AIBU to go to friends wedding abroad on husbands milestone birthday?

[isitmean]

Close friend from school is getting married in Wales on the same day as my husbands milestone birthday.
Attending the wedding would mean paying for a trip abroad and we wouldn't be able to afford to also go away for his birthday or do something big on the day.
The wedding is in Wales (travelling from Ireland) so not a sun holiday. He doesn't know my friend that well, she isn't a joint friend. Am I being unreasonable to want to go?
School friends wedding vs big milestone birthday for DH...

To add, another friend and MIL have said I would be very unreasonable to go.

• * [Post edited by MNHQ for clarity - changed the first mention of 'France' to 'Wales'] **

I'm amazed at the responses. Surely you can celebrate with DH the weekend before or the weekend after? Then do something later in the year. If it was my birthday I would just be happy to celebrate on a different day. It also sounds like he doesn't usually make much fuss anyway. Your friend can't change the date of the wedding really.

@JuergenSchwarzwald generally I'm in agreement with what you say but would point out that DF has been quite keen on celebrating milestone birthdays since 80 ( apparently they're all a milestone after that ).

@HelloDaisy

Is the wedding in France or Wales?

Only asking as you mentioned it being in both places and that would make a big difference to me as if in France I would turn it into a holiday with dh whilst there…

IMO as great holidays can be had in Wales as in France.

I really wouldn't care ...

... but then, I also keep on forgetting my own birthday, only to be reminded when people start congratulating me. I haven't properly celebrated one since turning 21 and gave up on even dinner that one year in my twenties when my then partner took me "out for dinner" and it ended up being KFC.

If I cared about birthdays, I'd probably mind, though.

Can you take him along and then spend a few extra days to celebrate his birthday?

@converseandjeans

I'm amazed at the responses. Surely you can celebrate with DH the weekend before or the weekend after? Then do something later in the year. If it was my birthday I would just be happy to celebrate on a different day. It also sounds like he doesn't usually make much fuss anyway. Your friend can't change the date of the wedding really.

The OP has said if she goes to the wedding they won't be able to afford to do anything for the birthday. So no, I don't think I'd prioritise the wedding over the birthday for that reason.

Attending the wedding would mean paying for a trip abroad and we wouldn't be able to afford to also go away for his birthday or do something big on the day.

Not the first thread today with confusing responses from the OP, must be the day for it on MN.

@Staryflight445

Don’t for fuck sake me *@MagdaTrudy* it’s exactly why people celebrate milestone birthdays in the first place. If you’ve had an easy enough life to not see this, then keep your opinions to yourself.

You're a ray of light. Pretty sure OP wasn't thinking it would be her Husband's last '0' birthday. Your comment was totally unnecessary.

I suspect MIL was hoping to swan around at a big party. THere are loads of great hotels in Wales - I'd do a deal with DH that you go to the wedding and have a couple of nights in a lovely hotel before or after to celebrate the birthday

www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/europe/united-kingdom/wales/hotels/

OP, if the situation was reversed - if your DH's friend was getting married on your milestone birthday - how would you feel?

I think you are a couple and should both try to accomodate each other. I think its unfair of your DP to say no to your visiting the wedding when you want to go so much.

As many have said, why not stay longer in a nice hotel and celebrate there.

What does he want to do? Has he made any suggestions. Can you save up for a birthday trip a bit later in the year, when travel and weather are generally better?

Have a family gathering at home when you get back with cake etc...
Its none of your MIL's business whether you go to see your friend get married or not and also she shouldn't be interfering between you and your DH when he still hasn't expressed what he does want to do.

My DP wouldn't care and likewise I wouldn't care if either of us went elsewhere and missed the others birthday big or not. If it's a good friend and you miss the wedding for a birthday I think you'll always have that regret. A birthday can be celebrated a week later.

Yes I wouldn't go. I'd be gutted if it were the other way around. Just say uv got something booked for dh big bday.

@pradavilla you’d be gutted to celebrate your birthday another time? Gutted? Are you 5?

There’s no money to celebrate another time though. It’s the wedding for something for the birthday. It’s not wedding today trip for birthday tomorrow.

I'd go to the wedding.

Neither me or DH would overly care. Birthdays can be celebrated anytime! Even a milestone.

I'd go to the wedding. Have a lovely dinner with friends the weekend before for DH, and then save for a holiday later in the year

I would choose the wedding definitely but then again I've never seen the fascination with milestone birthdays, especially as you get older.

I wouldn’t want to be dragged to DH’s old mates wedding in a location I didn’t especially want to go to, on my birthday!

Sometimes things clash. Regretfully decline the wedding invite, take DH to Spain.

You say your DH wouldn’t want to make a fuss because he would feel bad about you missing the wedding, so he clearly isn’t a demanding entitled birthdayzilla.

I’d put him first, show him you have the same level of care and consideration that he is showing you and show him he is special.

I speak from experience of having taken a DH for granted over this sort of thing, and wish I had shown my relationship more attention.