It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

[anotherinheritanceq]

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

Of course he’s wrong, but at least he’s being up front, she can write her will so her portion of the assets go straight to her children. She can allow him use of the house but prevent him from selling it. I’m not sure he’d be entitled to any of it, I thought it was only assets accrued during the marriage that had to be held jointly?

He sounds like a total shit and a gold digger to boot. Anyone can write a will in which they can state exactly to whom they wish to leave their assets in the event of their death. Although potentially controversial, the deceased person's express wishes carry more weight in law than convention. If this person is stupid enough to marry the gold digger, she should at least first write a will, protecting those in her own bloodline. How does she know that the gold digger isn't just marrying her for her money? He might even try to bump her off in order to pass the money on to his own children, to whom she owes nothing. I can't believe that anyone can be this stupid!

NRTFT - If she still want to marry him (!) she needs to get legal advice before she marrys. Have a look at this in the meantime:
www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2018/wills-for-second-marriages-with-children/

A will can be written "in contemplation of marriage" so that it isn't automatically revoked by the marriage so that all provisions for the DC can be put in place. This avoids any danger of her new husband getting his hands on the assets under intestacy rules if anything happens to her before she gets around to drawing up the will. This should be done by a solicitor to make sure it is worded correctly.

However it would be best all round if she doesn't marry him. A watertight will is of no use if he divorces her and gets his hands on half her assets. He is clearly on the make so this is more than likely to be how things end up.

She needs to leave it all to her children. Or give half to him and half to her children. Although I think there is a way children get it all, but he has the right to live there until he dies. (Obvs lots of conditions needed on that).

Crumbs, no dilemma here, I would be giving him the boot asap. Even if it means settling some money on him to enable him to get a flat, she can afford it and it might soften the break a bit. Certainly not marry him. There are other (better) fish in the sea.

I’m well into the second year of trying to unpick the mess that is my dad’s estate. He had a will, but did not have a signed copy. He did have a pre-nup, and even though it stated how things were to be handled if he should die, it counted for nothing (and yes, we have spent thousands on solicitors fees, and had advice from a paid contentious probate specialist, as well as a family member who is a solicitor and a family friend who is a barrister. We have covered all bases. They all say a pre-nup is not really worth much.)

His ‘wife’ (aka the foreign lady he married nearly 2 decades ago in order that she could get a U.K. visa, who then promptly disappeared in order to go and have children with someone else while leaving my dad with the 2 children she brought with her from before she had ever met my dad) suddenly remembered she had a husband when she found out he was terminally ill, and has basically taken all my dad’s assets, denied us entry to his home, and treated us as though we are cockroaches she would like to stamp on. We have never done anything to her, but we could see so long ago that she was a bad apple, and begged our dad to make sure his paperwork reflected what he would like to happen should he die. He found all talk distasteful to the point where we could not raise the subject for fear of falling out.

I cannot tell you how distressing the last couple of years have been. Our ability to grieve for our parent has been stripped away in too many ways to mention here by this very unpleasant woman along with our family assets (my dad inherited a huge amount from his mother, who inherited it from her father, and it was always intended to pass from parent to child in our family.) Without a decent will in place, a second spouse with bad intent can make the lives of children very hard indeed. The special piece of work my dad married has offered to let us have access to items of no monetary value (think stuff such as photos, books that were given as gifts which had inscriptions in by family members from long ago, etc) in exchange for his ashes, which she intends to send overseas to her home country in spite of our dad leaving very detailed description of what he would like done with them.

If you mother has any love at all for you, she will appoint a solicitor to set out in a properly worded, signed and witnessed will what she wishes doing with her property after death. At least if she does want her husband’s children to inherit her property from him, not consider you at all, you will know, and will not have the horrendous time of trying to work through the emotions that arise when you realise your parent made inadequate provisions for you at the same time as trying to process their death.

For our part, we will be fine without the money he had intended to leave us, but when we die, if you looked inside my siblings and I, you would see the scars the stress of the last couple of years etched on our hearts.

Surely she can make a will leaving the house to her children with the stipulation that her ‘husband’ can stay there until the end of his life. The money is another issue, why in gods name should his, I assume grown-up children inherit anything. I suspect the money will be left to him on her death, but there is no reason she can’t set up a trust fund for her children (grandchildren) and provide fir them that way.

OP not read whole thread but wow, i admire his honesty! The far, far more common scenario is extremely stupid man marrying a fanny lodger thus screwing his children.

Most sensible thing to do is take money off the table BEFORE she marries.

She gives half the house to her kids NOW in trust that way marriage or not he cant ever own the whole house. Do same with pension etc.

As mentioned disinheriting step children is so so so common its actually to be expected in these kind of scenarios

He’s honest, I’ll give him that. But clearly not very nice.

WTAF is he thinking, that he can effectively steal her assets for his children because he hasn’t provided anything for them himself, whilst depriving her kids of what she’s spent her life amassing for them?

I kind of admire his cheek, but I’d be giving him the boot nevertheless.

Prenup!!!

@Mumof3confused

Prenup!!!

Depends where you are - prenups are not yet legally binding in the UK (but will be taken into consideration by the courts in the event of a divorce).

Similar situation here. My father died and left entire estate to his wife (no children) who in turn has said she will leave all hers to her nieces and nephews. My father only had a verbal agreement that she would 'see me right'.
OP your friend needs to run to the hills and look after her own.

