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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

679 replies

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:14

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/01/2022 23:29

I wouldn't marry him at all.

I can't stand it when this happens - happened to a friend of mine when her father re-married - he died, his new wife got the lot and left it all to her own children, cutting my friend and her sibling out completely.

If she insists on going through with it, she needs to leave money in trust to her own children so that it can't be stolen from them. She needs a shit hot lawyer to sort out an airtight Will.

finished31 · 27/01/2022 23:30

He's a catch twat. He absolutely knows what he is doing here.

I would be surprised if they get married and then he divorces here for half as soon as he can.

She's a fool to marry a Prick and leave her children vulnerable.

Original poster
anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 23:31

@UniversalAunt

To pull out the classic MN phrase: he has shown her who he is, she should believe him.

It’s his sense of entitlement & skewed thinking that gets the red flags out for me.

OP says ‘Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.’ The straight answer to that is ‘no’ & that is not fair.

Said friend needs to see a good lawyer before she marries for advice about legally ringfencing her assets before marriage & after that event, ensuring that what she wants is passed to her children.

I meant that when you marry, aren't all your assets then shared? Isn't that basically the point of marriage?
OP posts:
caddyshackGirl · 27/01/2022 23:31

She just needs to record the house at land registry as tenants in common which means if she dies first her half of the house will go to the persons named in her Will? ie her children. She will of course only be able to state half the house upon marriage unless she gifts the house in full to them now on the proviso she can remain living there.

oakleaffy · 27/01/2022 23:32

Definitely DO NOT marry this awful man!!
Protect own children above a freeloader who has zero assets.

caringcarer · 27/01/2022 23:34

You can do a will leaving the house to her own children but giving her h lifetime enjoyment. He can live in it but not sell it.

SummerWhisper · 27/01/2022 23:36

She should sign the house over to her children before the marriage with a clause that she can reside in it until her death.

Any scenario that gives him life tenancy will be disastrous for your mum's children. He will do everything he can to rob you all.

SummerWhisper · 27/01/2022 23:37

No no no to lifetime residency for him. Posters should not be advising that. This man is an utter villain.

FreedomFaith · 27/01/2022 23:39

He is a horrible man and your mum is a fool.

She might be able to get it all put into a trust? He can stay there until he dies, but then it all goes to her children perhaps? Not sure though but I think that can be done even if married. Best to talk to a lawyer though.

oakleaffy · 27/01/2022 23:41

@anotherinheritanceq
I’m afraid I knew a Freddy freeloader who targeted a lonely, vulnerable elderly person.

Freddy Freeloader knew EXACTLY what he was doing

The vulnerable older person had a child.

The house went to Freddy Freeloader, nothing could be done.

It's outrageous.

This greedy man will see you and your mums other kids penniless.

I hope he dies first, I really do. Greedy git.

ScrollingLeaves · 27/01/2022 23:43

“ThumbWitchesAbroad

I wouldn't marry him at all.

I can't stand it when this happens - happened to a friend of mine when her father re-married - he died, his new wife got the lot and left it all to her own children, cutting my friend and her sibling out completely. “

This happened to a friend of mine too.

Avocadoandlemons · 27/01/2022 23:45

She must absolutely not marry this person

Ever

No way

amusedbush · 27/01/2022 23:45

He's not a man, he is 50 red flags in a trench coat! He is a scumbag and a gold digger, and he has been completely open and honest with your mum about it. She needs to take him at his word and sack him off.

I can't believe she is still intending to marry him. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him and, as PP have said, he will obviously contest any will your mum has drawn up. He's a greedy piece of shit and she shouldn't consider legally tying herself to him. Why can't she just live with him? Is he the one pushing for marriage (for obvious reasons)?

UniversalAunt · 27/01/2022 23:46

@anotherinheritanceq not quite so if one person is bringing far greater assets into the marriage.

I read that your mum is only in her late 40s, & it vexes me that she is teetering on entering into such a precarious legal situation when their assets & life expectations are so different.

His benefit situation will likely change once they marry/live together, & he will become completely financially dependent on her, so any claim he has to her assets in divorce or inheritance is that much stronger.

This is not just red flag time, this is a red flag parade with full marching brass band.

MaryStuart · 27/01/2022 23:51

@Aquamarine1029

Your friend is an absolute fucking fool to marry this greedy, cocklodging, morally bankrupt man. Please tell her this for me.
I agree with this wholeheartedly. She is prioritising this shithead of a man over her own children?
HollowTalk · 27/01/2022 23:53

She would have to be insane to marry him. He isn't even pretending not to be a cheeky bastard.

Original poster
anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 23:54

@UniversalAunt okay, I didn't know that about marriage unless a pre-nup was involved which I thought was an American thing, but PPs earlier in the thread said you can absolutely have a pre-nup.

Honestly I am not happy about the situation and don't understand why she feels the need to marry this man. She married my dad and clearly that didn't work out for her so she knows it doesn't guarantee a lifetime together, I don't understand what she can get out of a marriage that she can't get out of simply cohabiting. I just feel like, if you can only get married if you have pre-nups and complicated wills etc to protect your assets, then what is even the point? Obviously if she is going to marry him she needs to sort this stuff out though and I'd rather her do that than nothing at all while still marrying him.

OP posts:
MaryStuart · 27/01/2022 23:54

Sorry Op, I’ve just seen you are one of the children. 😕

toddybell · 28/01/2022 00:03

Send her a link to this thread. Please.

Getupoffthesofa · 28/01/2022 00:04

As he has stated that everyone puts their own children first then he will completely understand why she needs a pre nup and a do a dial set up thst effectively disinherits his children.
But I’d course she shouldn’t marry him.
Can you show her this thread ?

Madge55 · 28/01/2022 00:06

If he is this entitled before they get married God knows what he is capable of being after it!!!!! I would be worried about living with him day to day. I would hate to be that desperate to marry someone like him.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/01/2022 00:12

There's no way on Earth I'd marry him

saraclara · 28/01/2022 00:17

He argues that everyone puts their own children first

So, your mum should take him at his word and put HER children first.

That.

Pat123dev · 28/01/2022 00:20

She can give him living rights, and when he dies it goes to her children kind of thing

saleorbouy · 28/01/2022 00:32

They could become "tenants in common" to her property and then prescribe their shares in the house to their respective children. Upon death of one or other "the tennants" they could reside in the property until the last ones death. When both are deceased their shares in the house would pass to their nominated children.
For other assets under intestate rules only the first 270k goes to the spouse, it is then shared to other dependents. See rules of intestacy on Gov.uk site. This applies if no will is made.
She must make sure her children are nominated to benefit from her estate as it becomes complicated with stepchildren upon remarriage.
Surely he could take out some form of life insurance that would leave something for his offspring upon his death.
Personally I don't see why she should provide for his children in the will but understandably she would not want him homeless and destitute.
From a purely legal point of view I think she's mad to marry!