No is a complete sentence

[MintyGreenDream]

Except I haven't said no I've said yes ok and that is the problem.
School mum friend has taken on extra hours so instead of finishing work at 12pm she's finishing at 4.30pm.Shes asked if I'll pick her dd up and drop her to her place of work nearby every third Tuesday.
Realised i haven't got a car seat for her and it's illegal unless child is 12 yrs or 135cms or over.
Am I being a cow for not wanting to commit to this or should I suck it up as its only every 3 weeks?

I get that you don't want to appear flakey having already agreed to do it OP, so insist on the booster seat.

You made a mistake replying with the rules about heights, it gave her room to argue. You need to state that you need a booster seat for her DD, just that. Keep repeating that, whatever she says. She won't be happy because it now looks like you're accusing her of lying about her DD height, but you need a booster seat to cover yourself legally. If she gets arsey with you then pull out of the arrangement, telling her you've changed your mind, which is quite reasonable if she starts being horrid to you!

In any event, only continue with the arrangement until the summer holidays then tell her you'll not be able to do it going forward. That gives her plenty of time to arrange something else before the next term starts.

For the future, pactice saying "I'll think about it and get back to you" in answer to just about anything, to give yourself time to decide.

Urgh no I don't want to do it and I'm trying to get out of it the best I can tbh.
Why take on extra work and not have the childcare in place?
I was put on the spot.

@Batoutofhell80 why would I buy a car seat?

Just say no, it's not going to work for you.

Stop faffing about on the presence of car seat worries

Really you shouldn't have given her a get out clause then.

You need to type "on reflection; I don't think this will work for me. You'll need to make other arrangements". And then refuse to engage with any further discussion.

Unless she regularly does you similar favours, I wouldn't want to take on such a request either.

Just say that if she can’t provide a car seat she will need to ask someone else.
If she argues just say that doesn’t work for me.
Your car your rules.

Just say that you've considered the request and realised you're not in a position to commit to it as an ongoing thing, hope she manages to find another solution.

Don't get into the reasons why. As you've found she'll just figure out a way to overcome them.

@MintyGreenDream

Urgh no I don't want to do it and I'm trying to get out of it the best I can tbh. Why take on extra work and not have the childcare in place? I was put on the spot.

So it's not even about the car seat, it's just that you don't actually want to do it?

OP, I totally understand how this happened. You were put on the spot and just reluctantly said yes. I used to be like this but stopped aa I never ever got favours in return. People then stopped asking for these ridiculous favours.

So two things.

One (for future) make sure you say "can I think about it". Then you can go away and formulate your response.

Two (for now) text her and say "After much thought, I'm not going to be able to help out every Tuesday as the commitment is too much. I do hope you get something sorted."

You're not clear in any of your posts about what you actually have to do, are you driving straight from school to her work place or are you bringing the child back to your home and then her work place later? Is her work place near you?

If you're going straight from school to her work place and it's on your way then I'd do it, you can get her to give you a booster seat. It's only once a month.

Always say 'let me think about it to see if it works for me ' before saying anything and then you have time to think. Then if it something you don't want to do (you not wanting to do it is a good enough reason!) just get back to her and say sorry it just doesn't work for you. If she asks why, just repeat. You do not have to justify it with a reason or justify your time when someone is asking a favour. Especially when they have agreed to doing something they can't commit to without help.

And that's fine. She doesn't have to want to do it. Why should she?

Don't do it if you don't want to. Is she someone you chat to regularly?

It's every third Tuesday. Hardly an onerous commitment and surely you can then ask the mum to return a favour at times. I wouldn't even think twice about helping out given that it's very low level inconvenience

It's every third Tuesday and you describe her as your friend...let's hope you don't need any favours from her if you say no to this.

I would do this for a friend.

But if you don't want to you need to tell her that you've had a think and this isn't going to work for you. Stop using excuses like 5cm, just say it's not going to work. She'll need to ask someone else.

God just don't be a wuss and say no in the first place rather than pretending to be her (and us) that it's to do with caring about her child's safety.

The danger is that often every other Tuesday or every other month can sometimes quickly change to be much more frequent. Simple fact is the OP doesn't want to do this so why should she? Not every favour is reciprocated and too often people who say yes to things too easily and too often end up being used.

Is there a reason you don't want to do it?

Its not the car seat is it , tell the truth you just don't want to , nothing wrong with that but just say so .
Saying yes and meaning no isn't fair on anyone. Tell her straight so she can make other arrangements.

It's one Tuesday a month and you're just dropping her off. She will be fine without a seat!

When did you say yes? When does it start?

Well then " in which case I can't do it as you would be making me drive your daughter around illegally" , end of.

OP how long is the drive to the workplace