No is a complete sentence

[MintyGreenDream]

Except I haven't said no I've said yes ok and that is the problem.
School mum friend has taken on extra hours so instead of finishing work at 12pm she's finishing at 4.30pm.Shes asked if I'll pick her dd up and drop her to her place of work nearby every third Tuesday.
Realised i haven't got a car seat for her and it's illegal unless child is 12 yrs or 135cms or over.
Am I being a cow for not wanting to commit to this or should I suck it up as its only every 3 weeks?

What time do they get out of school? Is it just picking up at school and dropping to the place of work or is it having the child in your home, probably providing a snack, keeping an eye on them until it's time to leave then making sure they have everything they arrived with....

Who does the other weeks? Why can't the child go to a childminder and be picked up by the mum from there?

Then you have the perfect thing to say
Sorry, but I won't be driving her without a car seat. You'll need to arrange something else.

Depends if you still don't really want t odo it, even if she supplied a car seat, is she your friend and close enough that you regularly swap favours with no bother, or are your kids friends? What would you do if she wants to put her hours up again and you end up as her childminder for school runs? Do it if its no fuss to you or big distance and you can rely on her for similar commitments if you needed it. How long for, till the summer holidays, what then, will you be asked to have her at home until she's done with work?

I’d tell her I need a car seat. And I’d ask for a return favour.

Get her to buy you a booster. Bubblebum is £30 and will do the job.

@MintyGreenDream

No car seat available just asked

well then you reply - that's a shame, you'll need to get hold of one before she comes in my car though. I can't take her without a booster seat. (I wouldn't want to deal with a car sear, but a booster is useful.

So you'd have the kid from 315 to 5 once every 3 weeks - or she can't work? I think you'd be mean not to. If she's a proper friend not an aqauintaince of course.

I wouldn’t mind doing this but it’s the regularity that I would find uncomfortable.
What if your hours change or you are busy on that day?

How friendly are you?
Has she ever picked your child up?
How far is the school to her workplace?

So I've text her and said dc have to be 135cm minimum to travel without a car seat.I measured my ds and he is 130cm her dd is same height (or appears to be) she messaged back saying she's 135cm so I'll have to take her word for it

Tell her you will do it ( it's only once every 3 weeks after all!!) On the condition she provides a booster seat as you wouldn't want to compromise her child's safety

@MintyGreenDream

So I've text her and said dc have to be 135cm minimum to travel without a car seat.I measured my ds and he is 130cm her dd is same height (or appears to be) she messaged back saying she's 135cm so I'll have to take her word for it

She would say that wouldn't she?

You’re the driver and the liability is on you regardless of what she says. Just tell her you don’t feel comfortable.

@OakRowan I know! Short of getting the tape measure out in the playground I'm not sure what I can do

She seems a bit stroppy and uncooperative considering she is asking you to do her a favour .

Just say, “It’s £30 for a booster from Halfords. If you can buy one I’ll drop her, if you can’t I won’t be able to because I’m not happy to take kids in my car without one.”

This is definitely your car your rules. Stick up for yourself.

Just say you don't feel comfortable, and it might be best if she asks someone else.

You can still say no, that's ok. Maybe you want to start doing something regular on the way home that night, an activity or family visit, which it would stop you doing, or just say no, without a reason, that you can't fit it in after all. A childminder would better. Is she your good friend, do you see each other as families, outside of school? Its not an unreasonable favour but it depends how close you are to start with. There's millions of threads that start out like this with school favours that become unpaid childminding, only you know if its appropriate.

Wait wait wait.

Do you actually want to do it and are concerned about practicalities?

Or do you want to say no whatever the practicalities?

Your thread title suggests the latter. Therefore I suspect you are being TOO NICE by trying to get out of it with practical quibbles.

Just say NO. No unfortunately that doesn’t work for me. No I’m afraid I won’t be able to. No sorry hope you find something else.

The trick is not to care if they are pissed off.

I agree with the PP.

It sounds like you’re trying to get out of it but not because of the car seat situation.

If she has a booster seat would you still have reservations?

If you don’t want to do it as it’s too much commitment then you need to be honest and say as it’s pretty easy to pick up a booster seat.

I'd just do it. You can get a booster in home bargains for a fiver if you need a spare

If you dont want to commit to this arrangement then tell her so. Stop hiding behind a car seat.

I had someone try and take the piss out of me when they heard i was on maternity leave. Started messaging me asking if I could get their DD from school. Funny thing was she wasnt a friend of my DD and the day she wanted me to pick her up was when my DD was in a club. I did it once and realised I was being taken for a mug. Everytime she asked after that I said no

Text her back and say I'm so sorry there seems to be a misunderstanding somewhere, I'll happily do it if I have a seat for her otherwise I think you'll need to ask someone else" - assuming of course that that's the truth

It's the driver that is prosecuted if she's under 135cm, not the mother that said she wasn't, so I think you need to stick to your guns. You can also point out that it makes it very difficult for you with your own child if a child who is no taller is deemed not to need a booster. Just say you can only do it if she can provide a booster. It's up to her.

I think I'd be worried about remembering "every third week", and would want mum to promise to text each time to remind me it was my turn (or hand over the booster on the morning school run).

Can you not just bring her home with your children and the Mum collect from your place. I'd do this and much more for a friend, infact I do regularly.

There you go @Redlorryyellowduck will do it.

How far are you from school/her work? You’ve already said yes?