to think I can't call the police 5 times a day?

[FeckingOvaries]

My female neighbour is being severely abused in the form of verbal abuse by her partner. Sometimes they go got days without shouting. Some days he screams at her so loud that my son can hear it. He's only three. I've called the police twice on one day on occasions. Don't know what else I can do. Sometimes he's screaming about how he's going to kill her up to five-ten times a day for days on end. She sounds terrified. I live alone with my toddler. I can't move house as this is secure and the housing prices around here are preventing me being able to move from where I am. At what point do I stop calling the police? Am I morally expected to phone every time he's screaming? Even if it is numerous times a day for 2 weeks straight? What am I meant to do here?

[Ostryga]

@BoodleBug51

I'd disengage, and start playing loud music when he kicks off.

You can lead a horse to water and all that...........

You can't make it stop. Only she can do that by leaving.

It’s not that simple in the slightest. You can’t just say “we’ll get in with it or leave”.

Abused women are fucking terrified of being away from their partner. Which is why they stay, why they take years of abuse.

She can’t help herself, clearly. She either doesn’t know how, or doesn’t want to, and that is awful, but it is how it is.

She needs support and currently op seems to be the only one seeing/hearing what is happening and is the woman’s link to safety. To ignore that is not something I could do.

I speak as a highly educated, intelligent woman that spent nearly a year in a horrifically abusive relationship. And I can promise you it is not as simple as just leaving. It’s not.

[Redglitter]

@Brideandprejudice

I wonder if the police would be willing to have someone wait in your home to hear it for themselves?

Probably not as I imagine they're tight on staff but if it really is all day every day then it wouldn't take long for them to hear it.

Thats something the local community officers might consider. Id definitely speak to them.

[ImFree2doasiwant]

@FeckingOvaries you could try another angle. Contact tge councils Community noise/ neighbourhood nuisance team. Complain about the noise. Ask for noise monitoring equipment. They can install it in your house and leave it for a couple of weeks.

[dontputitinyourmouth]

I was jst coming on the say the same as @Danikm151 if you are in a HA house then call your housing provider, they should have a team that deals with things like this, presuming your neighbour is with the HA too.

[NadjaofAntipaxos]

Are they also council tenants do you know? Or do they own or privately rent. If it's council, could you contact them about the issues?
I'm so sorry you are having to put up with this, it must be so distressing, particularly given your history.
Whilst you are understandably being urged by other posters to do what you can to help this woman, you and your toddler are the priority here as you clearly have no other realistic choice but to stay where you are securely housed and keep you both safe from any possible retaliation from this man.
You have to do what is best to protect the two of you, even if it means just calling when you feel able to.

[Ohpulltheotherone]

Me personally I’d be ringing the police every single time I heard what seemed to be excessive abusive shouting or threats. Even if she continues to deny it.
I’d also be trying to get audio footage too.
This is only going to end one of two ways

[Mirw]

Report to social work... That you are worried about her mental health. They may manage the situation better than the police and if there are charges to be brought, they will work with the police on it. You can do this anonymously.

[Poochnewbie1]

I can’t believe some of the advice on here! Disengage? Step back? Just move house?

We’re talking about an actual human woman being horrifically abused!!! If you remain silent knowing this is happening I would say this makes you complicit.
OP how would your mental health be affected if you stopped calling and then one day found out she was dead? I’m not saying that in a guilting you kind of way, but genuinely. I am guessing that it would have a huge impact on you if that happened.
I’m glad you’ve decided to keep calling.
I hate the blanket statement that we are not responsible for other adults and I can see situations where this can be applied but this is a vulnerable lady in need of help and honestly, I think society would be a lot better in general if we all took a bit of responsibility and care about the situations of others. It’s possible to do this as well as looking after your own welfare and boundaries.

[ForeverSingle881]

There's a point at which there is nothing you can do. I would call a few more times but not daily and would not spend my life logging this. She's an adult woman who is a stranger to you. Yes, you need to help by calling the police but there isn't much more you can do other than, at most, a call to the police every few weeks. Your first duty is to your child, keeping him safe and caring for him. You'll need to speak to the police about keeping you safe as well as the perpetrator could come for you next if he thinks the reports are coming from you.

[Kshhuxnxk]

It isn't easy and you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Ultimately you've done all you can, she isn't going to leave. Take advice as you're going to then sadly for your own sanity you're just going to have to leave them to their own devices. Not easy.

[JustWonderingIfYou]

Can you go the other way and complain to the council about the noise?

They should give you a noise listening device that will capture it. And then they can evict or whatever.

[Intothelight123]

I have neighbours who are similar although not as much. Record it for the police. And also record it for a noise complaint. Most councils now have an app you can record and report straight onto.

I call the police everytime. And I will keep calling. I'm 100% it will save her life one day.

[Kshhuxnxk]

@Poochnewbie1

I can’t believe some of the advice on here! Disengage? Step back? Just move house?

