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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use benefits to put down a deposit for a house

435 replies

Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:08

Hello all,

This thread is not about me.

I have a friend who is feeling incredibly guilty. This is how it goes... so she applied for benefits, she has children and a husband,,, well technically partner but anyway she received a huge backlog of benefits. She confided in me that she would like to use the money to to put down a deposit for a help to buy scheme or shared ownership. I told her "well you have to use every opportunity that you can get" but in my conscience, I was thinking, is this right? I am on benefits myself so not judging at all. She feels a bit down about it as it's not her hard on money that she used to put a deposit down..but then again some parents give their children money for a deposit... so I guess it's similar.

However, I feel a bit of itch and thought to myself that I don't think what she is doing is right. But then again, I don't want to come across as jealous. What do you all think?

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 28/01/2022 14:22

Ok so drip drip!

Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:22

@DowntonCrabby

If she’s genuine entitled to a large enough sum to use as a deposit she must have been absolutely shafted by the system for the last months of years. Goodness, the family deserves a bit of good in their lives.
No she applied for a specific benefit, she already has her other benefits, but they backlogged her for that particular benefit.
OP posts:
Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:23

@DowntonCrabby

Ok so drip drip!
I said it in my OP....
OP posts:
GirlInACountrySong · 28/01/2022 14:23

She's knowingly committing fraud

Vile behaviour

GirlInACountrySong · 28/01/2022 14:24

@OfstedOffred

She is not being unreasonable.

Her case is exceptional. Few people have much spare when receiving benefits and many people who dont get what they are entitled to end up on debt/desperately poor while waiting for a backlog payment, so when the money does arrive its needed for essential home repairs or furniture or clothes or any number of other things the family have gone without when waiting for the payment.

She's blatantly committing fraud!!!!

DowntonCrabby · 28/01/2022 14:24

Not that she had claimed as a single parent.

LifesABotch · 28/01/2022 14:24

"A huge backlog of benefits"

Really?!

Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:25

No she has not been honest. She lives in a private rented accommodation but receives housing benefit. She has not told the council that her spouse lives with her as he has a high multitude of debts and she is concerned that he wouldn't pay the rent.

OP posts:
OfstedOffred · 28/01/2022 14:25

Ok I change my post based on the partner except

Does the backlog payment relate to a period before the partner moved in? If yes, she is not being unreasonable. She should have had the money & was entitled to it.

If she's been committing benefits fraud lying about the partner and that's why she has received so much, she is being unreasonable.

RoyKentsChestHair · 28/01/2022 14:25

You don’t get to “feel that it’s a bit unfair” if she is legally entitled to it. If she has declared her H is living with her and presumably earning, and is still entitled to some benefits they can’t be earning a huge amount between them. I’m a single mum of 3 DCs and recently did a calculation to see if I’d be entitled to any help if I earned £20k a year instead of the £12 I currently earn. The amount goes right down, so even in full time work, I’m not a huge amount better off. Whatever she’s getting - presuming they don’t ask for it back next year - is money they’ve calculated that she should have been receiving but hasn’t for whatever reason, so the only unfair thing is how long it takes them to catch up with their own payments.

If it helps you to feel less bitter about it, by buying a house instead of renting she won’t be getting the housing element of UC (or housing benefit on legacy benefits) so she’ll have to pay her mortgage herself.

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 28/01/2022 14:25

The issue here isn't whether the money should be used for a house deposit (up to her), it's is this money legally hers? Or is it fraudulently obtained through deception?

Using legally obtained benefits for any purpose is fine by me, if you manage a small house deposit, for shared ownership, then great, but obviously not if it's through fraud!

Asiama · 28/01/2022 14:26

There is nothing wrong with using benefit money that she is entitled to on a house deposit.

But what you seem to be saying is that she is getting money that she is not entitled to by not disclosing that she has a partner living with her. That's morally wrong and fraudulent.

chesirecat99 · 28/01/2022 14:26

She feels like she doesn't deserve it because if her situation. She hasn't told the council that her husband is living with her but wants him to pay off all his debts. They think she is a single parent- but she is in a way as she pays the rent and bills, he mainly pays for the shopping, car an electric.

