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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

679 replies

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:14

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

OP posts:
Southbucksldn · 28/01/2022 07:19

They is no reason to get married in this situation. How does she want this to end? With her kids resentful that she left them without assets.
This is why 2nd marriages are generally a mistake if kids are involved. Just have a relationship and leave assets out of it.

BorsetshireBanality · 28/01/2022 07:24

Just look what happened to the actress Linda Bellingham. Her husband promised her he would “take care of her boys” and he didn’t. This guy is not even promising that!

pennysays · 28/01/2022 07:25

Some people I know have done this: they leave the money in a trust and the partner lives on the interest or is given a certain amount each year by the managers of the trust (normally family) and then when the partner dies, the money goes straight to their kids. It means that the partners is looked after but the money isn’t theirs.

BABAHOTEL · 28/01/2022 07:30

This is very easy to sort with a decent will, but it's the moral side that would bother me.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 28/01/2022 07:31

This is why i will never re marry...I own my house out right and it will go to my 3 kids...I will never do anything to risk that.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 28/01/2022 07:33

I’d give it to the cat’s home before leaving it to him.

winter12345 · 28/01/2022 07:35

She's a shit parent if she marries him.

If anything happens to DH or our relationship I will never remarry. There would be no point.

BettyBag · 28/01/2022 07:38

@BABAHOTEL

This is very easy to sort with a decent will, but it's the moral side that would bother me.
@BABAHOTEL

My MIL recently told us that her will is set up so if she dies first specific assets (that are fairly substantial) will go to my dh and his siblings. Rest to her DH who will then leave it all to his and her child (much more than left to my DH and his other siblings). If her DH dies first everything will be split evenly on her death. Will this happen or will her DH be able to over rule it?

I'm not arsed, I would have preferred her to help us out when we were skint with 2 little ones claiming benefits but that ship has sailed. If it makes a difference all the money and assets come from her work. Just curious.

2DogsOnMySofa · 28/01/2022 07:39

I wouldn't marry him. She can leave an amount to him in her will and also make it that he can live in her house until he does, but then everything goes to her children

If she's already married him she can put an amount in her will to her children

PigletJohn · 28/01/2022 07:39

Marriage does not necessarily invalidate a will.

www.isonharrison.co.uk/blog/wills-in-contemplation-of-a-marriage/#:~:text=Making%20a%20Will%20in%20Contemplation,not%20render%20the%20Will%20invalid.

MilduraS · 28/01/2022 07:39

What a terrible situation to be in.

As others have said, he could have a life interest in the property and then it could pass to the children. He could still make your life a misery by trying to contest the will of it came to it. The best thing to do would be to suggest that when she organises her will she sees a solicitor alone or with a close friend who won't benefit from the will. She doesn't need to know any of the technical bits, she just needs to confirm what she'd like to happen in different scenarios and they will tell her how best to go about it. If you go with her yourself it could give him ammunition to claim you had influenced her decision. Even a failed will dispute can get expensive so it's best to stay independent of the making of the will. She can still choose to make you executor without you being there.

PigeonLittle · 28/01/2022 07:41

The good news is at least he told her upfront! Better than him lying and doing it anyway.

TokyoDreaming · 28/01/2022 07:46

I'd be punting him into the Thames rather than marrying him.

bonetiredwithtwins · 28/01/2022 07:53

Jesus what a CF

She can write her will in such a way it isn't contested by leaving the minimum to him - I think it's £170k - he can't contest if she does that I believe. Then leave all other assets to her named children.

IncompleteSenten · 28/01/2022 07:58

She would have to have not one single lonely braincell rattling round in her head if she went ahead with this.

She should write a will leaving everything she has to her children. She could give him the right to stay in the home till he dies and a few thousand but why on earth would she leave everything to him knowing he would cut out her children?

Tbh I think she's stupid if she doesn't end the relationship but if she doesn't then she needs to make sure he doesn't get his grubby hands on her assets.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 28/01/2022 08:00

She can get a will in contemplation of the marriage that will still be valid after they get married

Are you 100% sure about this? I thought that wills made before marriage were no longer valid after marriage, so you needed a new one?

Twinkleylight · 28/01/2022 08:00

She shouldn't marry him but if she does she should eitger:

  1. Sign everything over to her kids now
  2. Sell everything and give it to her kids and rent a place with her partner.
  3. Dump him

I'd advise option 3.

IncompleteSenten · 28/01/2022 08:02

And she needs to write her will after she marries the greedy arsehole. Using a very good solicitor to ensure the will is as incontestable as it is possible to be.

Let's hope he doesn't just bleed her dry then leave.

MooSakah · 28/01/2022 08:03

@IncompleteSenten

And she needs to write her will after she marries the greedy arsehole. Using a very good solicitor to ensure the will is as incontestable as it is possible to be.

Let's hope he doesn't just bleed her dry then leave.

No she doesn't. You can get it written in anticipation of marriage a good solicitor can advise and put the correct wording in.
IncompleteSenten · 28/01/2022 08:03

Incontestable? Incontestable?

He can't go to court after she's dead and grab everything.

IncompleteSenten · 28/01/2022 08:04

FFS!!!! Incontestable? Uncontestable?

It seems autocorrect is certain it is incontestable. I am less so

IncompleteSenten · 28/01/2022 08:06

Does she not? I thought marriage voided a will made beforehand.

Good to know. Thanks.

HW1989 · 28/01/2022 08:06

As everyone else has said, she’s crazy to marry a man who would do such a thing. He sounds like such an entitled jerk. But she needs to put in place an airtight will before she does marry him.
My neighbour recently passed away and owned her house. Her husband is able to stay there until he dies then the house goes to her children.

MooSakah · 28/01/2022 08:07

@IncompleteSenten

Does she not? I thought marriage voided a will made beforehand.

Good to know. Thanks.

Yes I thought this too but then the solicitor explained there was wording to put in anticipation of the marriage that solved this problem.
picklemewalnuts · 28/01/2022 08:13

She needs to see a lawyer about this. There are things she can do, but she needs to do it.

I suspect that she'll get used to the idea, and not bother. Sorry.

If she does put things in place, then I suspect he'll divorce her at some point when it will benefit him. Or spend the money/give it away while they are still together.

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