We’re talking about an actual human woman being horrifically abused!!! If you remain silent knowing this is happening I would say this makes you complicit.
OP how would your mental health be affected if you stopped calling and then one day found out she was dead? I’m not saying that in a guilting you kind of way, but genuinely. I am guessing that it would have a huge impact on you if that happened.
I’m glad you’ve decided to keep calling.
I hate the blanket statement that we are not responsible for other adults and I can see situations where this can be applied but this is a vulnerable lady in need of help and honestly, I think society would be a lot better in general if we all took a bit of responsibility and care about the situations of others. It’s possible to do this as well as looking after your own welfare and boundaries.

It bloody well doesn't make her complicit. OP has done way more than any other neighbours have much less this womans friends of family.
You don't get to put this burden on OP. The neighbour has been give opportunity after opportunity to get free and she's not taken it. You're so great you get the address from OP and you go round and talk to the neighbour - I can pretty much guarantee you she still won't leave. You're actually just as bad as neighbours fella -blaming and guilting OP for putting herself, after a long time, first.

[PigeonLittle]

[quote ImFree2doasiwant]@FeckingOvaries you could try another angle. Contact tge councils Community noise/ neighbourhood nuisance team. Complain about the noise. Ask for noise monitoring equipment. They can install it in your house and leave it for a couple of weeks.[/quote]
I was going to suggest this.

[BoodleBug51]

But the OP isn't personally responsible for this woman.

She's responsible for herself, her child and has to live next to this madman who could just as easily turn on her.

[MayThePawsBeWithYou]

The OP is hardly remaining silent!! she rings the police numerous times during the day and night, the police visit and the woman being abused denies it every time. OP has her own mental health and child to look after, she deserves a safe life too. The police are aware of the abuse, if nothing is done then it's not the OP fault at all. Contacting the police and social services, what else can OP do?

[Gumbomambo]

Get a cctv unit, good phone then record it through the walls. I’ve done this when my ex neighbour was abusing her children.

[midsummabreak]

I’m sorry you are going through this and it must be horribly triggering as you have experienced abuse. if you report there is every chance you can help towards stopping the abuse. You are doing the right thing calling. You could save her life. It doesn’t have to be every time it happens. just be clear that this is overwhelmingly abusive and that you and your child are terrified. E. g. Say it’s gone on for X months, the 6 th time in the last 48 hours he’s screamed at her, and 2 nd time I’ve overheard him say he’s threatened to kill her

[Kitkat151]

@Poochnewbie1

I can’t believe some of the advice on here! Disengage? Step back? Just move house?

We’re talking about an actual human woman being horrifically abused!!! If you remain silent knowing this is happening I would say this makes you complicit.
OP how would your mental health be affected if you stopped calling and then one day found out she was dead? I’m not saying that in a guilting you kind of way, but genuinely. I am guessing that it would have a huge impact on you if that happened.
I’m glad you’ve decided to keep calling.
I hate the blanket statement that we are not responsible for other adults and I can see situations where this can be applied but this is a vulnerable lady in need of help and honestly, I think society would be a lot better in general if we all took a bit of responsibility and care about the situations of others. It’s possible to do this as well as looking after your own welfare and boundaries.

Of course it doesn’t make her complicit....feckin stupid thing to say 🙄

[Milomonster]

I feel quite numb about the poor lady stabbed to death by her ex in London this week. Media reported messages of a text convo she had with her friend saying she thought he’d kill her.
Keep calling the police.

[Poochnewbie1]

@Kshhuxnxk if you read my post correctly I’m not putting it on OP but the people who say they would do nothing. I said I was glad the OP had decided to keep calling.
And not speaking up when you see something happening IS making you complicit. You can’t just stand by and shrug at awful things happening and say ‘well there’s nothing I can do about it’. What a flippin horrid world we live in if that’s what people think. Do you think people should just stand by and do nothing about school bullies? Stand up and say nothing when they hear racial abuse? Say nothing when people with disabilities are discriminated against? As members of a society we DO have responsibilities.

[IsMaeOnTheAsmae]

FeckingOvaries

Please keep recording. When I finally had the courage to go to the police about my abusive ex the logs from the neighbours helped so so so much in court.

When I left I ended up in temporary accomidation on a rough estate and the woman next door to me was getting abused. I rang the police everytime.

It's awful to listen to and it keeps your children up, I know both sides and know how frustrating it can be for the listener. But please keep reporting, you could be really helping her in the future if somthing ever happens and she decides to press charges

[guerrillagirl]

Like pp have suggested I would call it a serious noise complaint to the police - we’ve had neighbour noise of a different kind and the police threatened them with an ASBO - if it’s loud enough to upset your kid the police should see it as antisocial behaviour. Especially if it’s threatening violence!

[IsMaeOnTheAsmae]

FeckingOvaries sorry meant phoning not recording..... in my head I was thinking about the police making a record and got confused in my wording

[Quackpot]

Call adult social care instead?