Am I too thin skinned regarding this?

[roundthew]

I am mixed race, half African, and have coarse afro hair. My hair has always been a huge insecurity of mine and H knows it.

My husband (fully white) has offered an afro wig to his brother for his birthday as a joke gift and his whole family has been passing it around, taking pictures with it and have laughed about it for days.
My husband thinks it’s so funny he should make it sort of a tradition and give afro wigs to all his family members on their birthdays

AIBU to be a bit hurt about it?

Do you have children OP? It would be really damaging to them if they are old enough to see this and understand. He is essentially making fun of afro type hair. It is insulting. I personally would not be tolerating it.

So sorry op you are married to a racist. He has purposely purchased the afro wig (which isn’t even funny) to take the piss out of you & your heritage. He is your husband and “should” be your best supporter - for some reason he has decided to be passive aggressive towards you. Has he always been like this or has it been a sudden change? I would have to lay my cards out all on the table and if he cannot see how his behaviour is deliberately hurting you, well then personally I don’t see how this can work in the long term.

@roundthew
Imagine if you bullied HIM about something he was insecure about- I’d bet he’d be the first to complain.
My husband used to tease me about my nose,
It used to really bother me- and surprise surprise he teases his third wife as well.

Imagine if your husband had a beer belly and you went rolling around with a cushion up your jumper- teasing him.
He’d not be happy

I know he’ll probably say that I’m being overly sensitive and talk about people who complain about cultural appropriation (he doesn’t believe it’s really a thing) or compare it to black women wearing weaves.

FFS Round ... white husband mansplains racism to his mixed race wife?!! Well done for not inserting him under the patio at your earliest convenience.

When he next pulls out the old cliche too sensitive, explain to him - as forcefully as you wish - that he does not get to tell you what your feelings are, or dictate to you which feelings he deems acceptable.
Follow up with "& if you continue with this tired non-joke, I will certainly continue to feel that it is being made at my expense, & no amount of you telling me what I am allowed to feel is going to change that."

I am sorry he is being such an arse - also - you deserve one of these . Or even one of these if he's daft enough not to listen to you & apologise.

This is revolting. What’s next, a minstrel show? This would massively put me off him OP. I’m so sorry. I’m sure your hair is absolutely beautiful.

Totally unacceptable behaviour. You should expect better from your husband. I hope he hasn’t done this in front of your children.

That's really off and racist - "let's all laugh at the weird Afro hair!". That's even before getting on to him knowing how sensitive you are about your hair.

Does he often do things to hurt you on purpose?

@Gonnagetgoing

Your 'D'H is being an insensitive arsehole over this towards you (he knows your feelings re your hair). Then to go further and want to make it a 'joke' with his family.

Bloody hell there are other wigs he could choose like a red curly clowns hair or a pink punk Mohican or a bald skinhead or long brown hippy hair not an Afro wig!

I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms how upset he's made me feel.

Exactly. This is the thing. If the joke was just a wearing "a wig", there are so many styles he could choose from.

The fact he chose an afro wig and complained it wasn't the right type of afro, makes me think there is something really malicious about this.

YANBU however, speaking as a black woman, I don't find anything about afro hair to be insecure about let alone find hilarity about. Sounds like an awful lot of negativity towards it, tbh, like any other hair type it's beautiful.

‘ I lost my hair due to a chemical burn a couple of years ago so I was the only one to actually have a wig until my hair grew out but it wasn’t a dress-up wig, it was a proper wig I got from the princess trust’

@roundthew I am sorry to hear that you have been though this difficult experience, & then appalled at your OH’s gobsmacking insensitivity on so many levels.

YANBU.
You are not thin skinned.
Your OH is just plain awful, crass & hurtful.

I am utterly aghast at your latest post!!!

So in addition to him being a racist, he also takes the piss out of something he KNOWS you are self conscious about and to top it off, you now give the extra detail that YOU actually had to wear a wig previously because you had chemical burns to your scalp.

What the actual fuck am I reading???!!! They are literally taking the piss out of your accident.

NO you are not being unreasonable. It sounds like you have outgrown this one and his wank bag family. Not too difficult given they sound like they have the intellectual and emotional maturity of ameobas.

I'd be very firmly asking him what's funny about this, and why he thinks his family should start a tradition of wearing afro wigs. As in, to walk you through very clearly what the joke is.

Black women (as far as I have met, obv I don't claim to speak for all of them) don't generally wear straight weave/wigs day to day as a joke. So there is zero equivalence there and it is not an explanation.

I feel as though he is trying to provoke you here. Is he ever passive aggressive with you?

Very stupid of your husband.

I think Africa hair is beautiful and you should find a place of peace with your hair. And these 'jokes' are not funny or appropriate at all.

Peace and pride with your hair.

As many PP have commented can you ask him what is funny about Afro wigs? Is it the hair itself? What makes it funny? It definitely shouldn’t be on you to ask anyone those questions, but it might help you decided what to say or do. Whatever his answer this person doesn’t seem like someone who loves you or has your interests at heart, I’m sorry

Has he always been a racist twat? 😲 yanbu at all. Not funny in the slightest.

What exactly is the joke? Is afro hair a joke to him? He needs to explain exactly what the joke is.
Unfortunately, he is a racist. So sorry 💐

Your husband needs a slap.
Don't be insecure about your hair. Personally, I think black/brown women with natural curly afro hair look beautiful. Just because your hair isn't dead straight, it doesn't mean it isn't beautiful. I have thin straight hair that drives me nuts! Big hugs coming your way 💕

Your husband is an arsehole.