Right so what do you do when your brother and sil start using drugs daily and neglect their child?

[thegiftrift]

Social services have been involved. They are not any more.
I have called, I have explained that the problem is worse but they just are better at hiding it now. It was classed as a malicious call.

My poor nephew is 9 (older children too but they are 18+) he sits in his room all day every single day playing his play station and that is all. The curtains aren't open ever. He sits in the dark. He has quite a few days off school.
Sil is addicted to cannabis and either speed or cocaine. Possibly both I'm not sure. Little white block on a plate in her bedside drawer.
Brother was functioning only did coke at the weekends. Of course this escalated and now he is having days and days off work and doing drugs instead

Every time I visit (not as much now because its so depressing) they are all in bed. I have come at 4pm after school and my DN (nephew) is sat on his game in his PJ'S not been to school while while are in the other bedroom smoking cannabis.

House is not a mess but in disrepair.

Sil was awarded a back payment of over 10 thousand pounds and every penny went on drugs. Brother got furlough (sp?) and the same happened. He has called adorned about money problems. the house being in disrepair but nothing helps.

DSis used to take nephew to school but has moved too far away and can't now anyway because work times.
We used to both go round and tidy up mostly dishes from older nephew and niece)
The windows and curtains are never opened anymore and the house's damp has worsened but instead of moving the wardrobes to internal walls they just let them sit getting the clothes mouldy.
me and dsis have offered to help, we started decorating but we can hardly do it without their permission.

We recently batch cooked loads of meals for their freezer so at least Nephew has better food than beans and toast and takeaways but it doesn't even fucking matter because nobody will cook for him.

I don't know what to do. Social services Do Not Care and when they were involved nothing changed anyway. Things have been getting worse and worse for years now at least 7 years. really bad the last 2 years since covid. Bro always worked and paid the bills now he wants to sell the house and move into parents and not work just live off the house money. I know for a fact if this does happen he will die of an overdose. They both have aged 10 years in the last 2.

I don't know what to do. I was thinking of moving in with them (house is big enough) but I don't want to expose my own children to drugs, DH has said no. we argue about it a lot.

Mum died last year, Dad doesn't care or at least says it's not his business which it isn't but I don't think he knows the extent of it.

I don't know what to do.
I have reported to school nd Social services several tes
nothing

Do they want him? Can he come and live with you.

I was going to suggest school but I can see you’ve already don’t it.

Go back
To social services, make a complaint, don’t bother with the duty social worker

Would your brother and SIL be open to you having custody of your nephew?
I definitely don't think you should move in, this would enable them to continue taking no responsibility for anything. And you need to put your kids first unfortunately, it wouldn't be safe for them.

This is awful. Keep phoning the school - they have to do domething. Call the police if you have to.
Hopefully some more knowledgeable people will be along shortly.

Have you contacted his school?
If it was my nephew then I'd try everything to make sure he moved in with me tbh.

Is there any possibility of you taking custody of DN?

Sorry just re-read your last sentence re school.

Why would you move in with them when you have your own family? of course that's causing arguments with your husband. Could your nephew come and live with you or your sister? Or even his grandfather?

If you just took your nephew to live with you would they even stop you?

Definitely make a complaint to social services.

Any way you could take photos/ video evidence of the drug taking?

They do want him yes. They used to leave him unwashed and dirty but that was all the SW (social worker) cared about. as soon as they got on top of uniform and washing and hair cuts making him look neat and tidy SS backed off.

Me and dsis spoke to the SW on the phone about the drug use and violence (back a few years ago was really bad now they are just drugged up instead) she avoided eyecontact with us the next visit and asked for me and dsis to leave the room (dsis had moved in for a while at that point to help with nephew school runs and stuff.)

I used to have dn (im going to call nephew dn for quickness) quite often and go there with my children to get him at the park or in the garden and it was OK. but now he won't come. i took h to the park a few months ago and he refused to walk back with us and ran away I couldn't food fast enough with my children in tow. he was gone for ages. I called sil asking for help finding him she wouldn't come. In the end I called saying someone robbed DNs bike and she drove down for the bike but not for the boy.)

I used to lend them money but I stopped when it came out it was for drugs.
They used to be amazing parents. they have older children and went to school plays, holidays, days out all the time. We are a very one knit family. nobody even knocks or calls before a visit. See eacjother most days but now it's like a nightmare.

I mean I can go there and clean and cook for them to help with their depression. You know like solid tasks that help but I can't pour from an empty cup and it isn't helping really because they just keep doing more drugs.

