were on the holiday? Was he forced to stump up as soon as he got there?

I don't blame you for letting the friendship go for that issue, OP, let alone them now refusing to refund him for the holiday he can't go on! For me their friendship would be soured forever. What horrible, grabby people.

blubberyboo · 29/01/2022 08:51

I’m astounded that she secretly asked your 15 year old for £270. Surely she should have asked or discussed this with you at the time because he was a child and adults really shouldn’t be asking kids for that sort of money. If not least to protect herself from potential misunderstandings

HomeHomeInTheRange · 29/01/2022 09:08

Although I hope your son can remain friends with his friend (if he wants to), I would talk to him about the unfair and wrongness of what the adults have done, and how to protect himself against this sort of thing.

billy1966 · 29/01/2022 10:04

This is a perfect case for a Small claims court.

So tempting.

Extracting money from a child behind their parents back is so unbelievable.

What sort of woman does that.

I 100% believe he is due his money back.

She clearly doesn't give a damn about the boys friendship doing such a thing.

I actually think this sounds illegal.

Taking money from a child WITHOUT telling their parents.

AGAIN, another first on MN for me.

You must be so stunned.
Can this really be the ONLY off behaviour from this woman in 45 years?

Did she ask him to keep quiet about it?
It is the most extraordinary thing to do.

whenthedoveslie · 29/01/2022 10:21

Your ex-friend is loathsome.

To take 270 pounds off a child the way she did is repulsive. She must have cleaned him out. How did he even manage for his spends the rest of the holiday OP?

Good grief I have read some jaw droppers on here but this one is another level.

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