Right so what do you do when your brother and sil start using drugs daily and neglect their child?

[thegiftrift]

Social services have been involved. They are not any more.
I have called, I have explained that the problem is worse but they just are better at hiding it now. It was classed as a malicious call.

My poor nephew is 9 (older children too but they are 18+) he sits in his room all day every single day playing his play station and that is all. The curtains aren't open ever. He sits in the dark. He has quite a few days off school.
Sil is addicted to cannabis and either speed or cocaine. Possibly both I'm not sure. Little white block on a plate in her bedside drawer.
Brother was functioning only did coke at the weekends. Of course this escalated and now he is having days and days off work and doing drugs instead

Every time I visit (not as much now because its so depressing) they are all in bed. I have come at 4pm after school and my DN (nephew) is sat on his game in his PJ'S not been to school while while are in the other bedroom smoking cannabis.

House is not a mess but in disrepair.

Sil was awarded a back payment of over 10 thousand pounds and every penny went on drugs. Brother got furlough (sp?) and the same happened. He has called adorned about money problems. the house being in disrepair but nothing helps.

DSis used to take nephew to school but has moved too far away and can't now anyway because work times.
We used to both go round and tidy up mostly dishes from older nephew and niece)
The windows and curtains are never opened anymore and the house's damp has worsened but instead of moving the wardrobes to internal walls they just let them sit getting the clothes mouldy.
me and dsis have offered to help, we started decorating but we can hardly do it without their permission.

We recently batch cooked loads of meals for their freezer so at least Nephew has better food than beans and toast and takeaways but it doesn't even fucking matter because nobody will cook for him.

I don't know what to do. Social services Do Not Care and when they were involved nothing changed anyway. Things have been getting worse and worse for years now at least 7 years. really bad the last 2 years since covid. Bro always worked and paid the bills now he wants to sell the house and move into parents and not work just live off the house money. I know for a fact if this does happen he will die of an overdose. They both have aged 10 years in the last 2.

I don't know what to do. I was thinking of moving in with them (house is big enough) but I don't want to expose my own children to drugs, DH has said no. we argue about it a lot.

Mum died last year, Dad doesn't care or at least says it's not his business which it isn't but I don't think he knows the extent of it.

I don't know what to do.
I have reported to school nd Social services several tes
nothing

I was the kid in this situation, police are going to be your best bet. If you go round and they are obviously stoned or high etc ring police and tell them that your nephew needs a welfare check and explain the situation. They should then inform ss. Im glad your nephew has you in his life

Keep reporting new concerns as they happen to both school and SS.

The bar for SS intervention is high, sadly. I can well believe that if he is safe, fed, clean and getting some education he will not meet their bar, although there is clearly a reason to be worried.

I think the main think you can do is to continue to be available to your dn and to keep an eye out for things getting worse.

* ) he sits in his room all day every single day playing his play station and that is all. The curtains aren't open ever. He sits in the dark. He has quite a few days off school. *

What is quite a few?

You can’t in one breath say “every single day” and then say “quite a few days off”
It doesn’t make sense

Stop the cleaning and doing anything for the adults. You need to keep your own family and home in order.

But keep in touch for sake of DN. and keep logging everything with SS and the school

Unfortunately the drug taking etc won't be enough. Social services will act if they can prove neglect.
I think you need to stop helping them, while keeping contact with DN.

Op I agree you need to stop going round to clean and fix the problem. It’s a sticking plaster that disguises the extent of the neglect when social services go round. Stick to taking meals round for DN, maybe teach him to use the microwave to help?

@phlebasconsidered If they have ready been under SS school will know. You don't slip straight from SS to nothing- there will be a TAF and MASH.

If only that were true, a TAF is voluntary, so many families are stepped down to early help and stop engaging and are left to their own devices. As you say the threshold is really high and the funding low.

I know you think you are helping by going round and cooking and cleaning but you are in the end enabling them to continue to neglect their dc and to carry on doing what they are doing

I would call the police that a child is in danger and around drugs and drug dealers
SS won’t do anything because their priorities aren’t to keep children safe but to make sure that the image is of a clean child.

Could you offer dn a few days away with you as a treat and he can bring his devices with him
If those few days turn into a week or 2 or a month then so be it.
I know he is unlikely to come but it could be he thinks he can’t bring his stuff with him.