I said to them both I'm going to call social services again if I come round and DN is at home while they are junked up on god knows what instead of taking him to school and sil said she's going to call them on me for beating up my kids. I mean I can't be arsed and DN isn't interested in even leaving his room anymore.

I am surprised that school hasn’t responded. Can you have a meeting with his headteacher?

You mention older Dc - do they live in the house? Are they also drug users? I know they are young adults but surely they can see their DB is being neglected? Surely they can cook a meal and support him too?

As many of suggested would you be able to take on your nephew as a foster arrangement? At least you will know he is safe and well.

This sounds awful. Have you considered speaking to the school? They must have concerns about him if he's regularly missing school. Maybe social services would take more notice of a report from them.

@thegiftrift

They do want him yes. They used to leave him unwashed and dirty but that was all the SW (social worker) cared about. as soon as they got on top of uniform and washing and hair cuts making him look neat and tidy SS backed off.

Me and dsis spoke to the SW on the phone about the drug use and violence (back a few years ago was really bad now they are just drugged up instead) she avoided eyecontact with us the next visit and asked for me and dsis to leave the room (dsis had moved in for a while at that point to help with nephew school runs and stuff.)

I used to have dn (im going to call nephew dn for quickness) quite often and go there with my children to get him at the park or in the garden and it was OK. but now he won't come. i took h to the park a few months ago and he refused to walk back with us and ran away I couldn't food fast enough with my children in tow. he was gone for ages. I called sil asking for help finding him she wouldn't come. In the end I called saying someone robbed DNs bike and she drove down for the bike but not for the boy.)

I used to lend them money but I stopped when it came out it was for drugs.
They used to be amazing parents. they have older children and went to school plays, holidays, days out all the time. We are a very one knit family. nobody even knocks or calls before a visit. See eacjother most days but now it's like a nightmare.

I mean I can go there and clean and cook for them to help with their depression. You know like solid tasks that help but I can't pour from an empty cup and it isn't helping really because they just keep doing more drugs.

I said to them both I'm going to call social services again if I come round and DN is at home while they are junked up on god knows what instead of taking him to school and sil said she's going to call them on me for beating up my kids. I mean I can't be arsed and DN isn't interested in even leaving his room anymore.

Sorry OP. That sounds like is really hard and I can se you have tried.

Your DN is 9 - he’s a child and doesn’t know any different. If he refuses it could be because of this, or he is afraid or he is being ‘told’ what to do. Who knows, a child of his age still loves his mum and dad, and want to please them. You need professional help to intervene and he will need professional help to.

Last thought have you thought about speaking to the GP. The GP will also have a responsibility for referral to a social worker through safeguarding needs. Although to be honest if what you say is true the school just from lack of attendance should have done this by now.

If recent social services failings have taught us anything, sadly, it's that social services and social workers don't always get things right.

Don't give up.

Complain to the local authority leaders.
Contact their GP
Complain to the governors of the school that the safeguarding is failing.

Keep complaining, for their sons sake.

Would you be willing to have custody of him? Only you have to ask if care would be better than his current situation as care can be brutal, especially for older kids. If you can't have custody, I would probably be looking to do everything I could to keep him safe and happy at home (like you are doing - teach him how to microwave meals) to prevent him going into care

Oops sorry my Dh works away a good 3 or 4 days a week so I could be there. But I mean I don't really want my kids going there seeing it.

DN had a massive outburst crying and talking about cochineal and 'white stuff making mum and dad so lazy' I told the school. He does get extra support there but he doesn't go there enough.

I'm sorry I am venting. My own home is a mess now because I'm going down there while my kids are at school and surface cleaning. Its not sustainable

Can you escalate with social services? Speak to a manager or to the director or the councillor in charge of children and families?

Keep visiting as often as possible. Every time you visit keep a diary of what you've seen. Every time you visit make a referral to SS. Keep doing it. Don't stop.

I wouldn't set foot in the place - why on earth are you cleaning their house? I'd invite my nephew round to mine instead. I don't understand why school aren't doing something about it.

Please escalate through your local Council, write letters / emails to the Director of childrens services , the chief executive of the Council, your local Councillor, and Ofsted, who regulate children’s services . Keep banging on until someone acts and takes you seriously, before a tragedy happens - and let them know who you have told, and they will all be accountable

@Indoorcamping

If you just took your nephew to live with you would they even stop you?

Definitely make a complaint to social services.

Any way you could take photos/ video evidence of the drug taking?

I have taken videos of the fights when ss were involved a few years ago. Sw wasn't interested in looking at the videos. I also took videos of the drug dealer outside and bro and sil getting them. couldn't really get a picture of them doing drugs because they go into the bathroom.

