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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman should take her dog out of the cafe?

131 replies

MaMaLa321 · 28/01/2022 16:30

So, I'm in a cafe yesterday, eating lunch. Dogs are allowed, which is OK with me, and there are several, sitting quietly by their owners.
Except one, that keeps on doing that piercing high pitched yap, randomly. The owner, every time, looks lovingly at the dog, and says 'shush' . An the dog does it again. And again.
For about 20 minutes, when she finishes her lunch and leaves.
There is outside seating and AIBU to think that she should go outside.

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/01/2022 12:23

I love dogs, I don't mind the odd proper bark, but god save us from yapping handbag 'dogs'

This. One of our neighbours looks after a dachshund for their friend. It has separation anxiety and yaps constantly. I fantasise about driving it miles away and leaving it so I don't have to listen to the stupid thing. Before I'm accused of animal crudity I obviously wouldn't do anything apart from mutter abuse under my breath!

Mich1986 · 30/01/2022 12:38

I personally don't like dogs(sorry dog lovers) and don't particularly like dogs in cafes, however it won't stop me going in. I remember once a friend and I were having lunch and one of the dogs would not stop barking(really high pitched for about 20 minutes) it was so loud and the owner did nothing. We would have stayed a little longer to get a hot drink, but we decided to go elsewhere as couldn't hear each other. If it was my dog then I would have stepped outside for a bit, just like if it was my screaming baby I would do whatever to help stop it screaming as people are trying to enjoy their lunch.

SirChenjins · 30/01/2022 12:45

Perhaps one makes more training effort with a bigger dog

Perhaps one is talking out of one’s bum. We live in a semi rural area with a lot of dogs and the large dogs are the ones that tend to be off the lead causing mayhem whilst their owners pride themselves on being relaxed and assure you that their pooches are ‘just being friendly’.

SirChenjins · 30/01/2022 12:46

Oh, and the ‘proper’ Hmm barks that go on incessantly are just as irritating as the yappy ones.

eastegg · 30/01/2022 15:11

@MissPiggy5

Don't get me started....I'm allergic to dogs, just do not understand how this all started, it's so unhygienic. I've tolerated it so much as I realise I'm in a minority now, but have complained to the management, and in one case Environmental Health, when I've seen dogs being allowed to sit on chairs, or worse, eat food from the table (gross) but am always met with indifference.

I hope I'm not alone but not holding my breath here Hmm

You’re not alone. 👍. I agree, I feel totally outnumbered when it comes to doggy culture. I recently gently reminded a man that he shouldn’t bring a dog into a games area of a park with clear no dogs signs, he just said ‘where else am I supposed to take a puppy?’. The entitlement is astonishing. He seemed genuinely affronted that I and my small child didn’t want to play with his dog, rather than it occurring to him that some spaces are deliberately set aside for children to play without dogs and dog shit everywhere.
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/01/2022 16:45

@SirChenjins

Oh, and the ‘proper’ Hmm barks that go on incessantly are just as irritating as the yappy ones.
DH would disagree with you. Previous neighbours had a Jack Russell that used to yap and whine continuously and the high pitched racket the bloody thing made meant he couldn't wear his hearing aids as the sound hurt his ears. I said he was lucky to be able to take them out, I had to listen to the sodding thing! Apparently on the rare occasions the spaniel who now lives there barks it doesn't hurt his ears.
BABAHOTEL · 30/01/2022 16:50

@Sparklingbrook

Presumably your favourite cafe would've made this known to attract custom

I would have to go back and look to see if there's any signs, but I'm not going back probably. Maybe people kept coming in with their dogs asking if they could and they made the decision. They do takeaway though so I can still have the nice food so that's good.

I'm not against hospitality trying to increase custom though, they've had a hard time recently. But in gaining the dogs they've probably lost people like me too.

But gained dog owners, it would e been a business decision.
LuckySantangelo35 · 30/01/2022 17:43

There’s a big difference between a dog accompanying it’s owner, sitting quietly etc versus a dog completely commandeering the space…who wants that?! And to pay for the privilege as well!

JuergenSchwarzwald · 30/01/2022 17:45

But gained dog owners, it would e been a business decision

it's not really, they just don't want the entitled abuse from the dog owners. The people who don't like dogs will quietly go elsewhere because you are hateful if you don't like them (I have been told I am horrible on here because I don't like, nay love, dogs). Dog owners will wail if they can't take their fur babies everywhere with them.

Also I suspect a lot of cafe and shop owners do like dogs, so they don't see the problem for those who don't or have an allergy.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 30/01/2022 17:47

@Treacletoots

Brilliant. Person walks into a dog friendly establishment and complains that a dog there dared to make a noise.

If you don't like dogs, don't visit. Grin

This gets trotted out a lot on here but the point is that cafes/pubs etc that do not want dogs do not advertise the fact so you don't know until you get there. In fact you might be in there a while with no dogs being around but then someone walks in with one and you can't do anything by that point.

Whereas the dog-friendly ones put it on their websites etc so dog owners know where to go.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 30/01/2022 17:48

Just realised my post doesn't make sense. I meant that the establishments which are positively dog friendly will say so. There will be others who don't really want dogs but won't want to say so so will let people in with them.

Sparklingbrook · 30/01/2022 18:58

If the business decision is that they gained loads more customers with their yapping/barking dogs than they lost because of those dogs than I suppose I can't blame them. they need trade to stay open.

I'll just have to search out the places that don't allow dogs I guess. Once the summer months come the dog owners might sit outside s they have loads of tables out there. ideal for them.

