Right so what do you do when your brother and sil start using drugs daily and neglect their child?

[thegiftrift]

Social services have been involved. They are not any more.
I have called, I have explained that the problem is worse but they just are better at hiding it now. It was classed as a malicious call.

My poor nephew is 9 (older children too but they are 18+) he sits in his room all day every single day playing his play station and that is all. The curtains aren't open ever. He sits in the dark. He has quite a few days off school.
Sil is addicted to cannabis and either speed or cocaine. Possibly both I'm not sure. Little white block on a plate in her bedside drawer.
Brother was functioning only did coke at the weekends. Of course this escalated and now he is having days and days off work and doing drugs instead

Every time I visit (not as much now because its so depressing) they are all in bed. I have come at 4pm after school and my DN (nephew) is sat on his game in his PJ'S not been to school while while are in the other bedroom smoking cannabis.

House is not a mess but in disrepair.

Sil was awarded a back payment of over 10 thousand pounds and every penny went on drugs. Brother got furlough (sp?) and the same happened. He has called adorned about money problems. the house being in disrepair but nothing helps.

DSis used to take nephew to school but has moved too far away and can't now anyway because work times.
We used to both go round and tidy up mostly dishes from older nephew and niece)
The windows and curtains are never opened anymore and the house's damp has worsened but instead of moving the wardrobes to internal walls they just let them sit getting the clothes mouldy.
me and dsis have offered to help, we started decorating but we can hardly do it without their permission.

We recently batch cooked loads of meals for their freezer so at least Nephew has better food than beans and toast and takeaways but it doesn't even fucking matter because nobody will cook for him.

I don't know what to do. Social services Do Not Care and when they were involved nothing changed anyway. Things have been getting worse and worse for years now at least 7 years. really bad the last 2 years since covid. Bro always worked and paid the bills now he wants to sell the house and move into parents and not work just live off the house money. I know for a fact if this does happen he will die of an overdose. They both have aged 10 years in the last 2.

I don't know what to do. I was thinking of moving in with them (house is big enough) but I don't want to expose my own children to drugs, DH has said no. we argue about it a lot.

Mum died last year, Dad doesn't care or at least says it's not his business which it isn't but I don't think he knows the extent of it.

I don't know what to do.
I have reported to school nd Social services several tes
nothing

My poor nephew is 9 (older children too but they are 18+

Where are the older children? Can any of them talk to your dn? Do they realise what's going on?

Which general area are you? I work in CAMHS and have noticed huge variations between health board areas- also sadly between individual social workers. Some are truly amazing and if you hit the jackpot it can be transformative, and this is 100% their remit.

I am in Scotland and I know the system is slightly different, but my understanding is that any NHS clinician made aware of CP concerns is obliged to make a referral. There are CP advisors who then speak to SW. The reason I am saying this is that there are clear paths of communication between health and SW that perhaps don't exist elsewhere. You should be able to tell GP or similar (obviously they can't tell you anything) and they should follow it up, particularly in the current climate. Also, if you are calling SW, make sure that it is noted as a notification of CP concern and not just welfare concern and tell them that you are reporting escalating concerns and specifics of why things are getting worse.

The challenge is that government cuts have directly impacted on SW capacity in the same way it has in my own job and the bar is now very high for input. At times, I have been told that they will only respond to reports of immediate harm. I would second the advice about gong beyond the duty worker- I've often been refused at the initial discussion only for SW to allocate once escalated.

For your own sanity, I would stop trying to change the parents or improve the home environment which is only gong to lead to conflict and resentment. Are there ways of letting DN know you are there and maintaining contact? Even if it's dropping a text or seeing if he would like to go out for something to eat. Maybe someone could play online with him to let him know his family are still there and care about him or send him a card or small thing in the post.

Sounds really difficult for you watching this unfold but just letting DN know that you are holding him in mind is likely to be the most supportive thing you can do just now.