They were doing it at my last birthday it my house and when I found out I kicked them out. I just can't believe this is happening.
DN doesn't want to even visit never mind live with me and they wouldn't let him anyway.
Also he can't stand having too much noise he always complains when we come over has done the last few years. He puts his fingers in his ears and gets distressed by the noise (I have 3 young children and a baby so it's quite noisy when we come) Also his behaviour in general is quite bad to deal with. As I said he wouldn't come back from the park I tried to hold his hand and stop him running away but he kicks and hits, head buts, spits anything to get away. I honesty don't know if i could manage the school run from mine his school is 2 busses away and a walk and my children's school is a bus away in the opposite direction, all opening the same time.
DH wouldn't have it anyway. Even when he was younger.
I know it sounds like excuses and it is. He has grown up and just got too strong for me to deal with.

You need to stop going round and cleaning every day op. Ss aren’t going to realise the extent of the neglect if you’re helping them so much. Could you get the police involved about the drugs? When you know they’re taking cocaine phone the police and report them for being in charge of a minor whilst under the influence of drugs.

Op in the nicest possible way don't neglect your own house life and children to try and make things better for two adults if they won't do it for themselves.

I take my hat off to you for trying when you have young dc yourself but you need to step back now and stop enabling their behaviour.

Keep contacting the school and social services,even the police on the non emergency number so they will have a record of your concern.

It must be really frustrating when services aren't stepping in but it will be impossible for you alone to help sort the mess out.

Social services and contacting the school is about the only way to deal with this. Keep on at them. Drop names, say you don't want your nephew to come to any more harm, or you don't want X scenario to happen to him. If he's missing a lot of school, the school will have to flag this up.

Lots of misinformation here.

If they have ready been under SS school will know. You don't slip straight from SS to nothing- there will be a TAF and MASH. If you are not names as part of that you can't be told any of what is happening. You can report concerns and ask for the school to log but with SS involvement they will be anyway. Report and log everything.

The problem is that the threshold to get raised to foster etc is so high. I have many kids in my class with involvement that 10 years ago would have been fostered and in care. Now, no. Years of underfunding, constant raising of thresholds etc has led to this. I am constantly angry about it.

@HermioneGrangersHair

I am surprised that school hasn’t responded. Can you have a meeting with his headteacher?

You mention older Dc - do they live in the house? Are they also drug users? I know they are young adults but surely they can see their DB is being neglected? Surely they can cook a meal and support him too?

As many of suggested would you be able to take on your nephew as a foster arrangement? At least you will know he is safe and well.

Oh god they are annoying me to be honest which isn't fair at all. DB is older then me and dn and dn are nearly my age. 18 and 20. I'm late 20s so we are closer in age than me and DB. They don't do a thing and as much as I have pleaded for them to just call me if DNephew (younger) hasn't gone to school. they don't. I mean it must me horrible living there with your parents not doing a thing but they are all in bed u till late afternoon too. older niece had a dabble with drugs but thank fully stopped. It's not their place I know but I didn't even know about the drug use ( well the extent and the daily use) I guess they thought I knew?

They also make mess I kitchen don't do dishes and leave all the plates in their room while DB is at work and used to get up in the night make food (including cakes) so the kitchen was a mess before DB woke up for work.
I mean I have stayed there, tidied the kitchen went to Bed, woke up and every pot, pan, plate has been used. This was before DB has gotten so bad with drugs. He has gotten so much worse since mum died. Not the same person at all.

I bought 12 teaspoons and 12 forks for their house as extras because he was moaning about the kids using them all and leaving them in their rooms. No joke I went there and there were no plates in the cupboard or cutlery in the drawer not in the sink. All of it the whole lot, was upstairs and dirty in their rooms. I just? how do you deal with that!

I ask for them to bring their plates down when I'm doing the dishes and they come down both, with piles and piles.

Now I know its not their fault but why am I coming round and Dsis coming round to do their washing up?

Db does work, very long hours he used to work 6 days a week (physically labourous so he is tired)
Sil doesn't never has but she does have bipolar and has been hospitalised so she isn't able to work. DB has recently dropped down to 5 days a week as he said he just can't do that much anymore and I believe him, he is getting older and whatever.
He was on top of it. But just fucking nobody gives him a break. I can see why they would just get depressed and have no motivation when you clean up go to bed for work and wake up to a mess. It pusses me off to be fair. I think they should be doing more.

Jesus! Will SS never learn? All the neglected kids that have been in the news recently - I'll log a complaint and keep nagging the school.