SirChenjins · 30/01/2022 20:00

DH would disagree with you. Previous neighbours had a Jack Russell that used to yap and whine continuously and the high pitched racket the bloody thing made meant he couldn't wear his hearing aids as the sound hurt his ears. I said he was lucky to be able to take them out, I had to listen to the sodding thing! Apparently on the rare occasions the spaniel who now lives there barks it doesn't hurt his ears

I’ll send you the big dog with the accompanying big bark that’s in the park at the back of us with its owner as part of a dog walking group. It’s there 10.30 and 2.40 on the dot every single day and barks solidly for 40 minutes both times. It’s a steady deep bark bark bark bark bark bark bark that I can now recognise and it’s awful, it goes right through you. Now that I’m out walking with ChenPup I’ve come across the owner and the dog (off lead at all times, no recall, natch) and one of these days I’m going to suggest he trains it not to bark - or gets some professional help.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 31/01/2022 07:59

Off lead with no recall? I hate that. DM had a dog with no recall (adopted as an adult dog after not being walked for years) so she was never walked off the lead! The barking sounds awful, why do dog owners, whether the dog is big or small think people want to hear it?

SirChenjins · 31/01/2022 08:12

Me too. ChenPup has no recall and is very bouncy when he sees other dogs, so while we’re training him on these issues he’s kept on a lead.
I have no idea why some dog owners think it’s ok for their dogs to bark continuously -do they become immune to it after a while, perhaps? There’s no need for it, especially when there are so many great dog trainers out there who can help.

Didiplanthis · 31/01/2022 08:20

The odd yap .. ok.. constant yapping... not ok.i. trying to 'mat train' my puppy so we have a small mat we take out and about and she knows when the mat comes out she lies quietly on it. This is the theory ... not going so well as yet as she is a nearly 5 month whippet...until then though we sit outside ! I did the same with my kids (without the mat obv)

BABAHOTEL · 31/01/2022 12:17

@JuergenSchwarzwald

But gained dog owners, it would e been a business decision

it's not really, they just don't want the entitled abuse from the dog owners. The people who don't like dogs will quietly go elsewhere because you are hateful if you don't like them (I have been told I am horrible on here because I don't like, nay love, dogs). Dog owners will wail if they can't take their fur babies everywhere with them.

Also I suspect a lot of cafe and shop owners do like dogs, so they don't see the problem for those who don't or have an allergy.

It's not only the dogs you don't like is it? It's their owners too, you don't come across as someone who will go elsewhere quietly.
StoneofDestiny · 31/01/2022 13:02

A dog friendly cafe is dependent on the customers with cash! They should take care to ensure their satisfaction too. Don't know I've ever seen a dog paying the bill.

PrincessNutella · 31/01/2022 13:33
  1. People who turn the sound on for their Iphones or tablets are so utterly intolerable that they deserve public shaming. What the honest fuck.
  1. Babies are little humans. I do not enjoy badly behaved humans, and I think parents are in charge of little humans, so I think it is the responsibility of parents to do something about their crying babies, such as take them outside or get them settled, but babies and children have rights and reasons to be in a human eating place.
  1. Dogs are only acceptable if they are very well-behaved and discreet, even in a "dog-friendly" venue. Being dog friendly does not mean a restaurant is a zoo. It means that a dog is allowed under the responsibility of a human. So if the dog is not behaving properly, the human should take the dog out of the restaurant. Constant barking is absolutely unacceptable.
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/01/2022 13:35

Dogs and children are not comparable.

Can people please get this into their heads?

Elphame · 31/01/2022 13:37

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Dogs and children are not comparable.

Can people please get this into their heads?

I quite agree.

I like dogs. Children - not so much.

SirChenjins · 31/01/2022 14:01

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Dogs and children are not comparable.

Can people please get this into their heads?

Yes they are - in that poorly trained, indulged versions of either are utter PITAs (and I say that as an owner of both).
UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 31/01/2022 14:10

Why is it so perversely fashionable to claim (from behind a keyboard) to like/ love dogs and dislike/ hate children? Its like a badge of honour with a certain type of person.

Whether you love dogs and hate kids, or like ponies and hate old people is your problem, nobody else's (and dislike based on age sounds like ageism... but some people are okay with identifying as ageist I assume).

In the end nobody cares whether an individual sitting with a noisy baby or a noisy dog loves dogs and hates children or loves children and hates dogs, or loves or hates both. Nobody cares. They just wish the parent or owner would work harder to calm / quiet their child or fog, or take them outside.

There is a fashion for tolerating noise and bed behaviour from dogs and simultaneously not from children and I have a suspicion this is because a woman out alone with a small child is more vulnerable and therefore easier to criticise than an owner out with a dog...

Sparklingbrook · 31/01/2022 16:39

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Dogs and children are not comparable.

Can people please get this into their heads?

I agree. This thread specifically talks about dogs don't know why they always have to compare them to children. But it happens on every thread where dogs are annoying.

When there's a thread about children being annoying nobody pipes up about dogs.

PollyFlint · 31/01/2022 16:41

I wouldn't find the occasional bark from a dog any more annoying than someone's loud conversation, or a phone ringing, or a toddler doing that random shriek thing they like to do when they're finding their voice, or music I don't like, or a kid asking endless boring questions. I think if you go to a dog-friendly cafe, you should expect the odd bit of doggy behaviour, so I'd suggest just going somewhere else next time that suits your vibe a bit better.