Hairdresser never asked how I wanted my hair cut. Just started cutting and chatting.

[Footgoose]

I have Not been to the hairdressers for 2 years. It’s quite forgiving hair being a bit wild and very curly . It was starting to look a bit like a mullet and I wanted my Bob shape back. I Screen shot a few pictures of what I wanted to show the hairdresser.

I met my hair dresser for the first time ever at the door. She introduced me to the lady who was going to do a hair treatment and I went straight to the wash basins. No consultation. Hair washed and seated and my hairdresser appeared from behind and just started cutting and chatting . She was lovely but gave me no chance to say what I actually wanted. I just couldn’t find the right words to say anything that didn’t sound stroppy / shocked/ annoyed so I said nothing . She chatted / chopped/ applied products / dried all without a single question about what I came in for . Hair was finished and admittedly it looked better but no change to the overall shape. Just a bit neater.
I wondered if she perhaps confused me with a regular client with similar hair but the talking was mostly around me being new to the salon .
I never said a word of complaint. Left happy enough because I didn’t want to say anything that sounded like I was being off . Good enough hair cut and treatment but at 120 pounds later ( I bought some products too ) It doesn’t look much different. I was in and out in 50 mins which included a protein treatment . Never had one before so not sure how long it should have taken. It took about 15 mins I think.
Now, I’ve had an email asking for feed back . AIBU to bring up the fact I was never asked what I actually wanted. I don’t want to come across as complaining but I do think I should have had the opportunity to say what kind of cut I hoping for . How would you word it ?
My husband just laughed and said it could only happen to me.

I think @Happymum12345 had it spot on. Acknowledge your part in things and that you didn't speak up at the time, however.... and then explain what you have here. That you weren't actually asked what you wanted and left without getting the haircut you went in for.
For god's sake don't say it was great she read your mind when it clearly wasn't and she didn't!

I actually find it really depressing that women asking for what they want re something affecting their own physical appearance is seen as rude, harsh, aggressive, snippy. The patriarchy has really done a number on us.

Yabu. You sat in silence and didn’t say anything when they’re cutting your hair? That’s just weird.

@Traumdeuter

I actually find it really depressing that women asking for what they want re something affecting their own physical appearance is seen as rude, harsh, aggressive, snippy. The patriarchy has really done a number on us.

So true. Asserting yourself in a calm and pleasant way takes practice for people who didn't grow up with good role models. But anyone can do it and it does get easier and less stressful the more you try.

Your post made me think of my mum who is very much of the opinion that it is rude to question any kind of professional or service provider. She will only speak up if pushed to her absolute limit and is so stressed by then that she does come across as shrill and unreasonable. So she often doesn't get a good outcome, which reinforces her behaviour the next time.

She's still hung up on some incredibly petty disappointments decades later, I think it's her pent up frustration at not being able to deal with it at the time.

"Oh. Can we just have a chat about the style I want please?"

🤷‍♀️

@Footgoose

I think possibly I can sound too assertive at times. I don’t come from around these parts and my accents is often confused with being quite assertive or posh . Think Penelope Keith’s Margot / to the Manor born character even when I don’t mean to come across as highly strung or annoyed. I knew if I opened my mouth what I would sound like, maybe even a bit Hyacinth Bucket. .

So what though? She might think you’re rude? Oh well nobody died

You need to go on a communication course

Oh my god op!! Can hardly believe what I’ve just read. Why didn’t you say anything?!! You sound a right wet blanket. Definitely give feedback. Can’t believe you paid £120 for a trim I’d be sick

It would have been really easy to say to her you would like to have a quick chat about the style without being remotely rude. Don’t be afraid to use your voice. You have every right as a paying customer to ask for whatever you want.

I once showed my hairdresser a picture of the hair colour I wanted for reference and she cut my below shoulder length hair into a very short Bob at the back. She had already cut the back in one stroke before I noticed. I cried

My experience of hairdressers, you can tell them what you want, but they then proceed to cut according to their desire! So you saved yourself the bother of explaining what you expected!

She didn’t pay £120 for a trim she paid for a cut, conditioning treatment and products.

In future be aware that if you are steered to the sinks before you’ve seen your stylist you are not in a good salon.

@Footgoose

I think possibly I can sound too assertive at times. I don’t come from around these parts and my accents is often confused with being quite assertive or posh . Think Penelope Keith’s Margot / to the Manor born character even when I don’t mean to come across as highly strung or annoyed. I knew if I opened my mouth what I would sound like, maybe even a bit Hyacinth Bucket. .

FFS

I put yabu because you should have said. It is weird that she didn’t ask but that shouldn’t have stopped you from saying. But I do understand you were having a sheep in headlights moment. I wouldn’t complain I’d put it down to experience.

Doesn't matter what accent it is, saying 'sorry, I'd seen something I loved and thought I might try it, can I show you a picture?!' Couldn't sound rude or snippy. Very odd to give feedback after instead of just speaking up at the time. She clearly just thought you wanted a cut in your current style and you never said otherwise x

The hairdresser should have consulted with you before cutting, but you are equally to blame for saying nothing. It's a bit late now to start complaining!

I totally get you. Salons can be quite intimidating. Next time start talking about what you'd like when she says hello and before you sit down for the cut.

She may have been distracted or taken your words via phone literally fir a tidy up instead of restyle

The fact that you felt in a rush on arriving didn't help this time. Plan what your going to say next time. You'll be fine x

[quote madisonbridges]@BringBackCoffeeCreams. 😅 Even when we pick the colour, it doesn't always end up like that. At least mine never seems to. You don't say, but, did you like the colour?[/quote]
She did it my natural colour, so it covered the grey. But I wanted something more vibrant.

@Dogshitduty

£120 for a cut and blow dry??? Even including products that is bloody expensive

misses point

I actually don't think it is. For a cut, treatment and a blow dry. Plus products, say a shampoo and conditioner, or a mask. In hairdressers they're usually as least £15-£30 per product!

She should’ve asked but YABVVVVU for not saying anything and making silly excuses as to why you didn’t. It’s really not hard to say oh wait a minute, before you start can we discuss the style I’d like?

my ex hairdresser did that and i was so mortified and i couldn't bring myself to tell her to stop so i had to ghost her and find another one.

weak that i am

Are you a doormat regularly or just when having expensive treatments? Next time, tell the person what you want before you sit down, most people only want a trim so you got the default cut, if you want more than that you'll have to learn to speak up

No!
She should have asked you how you wanted it cut!

Oh ffs, woman up!

It’s shocking that she didn’t ask you.