@WhenTheyComeForYou

If recent social services failings have taught us anything, sadly, it's that social services and social workers don't always get things right.

Don't give up.

Complain to the local authority leaders.
Contact their GP
Complain to the governors of the school that the safeguarding is failing.

Keep complaining, for their sons sake.

Would you be willing to have custody of him? Only you have to ask if care would be better than his current situation as care can be brutal, especially for older kids. If you can't have custody, I would probably be looking to do everything I could to keep him safe and happy at home (like you are doing - teach him how to microwave meals) to prevent him going into care

I would have him if the alternative is going into care.

When I told them I spoke to SS last time they didn't let me visit for ages and once I repaired that rift I don't really want to do it again because I feel like they let us down so much. NOTHING was done at all.

The school have been fantastic, they bring a food parcel round every 2 weeks. They also have DN in for chats and let him come our of lesson if he needs to. He is in an art group and they really are great. BUT ss just cause more stress. Drug and alcohol use went up when they were involved and they caused so much extra stress without actually fixing anything. They were involved for 3 or 4 years and then they closed the case. That's when I reported the drug use. they called dbro (who thinks it was his son reporting him I haven't told him it was me i don't think I will I case he stops me coming round) they called DB about it he said it wasn't true and he was told it was a malicious call and they wouldn't look further into it.

Honestly I don't think I can go back down the SS route It was so infuriating. Everyone paints them as these people who take children away and help and fuck off do they! They just visit the house and ask you to rate your family out of 10.
I will go back to the school though.

fun fact, DNs teacher/Councillor told that she is absolutely raging at SS too and that they have let down more that just my family.

You could write with your concerns to the director of SS, or to your local Mp/ counsellor. Copy in the school head/ head of governors.

Keep on phoning SS. Think how you would feel if anything happened to him 😟

@HollowTalk

I wouldn't set foot in the place - why on earth are you cleaning their house? I'd invite my nephew round to mine instead. I don't understand why school aren't doing something about it.

He won't come. He likes to play his game and that's it.

I'm going to be unavailable to help as much soon. Next year I'll be working and won't have time to help.

@FaintlyHopeful

Which general area are you? I work in CAMHS and have noticed huge variations between health board areas- also sadly between individual social workers. Some are truly amazing and if you hit the jackpot it can be transformative, and this is 100% their remit.

I am in Scotland and I know the system is slightly different, but my understanding is that any NHS clinician made aware of CP concerns is obliged to make a referral. There are CP advisors who then speak to SW. The reason I am saying this is that there are clear paths of communication between health and SW that perhaps don't exist elsewhere. You should be able to tell GP or similar (obviously they can't tell you anything) and they should follow it up, particularly in the current climate. Also, if you are calling SW, make sure that it is noted as a notification of CP concern and not just welfare concern and tell them that you are reporting escalating concerns and specifics of why things are getting worse.

The challenge is that government cuts have directly impacted on SW capacity in the same way it has in my own job and the bar is now very high for input. At times, I have been told that they will only respond to reports of immediate harm. I would second the advice about gong beyond the duty worker- I've often been refused at the initial discussion only for SW to allocate once escalated.

For your own sanity, I would stop trying to change the parents or improve the home environment which is only gong to lead to conflict and resentment. Are there ways of letting DN know you are there and maintaining contact? Even if it's dropping a text or seeing if he would like to go out for something to eat. Maybe someone could play online with him to let him know his family are still there and care about him or send him a card or small thing in the post.

Sounds really difficult for you watching this unfold but just letting DN know that you are holding him in mind is likely to be the most supportive thing you can do just now.

I have sent him letters in the post and text but he doesn't reply much. Playing games online with him is a good idea ill see if I can get DH to set it up for me (I haven't got a clue he may already be able to do it)

Also sorry but what is a CP @FaintlyHopeful

Your poor DN doesn't stand a chance.
This kind of negative childhood have a long term impact on health and behaviour.

