It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

[anotherinheritanceq]

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

He is a bit daft and she is a fool.

He is informing her that he will cheat her children out of their inheritance if he gets the opportunity. That's the same as ringing the bank to let them know you'll be in Thursday to rob them.

As for her, well, she doesn't need to marry does she. No joint children, she has all the assets. Why is she so desperate to throw her self down the aisle knowing that her kids will loose out?

They are both ridiculous.

Is her self esteem really that low? She could do better than this character I’m sure.

OP your mum can most definitely make a will that provides for her new husband (ie allows him to live in their house until he remarries/meets a new partner/dies) without disinheriting her own children.

I think it would be a good idea for you and her to talk about what she actually wants to happen in the event she dies first (and the implications of those wishes, ie how will he afford to live in and maintain the house without an income? Will it be left to deteriorate so your inheritance reduces in value? Will you, her children be responsible for the expense of its upkeep and can you afford it? .... lots to consider, esp if she were to pass at a young age rather than in her much later years) and then see a solicitor about drafting a will to reflect those wishes. It is deeply disturbing but also "helpful" to you, that he has openly declared he expects to inherit her assets in full to pass it on to his children. The solicitor should be made aware of this so that he protects her assets appropriately.

Secondly, this man only has to stay married to your mum for a few years (5 but prior periods of cohabitation could count towards that time) for the marriage to be deemed "long" and for him to access a good portion of those assets via a divorce settlement. He doesn't have to actually OWN any if it himself: each party's assets are valued, thrown into a pot which is then carved up according to the percentage deemed fair by the court. It would not surprise me one bit that he has this option already in mind and would exercise this particularly if she makes him aware that he will not be inheriting everything under her will. Maybe as much as 50% or more given she married him, fully aware of his long standing inability to generate his own income. She needs to think about potentially losing her financial security at a time in her life when she could struggle to make up lost ground. Again, it would be wise to seek proper legal advice about protecting the assets she brings to the marriage. I don't envy you the task of persuading her to see the wood for the trees here: there's none so blind as those who won't see. Best of luck!

"Is her self esteem really that low? She could do better than this character I’m sure."

Couldn't agree more ! You can be lonely in a marriage too. Would much rather be on my own, this person's self interest bodes badly for any interest in his soon to be wife.

Yep, as others have said she wants a lifetime interest trust.

Obviously she should not marry a man with this attitude but if she’s determined to do so a lifetime interest would make sure he’s taken care of if she dies first and prevent him from leaving her property to his children.

Shocking! Deal breaker. Awful.

As far as I know once a trust is set up that's it. This is an irrevocable trust. It has the assets in it and they cant be added to or withdrawn or transferred to another person. When we read about trust funds that's an amount of money set up for someone which is theirs on a birthday eg 18 or after the death of the grantor. Fascinating area of Law which has various pitfalls/loopholes/advantages depending on your pov/circumstances. Set up correctly a trust can save a lot of arguments and unneccessary taxation. When Tony Blair gave his children houses he is 'gifting' the properties in anticipation of his death and and any tax penalties his estate would occur. he did it whilst younger and in good health. His children got assets free from taxation and Blair reduced his and his wife's liabilities.

She. An leave all her assets to her own children but allow him to live in the house for a certain number of years before they can realise that asset.

I am probably quoting previous posters however if your mum is insistent on marrying this man she needs to:

Draw up a Will with specific wording saying it is in contemplation of marriage so it is not voided after they marry. In it, she needs to state her assets are left on trust for her partner to use during his lifetime (i.e. occupation of the house and to any income arising). The capital passes to her children on his death. He only has access to the capital at the trustees' discretion; I would recommend these are her children if you feel you could be fair to give him some access if it was warranted and necessary and not just block him off.

Alternatively, she could say any liquid assets (i.e cash) are his on death but similar to the above, the house is left on trust for him to use during his lifetime but on his death goes to her children.

I don't agree his children should be entitled to any of her assets on death purely because she marries their father. Only time I would disagree would be if she actively helped raise them and filled a parenting role, but it doesn't sound like that is the case here.

She can do whatever she wants with the assets that are in HER name.

So if the house is in her name only, she can chose to leave it all to her dcs only.
Same with the money in the bank, savings etc…

The ‘once married, everything is in the same pot’ is when you want to get divorced. (Hence I’d advise her NOT to get married tbh or at least to take some legal advice on how to protect her assets in case of a divorce)

Well this is an easy one. The man is obviously the grossly unreasonable one. Why would anyone say any different?

