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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use benefits to put down a deposit for a house

435 replies

Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:08

Hello all,

This thread is not about me.

I have a friend who is feeling incredibly guilty. This is how it goes... so she applied for benefits, she has children and a husband,,, well technically partner but anyway she received a huge backlog of benefits. She confided in me that she would like to use the money to to put down a deposit for a help to buy scheme or shared ownership. I told her "well you have to use every opportunity that you can get" but in my conscience, I was thinking, is this right? I am on benefits myself so not judging at all. She feels a bit down about it as it's not her hard on money that she used to put a deposit down..but then again some parents give their children money for a deposit... so I guess it's similar.

However, I feel a bit of itch and thought to myself that I don't think what she is doing is right. But then again, I don't want to come across as jealous. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Xmassprout · 28/01/2022 14:10

She was entitled to it so its hers to do as she pleases

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/01/2022 14:10

I get working tax credits and saved for a house deposit. Don't see why not.

YellowLemonz · 28/01/2022 14:11

Up to her.

Travis1 · 28/01/2022 14:11

🙄Biscuit

Thatsplentyjack · 28/01/2022 14:12

But she's entitled to the money so why shouldn't she use it for something useful that will benifit her family. You're being weird about it.

GivenchyDahhling · 28/01/2022 14:12

Do you think people on benefits don’t deserve to own their own homes OP?

ProudThrilledHappy · 28/01/2022 14:13

Her mortgage will possibly be cheaper than rent so financially it makes sense to maximise her income for the benefit of her children. I would do it

stuntbubbles · 28/01/2022 14:13

What do you think benefits are for? Clue’s in the name, it’s to benefit the recipient. Are you one of those who think poor people should behave suitably poor and not have phones or tellies?

girlmom21 · 28/01/2022 14:14

It makes perfect sense to use it for a house deposit and give her family a bit of security.

Suzi888 · 28/01/2022 14:15

@Xmassprout

She was entitled to it so its hers to do as she pleases
^ This Unless she’s committed fraud. It must be a hell of a backdate if it’s enough to put a deposit on a house! At least she’s putting the cash to good use Smile.
KurtWilde · 28/01/2022 14:15

She was entitled to it therefore it's hers to use however she sees fit.

Akire · 28/01/2022 14:15

She legally claiming benefits to which entitled for whatever reason delay or appeal it’s been long enough get a back payment of a reasonable amount. She can do whatever she likes. She obviously been struggling without them they don’t give them out for fun so her to do as she pleases.

She must live somewhere really cheap for them any payment to be enough for a home mind! You you are both getting a sum to which you are entitled why be jealous? She can always give it away or
She feels like she doesn’t deserve it Confused

FindmeuptheFarawaytree · 28/01/2022 14:17

It's a very sensible thing to do, using her benefits to provide future stability for her family.

Lastater · 28/01/2022 14:17

Hm, maybe she should spend it on crack cocaine and become homeless. It's her money, what else is she supposed to spend it on? The benefits system is flawed anyway. But that's another conversation.

Arewethebadguys · 28/01/2022 14:17

Her money her business. BTW hard on money is my new favourite phrase OP! Poor bastard monkfish . . .

WulyJmpr · 28/01/2022 14:17

If its a 'backlog' then surely it's money she is entitled to and was owed. Essentially it's her own money, having been saved up for her in a savings account. Then later, paid back to her in one lump sum. If she then uses this to become less dependent on the state then more power to her.

Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:19

Glad to be told AIBU and that's what I originally said to her. But she has a husband... well partner living with her....and I felt it was a bit unfair.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 28/01/2022 14:21

@Bringinglightandpeace

Glad to be told AIBU and that's what I originally said to her. But she has a husband... well partner living with her....and I felt it was a bit unfair.
Was he living with her at the time she's claiming the benefits for?
Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:21

@Akire

She legally claiming benefits to which entitled for whatever reason delay or appeal it’s been long enough get a back payment of a reasonable amount. She can do whatever she likes. She obviously been struggling without them they don’t give them out for fun so her to do as she pleases.

She must live somewhere really cheap for them any payment to be enough for a home mind! You you are both getting a sum to which you are entitled why be jealous? She can always give it away or
She feels like she doesn’t deserve it Confused

She feels like she doesn't deserve it because if her situation. She hasn't told the council that her husband is living with her but wants him to pay off all his debts. They think she is a single parent- but she is in a way as she pays the rent and bills, he mainly pays for the shopping, car an electric.
OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 28/01/2022 14:21

If she’s genuine entitled to a large enough sum to use as a deposit she must have been absolutely shafted by the system for the last months of years. Goodness, the family deserves a bit of good in their lives.

GirlInACountrySong · 28/01/2022 14:21

She applied....then received a backlog

Enough for a deposit?

GirlInACountrySong · 28/01/2022 14:21

It's fraud then!

Akire · 28/01/2022 14:22

Benefits legally exist to top up income or be all your income up to government stated subsistence levels. Or for extra disability costs. Unless she hasn’t declared a partner or their income she has been living way below a basic income level.

You could also stop spending half your income Put in savings account and in a year pay yourself a back payment. This is essential what DWP have done.

MsAgnesDiPesto · 28/01/2022 14:22

@Bringinglightandpeace

Glad to be told AIBU and that's what I originally said to her. But she has a husband... well partner living with her....and I felt it was a bit unfair.
Do you mean that she has not been honest about her circumstances when applying for the benefits? If she has been transparent about her partner living with her, then the benefits will have been calculated on that basis. Or are you suggesting that she has committed fraud and not declared that they live together? I’m not clear why you think it’s unfair otherwise?
OfstedOffred · 28/01/2022 14:22

She is not being unreasonable.

Her case is exceptional. Few people have much spare when receiving benefits and many people who dont get what they are entitled to end up on debt/desperately poor while waiting for a backlog payment, so when the money does arrive its needed for essential home repairs or furniture or clothes or any number of other things the family have gone without when waiting for the payment.

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