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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking your child's friend on holiday and charging them for accomodation?

110 replies

Indie4444 · 28/01/2022 17:45

.. I personally wouldn't, I would expect them to pay for their own flight and spending money but I wouldn't charge them for staying with us.

I'm in a situation that involves my best and oldest friend, her family and my son. The two families are exceptionally close and our friendship spans over 45 yrs. They first invited my son, then 15 to join them on a family holiday to Spain a few years ago. We paid for his flight and also covered his expenses whilst there which I thought was reasonable. I only recently found out that my friend charged him £270 for his stay (sharing a room with their son) which my son paid. He didn't tell me until recently so I was completely unaware.

Fast forward to a year ago, my son was again invited to join them on holiday. He bought his own flight and was again charged for his accommodation (sharing a room with their son).

Unfortunately Covid meant it had to be postponed until this January where it clashed with my son's final Uni exams (the exam dates were only released a few weeks beforehand so not much warning) which meant he couldn't go. It was a huge shame because he had been looking forward to it for so long. If he had gone he would have missed an important exam which is worth points to his final degree mark. Also if he had caught Covid whilst there he would have missed ALL his exams which would have been disastrous.

Me and his father felt he had made the right decision not to bin off his final year exams and he reluctantly had to pull out.

He has just been given a voucher for the full flight amount but my closest friend is keeping his accommodation money which I think it so morally wrong. The £300 was to cover his stay in the villa whilst he was there (showers, electricity etc) but the poor kid didn't go so he's basically given them almost £300 spending money for absolutely nothing!! It wasn't even as if my son had his own room (on either occasion!!).

My daughter has recently been asked if she would like to join one of her friend's and their family on a holiday this summer to Greece. The first thing they said was "We'd love it if your daughter could join us, we will obviously cover the accommodation side but if you could cover her flight and give her some spending money that would be great".

In my mind that is how this should work. Makes perfect sense. If a family are going on holiday anyway and an extra person doesn't increase the cost of the accommodation - why on earth charge them for it?!!!!

When my best friends returned from their holiday we asked if it would be possible if my son could have his money reimbursed and the answer was a straight out and out NO. End of. Their answer was "he chose not to go so he loses the money".

I am so shocked and hurt by this - a student who had worked hard during the Summer to save up for the holiday and they felt they were totally justified in keeping his money. I know that if the shoe was on the other foot there is no way firstly, I'd even consider charging for accommodation but if I did and the child couldn't go there would be no question of me giving the money back. I simply can't get over their decision which I believe shows zero loyalty and is totally morally wrong.

My best friend and I are no longer talking but hopefully my son and his friend will continue to remain close. 45+ yrs of friendship down the toilet. To rip off my son once is bad enough but to do it again is unforgiveable in my mind.

I would love your opinions on this whether you agree or not. It's a very sad situation but I think it's about principles and I feel my son has been treated very badly by so called life long family friends.

OP posts:
GrandDuchessRomanov · 28/01/2022 21:12

Tight arsed money grabbing gits.

I HATE stunts like this.

YANBU OP and well rid of these so called "friends".

A580Hojas · 28/01/2022 21:13

@Mummyoflittledragon

They took £270 from a 15 year old and didn’t discuss it with you. That for me right there would be the end of the friendship.
Yes. Sorry you've had to lose a long friendship this way OP, but she was totally and utterly in the wrong!
Cryalot2 · 28/01/2022 21:14

That is dreadful and I feel most sorry for both you and your son.Flowers

No decent person would ever do something like . It is robbery.

Send the link to this thread to her.

rookiemere · 28/01/2022 21:17

That's a horrible thing to do to a friend.

We've asked if DSs pal wants to come with us on holiday, I'm going to coffee with the DM tomorrow to talk through how we want to split the costs tomorrow. Boys will both be 16, but it's up to us - the parents- to agree the finances in advance.

I would offer to pay for it all but as it's a package holiday, I'm hoping they will offer some of it. If it was a villa I'd only ask them to pay for flights as we'd need two bedrooms anyway.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/01/2022 21:20

I don't think it's either right or wrong to charge for accommodation. But it is DEAD wrong to do it 'secretly'. Your friends should have been up front in the beginning that they expected him to pay AND should have said that it was 'nonrefundable'. I think they've been very sneaky and shitty. The first time because they took the money on the sly, the second because they didn't tell him he wouldn't get the money back if he cancelled.

My parents used to take my BFF with us on our holidays to the beach house and would never have thought about charging her for food or 'utilities'. She brought her spending money and that was it. If my parents decided they wanted to do an activity that cost extra, they paid her way in. Your friends are cheapskates looking to benefit from your son.

FrenchBoule · 28/01/2022 21:23

Your hopefully now ex friend is a greedy cowbag.

If you invite somebody the cost is on you, if you need a top up then it should be discussed before any arrangements are made.

To take the money from 15yo without telling you- sneaky,cheeky and very distasteful

cheeseontoastandbrownsauce · 28/01/2022 21:25

Wow that's so low ripping off a young student! What a bitch!

