AIBU to think DH should have mentioned this in phone call with parents?

[A580Hojas]

My dh has phoned his parents today. He did not mention that my 90 year old Mum (his MIL) is in hospital and will stay for at least another 2 days having a variety of fairly major procedures. This is unusual for her, she is usually fairly well and lives at home on her own.

We have been together 30 years.

Isn’t that what people in normal relationships do?

Judging from the responses to this thread, not all of them, no.

@zazdar I’d argue that something ain’t normal

Hope your mum is ok, but on face value YABU unless he's normally someone who tells all about all. I wouldn't have mentioned it in similar circumstances.

I’m confused? Are you not registered as your mothers next of kin? If so then why have you not been informed as first priority by the hospital and if not why not?

My FIL been in hospital recently haven't told my mum didn't even cross my mind.
TBH sounds like worried and upset and you are taking it out on your DH .

Let me guess - you have to be involved in his parents lives but he doesn’t bother with yours much?

I wouldn't want dp to tell his parents because I know his mum would start asking lots of personal questions then try to talk to me and ask me how I feel about it all and why do i think i feel that way, amateur psychologist that she is.

A gentle YABU, DH wouldn't mention this and I wouldn't have about DH's mum either.

He might not have wanted to upset you by mentioning it in front of you, it might not have occured to him to mention someone they don't really know's medical situation, he might have been glad to be talking to his parents and not thinking about a sad situation, he might not have thought it appropriate, he might have been thinking about something else...

Loads of reasons.

I hope your mum's procedures go well.

I don't think it's all that odd. My MIl has gone in different times for things, I don't generally keep my parents updated, or vice versa. If it looks like a long term change I might but not necessarily in a particular conversation.

I doubt my dh says anything much to his parents about mine.

I think it’s really odd op,
I think they are/you are a family, and you mum is part of your family. So even if they don’t know her, they know you and maybe could be supportive or would want to know.

First off, I'd like to send your DM my best wishes, I hope she recovers well and also that you are not run ragged yourself.

WRT your AIBU, if I mention any type of health issue, in myself or in others, to my PILs, it triggers a total rundown of all their own ailments, then the ailments of distant relatives, people who I do not know at all, the woman at number 6, everyone who has died in the last two years, the state of the NHS and GP surgeries, moving on to 'foreign doctors' etc. etc. It's far better for my sanity to pretend (even if my arthritis is playing merry hell!) that I, and all my loved ones, am hale and hearty at all times!

Plus there is the fact that men simply do not think (namalt) and can often be a bit duff when it comes to this sort of thing.

So please don't take it to heart will you? I assume DM will need a lot of care and attention over the next couple of months so reserve your energy for that. Let DH redeem himself by taking care of household matters whilst you take care of DM.