Right so what do you do when your brother and sil start using drugs daily and neglect their child?

[thegiftrift]

Social services have been involved. They are not any more.
I have called, I have explained that the problem is worse but they just are better at hiding it now. It was classed as a malicious call.

My poor nephew is 9 (older children too but they are 18+) he sits in his room all day every single day playing his play station and that is all. The curtains aren't open ever. He sits in the dark. He has quite a few days off school.
Sil is addicted to cannabis and either speed or cocaine. Possibly both I'm not sure. Little white block on a plate in her bedside drawer.
Brother was functioning only did coke at the weekends. Of course this escalated and now he is having days and days off work and doing drugs instead

Every time I visit (not as much now because its so depressing) they are all in bed. I have come at 4pm after school and my DN (nephew) is sat on his game in his PJ'S not been to school while while are in the other bedroom smoking cannabis.

House is not a mess but in disrepair.

Sil was awarded a back payment of over 10 thousand pounds and every penny went on drugs. Brother got furlough (sp?) and the same happened. He has called adorned about money problems. the house being in disrepair but nothing helps.

DSis used to take nephew to school but has moved too far away and can't now anyway because work times.
We used to both go round and tidy up mostly dishes from older nephew and niece)
The windows and curtains are never opened anymore and the house's damp has worsened but instead of moving the wardrobes to internal walls they just let them sit getting the clothes mouldy.
me and dsis have offered to help, we started decorating but we can hardly do it without their permission.

We recently batch cooked loads of meals for their freezer so at least Nephew has better food than beans and toast and takeaways but it doesn't even fucking matter because nobody will cook for him.

I don't know what to do. Social services Do Not Care and when they were involved nothing changed anyway. Things have been getting worse and worse for years now at least 7 years. really bad the last 2 years since covid. Bro always worked and paid the bills now he wants to sell the house and move into parents and not work just live off the house money. I know for a fact if this does happen he will die of an overdose. They both have aged 10 years in the last 2.

I don't know what to do. I was thinking of moving in with them (house is big enough) but I don't want to expose my own children to drugs, DH has said no. we argue about it a lot.

Mum died last year, Dad doesn't care or at least says it's not his business which it isn't but I don't think he knows the extent of it.

I don't know what to do.
I have reported to school nd Social services several tes
nothing

You are thinking of moving yourself and your kids in with them??? What sort of madness is that?!!! And why are you worrying your dad about it? What do you expect him to do about it? You seem just a bit too involved tbh. And I can’t help wondering if you are exaggerating how bad the situation is because surely if your DN was missing that much school it would be flagged up without you needing to get involved. Also you say there are older siblings. How are they? Do they not look out for their brother?

You mentioned that they have aged about ten years in last 2. You also mentioned that they used to be amazing parents . I am not ignoring the drug issue but just wanted to bring your attention to something. My family and I are very very ill from mold exposure in our last home. If there is visible mold in their home and they are not ventilating the house you can be sure this is affecting them. We had onset of neurological issues among complete immune system suppression from mold toxicity. Just wanted fo highlight that there could br other factors in their change in behaviour.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. It is soul destroying to be concerned about the welfare of a vulnerable relative, so all the right things and discover that your concerns are being ignored/ dismissed as malicious.

I would suggest you WRITE to both social services and the school rather than phoning - email will do. Refer back to your telephone conversations, ideally with dates and say you are increasingly concerned for your DN’s physical and mental health.
Without a paper trail it is very easy for over worked social services departments to downplay or ignore the reports they have had. Once there is a written record of a concern being raised they have to follow up.
If they are regular cocaine users and if the drugs are lying around the house you can also contact the police.

Your DN is lucky to have someone looking out for him. Poor child.

Call childline? They may have some constructive advice. Sounds awful

@Kohi36

You mentioned that they have aged about ten years in last 2. You also mentioned that they used to be amazing parents . I am not ignoring the drug issue but just wanted to bring your attention to something. My family and I are very very ill from mold exposure in our last home. If there is visible mold in their home and they are not ventilating the house you can be sure this is affecting them. We had onset of neurological issues among complete immune system suppression from mold toxicity. Just wanted fo highlight that there could br other factors in their change in behaviour.

Oh I didn't think of this, thank you.

I would say you are a star and it is important to continue to look out for your DN. I would be inclined to agree with the poster that suggested that you take your DN home with you for a few days, week, month... with technology and slowly he will see a different normality.

Your poor DN is no doubt traumatised and I think people on here giving you a rough time need to back off. Thank you for doing your best and look after yourself.. it must be absolutely horrendous faced with this situation x

Just call the police. If you know they are getting high at night time and DN is present, say it.

Call 999, say your nephew is in danger. Be totally upfront - there’s illegal drugs in the house and the parents are high and there’s a minor.

I’m sorry but it sounds like you’re at a dead end and the reality is it won’t get better. Addiction wrecks lives. It’s already out of control and there’s a child at stake. The parents are committing two (or more when you really break it down) crimes here - illegal drug use, possession and purchase plus child abuse. Under child protection that boys is being neglected (parents not putting his needs first, not ensuring school attendance, unsafe home environment due to the state of the home, being left to fend for himself at 9) and he is being emotionally abused (parents on drugs counts as emotional abuse based on what he’s exposed to). And physical abuse in reality, again based on his environment but also that from what you say he isn’t being fed properly.

