AIBU to go to friends wedding abroad on husbands milestone birthday?

[isitmean]

Close friend from school is getting married in Wales on the same day as my husbands milestone birthday.
Attending the wedding would mean paying for a trip abroad and we wouldn't be able to afford to also go away for his birthday or do something big on the day.
The wedding is in Wales (travelling from Ireland) so not a sun holiday. He doesn't know my friend that well, she isn't a joint friend. Am I being unreasonable to want to go?
School friends wedding vs big milestone birthday for DH...

To add, another friend and MIL have said I would be very unreasonable to go.

• * [Post edited by MNHQ for clarity - changed the first mention of 'France' to 'Wales'] **

What’s the birthday? I’d feel different about 30 vs 80.

I'd prioritise DH in this situation and I'd expect him to do the same for me.

DHs birthday.

If it was a nice destination wedding then I'd definitely be tempted to go combine the two and celebrate his birthday the day after. But not in wales.

If DH wanted me to spend my birthday attending the wedding of a mate of his that I hardly know I would feel pretty taken for granted.

Send a card. Ask for some photos.
Spend your dh's birthday with him.
Imo.
I had a milestone birthday last year. If dh had gone to a wedding instead I would have been gutted.

It wouldn't be a problem here. We celebrate birthdays but aren't bothered if it has to be moved to a weekend before or after the actual birthday itself. Some posters on here are happy not to do anything at all besides a card.

On the flip side of that, I've read threads by posters livid / in tears / shaking because their DP hasn't booked the day off work for their weekday birthday.

Which way does your husband lean?

You could do something special in wales after the wedding, like a fancy hotel break…

A trip to France for a big birthday or a strangers wedding is a no brained for the dh

My DP missing their friends wedding over something I could do with no time limit is a no brainer for me, only the opposite to you.

OP Just ask your DP what they want.

@MagdaTrudy

YANBU.

Unless your husband is acting like a 5 year old because he won't get a birthday party?

Make the trip to Ireland a thing for his birthday too?

If a woman said her husband intended leaving her alone on a milestone birthday to go off on an expensive jolly with his friends I think I knw what the MN response would be!

A close friends wedding is not a jolly @JudgeJ it's an important life event and I think the responses would be the same regardless if male or female.

YABU

I think this is personal to a couple, I would be fine with moving my birthday celebration to accommodate a wedding, since starting work I've always moved it to the closest weekend anyway.
But obviously other people feel differently.
I wouldn't listen to your friend or MIL though, just have a frank conversation with your DH
His feelings are all that matter here.
Could you go to the wedding as cheaply as possible, stay in a b&b on the night of and fly out to somewhere sunny the next day?
That would be a nice compromise if your DH was happy with it and affordable.

I wound aim to combine the two with a nice hotel stay and special lunch/dinner for him

Unless he is massively into his birthday then I'd say go but it is a milestone birthday so perhaps you could agree to celebrate the following weekend

The wedding is a one off

Go! He's an adult, so if he is at all bothered about the "milestone" birthday (& many of us are not) then you can do something another time.

I cant see why you cant go to the wedding and do something special with your husband the following week. He sounds like my DH who isnt that bothered about birthdays, and didnt care about any big parties or celebrations with anyone. He would have happily done nothing. However I would still do something special separate to the wedding.

Surely there's a way to compromise? Go to Wales, with your DH, and take the opportunity to do something lovely while there? Make an appropriate fuss of him on the morning before the wedding etc, perhaps al lovely meal out the night before etc.

Unless, of course, you've long discussed an amazing trip to Italy for this particular milestone birthday, looked forward to for years etc.

Personally I wouldn't mind DP going to a wedding that happened to fall on my birthday. I'm not tied to celebrating my birthday on the actual day at all, in fact I don't think I've done it in years. You can have a birthday celebration a week or even a month later and it's still just as nice; you can't rearrange someone else's wedding. I'm fairly sure DP would feel the same way in reverse.

I might be put out if it meant there was no budget for my own birthday celebration though. DP and I aren't massively into birthdays but even we take the other out to a nice restaurant or organise a get-together with friends - if it was a budgetary either/or, I'd choose him and expect him to choose me.

I’d be happy to go to the wedding if we could also do something for my birthday on another. If it was either/or I would disappointed if you chose a wedding. Can you afford a nice hotel and some experiences in Wales to celebrate the birthday?

@Staryflight445

Of course yabu. Your husband comes first. Milestone birthdays are to be celebrated, or at least you being there with him. He might not make it to another.

Oh ffs 🙄

Don’t for fuck sake me @MagdaTrudy it’s exactly why people celebrate milestone birthdays in the first place.
If you’ve had an easy enough life to not see this, then keep your opinions to yourself.

If finances weren't an issue, I would say go to the wedding as you can always celebrate his birthday on a different weekend.

BUT as you say that attending this wedding means you then can't go away as a couple as you can't afford it, I think it would be wrong to prioritise a solo trip away over a trip for both of you as a couple.

So, YABU.

Combining the two is surely no better than attending the wedding and not bothering to do something for your DHs birthday or postponing it as either way you have put your friends wedding first.

I wouldn’t be happy with my husband if he took me to wales as a tag along for a couple of days for my big birthday when prior to a wedding invite from someone I didn’t know it would have been France or Spain.

Up to the individuals personally no way would I leave Dh on a milestone birthday but he loves birthdays and does thoughtful lovely stuff for mine so it’s a no brainer. But every couple different

I wouldn't care, it would give me a good excuse not to worry about "having" to do something for a milestone birthday!

Although it depends which one. If 30 or 40 YABU. If 50 or over, YANBU better to forget birthdays once you get past 50 (in my not so humble opinion). Until you get to 100!

I also agree you could do something for your DH's birthday another time. Or extend the trip. Cardiff is a great city to spend a couple of days.