@NotSoLittle a few of my friends have been f divorced recently, and the prenups have been honoured. The key was to make sure the other party had legal advice before signing it so that they could not pretend that they didn’t understand what they were signing at the time. I wish I’d had been smart enough to organise one…

My Mum died when I was in my teens. My Dad got remarried and then sadly he died last year. His wife got everything and I know she won’t leave me a penny. She had no interest in me when they were together, so now that he’s gone, she’s gone. Her kids will get everything that my Mum and Dad worked for. I just try not to think about it to be honest. There’s no point getting all bitter about it. My Dad could have made provisions for me, but it didn’t, so there we are.

That’s terrible @wentworthinmate.

Your fathers wife is a selfish greedy woman, and your father - I’m sorry to say - was thoughtless and careless of his own children. That must hurt.

My mum has in her will that everything goes to me including her half of the house however I am not allowed to sell it whilst her husband is alive.

Your friend could have that drawn up, he will get her pension also as some money to live on. My step dad has his own money and has said mums pension will be paid into a bank account for my daughters. That's a proper man, your friends partner sounds awful

You can leave what you like to whom you like in a will. If I was her I would leave at least half to my kids. He gets some then and can leave it to who the he'll he likes, but my kids would come first.

He sounds like a selfish prig. How did she marry someone like that?! I feel sorry for her, but she's not dead, so she can't sort this.

I’m with the consensus - she shouldn’t be marrying him! I’m about to get married for the second time and my future husband wants to do it to make sure my DDs and I are taken care of if he should pass away before me. He has DDs from his previous marriage but he is determined that I ought to be his next of kin. Totally the opposite of your friends fiancé…

From what I can gather is, all he's interested in is getting his grubby little mitts on your assets. I can't think of anything that would suggest he would want to marry you for love.
And once you've taken your marriage vows, I have this feeling his attitude and personality would change. " Here's Johnny"

Pre-nup AND a will perhaps?? Just to make absolutely sure.

Surely it’s up to her to protect her children’s interests she could leave a will allowing him to live in her house until he dies and then any proceeds to be divided according to her wishes. I must admit he sounds awful but if she loves him who are we to argue.

Part of me wonders if his considered game plan is to find a victim for him to abuse in various ways - and his telling her this is his deliberate gambit to establish just how ripe she is/would be for gaslighting and exploiting once they marry.

In the same way that scammers often deliberately use poor grammar and implausible scenarios in their opening 'pitch' as they don't want to waste their time on somebody who could be briefly caught off-guard, but will soon come to their senses and drop out: they only want to find vulnerable/unintelligent/overly trusting victims who, they can tell from the outset, will allow them to go all the way without ever challenging or thwarting them.

Another part of me wonders if he's one of these dreadful but not uncommon people who ends up with not the best 'hand' in life (whether or not helped along by their own bad choices) and thus is utterly and unashamedly convinced that 'the world' owes them massive compensation - and makes no bones about that being their catalyst for everything they do in life.

Either way, even if she didn't have a single pound to her name, your DM is worth so very much more than to lower herself to marrying him.

This happened to me & my sisters. Dad died 3 years ago & his wife got the lot, bungalow, pension, life insurance, the whole caboodle. She didn't even ask us if we wanted something personal of dad's. All she gave my sister was photos of dad when he was younger with his mum dad & brother. We have nothing to remember him buy. A year ago she sold up & moved away near her daughter. She has 2 daughters & a son who are all monied but when she dies her children will get everything that my dad worked his ass off for years. I'll never understand why he did & it hurts that he would leave his 3 daughters with nothing. It feels like a rejection.
Your friend needs to stipulate her husband can stay in the house until he dies or remarries then at least half of the value of the house goes to her children. Same with any savings she may have.

Yes barring simply not marrying him, a prenup and a will must be written.

I would prioritize Pre nup as it helps to protect in the more likely case and more short term concern of divorce. You can also push her to do it for her sake, regardless of your own self interest, as she could get thrown out of her own house. A prenup can also have a Claus that stresses nothing is left to the spouse on death unless otherwise actively stipulated in a will, so it avoids that default assumption in the case of her not getting around to the will. Finally, it may break them up, as such a horrible man who is clearly after her money wouldn't sign it and maybe this would wake her up.

OP, I am in a situation of having way more assets than my DP, and he has not only been willing to sign this kind of document, he has insisted on it. He has integrity and knows that my wealth is earned by me and is for my daughter. He also works and supports himself and contributes. And he is responsible for saving for his own children. Of course while we are happily together (I hope for life) he benefits and shares in a lifestyle, a home etc that he couldn't afford on his own. Of course I financially plan to protect his children also (although he also has life insurance in their names). And indeed if we separated in a 'good faith way' or if I died, I would want to provide what he needed in a way that felt fair to me without damaging my own child. But it will be what I want to do, not what is torn from me or decimates my daughter's security.

You ask why someone would get married in these circumstances. For me my DP is the deepest love and happiness I have ever had. He protects me and cares for me and carries my burdens in a way that my ExH never did. He is an amazing step dad to my dd. He is my husband in heart and soul and I want that to be reflected in calling him my husband. But none of that, even with a lovely man, means my wealth should be for him or his children at the sacrifice of myself or my children. So the legalities are obvious necessities to minimise the risk of those injustices and keep the choice of what I do with my assets in my hands. Going through those legalities is also an effective test of the relationship.

By the way the prenup should be done early to be valid . In your case, the earlier she starts the better - hopefully it will make clearer that he is not a man who deserves to be married.