I totally get why you’re going round there because your 9 year old nephew is there. But stop. It clearly win5 take long fit the house to get bad, a couple of days from what you describe.

Increased drug use will eventually lead to even more money needed which could easily put your nephew into very dangerous situations. The addiction needs will only get stronger and harder to resist. Your nephew could well find his parents dead one day. He could find them unconscious and not know what to do.

Call the police. Go round first if needs be and check the current situation but just call the police and say you know a child in immediate danger.

At school, the ultimate safe guarding rule of you feel a child is in danger and no one in the chain of referral is helping is to call the police. Just do it. NSPCC too, and tell SS you’ve rung the police.

A 9 year old child is at risk.

I just wanted to add to my last post because it sounded a bit harsh when I read it back to myself and you clearly are very aware of the danger ever present for your nephew. You are a hero doing what you do in the face of family pushing you back and those that should help not listening.
I’ve dealt with SS several times and I know their aim is to keep the family together, I also am aware you said they were once good parents. But they clearly can’t put their son first now and sadly, despite it being family, they need to be reprimanded and helped and I honestly believe the only way round this now would be to call the police, even if continuously.
Bless your heart OP we need more people like you.

OP, your concern and love for your family is truly impressive. However, many PPs have said 'call the police' and you seem to be ignoring this. I understand that you don't see your family as criminals and you don't want to get your DB into trouble, but for your DN's sake, you have to do this. Clearly SS aren't acting, in spite of the school being very aware and frustrated. Police intervention is needed. Please.

Call the police, call the NSPCC. Take photos next time you’re there and send them to social services.

Call your DN’s school and explain what’s happening - ask them to make an urgent safeguarding referral to the local authority.

Could your DN move in with you? Do you have room? Would he go with you? Would your SIL allow this? Do they work?

Write to your MP and make an appointment to see them at their surgery - follow any email or letter up with a phone call: tell them in detail what is happening and that local social services are failing your nephew. They and their team should act, and will at least chase up with the social workers.

I hope it all works out ok. That poor little boy.

@marthamydear

I would say you are a star and it is important to continue to look out for your DN. I would be inclined to agree with the poster that suggested that you take your DN home with you for a few days, week, month... with technology and slowly he will see a different normality.

Your poor DN is no doubt traumatised and I think people on here giving you a rough time need to back off. Thank you for doing your best and look after yourself.. it must be absolutely horrendous faced with this situation x

Thank you Martha my dear. thanks for having my back :-) although what did I expect posting on aibu?

Oh op, I’ve been you in a round about way, except it was my mother and my dsister from the age of 0 and it was booze and drugs. (This was from the age of me being 14 all the way through to about 30)

I ended up being through hell and back trying to help out, protect my sister, called ss, police etc. I ended up being my sisters point of contact with school, attended all her parents evenings, helped her get uniform, found her secondary school place etc. It was horrible but like you I just couldn’t turn my back on the situation.

I don’t think trying to move in is a wise idea! The idea here is to help where you can but with boundaries that don’t allow your own family/life to suffer. Realising helping them in any way will
Be enabling and you’ll only come across as sticking your nose in.

Your heart is in the right place, there is no easy answer and you cannot control much of the situation, but do preserve with getting outside support. Drug and booze abuse always come
Crashing down at some point. One day you will want to look your dnewphew in the eye and say I did everything I could, and that will be true and will be enough, because it is.

What a horrible situation OP, I am so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. The one huge plus is that your DN has two aunts who care so greatly for him.

The state of social services is disgusting and equally horrifying in this country. They don't care about helping children, just box ticking to avoid responsibility. Individuals start out with idealistic ambitions perhaps then quickly are worn out by the system, either leave or turn into box ticking zombies. Why oh why public is not demanding change.

Do you think that your dn has the beginnngs of a gaming addiction and the reason he doesn’t want to go with you to your house or go out with you is because he knows you won’t allow him to be on his devices for hours and hours and that is what is keeping him tied to his drug addled parents rather than love for them

@Daphneadonis

The state of social services is disgusting and equally horrifying in this country. They don't care about helping children, just box ticking to avoid responsibility. Individuals start out with idealistic ambitions perhaps then quickly are worn out by the system, either leave or turn into box ticking zombies. Why oh why public is not demanding change.

The social workers I know through my work all are very much. But, they have to work within the law. And they are constantly horrifically understaffed. If we want change in social services, we need to start there.

Being a social worker is not at all an easy ride. I can't see why anyone would stay in this job if it wasn't because they care about helping people.

sorry- child protection

I just wanted to add my voice in saying how absolutely amazing a person you sound. I can’t believe you are still plugging away, trying every avenue to get support, fighting a system that should be helping you, when you have your own young children as well. Your love and resilience shine out through your writing, which as a side note is extremely evocative, you have a talent for it if that’s not too grim to say in this situation.

I’m not sure I have any advice to add, as I probably would have walked away long ago. But I would definitely stop helping in any way, in fact I would wait until things were really terrible in the house, I knew for a fact that it was tip with no food in, both parents were off their faces and your DN was there and then I would call them.

Call the police- a vulnerable child is suffering

If you can I'd still try and take food for your nephew. He is nine, you can show him how to heat his food up. Make whatever food you know he likes and will eat and Tell him it's his food. It won't change anything very much but having decent food will help a little.