I'm really shocked the school isn't doing anything considering his absences.

He also sounds like he could have other challenges perhaps with the noise sensitivity etc

Honestly I think you need to up your campaign with SS and school.

You are a star, this must be soul destroying for you.

There will be a very compelling reason why they classed your call as “malicious”

@Toanewstart22

There will be a very compelling reason why they classed your call as “malicious”

Why? I didn't say anything at all that was untrue. in fact I even gave ridiculous level of detail of my concerns even quoting my nephews concerns when he was crying telling me he knows what they are doing. It bloody wasn't malicious. Of course I only got that info from DB so he could have just told me it was guessing it was me? and wanting me to keep my beak out. I don't know I never questioned it before.

You must go to the school
However they will contact SS and establish why they dismiss you as malicious
Would be much more compelling coming from the school

Op

SS do NOT dismiss reports as malicious without very good reason

I know it all sounds like an episode (or series) of Eastenders but addiction really has destroyed their lives. They don't go out anymore. do anything just get high.

also they do it with other family members pay for them. Do it at their house. Fucking they take the piss. everyone goes to theirs 'because its bigger' no its because they don't have to clean up, they don't want it at their houses. I did have a go at my cousins and asked why they were going there doing drugs with them while the kids were in the house. Why aren't you doing it in your house with your kids? and only one has stopped coming.

Dad doesn't want to know mum was ill for a long time and he is grieving it's too much to put on him

Well I will contact the school again.
to be honest i wish it would all just go away its so fucking embarrassing and upsetting having to lay the families dirty laundry on the table and you just know some of the people are looking down judging you and your family. It's not nice at all

SS do NOT dismiss reports as malicious without very good reason

What like they didn't dismiss the reports about Star Hobson? the mother gf said the family were reporting on her because she was a gypsy and a lesbian. She ended up murdering baby Star.

Call the police. Nice they are involved hopefully SW will get the kick up the behind they need

Go to the governors at the school, the school must be aware if he is having lots of time off

Make a formal complaint to SS

Could you offer to be guardian and he comes to live with you?

Tip off police throuch anonymous phone line, they are dealing drugs from the home and using the child as a courier.

Should get some attention.

@Toanewstart22

Op

SS do NOT dismiss reports as malicious without very good reason

That’s absolute bollocks

@thegiftrift

Well I will contact the school again. to be honest i wish it would all just go away its so fucking embarrassing and upsetting having to lay the families dirty laundry on the table and you just know some of the people are looking down judging you and your family. It's not nice at all

Sorry I missed you’d already been to the school

And their response?

Ring the Police and liaise with the school who should also be flagging up concerns.

@VapeVamp12

SS do NOT dismiss reports as malicious without very good reason

What like they didn't dismiss the reports about Star Hobson? the mother gf said the family were reporting on her because she was a gypsy and a lesbian. She ended up murdering baby Star.

They didn’t dismiss They did investigate but concluded no issue

Whereas in this case they have just said “nah”

If this child is not attending school at all
It really is fairly cut and dry in terms of triggering school involvement

@Winniemarysarah

You need to stop going round and cleaning every day op. Ss aren’t going to realise the extent of the neglect if you’re helping them so much. Could you get the police involved about the drugs? When you know they’re taking cocaine phone the police and report them for being in charge of a minor whilst under the influence of drugs.

I wondered about phoning the police. They would trigger SW involvement.

@2bazookas

Tip off police throuch anonymous phone line, they are dealing drugs from the home and using the child as a courier.

Should get some attention.

This. Slight lie (unless I missed something), but it will get a sweep of the house done, and they are bound to find something. Then brother and sil get drug tested, found positive and arrested. Then social services will be forced to be involved.

Probably your only solution since the other steps are being useless, but that does depend on how the police service is run in your area. Considering everything else us shite, I'm not holding out much hope.