In that case she should feel guilty because she is guilty of fraud.

DynamiteFilledRadish · 28/01/2022 14:26

This reply has been deleted

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Akire · 28/01/2022 14:26

Talk about slow drip feed! She feels like single parent because he doesn’t pay half of all living costs? He pays car and food shop and one bill? She’s being stupid on both accounts firstly risking criminal offence and a criminal record making false declaration. Then having another adult live with her who isn’t paying their way even though they work.

If she has any sense she pay it all back and try and avoid a fine and see what IF ANYTHING she is entitled to now. He needs proper debt advice.

Though quite how she can use money for deposit and pay of all his debts I’ve no idea.

Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:27

@LifesABotch

"A huge backlog of benefits"

Really?!

Basically the particular benefit she got, meant that she could receive more to her entitlement that she already had. Therefore when she claimed for that particular benefit and it was backlogged then that other meant she was entitled to an increase and therefore that was backlogged.
OP posts:
MsAgnesDiPesto · 28/01/2022 14:27

Just an aside, but something which occurred to me. Does she have income besides benefits? If not, she might struggle to get a mortgage, even if she has a deposit.

Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:27

@Akire

Talk about slow drip feed! She feels like single parent because he doesn’t pay half of all living costs? He pays car and food shop and one bill? She’s being stupid on both accounts firstly risking criminal offence and a criminal record making false declaration. Then having another adult live with her who isn’t paying their way even though they work.

If she has any sense she pay it all back and try and avoid a fine and see what IF ANYTHING she is entitled to now. He needs proper debt advice.

Though quite how she can use money for deposit and pay of all his debts I’ve no idea.

I said it in my OP that he lives with her.
OP posts:
RoyKentsChestHair · 28/01/2022 14:27

Ah massive drip feed.

So you’re now “torturing yourself” about whether to shop her for benefit fraud? Not because you’re jealous and bitter, just because you’re a good citizen, yes?

Keep your nose out of other peoples affairs, concentrate on earning your own money and supporting your own family. If she’s stupid enough to risk prison for a few grand then let her.

Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:28

@RoyKentsChestHair

Ah massive drip feed.

So you’re now “torturing yourself” about whether to shop her for benefit fraud? Not because you’re jealous and bitter, just because you’re a good citizen, yes?

Keep your nose out of other peoples affairs, concentrate on earning your own money and supporting your own family. If she’s stupid enough to risk prison for a few grand then let her.

Ha! I would never never do that. Ahaha. This is very common anyhow. I said I don't know if I should tell her how I fell about the situation.
OP posts:
GirlInACountrySong · 28/01/2022 14:28

If he's that far in debt then I can't see them even getting a mortgage!

How long have they been together?

CayrolBaaaskin · 28/01/2022 14:29

If it’s benefits fraud- that’s not ok.

Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:29

@MsAgnesDiPesto

Just an aside, but something which occurred to me. Does she have income besides benefits? If not, she might struggle to get a mortgage, even if she has a deposit.
No she is going to rely on her partners wage. He would apply for the deposit she would just transfer the money to him. He is working and has a good job, with decent/ish money.
OP posts:
McScreamysGhostPants · 28/01/2022 14:29

I use my adult sons PIP to pay for the mortgage on the flat we bought for him to live in. It's only around the corner. He's an adult with ASD , he DESPERATELY washed independence but realistically can never live alive. So we bought a little two bed flat for him and he has a room mate that basically stays for free in exchange for helping him out and keeping an eye on things. Works perfectly for us asi see him every day, he feels like a proper adult and it saves adult social care a fortune in carers fees etc.

Original poster
Bringinglightandpeace · 28/01/2022 14:30

@GirlInACountrySong

If he's that far in debt then I can't see them even getting a mortgage!

How long have they been together?

He reckons he will pay it off in a couple of months and put the deposit down.
OP posts: