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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No is a complete sentence

90 replies

MintyGreenDream · 25/01/2022 15:49

Except I haven't said no I've said yes ok and that is the problem.
School mum friend has taken on extra hours so instead of finishing work at 12pm she's finishing at 4.30pm.Shes asked if I'll pick her dd up and drop her to her place of work nearby every third Tuesday.
Realised i haven't got a car seat for her and it's illegal unless child is 12 yrs or 135cms or over.
Am I being a cow for not wanting to commit to this or should I suck it up as its only every 3 weeks?

OP posts:
Chatwin · 25/01/2022 15:52

Is she paying you? Or can you ask her a return favour? Can she provide a booster seat?

If you don't want to do it just say no. If it's once every 3 weeks and not a major inconvenience then do it 🤷‍♀️

Ponoka7 · 25/01/2022 15:52

You'll get told that you shouldn't be because a lot are hyper car risk on here. It isn't illegal, it isn't a regular journey. Is the journey on a motorway, lots of roundabouts etc? If straightforward, I'd do it for a friend.

Eatsleepgamerepeat · 25/01/2022 15:53

How tall is she? Can she get away with a booster? Do you have any other kids? If you have 2 kids in car seats and can't fit a third in the back because of this you can get away with not having a car seat. But I wouldn't risk it.

Tell mum you don't have a car seat for her. She will need to provide you with a car seat otherwise you will not be taking her.

SparklyLeprechaun · 25/01/2022 15:53

Ask her for a car seat?

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/01/2022 15:53

It isn't illegal, it isn't a regular journey.

If it's regularly every few weeks it's regular. It's not an emergency.

Original poster
MintyGreenDream · 25/01/2022 15:56

I think coz it's a non emergency and obviously someone else's child I'm concerned about the lack of seat,I could get a booster from her I suppose.No not being paid just a favour.

OP posts:
irishfarmer · 25/01/2022 16:14

I'd ask her for a booster seat for her child. And drop her off, it doesn't sound like it will put you out.

bcc89 · 25/01/2022 16:21

Just ask school mum friend to provide the booster seat. This really is such a non issue.

Original poster
MintyGreenDream · 25/01/2022 16:26

@bcc89 maybe to you but it's been on my mind

OP posts:
Mychitchatdays · 25/01/2022 16:29

If you don't want to do it just say no. You don't need to just because she asked.

bcc89 · 25/01/2022 16:31

Why on earth have you sat with this on your mind and not just asked for her to provide a car seat? Half the problems on mumsnet could be resolved by simply speaking to your friends.

Original poster
MintyGreenDream · 25/01/2022 18:23

No car seat available just asked

OP posts:
JustLyra · 25/01/2022 18:26

@MintyGreenDream

No car seat available just asked
Then you can't do it...
RedskyThisNight · 25/01/2022 18:29

Well having a car seat made available is a requirement for you to pick up the child.

Do not turn this into your problem.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/01/2022 18:30

You can’t do it then if no car seat! You haven’t changed your mind just clarified!

SugarAndSpiceIsNice · 25/01/2022 18:31

@MintyGreenDream

No car seat available just asked
Problem solved then! You can't do it as you don't have a car seat either.
Kbyodjs · 25/01/2022 18:32

Personally I’d say could she buy a booster seat and then I’d do it as I wouldn’t be using my own money to buy this but every third Tuesday wouldn’t be very often and that’s how I’d like to think my friendships work but

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 25/01/2022 18:40

She'll need to buy another Group 2-3 booster then? (Argos do them starting from £12-£30 depending on age /weight.) Then she can lend it out to you, family members, etc etc.

ApolloandDaphne · 25/01/2022 18:41

If she can't provide a car seat you can't do it! It's that simple.

BringYourOwnBoris · 25/01/2022 18:51

Just say, "hiya, sorry but I'm not happy taking your child without the appropriate seat in place, hope you get sorted".

If its more about the commitment Just say "Hiya, I've given your proposal a bit more thought and sorry, it just doesn't work for us, hope you get sorted".

DreamerSeven · 25/01/2022 19:01

“I’m afraid I’m not comfortable taking a child without a car seat so probably best you make another arrangement”, job done.

clarepetal · 25/01/2022 19:09

@MintyGreenDream

No car seat available just asked
Then say you aren't comfortable doing it. It's exactly how I'd feel and that is what I'd say. You can get booster seats from Halfords cheap. If she isn't prepared to do this, she is weird!
TopCatsTopHat · 25/01/2022 19:14

Imagine the scenario where you're in a crash her child is injured and she comes after you for compensation. People do all kinds of things when they're upset including things like forgetting you were doing them a favour. Once the worst has happened it becomes, she should never have agreed to do it without the right kit.... No seat no regular arrangement.

RedskyThisNight · 25/01/2022 19:15

People are being too polite! It's not a question of you being comfortable - it's a question of it not being legal and most parents not being happy with it (unless the child is virtually on the required height or something).

Your reply should be "unfortunately I don't have a spare car seat either, so I can't drop off your child unless you can provide me with one".

concerned3022 · 25/01/2022 19:19

You sound like you don't actually want to do it and just said yes in the moment.
Just tell her the more you've thought about it it just isn't going to work for you.