AIBU to think DH should have mentioned this in phone call with parents?

[A580Hojas]

My dh has phoned his parents today. He did not mention that my 90 year old Mum (his MIL) is in hospital and will stay for at least another 2 days having a variety of fairly major procedures. This is unusual for her, she is usually fairly well and lives at home on her own.

We have been together 30 years.

Has he said why he didn't tell you?

If he deliberately kept it from you, then you have some talking to do.

If he forgot to tell you, I'm afraid that's fairly typical in my experience of even very intelligent and enlightened men. DH frequently brain farts and doesn't pass on things that I would have shared as a matter of course, then looks confused when I struggle with "I forgot".

Sorry if that's misandrist, but I have found it to be true!

Do they normally talk about your mum? Or her medical condition?

My dh wouldn't have said anything without asking if it was appropriate to share. My mum was a very private person.

Are your ILs friends with your mum?
Why do you feel hurt or offended by the omission?

It depends on the relationship you all have. I wouldnt necessarily expect my DH to update his parents on my mums health conditions. Its none of their business and they wouldnt be bothered anyway as they woudlnt reach out to offer me any support

@NoSquirrels

Are your ILs friends with your mum? Why do you feel hurt or offended by the omission?

No. They normally talk about "what's the news in your world".

I would have shared as a matter of course, then looks confused when I struggle with "I forgot".

Mine would say that it never occurred to him to mention it.

I'm an idiot please ignore my comment!

I think it depends. I wouldn't expect my DP to mention it to his parents and I wouldn't mention to my parents if his were just having operations unless of course it was something serious.

If they know each other well then I think it's strange he didn't mention it but if they don't i.e. just seen each other at wedding/christening then I don't think it's odd.

Why do you feel hurt or offended by it not being mentioned?

What's his relationship with his parents like? Is it possible he didn't want to worry them?

My DH probably wouldn't tell his mum something like this until there was an outcome because she's quite a worrier and is very conscious of getting older and the health issues that come with it.

@NoSquirrels

Are your ILs friends with your mum? Why do you feel hurt or offended by the omission?

Because it's big news in our household! He speaks to his parents every week.

Mine only met in passing at our weddin And baby christening.
Men talk about stuff like that less

How close are your in laws with your mum?
Do you know if they asked after her?
It depends on how the conversation went. Sometimes I asked dh why he hasnt mentioned something and the time wasnt right or something else was happening or mil needed to get off the phone etc. I only hear half a side if we are in the same room

Maybe he didn't say anything because his mum doesn't need to know?

Do they know each other well? If they don't then I don't think it's strange at all. I think it's more strange that you think it's a big issue.

I don’t think it’s necessary for him to tell them particularly. If they’d asked after her and he’d said ‘oh, she’s fine’, that would be odd, but not if it just did crop up during the conversation.

You’re understandably worried about her, so it’s in the forefront of your mind, but that won’t be the same for your H and your in-laws.

Hope she’s OK 💐

Sorry to hear about your mum, hope she’s ok.

Fwiw I’d be annoyed if my DH told his parents that my parents were ill, it would trigger a deluge of get well cards and “how are you now” to mymparents for th next fe years and also thenphone call would never end because DH’s parents would have responded by listing everyone they ever knew who got ill plus death dates.

DH knows his parents best, let it go.

Did they ask after her? Did he think that your mum might not want her medical issues broadcast?

I would expect him to say. He's updating them on what's going on with you (as in what's happening for your household). This is news and is a pretty major event for his wife.

You are clearly unhappy with the situation. Talk to him about it. Our opinion or what we would do is neither here nor there.

I hope your Mum recovers quickly and without complication.

(Maybe he feels confident she will so is not worrying too much)

I wouldn’t expect my dh to share my mum’s medical details with his parents.

Would your mum want her health info being shared about ?

He didn't tell his parents that your mother is in hospital?

I mean when I speak to my mum I'm glad of any kind of news, so I'd have told her if next door's cat was at the vet's, but I'm not sure why he "should" have told her if they had plenty to talk about.

There might also be a reason not to tell them, like the worry or interference it might cause.

I agree. You are part of his world. Your Mum a major part of yours and by extension therefore his. Therefore in a conversation about what is happening in his world the fact that his MIL who is generally in good health is in hospital would usually be mentioned.

If they’re not friends I don’t see why he would mention it….
I hope she ok though.