If this is real she shouldn't marry him and should make a will leaving everything to her children. Personally I would break up with the idiot too

He’s only admitting now to what most men end up doing. There are many many threads on MN where posters have been left nothing when their mother dies as it all goes to their father.

Then their father remarries and they discovered that he had left everything to his new wife. And either she or her children inherit everything.

It’s also the same if it’s their mother and their step father.

Honestly this is so common I’m sure it’s actually unusual for it to go the other way and children to actually get their inheritance.

Even in Scotland where you can’t disinherit your children, many people willingly sign to waive away their inheritance from eg their mother, pm the assumption that they will get it left when their mothers spouse dies.

But they hardly ever do.

A will made in anticipation of marriage is presumably to cover unlikely events like one or both of them being killed on the honeymoon. Or on the way back from the church or reg office, come to that.

TBH the demands of the grabby would-be bridegroom make me wonder whether he’s planning to bump her off!

V.few of us think or want to think about these issues. Its an area that in theory only rich people get involved with eg The Duke of Westminster or Elton John but estate planning applies to everyone and we all know how death and inheritance can send people into thinking £££.

@I0NA

He’s only admitting now to what most men end up doing. There are many many threads on MN where posters have been left nothing when their mother dies as it all goes to their father.

Then their father remarries and they discovered that he had left everything to his new wife. And either she or her children inherit everything.

It’s also the same if it’s their mother and their step father.

Honestly this is so common I’m sure it’s actually unusual for it to go the other way and children to actually get their inheritance.

Even in Scotland where you can’t disinherit your children, many people willingly sign to waive away their inheritance from eg their mother, pm the assumption that they will get it left when their mothers spouse dies.

But they hardly ever do.

I don’t worry too much about my dh doing this - unless he developed dementia and some so-called ‘carer’ got her claws into him.

I know of a case where that happened. The ‘carer’ took him abroad to marry him, obv. without the family’s knowledge - IIRC the dementia was still not officially diagnosed - and got him to rewrite his will entirely in her favour. And it was a substantial estate.

He died not too long afterwards, and the person who told me strongly suspected that the woman, an ex nurse, had known how to hasten his end, and had done so.
The family disputed the will, but apparently the woman was so clever and plausible that they lost.

The stuff of nightmares!

Don’t marry him. If she feels she really
Must then I’d get a prenup. No way I’d work my arse off to leave my kids a chance at a future then have it all given to someone else’s kids. Nip that RIGHT in the bud.

She could make a will that states he is allowed to live in her house upon her death but that when he dies the house becomes the property of her children

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

A will made in anticipation of marriage is presumably to cover unlikely events like one or both of them being killed on the honeymoon. Or on the way back from the church or reg office, come to that.

TBH the demands of the grabby would-be bridegroom make me wonder whether he’s planning to bump her off!

A will made in anticipation of marriage is to prevent the automatic inheritance rights with an intestate situation, (which is what it would be with an old invalid will) be that to the benefit or detriment of the new spouse.

@ThanksIGotItInMorrisons

Don’t marry him. If she feels she really Must then I’d get a prenup. No way I’d work my arse off to leave my kids a chance at a future then have it all given to someone else’s kids. Nip that RIGHT in the bud.

AFAIK prenups are not enforceable in the U.K.

What a stupid question. Obviously he’s an arsehole. I wouldn’t marry him on principle and I’d leave everything to my own children / his children and cut him out.

She sees a solicitor and protects her interests, puts the house and assists into a trust so husband gets the right to live there, then it goes into her children on his death

Better yet she shouldn't marry him

Do also be aware that if they live together unmarried and she supports him then he could also challenge the will under the inheritance act if it doesn't provide for him. She'll be in a stronger position if she doesn't marry him but it doesn't solve all the potential problems.

Personally I would run as far as possible if I were her but if she is going to stay with him a chat with a lawyer would be a good idea.

This has got to be one of the cheekiest things I have ever read. She needs to protect her assets!

AFAIK prenups are not enforceable in the U.K.

They're not enforceable but can be very influential if done in the right way i.e. with legal advice for both parties and full disclosure of the assets etc.

Can you even write someone out of the will if you are married?

Of course you can. You can leave whatever you want to whoever you want.

And this is none of your business anyway.