Put it onto your db and sil to come and get him when they are ready.
More than likely they will not come round

I do think in this case you have to go to the police in order for them to get SS to do anything

Can you not see that you’re enabling them?

I would stop visiting them, stop doing chores with them - essentially you are just helping them to continue with their dodgy habits.
I would if at all possible swoop in and take nephew home with you. And call social services to explain why.

Surely that should trigger ss into "some" sort of action?

I agree re police. If you turn up and DN is effectively left on his own while the parents are drugged up in their room, I'd call the police without hesitation.

Maybe their involvement and informing SS would hold more weight. Do you have a local station you could contact and ask advice?

Your poor DN - I'd be so tempted to go and just take him home with me...

@Toanewstart22

* ) he sits in his room all day every single day playing his play station and that is all. The curtains aren't open ever. He sits in the dark. He has quite a few days off school. *

What is quite a few?

You can’t in one breath say “every single day” and then say “quite a few days off”
It doesn’t make sense

Every day after school he takes himself when he goes, I Don't know exactly but more than he should be. I have gone round before, been there a few hours, went to get the dishes from all the bedrooms, checked his room and he's been in there. curtains drawn and I haven't even noticed him for hours. awake playing games. please don't try to puck apart my words I'm just chatting informally on an anonymous forum trying to make sense of a shit situation.

Police have been called in the past for violence and I've told them everything about the drugs (which seemed like a sode problem back then)
Honestly I am completely done with the authorities. I have called and reported over and over. So have my older nice and nephew , so has my sister. neighbours.
it's disheartening. there have been definitely 30 separate calls from just me and my sister in the last few years. The last one basically calling me a malicious liar I am so fucking angry and upset about it all I just want to close my eyes and shut it out for a bit.

My sister already took all of their pets after dbro and sil kept asking me to have them. but obviously having the child is completely different. He loves his parents. And they were alright before he was born and when he was a baby. it doesn't feel like I'm talking g about my brother. My brother is a good hard working man who provides for his kids and who is strong and looks after everything at home. He doesn't get sucked into drugs. He doesn't neglect his children! I don't get how it's true! he's not like this. They both aren't they are good parents, it's like they have died and been replaced by zombies. Me and my sister have said it feels like we are grieving. Everything is such a mess. I'll be showing her this tomorrow and making a list of all the suggestions ready to call Monday morning.

Thank you everyone for your advice and even just words of kindness. it really does mean a lot. This site is truly invaluable. Especially when I can't admit this to anyone outside of my sister and she is obviously just as biased as I am.

Stop cleaning up their house.
Stop sending food.
Stop helping.

Keep dropping by, though, and then reporting it. In the short term, the house/food/missed school/lack of care will be awful, but it will become out of control and eventually bad enough for SS to actually agree to do something.

IF you keep fixing it enough so they can carry on as they are, nothing will change.

Keep reporting it to the school, ss and the police,though. But stop fixing it for them.

I know how you feel op. I had a friend like this who's son was just left on the games console 24/7, fed rubbish or takeaway. House was a stinking hovel and your clothes would smell awful after just being in there for half an hour let alone living there. She had social services involved for years but it was not until her son was 13/14 and she was arrested for burglary ( to pay for her drugs) that they actually stepped in and removed the child. It was to late by then and the son who has lived with foster carers is now 18 and going down the same path. Please try anything and everything to help your nephew before its to late.

If they are both using drugs and you know they are looking after him whilst they are BOTH under the influence, call the police and insist on a welfare check explaining his parents are intoxicated. They WILL attend and if there is signs of drug taking they will likely be arrested for neglect as they can use body cam footage for evidence, which will then trigger a mandatory social services case being opened. To be honest, them being arrested for neglect is the only way they will be given the opportunity for help and if rejected the child will be placed in the care of someone else who hopefully treats him much better.

I too would stop going round for a few weeks, so the house looks in its natural state, then I’d do as a precious poster suggested, phone the police and say they are dealing and using their child as a courier.