Rocket1982 · 28/01/2022 21:32

I don't think it's right for them to charge him for his accommodation but it's not totally wrong either but they should have rescheduled the holiday for a time he definitely wouldn't have exams since as a paying participant he has a right to the thing he has paid for!

theemmadilemma · 28/01/2022 21:32

@Mummyoflittledragon

They took £270 from a 15 year old and didn’t discuss it with you. That for me right there would be the end of the friendship.
This.
LaChanticleer · 28/01/2022 21:51

but as it's a package holiday, I'm hoping they will offer some of it

Off-topic a bit, but if it’s a package at a price per head, then you may want to point this out to your DS’s friend’s mother. It’s different from renting a villa or apartment that’s a single price, not price per head.

Ohmybod · 28/01/2022 21:51

Shocking behaviour from your friend. I can’t get over them taking the money from him at 15, without mentioning it to you. It just seems so sneaky. I’m sorry for you but also glad you’ve said your relationship is already over as I’d have taken the same action. You trusted your child into her care and she behaving appallingly.

Loveacardigan · 28/01/2022 22:06

I have a similar situation where we are taking a friend of our daughter’s to a villa with us. The friend is paying for her flight and we will pay for everything else. Would not dream of charging for accommodation or costs while on holiday. I expect she will bring some money for her own expenses but basically we will treat her as if she was our own child.

autienotnaughty · 28/01/2022 22:13

The first time of bypassing you and charging son is appalling. And I agree should refund some for accommodation as they would be paying same if he wasn't going. I'd fall out with them too.

billy1966 · 28/01/2022 22:25

@Anna10309

I think your friend is vile. 45 years of friendship meant 300 pounds to her. What utter trash she is. As pp suggested, send her a link to this thread.
Utter thrash.

To put you child in that position.

I would be SO utterly mortified to have been friends with someone for 45 years that would do this to my child.

You must be so upset.

I wouldn't dream of arguing the point.

Completely avoid this awful woman.

So sorry OP.Flowers

pilates · 28/01/2022 22:37

Shocking behaviour by your friend, how disappointing for you.

Hdhr8jsj · 28/01/2022 22:45

That's horrible behaviour. I've often invited my DC's friends away with us and I've always expected to pick up the (whole) tab, but would expect them to bring some spending money for themselves.

CF's

Ozanj · 28/01/2022 22:49

@MrsAvocet

Hmm. I think it is a bit unreasonable of your friends not to return the money on the occasion when your DS didn't go. I wonder if they'd over stretched their budget and actually needed to sell that place so to speak? It's a bit off really. I'd be upset about that too. But I would never dream of going on holiday with another family, or allowing one of my children to go without offering to pay towards the accommodation costs. Yes, they are paying anyway, but I think it's cheeky to expect free accomodation. You wouldn't expect the airline to offer a free flight because there's an unsold seat would you? Ok, they're a business not friends but it's still effectively expecting something for nothing. A lot of people would refuse the offer of course, as indeed we did when my DD's friend came with us. But we did accept her offer of taking us all out for a nice meal during the holiday. Unless you have previously taken their child away and paid, in which case I would expect them to reciprocate, then I think YABU not to offer to contribute to the accomodation.
This. Many villas also charge an extra supplement depending on how many over 12s there are, so it is absolutely unreasonable expecting a freebie when your child is 15 and in many countries considered an adult.
Toomuch2do · 28/01/2022 22:50

When I went on holiday with friends as a teenager, I paid for flights, my dinners out and spending money. It was all agreed in advance with my DP (and my DP took the family out to dinner to thank them afterwards).
My DP would not be happy if the family had asked me for an extra £270!!

TheresSomebodyAtTheDoorNeil · 28/01/2022 22:51

My dd chips into accommodation when we go away but she also has her own room. So it pushes the price up. She doesn't pay 1/4 tho, she pays the difference between a 2 bed and a 3 bed. So maybe £100 or so.

However in this case theyd need the room either way, I think its fair your son contributes but not a full room cost, thats just ridiculous. They should have given all the money back as they'll still use the room either way.

Walkingalot · 28/01/2022 22:52

As everyone has said, they didn't have to book an extra room. They have taken advantage of your son previously and now. Well done for kicking the friendship to the curb.
Or .....
"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me is a proverb that means if someone takes advantage of me twice, I only have myself to blame".

rookiemere · 28/01/2022 22:53

Wanting a contribution to the villa may not have been unreasonable, but should have been discussed in advance with the OP, not taken out of the DSs spending money.

Porcupineintherough · 28/01/2022 22:57

I think it's fine for them to ask him to pay for accommodation (after all, he doesnt need to go away with them). They should definitely refund the £300 though.

Yika · 28/01/2022 23:02

Shocking.

I would have nothing more to do with the friend, except I would have to tell her exactly what I thought (I'd do it in writing I think - I wouldn't normally but here there is no coming back from it, I wouldn't want to discuss or try to recover the friendship.)

I would also reimburse your son the money (if you have it spare) that he has lost (actually, was stolen from him).

ForeverSingle881 · 28/01/2022 23:02

YANBU. I don't think charging for accommodation is wrong in principle 1) IF it's because they rented a bigger villa to accommodate your son and 2) IF they were upfront about it. What they did was wrong, very sly.

Thirtytimesround · 28/01/2022 23:31

Wow. First, I’d never charge for the accommodation. But if I wanted to, I would sort this with the parent in advance, not ambush the kid. She put him in a really difficult position.

Adults don’t demand money from teenage guests. It isn’t complicated is it. If she wants money she should have talked to the parents.

I do NOT like your former friend.