@Kennykenkencat

I know you think you are helping by going round and cooking and cleaning but you are in the end enabling them to continue to neglect their dc and to carry on doing what they are doing

I would call the police that a child is in danger and around drugs and drug dealers
SS won’t do anything because their priorities aren’t to keep children safe but to make sure that the image is of a clean child.

Could you offer dn a few days away with you as a treat and he can bring his devices with him
If those few days turn into a week or 2 or a month then so be it.
I know he is unlikely to come but it could be he thinks he can’t bring his stuff with him.

Put it onto your db and sil to come and get him when they are ready.
More than likely they will not come round

I do think in this case you have to go to the police in order for them to get SS to do anything

This is an amazing idea actually. I never thought about telling you to bring the games I will call him and see if he wants to tonight. thank you I didnt think of it at all

I don't have any advice but just wanted to offer words of support. My son is the same age as your nephew, he's lucky to have you trying so hard for him. Don't give up, it sounds like you're the only one looking out for him right now.

You need to let them fail OP, for SS to help. My parents were crack and heroin addicts and used regularly in front of me. The same a decade later with my brother. Step dad actually died in bed with him. They always lived with others, who would keep it clean enough and with food for kids, so nothing was ever done. I'd seen multiple overdoses before I was 10. No one gave a shit, so long as I was cleanish, seemed fed and the drugs and needles were nominally out of my reach. I know of people in much the same position now.

I would try to get DN out of there and with you (a trip taking all devices, then just not returning sounds a good idea to try), but otherwise, if you can't, you need to stop helping or nothing will happen.

Stop helping, but keep reporting that is.

What a shit situation.

@betwixtlives

Can you not see that you’re enabling them?

What else am I supposed to do? Leave him to live a shit life with no food and no dishes aswell? I didn't go round for ages and nothing changed. Also this is a new development. DBro never used to do it in the week or the day. now he is. now it's getting ridiculous.

And its easy to say 'I would do' but you wouldn't if it was slowly getting worse over years and years.
It's not actively bad anymore. Just dead. So my feelings of shock and 'oh my god isn't this terrible its an emergency' just isn't there or is skewed.
I don't know what to think. Especially as the social workers dismissed my worries and then closed the case with all of that information. It just. I just don't know what's right and wrong anymore. I don't know what is a good situation and what is a bad one

What prompted this thread was me thinking 'thank god the dog doesn't live here anymore' when a poor child does. I realised I have no grasp on the relaity of the situation anymore.
God we removed the pets but the child is still there! it's sick that's actually sick

@SprintingAtlas

I agree re police. If you turn up and DN is effectively left on his own while the parents are drugged up in their room, I'd call the police without hesitation.

Maybe their involvement and informing SS would hold more weight. Do you have a local station you could contact and ask advice?

Your poor DN - I'd be so tempted to go and just take him home with me...

That first bit

'left on his own while the parents are drugged up in their room'

This is what i mean about the slowly chipping away the sense of normality. I know he is left on his own while the parents are drugged up.
Usually the Boy was in his room every day. that's normal
normally his mom is doing drugs that's normal
normally the dad is normal. except weekends.
That's how social services left it.

now he is drugged up so it's just fucking moved what I know to be bad and made it feel normal. I wouldn't have my kids in their room all day even if I wasn't doing drugs. but then it feels like his roo. is safer so I want him in there. i feel so stupid i actually didn't think the police would care. but when you put it like that
'he is on his own while his parents are drugged up'
that actually sounds fucking bad. what the fuck?

Sorry I’m going to be tough. So SIL has a brick of drugs which she’s probably selling (illegal) and your DNieces/nephews are being ill treated but it’s ok, your brother works and provides and only takes drugs on the weekend.

What if SIL or DB has a heart attack or condition due to the drugs or finds it hard to cope day to day but more palpitations etc?

You need to get onto police and SS ASAP, offer to have kids to live with you and get your relatives into rehab. Yes it’s hard, but can be done.

I’ve known lots of kids living in these situations but maybe the parents die or die later due to mental health issues due to drugs mostly. I know you think you’re doing enough but you’re not. You need to get angry. It might escalate into harder drugs too.

Anyway good luck it’s not an easy situation at all.

Phone NSPCC 08088005000

Phone the police

Phone SS again

Call the council and ask to speak to the Local Authority Designated Officer (LADO)